suspicious minds................

[AnonymousPoster]

A woman phones you and tells you things about yourself and your family. Apparently your husband phones and they have conversations about personal things. You are annoyed because this woman knows things as private as what you are wearing, what you have cooked, what time your husband is due home....................................

You remain calm, and ask your husband about this woman. He calmly tells you it is someone who phones him once in a while and they chat. You keep quiet for the sake of arguements............................

The woman continues to phone. Like an idiot and with a SUSPICIOUS MIND you listen to her to see how much she knows.................

Later accidently because you never open your husbands post, but accidently you come across a phone bill, which shows he rings her 3/4 times aday, sends her messages throughout the day and even late into the night, when you are in bed and he is presumably watching TV downstairs..................

So you question your husband, who denies that he phones her, she is the one that phones him. He promises totell her not to phone him again.

You later find out that he still contacts her and has lied to you.

Is this acceptable in Islam. Is this the husband telling lies to protect his wife and not to cause unecessary arguements.?????????? Or is this the husband lying to cover his own tracks...................

Is it right? That he should lie? Then say he didn't want to hurt you when you are hurt anyway and the truth finally is in your face???????????????imsad

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

InshaAllah the first to handle this...is to stop your hubby's habit. So probably you need to talk to his best friend about this. If that won't work...you need your family to help you out and advice him. Then...probably you should talk to the imaam at the masjid or any scholars whom can give you a helpful advice.

ukhtee...you need all the advice you can. Please don't keep it this to yourself...and try your best to make sure that your hubby to stop his habit.

and don't forget to update us ukhtee.

 

[tresbien]

Sister
There is no power but Allah.U should be patient and not destroy your family.This is ALLAh test to forgive u sins.If u left him or you go to u parent house may be he will do haram.All u can do now is not to rush.Two days ago, my neighbour and i were returning home.Suddenly, he startedup discussion with a woman and asked her phone number though he is married.He told me i would not call her.I said it is haram that i go out with women though i am single.I said how dare she gives you her number though she does not know u,he said where are u living.We are no the midiavel age.Wa ALLAH those who enjoy having a wife does not know favor Allah endows them.May Allah send me bent nass and good muslim woman and may Allah guide him and all of us.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Thankyou for kind words and advice.............. I am afraid that he is allready committing a sin because he is talking with her, in Islam this is not allowed, also he had an affair six years ago and i was told about this also,what i am trying to say is that it is permissable in Islam for a husband to lie to his wife to avoid arguements, my point is that the truth eventually comes out and then there are worse arguements and the hurt that comes too because you have been lied to even though you have given your husband the chance to come clean...............................

imsadHis family will not help.

My family have tried to talk with him and he pays no attention..................

 

[syilla]

My family have tried to talk with him and he pays no attention..................

Then probably you should ask an imaan/scholars to advice you on this. InshaAllah he'll probably ask you to bring your hubby to see him. If that not work you should ask around if there is any good muslim lawyer that can give you a very good advise on how to handle this matter...InshaAllah.

Just remember you have rights...whatever wrong that he is been doing. Don't act by your emotion but act wisely and accordingly so that InshaAllah everything will be solve in the best manner.

And InshaAllah don't forget to do lots of doa and salah in the middle of the night...

You're in our dua Ukhtee...InshaAllah

 

[Yanal]

Lying to protect his tracks. You should tell him that I'm not that gullable. And then tell him how you feel then march out to your fathers house.

 

[Mysterious Uk]

I would suggest NOT getting other people involved unless they are professionals or know exactly what they are talking about. As if you get other family members involved in this, then it just becomes a lot messier because everyone has their own version of what is happening and different ideas of how to solve the problem.

Think about exactly what you want to know and exactly what you want to say and discuss it with the husband. If this isn't talked about properly, things are likely to get worse.

Anyways, inshallah things will get better.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Thankyou all. I got family involved when the situation came out of my hands and my husband was doing this in front of my face and made no attempt to hide it..............

I agree with Mysterious and do not believe in getting too many people involved so i tried to reason with him.

I failed. I made him leave the family home when things became worse.

I do not want this man back now because he has done nothing but lie and cheat constantly. I regret having stayed with him so long...... Allah guide me and show me the right path Ameen.

 

[Mysterious Uk]

Thankyou all. I got family involved when the situation came out of my hands and my husband was doing this in front of my face and made no attempt to hide it..............

I agree with Mysterious and do not believe in getting too many people involved so i tried to reason with him.

I failed. I made him leave the family home when things became worse.

I do not want this man back now because he has done nothing but lie and cheat constantly. I regret having stayed with him so long...... Allah guide me and show me the right path Ameen.

Good for you, nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Take care.

 

[Vito]

Wow sorry to hear you have to go through this.. I never understood why people cheat on each other

 

[nazam786]

Firstly why would your husband be doing this to you?

