Starting school soon, anxious, scared and full of self doubt

[bassybas]

Salam IB, if you have read my previous posts, I have been going through a very eventful and mentally exhausting summer and it is coming to an end. So far, my prayers have been answered and everything seems fine, but really, I'm petrified and full of self doubt. This time last year, I was going through many personal issues at home and within my life, I wasn't really ready to start school (let's call it School A) but I started anyway and had to leave 2 months later as I did not enjoy it whatsoever and did not see myself succeeding. I left and started in another school called School B and I went in hopes of experiencing it all in a fun way, meeting people, having fun, making memories etc. Honestly, I was probably even more miserable, which is heartbreaking because I wanted nothing more than to go, going to School B was all I prayed and yearned for.

Although, the program was lackluster and stagnant, I felt lonely, I felt distant and therefore I did not do too well and begged my parents to let me go back to School A. They let me. Now that I got what I wanted, I'm too scared to start, I kind of don't want it to. I keep asking myself "Will I succeed? Will I like it? Will I enjoy my time there? Will I be miserable? Will I be sad and gloomy all the time? What if I went to another school?". All these questions and ton of self doubt. When I got permission to go to School A again, I asked my father about others schools, what if I went there? He told me "I could send you to Harvard and you would still want whatever is better. The problem isn't the school, it's your self esteem and confidence that you lack". Since he and everyone else I asked said the same thing, I'm assuming its true. Therefore I have very low self esteem and it's eating me apart. I'm going to Software Engineering in Canada so I suppose he's right. The school and program probably isn't the biggest issue. It's me. and I despise myself for it. After leaving School A, and going to School B, and going back to School A, I've even began wondering why I didn't go to another school, School C? Please brothers and sisters, help me deal with this fear, anxiety, self doubt and low self esteem and why I keep changing my mind so much. I hate it and it needs to come to an end. Any suggestions or stories are more than welcome. Jazakhallah.

 

[strivingobserver98]

:wa:

Have you tried doing Istikhara regarding what decision to take?

 

[Umar Ibn Farooq]

Just set your mind on one thing that you like and go for it. Don't pull back. Who cares if you're lonely. You're not the only one. You have Allah with you. With every hardship comes ease and with every ease comes hardship.

 

[Umar Ibn Farooq]

Also don't feel anxious or scared. You have Allah as I mentioned earlier. When you feel lonely go outside somewhere or sit on a bench and read the Qur'an and it's translation. It calms you down.

 

[Lady A]

:wa:

1. Buy a notebook

2. Every morning upon waking take 5 min to write down positive thoughts. (this is a new day, a brand new day to succeed, I can do this!...etc)

3. Every evening before sleeping take 5 min to evaluate your day and write down more positive thoughts, including small and simple accomplishments!

4. Revisit the daily notes once a week and compare where you started off each week and where you ended

5. In one month you will see a difference! inshaAllah

Best wishes with school!

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you bassybas;

When you attempt something you have never done before, you automatically earn the right to fail. We would not be human if we succeeded with each new endeavour. However, to earn that right to fail, you do have to approach the task with the thought of trying your very best, and try everything in your power to succeed.

If you should fail, you are in the position to review the past, and try again, failure is only failure when you give in.

If you practice something often you become more confident, I would suggest you do not lack confidence, rather you lack practice and experience. Just turn up for day one, you are bound to make mistakes, or not understand some things, that is called learning. Confidence and self esteem will happen as you progress.

I might be getting this wrong, but it seems you are almost giving yourself permission to be miserable, and not make friends, even before you start. If you have another approach, that is, I will try very hard to talk to people and be friendly with everyone I meet, then the chances are you will make friends, it takes time and effort. Perseverance is a word I have come to understand, and I am only 66.

You don't have to believe me, you just have to believe in yourself, this will be just one of many daunting challenges that you will face in your life.

Be thankful in your duas, we each have many blessings, pray to do the will of Allah.

In the spirit of striving, always one more time.

Eric

 

[ardianto]

:wa:

Suppose, you must walk to a village that located behind a hill. There are two routes that you could choose. First, the short route which you must climb up the hill before down it to that village. Second, the route through the flat roads, but several times further. Which route you would choose?.

Okay, no matter which route, the most important question is, would you consistent with the choice you have made?.

Imagine if you choose the first route, but then when you start to climb the hill you think it's better if you choose the second route. Then you back and go to the second route. However, when you start to walk you realize that this route is several times further. So, you go to the first route again.

If you could not consistent with your choice in this matter, then when would you arrive in that village?.

In life we often face situation which we have to choose, and every choice has its own consequences. This is the point why we must able and must dare to be consistent with the choice that we have made, because if we could not consistent with our choice, then we would not go anywhere but just spinning on the spot.

So, train yourself to be dare to make a choice, dare to face the consequences of the choice that you have made, dare to be consistent with your choice.