Things I've noticed

[universecloud]

I was sleeping yesterday night, angry thinking Allah has wronged me. I believed it but one thing that stayed in my head was "why did he do this".

Now when I say wronged me as in I read surah alfalaq, Al Nas and Al ekhlas but I wasn't protected, which is the only thing that bothered me.

To all of what I thought, no matter what I did (at that point), that Allah would just abandon me.

Know when you don't even have him, I got pissed, why didn't he protect me, I just pondered over it wanting an explanation.

At this point, I go to bed but I can't sleep (I didn't want to say a thing(Al Nas, falaq) because to my knowledge Allah didn't protect me).

Again, as I pondered, trying to get back but there is just that one thing!

So I reached a point where I asked refuge from the shaytan from Allah (I didn't say it out loud, I mimicked it with all movement but no sound) and I hear a voice out of the blue (I'm not crazy!) Cursing me (again, could be my mind but the timing was too weird!), now that by itself caused shivers going down my spine but all i did was raise my voice(to an acceptable volume, as my voice is heard at this point) and seeked refuge at this point from shaytan from Allah.

I read the falaq, Nas, ikhlas and go to sleep (I still can't) as I'm speaking with Allah, all of a sudden a weird, uncomfortable feeling just starts sorrounding me, so I ask refuge 3 times and turn to get him away.

But one thing that I have a question with is that, after saying refuge 3 times from shaytan and me (yes me because even you can't stop you sometimes, you never know), I still get bad thoughts!

Every 5-10 minutes I get bad thoughts, I just don't understand, is there a time limit after asking refuge or was it me all along or was the shaytan much stronger than my 5 angel protectors(I have doubts on all 3 and I just don't know the answer to that one) or it's a one time thing and has to be done whenever he showed up(which is what I see most viable), I mean it's like he doesn't stop bothering me with the stream of bad thoughts until I seek refuge again.

For all I knew, there was something around me, wanting me to cause mischief.

 

[Ahmed.]

Dear brother, please see a doctor, you are suffering from mental illness

I could hardly understand what you wrote as it was incoherent and didn't make much sense

You are suffering from waswas? In that case, the cure is constant zikr

 

[universecloud]

Mental illness is just a thought, a label you put yourself and I'm not that.

Can you tell me which lines you didn't understand ? There is information that I probably didn't give out.

My mental fortitude isn't one of an imam but I can assure you I ain't crazy! Whether you believe me or not is upto you.

How can waswasa still be there when I ask Allah for refuge ? You don't make sense, explain yourself.

 

[Ahmed.]

Who is this 'him' you refer to? Sometimes it seems it's Allah and sometimes the Satan...

And you heard an external voice? That's not normal and indicative of schizophrenia.

It's not even clear what Allah did not protect you from?

There is loads of things on there that's not clear and you can tell it's a jumble of thoughts and feelings based on some very abnormal thought process

So it all leads me to think you must be suffering from mental illness

And you threw the uncontrollable waswas part in there too; another symptom...

 

[universecloud]

Who is this 'him' you refer to? Sometimes it seems it's Allah and sometimes the Satan...

First him was Allah as in why didn't he protect me, the 2nd was the shaytan when I asked for refuge(these were the only two).

And you heard an external voice? That's not normal and indicative of schizophrenia.

To my knowledge, the shaytan can reform himself and appear to the human eye, it isn't really hard for him to speak (mind that it was so subtle in volume).

It's really hard to explain this one and yes everything points out to me being schizophrenic but you got to understand that I KNEW it was him the moment he talked, my very first thought that he just ran away when I seeked refuge and cursed me (That voice never came back after).

It's not even clear what Allah did not protect you from?

The day it all started but before I go there, let's go back a few days, about a week ago I repented to Allah, I did good, I prayer 5 times, read 1 surah a day no matter how big!

After those times (at night) I watch a YouTube video about Mohammed (صلى الله عليه وسلم) saying to his companions that something has been revealed to him that would protect us from shaytan like no other! Best of the best! And mentions surah Al Nas and Al Falaq, now I knew this but made me feel more secure.

