IT is taught in psychology that there are five stages of grief:
- denial.
- anger.
- bargaining.
- depression.
- acceptance.
The time span of going from one stage to the next can take weeks, months and even years. But Islam tells its followers to grief for no more than 3 days (as per my understanding).
So my question is, What does Islam say about it? Can we link the five stages of grief with islamic teachings?
Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for anyone who dies, except for a husband; she should mourn him for four months and ten days. [Narrated by al-Bukhari (1280) and Muslim (1486)]
As Muslims we believe that the calamities such as death, sickness, loss of wealth etc. are tests for us. If we keep our patience and continue to the righteous deeds then these tests can be a source of great reward and attaining the pleasure of Allah.
Calamities in this world expiate sins. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
No hardship, pain, worry, grief, harm or distress befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.[ Narrated by al-Bukhari (5210) and Muslim (4670)]
Islam does not prohibit weeping or grieving at the loss of a relative.
It is something permissible, if it is within normal bounds and is not accompanied by wailing or discontent. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wept at the death of his son Ibrahim, and he said:
The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything but that which pleases our Lord, and indeed we are saddened by your departure, O Ibrahim.[ Narrated by al-Bukhari (1220) and Muslim (4279)]
But this weeping and grief should be moderate, so that they do not affect a person’s interests in this world or in the hereafter, or distract him from his work and duties, and his worship of Allah. Rather he should be patient and seek reward with Allah, so that he may attain the reward of those who are patient, and so that Allah will expiate his bad deeds and raise him in status.
As for as the five stages you have mentioned in your OP, these are purely from a disbeliever's point of view. As for as a believer is concerned, we don't go through some of these stages such as bargaining and anger. We know everything happens with the will of Allah and it is in our best interest to be patient, accept the reality and take these tests as a means to get closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala. In some cases it may take longer for someone to heal, but remember the hadith only prohibits excess crying, cursing, beating oneself, blaming Allah and loosing hope in Allah etc. which are ways of disbelievers and we should avoid those.
And Allah knows the best!
Ma'aSalaam
