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Thread: The whole obedience thing does my head in
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AnonymousGender said:
The whole obedience thing does my head in.:'(
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:salamext:,

Astaghfirullah! That's pride/arrogance, when you do not want to obey another, so inshaAllah lets try to overcome our nafs.

(If I completely got the wrong end of the stick here, I'm sorry, though it's all your fault!! *runs away*).

Wassalam.
 
I didn't mean parents!

I mean gheerah...

Women can't do this, can't do that. Can't say this, can't say that.

I am not looking forward to get married at all.
 
Eg: Men who say "I don't want my wife to work"?

"Who don't want their wife to use contraception during the honeymoon period"?

What are women? Baby Machines?
 
AnonymousGender said:
Eg: Men who say "I don't want my wife to work"?
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Because they want to do the hard work for you.

"Who don't want their wife to use contraception during the honeymoon period"?
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erm..

What are women? Baby Machines?
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You would be glad to/love to, if you were infertile, have babies I mean, I'm sure of it..Be grateful that you can have them and keep the ummah going.
 
AnonymousGender said:
Eg: Men who say "I don't want my wife to work"?

"Who don't want their wife to use contraception during the honeymoon period"?

What are women? Baby Machines?
Click to expand...
lol
ok the working issue is something between husband and wife

as for the contraception thing, i see where u are coming from, but turn the tables what if YOU wanted a child and ur husband didnt? how would you feel?

oh and if he has this and thats, make him know your this and thats too because both husband AND wife have rights
 
:salamext:

i just been wondering is it true...that a wife can't give naseehah to a husband (if it hurts his feeling)...eventhough he is flirting around.

i was reading this in the advice column in other forum.

Please help me on this... i would like to refute this...lol
 
I believe folks should discuss these major issues prior to marriage so they can have a normal life.. sort of like a pre-nuptial--- if you have have worked hard on your career and then someone puts and end to it because he feels like it, I think that is pretty unreasonable.. but if you had this topic prior to marriage, and you both agreed to keep working, or not keep working and then he breeches that whichever way, I suppose you have every right to be angry... I really don't think you can have any one to blame but your own self if you both didn't define the turf early on.. and I say this really because we all have expectations from our spouses, along with how many children, schooling where to live, etc are things one needs to define prior to jumping in head first... else both of you end up pretty disillusioned early on, perhaps miserable and on a long journey together.

I believe many marriages crumble over seemingly ridiculous issues that build up and pile.. when it could have been easily remedied early on if each of you knew what he/she wanted out of life and in a spouse...

May Allah swt makes your affairs easy for you.. I think the take home message from your problem is to communicate openly about all issues before hand..

And Allah swt knows best

:w:
 
ukhti, I want an obedient wife too! Women hate that word though, obedient. When I said this to a girl, her jaw about dropped because she thinks it means that I am just going to be telling this wife what to do all day.

It's not like that.

The obedience means he gets 51% of the say. It means when it comes down to it, you should follow what your husband wants and let him be the strength of the family.

That being said, find someone who you WANT to obey in this way. A good man listens to his wife and is concerned with her happiness. He's not going to just impose some depressing life on you. Don't marry some idiot who is going to tell you your hourly schedule and make huge sweeping life decisions on the whims of his feelings. That is YOUR fault if you marry someone like that.

And if you don't want kids, ask him to wait. If he doesn't want to wait, then you shouldn't be getting into the marriage yet.
 
Skye Ephémérine said:
I believe folks should discuss these major issues prior to marriage so they can have a normal life.. sort of like a pre-nuptial--- if you have have worked hard on your career and then someone puts and end to it because he feels like it, I think that is pretty unreasonable.. but if you had this topic prior to marriage, and you both agreed to keep working, or not keep working and then he breeches that whichever way, I suppose you have every right to be angry... I really don't think you can have any one to blame but your own self if you both didn't define the turf early on.. and I say this really because we all have expectations from our spouses, along with how many children, schooling where to live, etc are things one needs to define prior to jumping in head first... else both of you end up pretty disillusioned early on, perhaps miserable and on a long journey together.

I believe many marriages crumble over seemingly ridiculous issues that build up and pile.. when it could have been easily remedied early on if each of you knew what he/she wanted out of life and in a spouse...

May Allah swt makes your affairs easy for you.. I think the take home message from your problem is to communicate openly about all issues before hand..

And Allah swt knows best

:w:
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AnonymousGender said:
ukhti, I want an obedient wife too! Women hate that word though, obedient. When I said this to a girl, her jaw about dropped because she thinks it means that I am just going to be telling this wife what to do all day.

It's not like that.

The obedience means he gets 51% of the say. It means when it comes down to it, you should follow what your husband wants and let him be the strength of the family.

That being said, find someone who you WANT to obey in this way. A good man listens to his wife and is concerned with her happiness. He's not going to just impose some depressing life on you. Don't marry some idiot who is going to tell you your hourly schedule and make huge sweeping life decisions on the whims of his feelings. That is YOUR fault if you marry someone like that.

And if you don't want kids, ask him to wait. If he doesn't want to wait, then you shouldn't be getting into the marriage yet.
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:sl:

Well said! i totally agree with you guys.
 
i believe obedience is a good thing, if the husband takes the wifes feelings into consideration as well. before i converted to islam i met a guy that was very nice to me at first. i knew him for 2 years, but after the first year he started to change. i was always happy to please him, i wanted to make him happy always. but he took advantage of this and in the end i turned out more like a slave than someone he actually respected and cared about. when i became interested in islam even, he yelled at me saying that it was stupid. i would try to talk to him about things i enjoyed but he never wanted to listen to me he only wanted me to talk about things he enjoyed. i think this is wrong. recently i broke my emotional ties with him, so maybe now he can no longer hurt me. i love the concept of obedience and marriage, the problem is that at the moment it has been stained by experiences with losers like him. i guess for now i am just happy to be free.