Teach me to be a good mother.

[Dhulqarnaeen]

Masha Allah, being a good mother...(may Allah make you a good mother ukhty Syilla, amin).

1. REALIZE it, you were a child, of course you can feel how they feel if you yaled at them or oinch them, and Imsure you know what its feel if you hug them and give them your love. And IM sure you ever feel the peacefull when you were taken care by your mother when you were sick. So do taht to your children what you feels good. Insha Allah.

2. Being a mother is not about ordering the children to do this and that. But its about building their intention so they realize what they should do in their own house. So they will do all with cheerfull. Masha ALlah, I know a good girl who always do her works in her weekend. And she do all cause she feels its her job, and she doesnt need to be asked. Although she had to clean thousands of windows in her house masha ALlah.

3. Being a good mother, then.....STAY AT HOME!!! And dont work. Give full attention to your childrens aqidah, cause if ther aqidah built strongly then it would be much easier for the rest of their life, and if you abandone their aqidah education, then it will b be more headache for you as a mother for the rest of your life.

4. Being a good mother...be good to your own mother. Cause I ever hear hadith that IF we do bad deeds to our parents, then our children will do the same to us when we are old. Allahu alam I dont remember the sanad :uuh: .

5. Being a good mother...teach your self Islam till you die, and be a complete (kaffah) muslim. Wear good hijab, and shalat on time. The childen will do almost all of what their parents do. If they see you salah then they will do and act like they salah...its so funny though seeing them like taht

6. THROW AWAY TV from your house, wallahi its poison for your family even for your husband. The TV is not haram, but the programe these days most of them are haram. Naked women, harshness, murder, and all. And we can see the effects on our children so fast if you make them watch TV everyday. Once my nephew (he was just 3 years old ) called me "Amiii.....come here. I have something to tell you!", and then I came to him. And then he came to me and wanted to whisper something. I got excited right caus this little kid wanna share his secret with me. And then he said "Dont tell anybody....Im Spiderman" :grumbling :grumbling I was like "I wanna kill this kid" .
And then one day I saw him (his name is Fawzan) looked confuce. And he pointed his finger to his head, and he said "Im confuce". I was like "this little kid, as if he had a big problem ajee" . And then I asked him..."whats a matter?" and he said "Im confuce ammi....I wanna be Superman or power rangers"...feels like I almost drop from my chair :uhwhat TV...TV...so effectionate.

 

[Al-Zaara]

Some points I gotta comment to, brother Dhulqarnaeen.

3. Being a good mother, then.....STAY AT HOME!!! And dont work.

I don't fully agree with that, yes the first couple years you gotta give much attention but kids go to Kindergarten and school etc... And for some mothers it feels good to be able to help provide money for the family, and she can still do her duties as a mother.

6. THROW AWAY TV

loq I have learned fluent German and much better English thanks to the TV. But mostly, I do agree TV is not too good for the children.

Ma'salama

 

[Snowflake]

MashaAllah some great advice there already..


The other thing is that children will and do pick up bad habits and words from 'outside' and even adults/children from extended family members.
If that happens the worst thing to do is shout or get angry with them. They may not realise how wrong it is and even think it's normal.

My son (8) picked up the word 'bloody heck/hell'. It started cropping up frequently. From a child's mouth it sounds awful and rude. I told him not to use it, but it would still slip out. So I told him that we'll flush that bad word down the toilet. He thought this was very funny and wanted to 'flush' it down the toilet too.

So we went to the bathroom for the ceremony. And stood infront of the toilet. I then told him now he must flush it away by saying it as if he's 'throwing' it into the toilet. Amidst both our giggles (gotta make it amusing) he shouted the word down the toilet. Then I told him to flush it away because muslims shouldn't be using bad words.

Lol, he yanked the flush-handle and 'flushed' the word away. It was like he'd psychologically got it out of his system. You'd be surprised to hear that it worked and he actually stopped saying it. :statisfie

more tips laters inshaAllah.

 

[siFilam]

:salamext:

Some points I gotta comment to, brother Dhulqarnaeen.

I don't fully agree with that, yes the first couple years you gotta give much attention but kids go to Kindergarten and school etc... And for some mothers it feels good to be able to help provide money for the family, and she can still do her duties as a mother.
Ma'salama

I agree with Dhulqarneen, unless a sister has to work in order help her husband to provide for their family, she should do her best to stay at home. First couple years are very critical to a child’s development and as equally important are the later years of a kid’s life. Particularly when the kids reach their teens.

-SI-

 

[Umar001]

To emphesise on telling your children the reason behind things I just remembered.

An example is, look at how Allah deals with us, Allah has all the right to just write a list and say Dont do this..... and Do this.... And it would be sufficient for us to follow.

But Allah out of His great Mercy has allowed us to know some of the reasons behind the Prohibitions. Wear Hijab lest you be molested, and the fact that intoxicants might have a little good but most is bad and so forth. So this is something Allah has given us, why should we give it not to our children, Islam's reason and logic is something which captures the eyes of many, this is something many reverts will always say 'islam is so simple yet so logical and comprehensive'

So thats a big reason to not jus say 'put your hijab on' but actualy exaplain.

