Starting to have second thoughts.

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Sweet Pea

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As salaamu alaikum.

I dont know where to post this, it's pertaining to my marriage but also my faith. Please help me. Move it if it needs to be moved.

I am a 22 year old woman. As I have said before I am a new convert to Islam, and ever since I converted (about 4 months ago) I have felt so enlightened and at peace. But lately I have had some situations where I am feeling really restricted and it is making me question tons of things. I do everything I am supposed to do, and believe me it has been a VERY difficult change for me, but I have pulled through it. There are things though that I was involved in before that now is causing problems for me because of my New found faith. I am starting to feel like I am not an individual anymore. I have to ask permission for everything from my husband. I am not used to that AT ALL. Actually before I was pretty pro-feminism, so obviously it is hard for me. Also, my husband is starting to reject my athleticism, even though before he met me and even after we was married for a while, he was supportive. Now it's a problem for me to go jogging, etc. There are also a few "roles" that I have a problem with as a wife. Like me walking behind him. Before, I NEVER did this but now, for some reason he is trying to force me to do it, and I simply Do Not Want to. I have been trying to get along and obey but there are certain things I just cannot accept, and because of that, we've been arguing a lot. Then he threatened to "punish" me!! I FEEL LIKE A CHILD, and like I have NO RIGHTS AND NO SAY at all. I feel like what I say and want does not matter! I don't understand these things, and I am having a hard time accepting them. I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion.
 
==HOPE THIS HELPS==


The issue of women in Islam, is topic of great misunderstanding and distortion due partly to a lack of understanding, but also partly due to misbehavior of some Muslims which has been taken to represent the teachings of Islam. We speak here about what Islam teaches, and that is that standard according to which Muslims are to be judged. As such, my basis and source is the Quran--the words of Allah, and the sayings of the Prophet, his deeds and his confirmation. Islamic laws are derived from these sources. To facilitate our discussion we can discuss the position of women from a spiritual, economic, social, and political standpoint.

From the spiritual aspect, there are seven points to remember:

1. According to the Quran, men and women have the same spirit, there is no superiority in the spiritual sense between men and women.
(Qur'an 4:1,7:189,42:11)

2. The Quran makes it clear that all human beings (and the phraseology doesn't apply to men or women alone, but to both) have what you might call a human; He "breathed some of My spirit into divine touch. When God created the him" (or her in this sense). 15:29 See also 32:9. Some of His spirit here means not in the incarnational sense, but the pure, innate spiritual nature that God has endowed her or him with.

3. The Quran indicates again that one of the most honored positions of human, is that God created the human, and as I referred to Sura 17 earlier, it means both sexes, as His trustee and representative on earth. There are many references in the Quran that reaffirm this.

4. Nowhere in the Quran do we find any trace of any notion of blaming Eve for the first mistake or for eating from the forbidden tree. Nowhere, even though the Quran speaks about Adam, Eve, and the forbidden tree, but in a totally different spirit. The story is narrated in 7:19-27, and it speaks about both of them doing this, both of them are told that both of them disobeyed, both of them discovered the consequences of their disobedience, both of them seek repentance and both of them are forgiven. Nowhere in the Quran does it say woman is to be blamed for the fall of man. Furthermore, when the Quran speaks about the suffering of women during the period of pregnancy and childbirth, nowhere does it connect it with the concept of original sin, because there is no concept of original sin in Islam. The suffering is presented not as a reason to remind woman of the fall of man, but as a reason to adore and love woman or the mother. In the Quran, especially 31:14, 46:15, it makes it quite clear God has commanded upon mankind to be kind to parents and mentions, "His mother bore him in difficulty or suffering upon suffering."

5. The Quran makes it clear again to remove any notion of superiority and I refer you again to 49:13. I must caution you that there are some mistaken translations, but if you go to the original Arabic, there is no question of gender being involved.

