How can we recognize the difference between a test from Allah and a punishment from Allah?
It has been months and I feel like I am constantly drowning. I spend a lot of time crying to Allah and asking Him for help. I know we should not be hasty in receiving our answers but I physically and mentally cannot go on. It has been months. I have never felt so trapped in my own body. It feels like a curse. I feel like I want my life to end (I would not attempt anything stupid, its just the way I feel) Life has lost all joy. Everyday I make so much dua with such depths of my heart and such force that it feels like im trying to move a mountain. I drags and push myself through everyday and the effort is draining me. I was and star student at my university but I’m failing every subject now. I was ambitious an girl, had dreams, wanted a good career, but I want none of that anymore.
I do realize that I may have conducted some deeds that may not be very big for other people, but in the eyes of Allah, they could have been sins. So is He punishing me for them? Or is He testing me? I keep praying to Him and asking Him for forgiveness. I’ve changed some of my ways to please Him. I’ve sworn myself of certain acts that would infuriate Him. I’ve done everything I can.
If He is testing me, I’m doing my best to keep my faith firm. But sometimes no answer, NONE whatsoever, from Him puts me in despair.
And if He is punishing me, will I continue to suffer? Or will I ever be happy again?
My screams of despair all night should’ve shaken the skies. I cannot continue drowning in this sea of depression and anxiety. Allah is the only one who can save me so why won’t He?
It has been months and I feel like I am constantly drowning. I spend a lot of time crying to Allah and asking Him for help. I know we should not be hasty in receiving our answers but I physically and mentally cannot go on. It has been months. I have never felt so trapped in my own body. It feels like a curse. I feel like I want my life to end (I would not attempt anything stupid, its just the way I feel) Life has lost all joy. Everyday I make so much dua with such depths of my heart and such force that it feels like im trying to move a mountain. I drags and push myself through everyday and the effort is draining me. I was and star student at my university but I’m failing every subject now. I was ambitious an girl, had dreams, wanted a good career, but I want none of that anymore.
I do realize that I may have conducted some deeds that may not be very big for other people, but in the eyes of Allah, they could have been sins. So is He punishing me for them? Or is He testing me? I keep praying to Him and asking Him for forgiveness. I’ve changed some of my ways to please Him. I’ve sworn myself of certain acts that would infuriate Him. I’ve done everything I can.
If He is testing me, I’m doing my best to keep my faith firm. But sometimes no answer, NONE whatsoever, from Him puts me in despair.
And if He is punishing me, will I continue to suffer? Or will I ever be happy again?
My screams of despair all night should’ve shaken the skies. I cannot continue drowning in this sea of depression and anxiety. Allah is the only one who can save me so why won’t He?