Eesa

 

[siFilam]

To emphesise on telling your children the reason behind things I just remembered.

An example is, look at how Allah deals with us, Allah has all the right to just write a list and say Dont do this..... and Do this.... And it would be sufficient for us to follow.

But Allah out of His great Mercy has allowed us to know some of the reasons behind the Prohibitions. Wear Hijab lest you be molested, and the fact that intoxicants might have a little good but most is bad and so forth. So this is something Allah has given us, why should we give it not to our children, Islam's reason and logic is something which captures the eyes of many, this is something many reverts will always say 'islam is so simple yet so logical and comprehensive'

So thats a big reason to not jus say 'put your hijab on' but actualy exaplain.

Eesa

:salamext:
wow, Mashallah. good point. I am definitely going to try to keep this in mind.
-SI-

 

[Al-Zaara]

:salamext:

I agree with Dhulqarneen, unless a sister has to work in order help her husband to provide for their family, she should do her best to stay at home. First couple years are very critical to a child’s development and as equally important are the later years of a kid’s life. Particularly when the kids reach their teens.

-SI-

:wasalamex

I don't think the mother is needed to stay the whole day at home while the child is at school. I do think it's good to stay home, but I'm not emphasizing it.

It's not the fact you have time with your child, it's how you use it.

A child's mother could always be there, but still lack connection with her own kid, she could have problems talking, showing affection etc. even though she's always close by.
Every child is influenced by its environment e.g. school, friends, hobbies... It all could lead to difficulties with parents at home.

Ma'salama

 

[lolwatever]

MashaAllah some great advice there already..


The other thing is that children will and do pick up bad habits and words from 'outside' and even adults/children from extended family members.
If that happens the worst thing to do is shout or get angry with them. They may not realise how wrong it is and even think it's normal.

My son (8) picked up the word 'bloody heck/hell'. It started cropping up frequently. From a child's mouth it sounds awful and rude. I told him not to use it, but it would still slip out. So I told him that we'll flush that bad word down the toilet. He thought this was very funny and wanted to 'flush' it down the toilet too.

So we went to the bathroom for the ceremony. And stood infront of the toilet. I then told him now he must flush it away by saying it as if he's 'throwing' it into the toilet. Amidst both our giggles (gotta make it amusing) he shouted the word down the toilet. Then I told him to flush it away because muslims shouldn't be using bad words.

Lol, he yanked the flush-handle and 'flushed' the word away. It was like he'd psychologically got it out of his system. You'd be surprised to hear that it worked and he actually stopped saying it. :statisfie

more tips laters inshaAllah.

:lol: cute kid mash

 

[Dhulqarnaeen]

:wasalamex

I don't think the mother is needed to stay the whole day at home while the child is at school. I do think it's good to stay home, but I'm not emphasizing it.

It's not the fact you have time with your child, it's how you use it.

A child's mother could always be there, but still lack connection with her own kid, she could have problems talking, showing affection etc. even though she's always close by.
Every child is influenced by its environment e.g. school, friends, hobbies... It all could lead to difficulties with parents at home.

Ma'salama

What I mean with "a mother stay at home", well...I just read explanation of our ulama salaf, that women should sta at home EXCEPT if she has to go out, example: Shopping, taking the kd to school, and every programme that they "have" to. But beside that, a mother should spend their time with their children as much as it can.
And yes...youre partly right that its all about "How you use it". But many mother talk like that but actually they just dont realize, they think they have done their best. They go to offices, ikhtilat between men and women, and go home when theyre tired, so canthey still say "Its how you use it". I would prefer my mother stay with me as much as she can although she cant show her love conpletely cause of thats really her personalities (some mothers cant show her love although they want it so bad, its just her personalities), ut the most importance that shes there for me when I need her, and I can feel that shes around, so I can feel peacefull.
But everone have right to have different opinion of course. Its advices from our ulama, that women not encouraged to work and they best stay at home

 

[Mawaddah]

So we went to the bathroom for the ceremony. And stood infront of the toilet. I then told him now he must flush it away by saying it as if he's 'throwing' it into the toilet. Amidst both our giggles (gotta make it amusing) he shouted the word down the toilet. Then I told him to flush it away because muslims shouldn't be using bad words.

Lol, he yanked the flush-handle and 'flushed' the word away. It was like he'd psychologically got it out of his system. You'd be surprised to hear that it worked and he actually stopped saying it. :statisfie

.

:lol: Masha'allah sis! Your little boy sounds like the sweetest little thing awwww Masha'allah.
I have to say that that was a really creative method though masha'allah

The way to be a good mother? First educate yourself, what's the use of staying home all day with your children if you can't even teach them islamically what's good and what's bad? Which is the case with too many stay at home moms :-\

 

[tomtomsmom]

NEVER underestimate how smart kids really are. They see things that we don't and see them in a much simpler way.
Example: My son (was 5 at the time) asked me if he could have ice cream after dinner. I say to him "maybe, we will have to see". He gets this broken look on his face so I ask him what it wrong. He stares me straight in the eye and says "Mom, don't you know that maybe, we will see, is grown up talk for NO!"
I almost fell over laughing so hard. He ummmm didn't think it was funny.