6. In terms of moral, spiritual duties, acts of worship, the requirements of men and women are the same, except in some cases when women have certain concessions because of their feminine nature, or their health or the health of their babies.

7. The Quran explicitly, in more than one verse, 3:195, 4:124, specified that whoever does good deeds, and is a believer and then specifies "male or female" God will give them an abundant reward.



In the area of economic rights, we have to remember that in Europe until the 19th century, women did not have the right to own their own property. When they were married, either it would transfer to the husband or she would not be able to dispense of it without permission of her husband. In Britain, perhaps the first country to give women some property rights, laws were passed in the 1860's known as "Married Women Property Act." More than 1300 years earlier, that right was clearly established in Islamic law. "Whatever men earn, they have a share of that and whatever women earn, they have a share in that." Sura 4:31.

Secondly, there is no restriction in Islamic law that says a woman cannot work or have a profession, that her only place is in the home. In fact, by definition, in a truly Islamic society, there must be women physicians, women nurses, women teachers, because it's preferable also to separate teenagers in the volatile years in high school education. And if she chooses to work, or if she's married with the consent of her husband, she's entitled to equal pay, not for equal work, but for work of equal worth.

Thirdly, when it comes to financial security, Islamic law is more tilted in many respects towards women. These are seven examples:

1. During the period of engagement, a woman is to be on the receiving side of gifts.

2. At the time of marriage, it is the duty of the husband, not the bride's family. He is supposed to pay for a marital gift. The Quran called it a gift, and it is exclusively the right of the woman. She doesn't have to spend it on the household, she doesn't have to give it to her father or anyone else.

3. If the woman happened to own any property prior to marriage, she retains that property after marriage. It remains under her control. Also, in most Muslim countries, the woman keeps her own last name, and her own identity.

4. If the woman has any earnings during her marital life, by way of investments of her property or as a result of work, she doesn't have to spend one penny of that income on the household, it is entirely hers.

5. The full maintenance and support of a married woman is the entire responsibility of her husband, even though she might be richer than he is. She doesn't have to spend a penny.

6. At the time of divorce, there are certain guarantees during the waiting period and even beyond for a woman's support.

7. If the widow or divorcee has children, she's entitled to child support.

In return for these listed securities, it is clear why the Islamic laws pertaining to inheritance give men a higher share. From the social standpoint, as a daughter we find that credit goes to Islam for stopping the barbaric practice of pre-Islamic Arabs of female infanticide. These ignorant people used to bury female daughters alive. The Quran forbade the practice, making it a crime. Sura 81 Additionally, the Quran condemned the chauvinistic attitudes of some people who used to greet the birth of a boy with gladness, but sadness in the case of a girl.

The duty, not the right, the duty of education, as the Prophet said, is a duty on every Muslim, male and female.

As far as treatment of daughters is concerned, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "Anyone who has two daughters, and did not bury them, did not insult them and brought them up properly, he and I will be like this," holding his two fingers close together. Another version adds, "And also did not favor his sons over daughters." One time the Prophet, peace be upon him, was seated. A companion was sitting with him. The companion's son came. He kissed his son and put him on his lap. Then his daughter came, and he just sat her by his side. The Prophet told the man, "You did not do Justice," meaning he should have treated the daughter equally, kissed her and put her in his lap also. Indeed, whenever the Prophet's daughter Fatimah came to him, in front of everyone, he stood up, kissed her and let her sit in his favorite place where he'd been sitting.

From the marital standpoint, the Quran clearly indicates in Suras 30:20 and 42:11 that marriage is not just an inevitable evil, marriage is not somebody getting married to his master or slave, but rather to his partner. Sura 30:21 reads, "Among His Signs is this, that he created for you mates from among yourselves, that they may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." There are numerous verses in the Quran to the same effect.

Secondly, the approval and consent of the girl to marriage is a prerequisite for the validity of marriage in Islam. She has the right to say yes or no.