Next morning I do my zikr and read those surahs + Al Ikhlas and get on with my day but about 30 minutes to 1 hour later bad thoughts and anger started coming my way, I got more angrier as the time progressed until I transgressed.

Now to my understanding, Allah was suppose to give me the best of the best protection from shaytan yet I suddenly had bad thoughts overwhelming me, why didn't Allah protect me from him? Was my surahs and all zikr not enough ?

And from there I thought I was nothing but a joke to him, a mere pebble to be tossed aside, played with until death comes.

So I snapped at him, every good thought in my head was pushed aside because to my knowledge, Allah has lied to me.

There is loads of things on there that's not clear and you can tell it's a jumble of thoughts and feelings based on some very abnormal thought process

So it all leads me to think you must be suffering from mental illness

And you threw the uncontrollable waswas part in there too; another symptom...T

You need know that I haven't been a pious person, at times I just wanted Allah's anger.

I let the hate pass and manifest itself in me.

To a degree, yes, I was mental, imagine that your life is leading to nothing but hell and have no escape. Man this is where it hurts but I was too ignorant! You just won't believe how ignorant I was.

And as for the shaytan ? The dude was loving every bit of it and kept hold of me, increasing me in kufr.

I was at a point in my life where after all that, with all the worse things happening in life.

I asked allah "Will you not have mercy on me?" I was sobbing, distorted and said again "please have mercy on me, I can't take this anymore, if you have the least bit of pity on me please have mercy, I know you don't burden a soul beyond its capabilities but this is too much Allah! I'm not a messenger nor a firm believer but because of all that you would make me suffer here and the hereafter? Please have mercy!"

I was a disaster, really, like I had a house built on a crumbling cliff.

Same day I started reading the quran، surah Al Fatiha and Al Baqara.

Close to the end of surah Al Baqara, I had to stop, I started feeling so angry and restless.

Reading a surah that long which I never ever did in my life (can you imagine, I actually finished it) but closer to the end as I had to stop, my entire body started tingling, heavy breathing, my entire body was numb, anger at this point was too weird that I was too angry but I wasn't at all (my thought was the shaytan was in me and Allah helped me get him out(which is what I want since Allah says that he will pardon those who put their trust in Allah and only allah instead of getting a ruqyah from a shiekh, so I didn't reach out to any shiekh even though I know something was wrong keeping my trust that one day Allah will help me and I don't need help from anyone but Allah) and he did, after that pause I read the rest of the pages left with more ease, I just felt it being alot easier).

Now do you understand where this "mental illness" is coming from? Mainly ignorance.

May Allah save us all from hell fire.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you universecloud;

For all I knew, there was something around me, wanting me to cause mischief.

Can I just change your sentence to read; "for all I knew; there was nothing around wanting to cause me mischief.

Which statement is the truth, mine or yours? If nothing harmful has happened since you had those feelings yesterday; then you have spent the last twenty four hours living in fear, when you did not need to. Fearful things happen in life, but that does not mean you have to live in fear of these things, fear is a choice, there are other choices you can make.

In 2011 I had tests done for cancer, about a month later the doctor phoned and said he urgently wanted to see me, it was non – Hodgkin Lymphoma. This was a name I recognised, our friend had this cancer, and died a few months later. I prayed for the wisdom, strength and peace to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence, or just an inconvenience. I can only say that from the moment of making this prayer, I have experienced a profound sense of peace, and the thought of cancer has never troubled me for a moment.

Cancer could be a truly worrying process, you wait a month or two for tests, you wait for the results, and you wait for more tests. I have never once prayed for healing, at the age of 62, the prayer for healing seemed too complicated, it might or might not be my time to go. Recognising this profound sense of peace comes from God, gives me reason to be thankful.

Today, I do not know if my cancer has gone, or if I am in remission, or even if it will cause my death. All I know is that I don't have the time or energy to live in fear of it. When you put your trust in Allah, you just have to believe that he will help you, he cares for all his creation.

May you be blessed with a peace that surpasses all understanding;
Eric

 

[universecloud]

First, may allah heal you.

