I agree with matrimonial sites being an option, this seems to be becoming the norm these days, however exercise caution at all times...
In my opinion it is best to get Mahrams, guardians, parents involved at a very very early stage, especially for girls because they are too vulnerable and may find themselves in a catch 22 situation where they realise they can't marry the guy due to parents disapproval or some other politics at the same time its sometimes too late as they have fallen for the guy.... or even vice versa...
stay strong, have faith and follow the Sunnah
If it is mean to be, Allah Swt will make it easy for you, if not then the difficulties endured will be a sign to move on.
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My mother is an elderly woman too Brother Jonz.... be blessed you still have her, few brothers and sisters out there that do not even have any parents...
Anyway back to your headline 'suicide or zina'
i remember contemplating the same during some difficult times... you need to work on your imaan bro........ I had to, of course, it was the only way out.
At the same time you need to take in some info.
You're a muslim right, off course you are. Remember these points:
You think your body is yours?, you are wrong if you think it is. Your body belongs to Allah swt, he has entrusted you with it, he gave you life, he blessed you with everything you have right now, including sanity/intelligence to make you of sound mind to make good decisions, thats why we try to follow the sunnah to the best of our abilities so we are guided on the righteous path Insh Allah. If you were to commit suicide, your ruh / soul will be held accountable for it in the hereafter. Your body is not for you to do as you wish, its humanity's test on a individual basis. Anyway, you have your mother to think about bro, don't make her a mother without a son or someone who loses a son.
You think Zina's another way out? Zina is one of the worst sins you can commit to, there are big big punishments awaiting those who commit it. You see or hear about people/friends committing it, yet they lead a normal life here, maybe even a better life than you, have you seen it?, i have .... Zina is a grave sin. Once an individual realises he committed it, he has to repent in such a way that no one or nothing is left unconvinced, even then Allah swt decides what justice is served. So if you do commit Zina, remember you may pay for it dearly in this world, or to some intensified degree in the hereafter, you won't know it until you experience it off course... dare to get a taste of the punishment either in this world or the hereafter or both? Best stay away from it altogether. If you do commit Zina here, you may pay a big price here, one that cripples you and your family.
Knowing the above points and understanding spiritual wisdom during your calamities, do you still think its worth considering Suicide or Zina, erm NO!
From my understanding these negative thoughts intensify at times when the Shaytan is nearby, they tend to attack/penetrate when ones Imaan is weak.
I did the following to improve my 'god consciousness/Imaan' and to reduce the Shaytans effect on me....
- Continued my 5 daily prayers where I can and made more effort to join in congregational prayers at the Masjid rather than just praying at home alone.
- Recite Quran, if you can, if you can't then make effort to refresh your reading skills. I myself refer to Tajweed recitations by Qari Abdul Basit and other Qari's on youtube whilst following Quranic script, attend tajweed courses, bought a Quran with english transliteration
- Researched the journey's and calamities endured by our prophets, Alhamdulillah, i cannot stress enough when you hear the stories, makes you wish you were there to see Allah swt's miracles on how he saved those prophets from calamities... I doubt you'll see any miracles as such in the present era as them miracles involving our prophets were of biblical proportions, Alhamdulillah.
- Contributed to charity / lillah to the masjid more often
- Consider making your pilgrimage to Saudi to perform your Ummrah with your mum, or even your Hajj if possible, the prices for Hajj go up every year, but im sure you can do your Ummrah, you're working and you may have some savings.
- Constantly reading dua's, trying to memorise them
- Always uttering in instances just before going into deep thought arabic phrases such as
Laa Ilahaa Illallaah Mohammdur Rasoolullah
Laa Ilahaha Subhanaka Inni Kunthu Minazzwaalimeeen
Inna Lillahi Wa Innalillayhi Rajioon
.................and theres so many more short dua's, look into it.
(i'm always uttering them in my mind as well as whispering, if im alone outside shopping or at work in the hallway or at the gym i just say it out loud)
cause and effect bro, every action will have a reaction somewhere, dont ever think you can commit something and it won't have any consequences.... it will catch up with you at some point.
Remember us in your Dua'z brother Jonz and everyone else in this forum reading this and may Allah swt guide us even if the worst storms come our way....
JazakAllah.