Husbands' and wives' duties are mutual responsibilities. They might not be identical duties, but the totality of rights and responsibilities are balanced. The Quran says, "Women have the same rights (in relation to their husbands) as are expected in all decency from them, while men stand a step above them." Sura 2:228. This only specifies the degree of responsibility, not privilege, in man's role as provider, protector, maintainer, and leader of the family. The same Sura speaks about divorce, about consultation between husband and wife, even in the case of divorce. When there are family disputes, first the Quran appeals to reason and the consideration of positive aspects of one's spouse, "Dwell with your wives in kindness for even if you hate them, you might be hating someone in whom God has placed so much good." 4:19

If that appeal does not succeed, and problems between the husband and wife continue, there are measures that can be applied. Some of these measures are done privately between husband and wife. Some of them might appear harsh, but there are qualifications to restrict excessive or abusive use of these measures. These measures are considered an attempt to save a marriage rather than break a family apart. If the situation does not improve, even with the limitation and prevention of excesses, the next step is a family council. One arbiter from his family and one from her family should sit together with the couple and try to resolve the problems.

If a divorce becomes necessary, there are many detailed procedures in Islamic law that really knock down the common notion that divorce in Islam is very easy and that it is the sole right of man. It is not the sole right of man alone and neither is it true that all you have to say is: "I divorce you three times," and that's it. Islam also has laws regarding custody of children. I was very surprised to see newspapers making the false claim that in all cases custody goes to the father. Custody involves the interest of the child, and laws often favor the mother of young children.

Polygamy has become so mythical in the minds of many people that they assume being Muslim means having four wives. This is a false notion, of course. A very renowned anthropologist, Edward Westenmark, in his two-volume work, "History of Human Marriage," notes that there has been polygamy in virtually every culture and religion, including Judaism and Christianity. But the point here is not to say, "Why blame Islam?" Actually, Islam is the only religion even among Abrahamic faiths, that specifically limited the practice of polygamy that existed before Islam and established very strict conditions for guidance. The question, "How could any man have two wives? That's terrible!" reflects ethnocentrism. We assume that because we're living in the West and it seems strange, and we assume it must apply to all cultures, all times, under all circumstances. This simply isn't true. Let me give you one current-day example. In the savage attack on Afghanistan, genocide was committed on the Afghani people. It is estimated that 1-1.5 million people lost their lives, a great majority of whom were men of a marriageable age. Now, with a great shortage of men, what will happen to their widows, their orphans and their daughters of marriageable age? Is it better to leave them in a camp, with a handout? Or better a man is willing to take care of his fallen comrade's wife and children?

It is obvious that monogamy is the norm for Muslims. If we assume that having four wives is the norm, then we assume a population of 80% female and 20% male, which is an impossibility on the aggregate level. The only verse in the Quran that speaks about polygamy, speaks about limiting not instituting polygamy. The verse was revealed after the Battle of Uhud in which many Muslims were martyred, leaving behind wives and children in need of support. This verse shows the spirit and reason of the revelation.

The Quran placed obedience to parents immediately after worship of God. 3:14 "We commanded mankind to be kind to his parents," and then speaks of the mother. In a very succinct statement, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "Paradise is at the feet of mothers." Once a man came to him and asked, "O, Messenger, who among mankind is worthy of my kindness and love?" The Prophet answered, "Your mother." "Who next?" "Your mother." "Who next?" "Your mother." Only after the third time he said, "And your father."

As a sister in faith, in blood, we find the Quran speaks about men and women, that they should cooperate and collaborate in goodness. Sura 9:17 speaks about men and women as supporters and helpers of each other, ordaining the good and forbidding the evil, establishing prayers and doing charity. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) echoed what the Quran said, "I command you to be kind to women." In one of his last commands in his farewell pilgrimage before his death, he kept repeating, "I command you to be kind and considerate to women." In another hadith, he said, "It is only the generous in character who is good to women, and only the evil one who insults them."