Now about cancer, cancer is not a death sentence nor it is an inconvenience but is a calling from allah (look at his mercy) that your time is nearing and you need prepare yourself for the day you two meet!

Also, cancer is a test from allah, to test you as he wants to distinguish between the true believer and the non believer (There are surahs which allah talks about these, i've had a few come up from reading surahs 1-10).

You are going through alot from what i can see, i can't do anything but ask allah to give you the best of what he can offer (which is infinitely more than what you wanted, indeed allah wants nothing but THE very best for each and every one of us).

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I am missing a post regarding the reply for ahmed! its a moderated post and i have to wait for someone to approve it!

 

[Ahmed.]

First him was Allah as in why didn't he protect me, the 2nd was the shaytan when I asked for refuge(these were the only two).



To my knowledge, the shaytan can reform himself and appear to the human eye, it isn't really hard for him to speak (mind that it was so subtle in volume).

It's really hard to explain this one and yes everything points out to me being schizophrenic but you got to understand that I KNEW it was him the moment he talked, my very first thought that he just ran away when I seeked refuge and cursed me (That voice never came back after).



The day it all started but before I go there, let's go back a few days, about a week ago I repented to Allah, I did good, I prayer 5 times, read 1 surah a day no matter how big!

After those times (at night) I watch a YouTube video about Mohammed (صلى الله عليه وسلم) saying to his companions that something has been revealed to him that would protect us from shaytan like no other! Best of the best! And mentions surah Al Nas and Al Falaq, now I knew this but made me feel more secure.

Next morning I do my zikr and read those surahs + Al Ikhlas and get on with my day but about 30 minutes to 1 hour later bad thoughts and anger started coming my way, I got more angrier as the time progressed until I transgressed.

Now to my understanding, Allah was suppose to give me the best of the best protection from shaytan yet I suddenly had bad thoughts overwhelming me, why didn't Allah protect me from him? Was my surahs and all zikr not enough ?

And from there I thought I was nothing but a joke to him, a mere pebble to be tossed aside, played with until death comes.

So I snapped at him, every good thought in my head was pushed aside because to my knowledge, Allah has lied to me.




You need know that I haven't been a pious person, at times I just wanted Allah's anger.

I let the hate pass and manifest itself in me.

To a degree, yes, I was mental, imagine that your life is leading to nothing but hell and have no escape. Man this is where it hurts but I was too ignorant! You just won't believe how ignorant I was.

And as for the shaytan ? The dude was loving every bit of it and kept hold of me, increasing me in kufr.

I was at a point in my life where after all that, with all the worse things happening in life.

I asked allah "Will you not have mercy on me?" I was sobbing, distorted and said again "please have mercy on me, I can't take this anymore, if you have the least bit of pity on me please have mercy, I know you don't burden a soul beyond its capabilities but this is too much Allah! I'm not a messenger nor a firm believer but because of all that you would make me suffer here and the hereafter? Please have mercy!"

I was a disaster, really, like I had a house built on a crumbling cliff.

Same day I started reading the quran، surah Al Fatiha and Al Baqara.

Close to the end of surah Al Baqara, I had to stop, I started feeling so angry and restless.

Reading a surah that long which I never ever did in my life (can you imagine, I actually finished it) but closer to the end as I had to stop, my entire body started tingling, heavy breathing, my entire body was numb, anger at this point was too weird that I was too angry but I wasn't at all (my thought was the shaytan was in me and Allah helped me get him out(which is what I want since Allah says that he will pardon those who put their trust in Allah and only allah instead of getting a ruqyah from a shiekh, so I didn't reach out to any shiekh even though I know something was wrong keeping my trust that one day Allah will help me and I don't need help from anyone but Allah) and he did, after that pause I read the rest of the pages left with more ease, I just felt it being alot easier).

Now do you understand where this "mental illness" is coming from? Mainly ignorance.

May Allah save us all from hell fire.

Not only ignorance , but anger issues too. It is very abnormal to get uncontrollably angry like that , especially towards Allah.

Yes shaytan decieves us, but it is abnormal to hear his voice, so this is another indication something isn't right with your mind.