Are you not giving him enough time/love?

Or is he just trying to lie and betray you and is having an affair with another woman?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

In reply ^^^ brother i am doing my best to be a good wife/mother, my husband is making it hard for me to do my duties by constantly lying, cheating. I have forgiven him before but this time i knew the girl and she stayed with us for a short while too, she is distantly related to him........


My fault in this is that i argue and fight with him as to why he does this????? As i said before i have spoken with him rationally, lovingly and argued too. At first i dealt with it alone but once the bullying started i involved my family. They advised i tell his family. He did not like that.

For a while he stopped but then started again.imsad

 

[zanjabeela]

Firstly why would your husband be doing this to you?

Are you not giving him enough time/love?

Or is he just trying to lie and betray you and is having an affair with another woman?

There is no excuse or reason for marital betrayal. People in relationships are adults. They can't just decide, "This toy isn't entertaining enough so I'll just go play with another one." They have to man up (or woman up) and address their issues. Cheating is not the way to do it.

It's never the victim's fault that another person cheats. Ever. A man (and a woman) is responsible for his own actions when he (or she) decides to play the betrayal game.

I hope your problems get resolved, sister. May Allah help you. Ameen.

 

[corner]

A woman phones you and tells you things about yourself and your family. Apparently your husband phones and they have conversations about personal things. You are annoyed because this woman knows things as private as what you are wearing, what you have cooked, what time your husband is due home....................................

You remain calm, and ask your husband about this woman. He calmly tells you it is someone who phones him once in a while and they chat. You keep quiet for the sake of arguements............................

The woman continues to phone. Like an idiot and with a SUSPICIOUS MIND you listen to her to see how much she knows.................

Later accidently because you never open your husbands post, but accidently you come across a phone bill, which shows he rings her 3/4 times aday, sends her messages throughout the day and even late into the night, when you are in bed and he is presumably watching TV downstairs..................

So you question your husband, who denies that he phones her, she is the one that phones him. He promises totell her not to phone him again.

You later find out that he still contacts her and has lied to you.

Is this acceptable in Islam. Is this the husband telling lies to protect his wife and not to cause unecessary arguements.?????????? Or is this the husband lying to cover his own tracks...................

Is it right? That he should lie? Then say he didn't want to hurt you when you are hurt anyway and the truth finally is in your face???????????????imsad

Wait, who does he call and why does he call her?

The first thing I would do, first and foremost I would ask my spouse "Who the heck are you calling?", secondly, I would call the woman myself and ask her who she is and what she wants with my "husband", allthough in this case, it would be my WIFE because Im a man lol, and thirdly I would ask Allah to give me guidance regarding this issue, and this is the most important part of all things that I would have done!

I would also talk to my wife and ask her whats happening, I would never give up until I get the total truth!

This is what I would have done, but this is merely my opinion, you should ask a scholar (I.e. its a fatwa issue)

Barak Allahu feek

 

[Dawud_uk]

A woman phones you and tells you things about yourself and your family. Apparently your husband phones and they have conversations about personal things. You are annoyed because this woman knows things as private as what you are wearing, what you have cooked, what time your husband is due home....................................

You remain calm, and ask your husband about this woman. He calmly tells you it is someone who phones him once in a while and they chat. You keep quiet for the sake of arguements............................

The woman continues to phone. Like an idiot and with a SUSPICIOUS MIND you listen to her to see how much she knows.................

Later accidently because you never open your husbands post, but accidently you come across a phone bill, which shows he rings her 3/4 times aday, sends her messages throughout the day and even late into the night, when you are in bed and he is presumably watching TV downstairs..................

So you question your husband, who denies that he phones her, she is the one that phones him. He promises totell her not to phone him again.

You later find out that he still contacts her and has lied to you.

Is this acceptable in Islam. Is this the husband telling lies to protect his wife and not to cause unecessary arguements.?????????? Or is this the husband lying to cover his own tracks...................

Is it right? That he should lie? Then say he didn't want to hurt you when you are hurt anyway and the truth finally is in your face???????????????imsad

Nor come near to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).
Surah 17 Verse 32



unless he has a valid reason for calling and talking to this woman, such as it being his mother or sister etc then he is a fornicator of the tongue at least.

Ibn ‘Abbas narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) said:

‘Allah has written for Adam’s son (mankind) his share of zina (adultery and fornication), which he commits inevitably. The zina of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the zina of the tongue is the talk, and the inner-self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny.’

no, off-course what he is doing is haram, and he should repent to Allah and cease and if not protect yourself and your children from this man.

do you want you and your children (or future children if you have none) to be under the protection of a man who does such actions?

but if he repents and if you feel he has changed his ways and can show this (i dont think having access to his phones, emails etc would be unreasonable under these circumstances) and you feel you can forgive him then nothnig wrong with taking him back and being merciful towards this man.