On the question of attire, the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet did not say women must adopt a particular dress of a particular country. It only gives basic boundaries, and for a committed Muslim woman, she doesn't follow this simply because her father or husband tells her, but because Allah already stated that as a requirement in the Quran, and was explained through revelation given to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, that this was not to restrict woman, but to provide a virtuous society where sexual attraction is not the main obsession of everyone. This forces everyone to respect the woman for what she is as a human being, as an intellectual and a spiritual being, rather than being diverted to her sexuality.

Finally, a few words about political involvement. The verse quoted earlier, Sura 9:17, which speaks about men and women being supporters and helpers of each other was taken by some jurists to mean that it involves also public life. How could they ordain the good and forbid the evil without women being active in the affairs of their society? According to the Quran, I'm not talking about the practices of Muslims, in Sura 60:12, we read about Muslim women making "bayyah" to the Prophet. Bayyah as an Islamic term is somewhat analogous, to a degree, to what we would call an election, or oath of allegiance. And that was given in his capacity not only as a Prophet, but as a head of state, as he was already the head of state in Medina.

During the rein of Umar, women participated in law making. Umar made a proposal of a certain regulation concerning marriage. A woman in the mosque stood up and said, "Umar, you can't do that." Umar did not tell her, "Shut up, you are a woman, you have nothing to do with politics, etc." He asked, "Why?" She made her argument on the basis of Quran. In front of everybody, he stood up and said, "The woman is right and Umar is wrong," and he withdrew his proposal. That was the spirit in the early days of Islam.

In the most authentic collection of hadith, Hadith Bukhari, a section is devoted to the participation of women, not only in public affairs, but in the battlefield, too, and not only as logistical support. Women carried arms, and when there was great danger to the Muslims, they volunteered to participate even in the battlefield.

The problems presented here are not the problems of Islam. They are problems of a lack of commitment, lack of application, or misapplication of Islamic teachings by Muslims themselves. The topics I have tried to cover here represent and exemplify the big gap that exists between the true teachings of Islam as derived from its original sources and its projected image in the West and the way some Muslims behave in the disregard of those noble teachings.

There's no question that the Western media has played an important role in perpetuating these misconceptions. But in fairness, we should not blame the media alone. Western culture, in writings about other religions, in particular Islam, have distorted images. From books, novels, even in the academic circle, and sermons from the pulpit in places of worship, these kinds of prejudices are perpetuated.

There are fair and honorable people in the media who are receptive to correction of inaccuracies, and who present the facts, when the facts become manifest, as we have seen in the coverage of the barbaric and cruel treatment of the Palestinians n the Occupied Territories. What I would suggest to the media is instead of depending on the distorted information about Islam, they should keep in touch with educated Muslims, and remember, the U.S. has between 5 and 6 million Muslims. Only through correct representation and open communication with Muslims in America can the media give a fair analysis of current events, given the background of those conflicts, and provide a great service to society.
 
As salaamu alaikum.

I dont know where to post this, it's pertaining to my marriage but also my faith. Please help me. Move it if it needs to be moved.

I am a 22 year old woman. As I have said before I am a new convert to Islam, and ever since I converted (about 4 months ago) I have felt so enlightened and at peace. But lately I have had some situations where I am feeling really restricted and it is making me question tons of things. I do everything I am supposed to do, and believe me it has been a VERY difficult change for me, but I have pulled through it. There are things though that I was involved in before that now is causing problems for me because of my New found faith. I am starting to feel like I am not an individual anymore. I have to ask permission for everything from my husband. I am not used to that AT ALL. Actually before I was pretty pro-feminism, so obviously it is hard for me. Also, my husband is starting to reject my athleticism, even though before he met me and even after we was married for a while, he was supportive. Now it's a problem for me to go jogging, etc. There are also a few "roles" that I have a problem with as a wife. Like me walking behind him. Before, I NEVER did this but now, for some reason he is trying to force me to do it, and I simply Do Not Want to. I have been trying to get along and obey but there are certain things I just cannot accept, and because of that, we've been arguing a lot. Then he threatened to "punish" me!! I FEEL LIKE A CHILD, and like I have NO RIGHTS AND NO SAY at all. I feel like what I say and want does not matter! I don't understand these things, and I am having a hard time accepting them. I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion.