Waswas is usually something people can control, if they feel it coming then they can do zikr or divert their minds to other things so waswas afflicting you this way is abnormal too

The reason why Allah didn't protect you from waswas is because you have this abnoramilty (a level of psychological and emotional issues, in other words , mental illness) and illnesses isn't cured miraculously just like that with some surahs or duas, one needs to be very pious and beloved to Allah for Allah to assist with miracles

So you shouldn't expect your waswas problem to go away by reading the Quls, you have to work on it with medication and zikr

Anytime you feel the anger or waswas coming on, turn to zlir and drink cold water

 

[universecloud]

Well man I don't know what it was but Allah helped me.

I'm sad of how can such a thing happened and I'm still looking for an answer but only he can answer.

I don't understand the reliance on medication, people usually resort to sedate themselves from the issues, true facts keeping it all in the background as if they are hidden or just trying to hide away from them, Allah knows all of them.

You legit offend Allah when you rely on those methods.

It isn't a way to speak to his majesty and I should get some sort of punishment just for that! Being angry is no excuse.

Who said the problems would just get away? I never said that.

Now if your point was to the shaytan and his waswasa I'd say I believe what Allah said when he gives protection to those who read the surahs and I did read, to my knowledge, Allah's protection is absolute! Is he protecting me a little and letting more in ? Half and half ? How does it work then?

I would try my best to do zikr and drink cold water but would Allah accept my zikr ? I don't think it's too weak (the zikr power) so what Is the problem ?

 

[universecloud]

illnesses isn't cured miraculously just like that with some surahs or duas

Then how do you expect Allah to bestow it upon me ? By praying more ? Who do you think allowed me to pray, to remember him, to thank him. Who?

He is the one that gives illness and increases it if he wants to and only he can take it away, not me.

Now when I say not me, I don't mean just sitting there doing nothing, expecting things to get better no, I have my part to do as well.

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I'm not sure about the illness part but there is also the chance that I brought the illness upon myself.

 

[universecloud]

Greetings and peace be with you universecloud;



Can I just change your sentence to read; "for all I knew; there was nothing around wanting to cause me mischief.

Which statement is the truth, mine or yours? If nothing harmful has happened since you had those feelings yesterday; then you have spent the last twenty four hours living in fear, when you did not need to. Fearful things happen in life, but that does not mean you have to live in fear of these things, fear is a choice, there are other choices you can make.
Eric

The thing is that there is always something that wants me to do mischief, whether from a jihn or a human, not everyone in this world is truthful to their action and their main agenda with the other person.

I'm not fearful I'm angry mind you, Allah promised protection when saying those surahs but he didn't do so at that time, now I don't understand the reason behind this but deep inside I know it isn't Allah, then who? What did I do wrong for the devil to overwhelm me?

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Angry isn't the right word anymore, I'm just sad at this point.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you universecloud;

First, may allah heal you.

Thank you, and whilst many people have said they will pray for my health, this is something that I have never once prayed for myself. At the age of seventy, I understand that I am going to die of something in the not to distant future. The more important prayer for me is for the wisdom, strength and the peace to do God's will; whilst I am still alive. I know I still struggle with sin and that makes me a hypocrite.

Also, cancer is a test from allah, to test you as he wants to distinguish between the true believer and the non believer (There are surahs which allah talks about these, i've had a few come up from reading surahs 1-10).

You are going through alot from what i can see, i can't do anything but ask allah to give you the best of what he can offer (which is infinitely more than what you wanted, indeed allah wants nothing but THE very best for each and every one of us).

Thank you, and that is good advice. BUT; you also have to give this advice to yourself and truthfully believe your own advice, you have answered your problem yourself. Read your own quote to me, cross out the word cancer and just say Allah has given me these problems as a test.........

I don't understand the reliance on medication, people usually resort to sedate themselves from the issues, true facts keeping it all in the background as if they are hidden or just trying to hide away from them, Allah knows all of them.

I am not a doctor, but I tend to agree with what you have said for my own journey through life.

May Allah bless you with the wisdom, strength and the peace to do his will,

Eric

 

[Ahmed.]