Sister...My heart goes out to you..and at the same time, you have renforced..that how I am doing things for my life..is good...
I didn't revert, marry------or marry than revert---I did this by will of Allah..he choice me...(praise to Allah)
I than after about a year thought of marriage.and knew it can only be to a muslim...and possibly of another country, where he has been raised with all the customs of his upbringing...
After deep prayer and thought...I read every verse I find in the quran about marriage..and sense family life in islam i have always loved,,as I see that the downfall of marriages in the usa, "confussion of who is the head of the home".This was not a promblem...but each has customs...also. the need to protect us as woman, may differ from what we are use too....as u say about jogging..ect---(this is protection on his part for u)...are u from the usa?
I really would hate to see you give up,,as I hate divorce....but you and he do need "commucation" sister...and some compromise...and the very reason I read a lot on this now...and not later, when this may happen, as happening to you..
I would love to talk to you...or go to the sisters part, and get the opinions of many sisters...but don't give up...
Sister islam didn't do this..so never give up on islam...please...if anything read more..The woman is so protected...and in marriage, he will protect you..
As far as walking behind him..others will have to talk on that one..it may be a custom thing..and for u two to talk about, and compromise on..
One thing sister, never go to bed(sleep) with anger between you...try to talk...from your heart...
You have my prayers...Tiny things can make big changes....:)
peace to you sister..
 
look hes acting strict for nohting
his actions are not related to islam... trust me
these are weird things that hes made up
so look u have 2 options as ur happiness is very very imp:
1.take him out to dinner and tlk to him quietly about how u trully feel... see his reaction he may b narrow minded so u have to try and broaden this...

2.if he still continues ask him for a divorce... this may affect him once he feels like he might really loose u... so try

but believe me his actions have nothing associated with islam... islam does not tell him to do that

b patient and god b with u inshallah...
 
As salaamu alaikum.

I dont know where to post this, it's pertaining to my marriage but also my faith. Please help me. Move it if it needs to be moved.

I am a 22 year old woman. As I have said before I am a new convert to Islam, and ever since I converted (about 4 months ago) I have felt so enlightened and at peace. But lately I have had some situations where I am feeling really restricted and it is making me question tons of things. I do everything I am supposed to do, and believe me it has been a VERY difficult change for me, but I have pulled through it. There are things though that I was involved in before that now is causing problems for me because of my New found faith. I am starting to feel like I am not an individual anymore. I have to ask permission for everything from my husband. I am not used to that AT ALL. Actually before I was pretty pro-feminism, so obviously it is hard for me. Also, my husband is starting to reject my athleticism, even though before he met me and even after we was married for a while, he was supportive. Now it's a problem for me to go jogging, etc. There are also a few "roles" that I have a problem with as a wife. Like me walking behind him. Before, I NEVER did this but now, for some reason he is trying to force me to do it, and I simply Do Not Want to. I have been trying to get along and obey but there are certain things I just cannot accept, and because of that, we've been arguing a lot. Then he threatened to "punish" me!! I FEEL LIKE A CHILD, and like I have NO RIGHTS AND NO SAY at all. I feel like what I say and want does not matter! I don't understand these things, and I am having a hard time accepting them. I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion.



As-salamu Alaykum,

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are having. I am new to Islam as well. I know how you feel about some of the things that we have to give up. It isn't Islam that is the problem. Talk with your husband and ask him why the things that were once ok are no longer ok. I would be upset too if I was married and my husband "changed his mind" about things that made me ME. Communication is the first thing to try. We are too quick to divorce these days. Tell him how he is making you feel. Insha Allah, it will all work out for the best.
 
As salaamu alaikum.

I dont know where to post this, it's pertaining to my marriage but also my faith. Please help me. Move it if it needs to be moved.

I am a 22 year old woman. As I have said before I am a new convert to Islam, and ever since I converted (about 4 months ago) I have felt so enlightened and at peace. But lately I have had some situations where I am feeling really restricted and it is making me question tons of things. I do everything I am supposed to do, and believe me it has been a VERY difficult change for me, but I have pulled through it. There are things though that I was involved in before that now is causing problems for me because of my New found faith. I am starting to feel like I am not an individual anymore. I have to ask permission for everything from my husband. I am not used to that AT ALL. Actually before I was pretty pro-feminism, so obviously it is hard for me. Also, my husband is starting to reject my athleticism, even though before he met me and even after we was married for a while, he was supportive. Now it's a problem for me to go jogging, etc. There are also a few "roles" that I have a problem with as a wife. Like me walking behind him. Before, I NEVER did this but now, for some reason he is trying to force me to do it, and I simply Do Not Want to. I have been trying to get along and obey but there are certain things I just cannot accept, and because of that, we've been arguing a lot. Then he threatened to "punish" me!! I FEEL LIKE A CHILD, and like I have NO RIGHTS AND NO SAY at all. I feel like what I say and want does not matter! I don't understand these things, and I am having a hard time accepting them. I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion.
:sl:
I'm really sorry to hear that sis just av faith in Allah,,bellow links have some useful message abt mariage and divorce I hope you benefit from it sis and find the answers you are looking for,,,watever u do sis dnt give up on Islam...May Allah give you the strength you need....Congrats for becomin a muslim may Allah lead u to the right path :sister: :) Good luck sis....

http://sisters.islamway.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=344
http://www.islamhouse.com/en/books/pdf/en2294.pdf
:sl:
 
Assalamu Alaikum

My Dear Sister Sweet Pea, pray to Allah Ta'ala to help you and always read Salah and Inshallah your prayers will be heard by the Almighty and Allah Ta'ala shall help.

Your husband seems very strict but you have to be strong and have faith in Allah Ta'ala and Islam.

Asslamu Alaikum
Shakirah
 
salam sister

listen to what sister Shakirah said. pray to Allah to help you and your husband. Allah only does things for the best.

wasalam
 
Also, my husband is starting to reject my athleticism, even though before he met me and even after we was married for a while, he was supportive. Now it's a problem for me to go jogging, etc. There are also a few "roles" that I have a problem with as a wife. Like me walking behind him. Before, I NEVER did this but now, for some reason he is trying to force me to do it, and I simply Do Not Want to.

salam sweet sis,

The problem isnt with Islam but in the nature and lack of knowledge in your husband.
Your husband was wrong to mislead you into thinking that your being sporty was fine by him at first then changing his mind later. He should've made his unacceptance clear before you married and given you a choice of marrying him with these conditions or not. Personally, I don't see what the problem is with going jogging as long as you're covered up and you go at a quiet time when there's few people about. (The Prophet and his wife Aisha (ra) used to have races!)
As for the walking behind him... there is no mandate for women to walk behind men in Islam. Yes, maybe where her being infront would pose any danger to her but not otherwise. If I had to walk behind my husband for no reason, I'd feel like a goat not his wife!

I suggest that you both see a sheikh and discuss these concerns with him. Hopefully he can guide your husband into being a husband and not His Lordship!
Good luck.
 
Right Ameen. You seem to know more about that topic than I do. So for now I'll let you be in charge :happy: I'll try to find some incorrupt hadiths relating to this topic.
I just popped in to post this:

Obedience.

^^^^^^^^^

The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.

Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:

(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.

(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.
 