Greetings and peace be with you universecloud;

Can I just change your sentence to read; "for all I knew; there was nothing around wanting to cause me mischief.

Which statement is the truth, mine or yours? If nothing harmful has happened since you had those feelings yesterday; then you have spent the last twenty four hours living in fear, when you did not need to. Fearful things happen in life, but that does not mean you have to live in fear of these things, fear is a choice, there are other choices you can make.

In 2011 I had tests done for cancer, about a month later the doctor phoned and said he urgently wanted to see me, it was non – Hodgkin Lymphoma. This was a name I recognised, our friend had this cancer, and died a few months later. I prayed for the wisdom, strength and peace to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence, or just an inconvenience. I can only say that from the moment of making this prayer, I have experienced a profound sense of peace, and the thought of cancer has never troubled me for a moment.

Cancer could be a truly worrying process, you wait a month or two for tests, you wait for the results, and you wait for more tests. I have never once prayed for healing, at the age of 62, the prayer for healing seemed too complicated, it might or might not be my time to go. Recognising this profound sense of peace comes from God, gives me reason to be thankful.

Today, I do not know if my cancer has gone, or if I am in remission, or even if it will cause my death. All I know is that I don't have the time or energy to live in fear of it. When you put your trust in Allah, you just have to believe that he will help you, he cares for all his creation.

May you be blessed with a peace that surpasses all understanding;
Eric

If your friend died quickly from this cancer then I think God is working a miracle on you Eric, and that is because the amazing way you are dealing with it

May Allah SWT grant you complete shifa and very speedy recovery. Ameen

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you universecloud;

Allah promised protection when saying those surahs but he didn't do so at that time,

If Allah said that he will protect you whilst saying those surahs, then he will. Why would Allah lie? In order for Allah to protect you, you also have to do something too. Think of it like this, if you were driving a car; and decided not to wear the seat belt, then had a crash sending you flying through the windscreen. You could not blame the seat belt for your injuries because you chose not to put your trust in it.

Think about the protection that you are asking from Allah. You cannot see Allah, you cannot see shaytan, so that means the protection you are asking for has to be invisible also. If you have not been physically harmed since making those surahs, then give thanks to Allah for his protection, thank Allah daily for your life, all the good things that you have and for the strength to get through one more day. The more you get used to thanking Allah, the more you will find peace in your life and you will have less worries, guaranteed.

In the spirit of praying for the wisdom to put our trust in Allah,

Eric

 

[Ahmed.]

Then how do you expect Allah to bestow it upon me ? By praying more ? Who do you think allowed me to pray, to remember him, to thank him. Who?

He is the one that gives illness and increases it if he wants to and only he can take it away, not me.

Now when I say not me, I don't mean just sitting there doing nothing, expecting things to get better no, I have my part to do as well.

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I'm not sure about the illness part but there is also the chance that I brought the illness upon myself.

Our duas do get accepted however they'll be more of an expected process rather than miracles, i.e. if we are stuck on a river and pray for Allah to get us across and wait... A boat may come by soon and take us to other side, but a flying carpet wouldn't materialise out of thin air and fly us over, do you get what I'm saying ?

However for the wali Allah's (the saints who worship Allah without sinning...) A flying carpet could appear!

So that's the difference between us and saints, we cannot expect miracles and get angry when they don't happen. Your illness has to be treated and it will take time to go.

 

[MazharShafiq]

Dear brother, please see a doctor, you are suffering from mental illness

I could hardly understand what you wrote as it was incoherent and didn't make much sense

You are suffering from waswas? In that case, the cure is constant zikr

yes I also think that.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I was sleeping yesterday night, angry thinking Allah has wronged me. I believed it but one thing that stayed in my head was "why did he do this".

Now when I say wronged me as in I read surah alfalaq, Al Nas and Al ekhlas but I wasn't protected, which is the only thing that bothered me.

To all of what I thought, no matter what I did (at that point), that Allah would just abandon me.

Know when you don't even have him, I got pissed, why didn't he protect me, I just pondered over it wanting an explanation.