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:sl:
First off it gives me great pleasure when I hear that someone has converted to Islam. May Allah (swt) give you success in all you do Sweet Pea and songinwind. Ameen. That goes for all the Muslim Umma as well.
There is a Hadeeth that I was taught when I was a young boy (this is a vague description but maybe someone can help me out with it), it mentions someone (I think one of the sahaba) was walking behind a woman (together) in the desert. Then the dress of the woman started to sway and the person realized it. So he called for the woman and asked her to walk behind him.
Ok there are definitely details missing there and I apologize for that. If someone knows that hadeeth please tell the whole story. Anyway I think this is where the notion of women walking behind men came from. BUT, I do not think this can be applied to marriage because the two in the hadeeth were not married (to the extent of my knowledge), and therefore I think we can conclude that this may apply only if for some reason the two were not married. Again I am sorry if I may have made things worse but I really am trying to help.
As for asking permission from your husband for everything, him punishing you, and you not being allowed to jog, I think those are his rules and not Islam's. I noticed that you are having second thoughts about your marriage and about Islam. Please do not have second thoughts about Islam because the problem is most likely with your husband (as stated many times before this). You may question Islam as you choose, because that makes us stronger. It is great that you are seeking advice and not relying on yourself for answers. We are all here to help and so is every Muslim. Everyone needs guidence at some point in his/her life. If you are having trouble understanding Islam then all you have to do is ask. The answers are all there, the question is whether or not you choose to find them (as you are doing now).
:w:
 
I know which story you're talking about. But that man was not related to the women. It doesnt matter if a wife is infront of her husband and the wind blows her garments to reveal her body to him. He's allowed to see her. Neither that is a reason for a woman to walk behind her husband as someone else can be behind the woman who will see her anyway.
 
Wa Alaykum Assalaam,

Welcome to the forum sister, and congratulations on your reversion to Islam!

You mentioned that you have been experiencing problems after you became a Muslim, and we need to remember that all people go through times of hardship and times of ease. In both cases, we are reminded to be thankful to Allaah and seek His help for our problems. Please have a look at the following verses of the Qur'an:

[29.2] Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, We believe, and not be tried?

[2.214] Or do you think that you would enter the garden while yet the state of those who have passed away before you has not come upon you; distress and affliction befell them and they were shaken violently, so that the Apostle and those who believed with him said: When will the help of Allah come? Now surely the help of Allah is nigh!

[2.153] O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient.

[65.2] ... and whoever is careful of (his duty to) Allah, He will make for him an outlet,

And if we look to see the advice of Luqman to his son:
[31.17] O my son! keep up prayer and enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and bear patiently that which befalls you; surely these acts require courage;

Regarding your feeling of resentment, I think it is perhaps due to the misconduct of your husband but not Islam. Islam teaches respect for both spouses and gives each of them their own rights. Please see the following Q&A's:

She is asking about the rights of women in Islam

Arguments with her husband – she is asking how to become a righteous wife

Here is something else that you might find comforting to read Insha'Allaah:
He is suffering from waswaas (insinuating whispers) of the Shaytaan about the Essence of Allaah

Remember to make plenty of du'aa and be strong in whatever you do. Keep up your prayers and other religious duties, and Insha'Allaah Allaah will help you, as He says:

[2.185] ... Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire for you difficulty, and (He desires) that you should complete the number and that you should exalt the greatness of Allah for His having guided you and that you may give thanks.

[2.186] And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way.

Seek help from Muslim sisters, and maybe consult an Imam in your area - they might be able to give you useful advice and find a way to address any shortcomings on your husband's part.

I pray that Allaah helps you in your time of difficulty, Aameen.

:w:
 
salam,

She is upset and she feels that her husband's attitude is connected to Islam, so she regrets ever accepting Islam:

"...I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion."


The only connection that has been falsely made between such personalities / attitudes (such as that displayed by her husband) and to Islam (supposedly), is the untrue and corrupt Hadith which have adversely influenced Muslims around the world (including many scholars).
 
salam,

She is upset and she feels that her husband's attitude is connected to Islam, so she regrets ever accepting Islam:

"...I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion."


The only connection that has been falsely made between such personalities / attitudes (such as that displayed by her husband) and to Islam (supposedly), is the untrue and corrupt Hadith which have adversely influenced Muslims around the world (including many scholars).

It's a shame that the sister is feeling resentment. But that is because she is mislead to believe that this is what Islam requires. I have noticed similar traits in some muslim men who've probably never heard of such hadeeth and who definitely aren't practicing muslims. I see this mostlyamongst the Afghan community in Britain and sometimes these women walking behind their husbands are plastered in makeup, have cut fringes exposed because only half of their hair is covered. If these men were following hadeeth then either way their women would be covered up appropriately. Cuz no hadeeth says a women shouldnt dress appropriately.

I think this problem arises from cultural practices where men feel they need to assert their authority over women in this way.

And even after searching for the incorrupt hadeeth in question, I havent found any. But if you know any, I'd appreciate it if posted it here. Thanks.

:w:
 
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As salaamu alaikum.

I dont know where to post this, it's pertaining to my marriage but also my faith. Please help me. Move it if it needs to be moved.

I am a 22 year old woman. As I have said before I am a new convert to Islam, and ever since I converted (about 4 months ago) I have felt so enlightened and at peace. But lately I have had some situations where I am feeling really restricted and it is making me question tons of things. I do everything I am supposed to do, and believe me it has been a VERY difficult change for me, but I have pulled through it. There are things though that I was involved in before that now is causing problems for me because of my New found faith. I am starting to feel like I am not an individual anymore. I have to ask permission for everything from my husband. I am not used to that AT ALL. Actually before I was pretty pro-feminism, so obviously it is hard for me. Also, my husband is starting to reject my athleticism, even though before he met me and even after we was married for a while, he was supportive. Now it's a problem for me to go jogging, etc. There are also a few "roles" that I have a problem with as a wife. Like me walking behind him. Before, I NEVER did this but now, for some reason he is trying to force me to do it, and I simply Do Not Want to. I have been trying to get along and obey but there are certain things I just cannot accept, and because of that, we've been arguing a lot. Then he threatened to "punish" me!! I FEEL LIKE A CHILD, and like I have NO RIGHTS AND NO SAY at all. I feel like what I say and want does not matter! I don't understand these things, and I am having a hard time accepting them. I am having a hard time accepting a lot of things lately and it is making me resent my husband and my conversion.

:sl:
If you have doubts about this beautiful religion please talk to a well quallified sunni imam. It appears to me these doubts are building up from problems within your marital relations and you should understand islam does not give way for problems to arise as the practise of muhammad (saws) teaches us ways in which to live life in synchronised harmony. When afflictions however do befall us we take them as tests. Anyway sister im saying practise the shariah of islam and teach your husband afta asking the imam for advice how you deserve to be treated.

Btw about you walking behind him... that is most certainly not a must. For him to force you to do so is an innovative action.
anyway hope you find your answers sister, May Allah guide us all. Amin

:w:
 
And even after searching for the incorrupt hadeeth in question, I havent found any. But if you know any, I'd appreciate it if posted it here. Thanks.

As-salamu'alaikum,

There aren't many of those around regarding women - which is why you are having difficulty finding them.

By preventing the truth to be known about the real cause of this scarring of Islam, the moderator(s) here have decided to support this degeneration. They too have blood on their hands.
 
Sis, my advice is educate yourself about the role and rights of women in Islam....knowledge is empowering, often the issues we have with Islam are really issues with Muslims and not structural Islam itself.

Love you for the sake of Allah swt. You're in my prayers *hugs*
 
salam,

Can I just ask - Are you suggesting that her husband's attitude is justified and is from Islam - so she needs to learn to live with it?

Can you please be clear about this?
 

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