At this point, I go to bed but I can't sleep (I didn't want to say a thing(Al Nas, falaq) because to my knowledge Allah didn't protect me).

Again, as I pondered, trying to get back but there is just that one thing!

So I reached a point where I asked refuge from the shaytan from Allah (I didn't say it out loud, I mimicked it with all movement but no sound) and I hear a voice out of the blue (I'm not crazy!) Cursing me (again, could be my mind but the timing was too weird!), now that by itself caused shivers going down my spine but all i did was raise my voice(to an acceptable volume, as my voice is heard at this point) and seeked refuge at this point from shaytan from Allah.

I read the falaq, Nas, ikhlas and go to sleep (I still can't) as I'm speaking with Allah, all of a sudden a weird, uncomfortable feeling just starts sorrounding me, so I ask refuge 3 times and turn to get him away.

But one thing that I have a question with is that, after saying refuge 3 times from shaytan and me (yes me because even you can't stop you sometimes, you never know), I still get bad thoughts!

Every 5-10 minutes I get bad thoughts, I just don't understand, is there a time limit after asking refuge or was it me all along or was the shaytan much stronger than my 5 angel protectors(I have doubts on all 3 and I just don't know the answer to that one) or it's a one time thing and has to be done whenever he showed up(which is what I see most viable), I mean it's like he doesn't stop bothering me with the stream of bad thoughts until I seek refuge again.

For all I knew, there was something around me, wanting me to cause mischief.

Assalamu Alaikum,

My brother firstly jazakallahu Khayran for sharing your issues with us.

What we need to realise is that everyone of us is unique in our journey through life. Every single one of us will go through unique trials, hardships and tests. Some of us more than others. However Almighty Allah will never burden us with more than we can bare:

Allah does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad (consequences)- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Protector, so help us against the disbelievers.’[2:286]

With regards to the trials, hardships and tests that we go through in life then for a believer it can only ever be a blessing - if we patiently persevere and do not blame Allah. For it is through trials and hardships are we cleansed and gain expiation of our sins even to the extent of even a prick from a thorn. It is through trials and hardships are we forced to prostrate to the master of the Universe, the benevolent, gracious most merciful. It is through these trials that we can gain closeness to our creator that we would not have gained without such trials and hardships. For those of us who patiently persevere then there is a great reward without measure.

So we must never blame Allah for the hardships and tests that befall us but thank him for trying to draw us nearer to himself. Surely on the day of Judgement we will regret not going through worser trials:

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world." (Al-Tirmidhi #1570)

So remember: Victory, relief and ease comes with patience through distress and hardship

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) also said, "Know that victory comes with patience, relief with distress and ease with hardship.” (Ahmad)

So we must never allow the evil deceptive whispers of shaythan to anger us against our creator for he knows that by doing so we are only destroying ourselves. Ask of Allah and beg unto him for his mercy and forgiveness. Open your heart unto him especially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud and ask of him for patience and aid. He knows what is best for you and whatever you are going through it is what is decreed for you.

For help with patience through trials and hardships please refer to the following link:

How To Get Through Hardships & Trials in life!

With regards to help with overcoming the insinuating whispers of shaythan (Waswas) then please refer to the following link:

How to overcome Waswas (Shaythans whispers) in worship

I would also urge you to go to a trustworthy and reliable Raqi (One who performs Ruqya in accordance with the Qur'an and Sunnah) to ensure there are no effects of Jinn or Magic upon you. If you have established there is not and you still experience voices or think you may have a mental illness then please get a referral to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

May Allah enable us to patiently persevere and get closer to him through trials and hardships. Ameen

 

[universecloud]

honestly, may allah protect me and all of you.

The reason that i don't want a ruqyah is because of this the-reason-why-those-who-ask-for-ruqyah-are-not-included-in-the-seventy-thousand-will-enter-paradise-without-being-brought-to-account ( This was a link but i cant provide, just look up that text if you want to read about it ).

About the hardships, these come and go but i mean, this is life. You learn to get used to them in time.

You guys could be very right that something is in me (the devil, waswasa) but there are things that i want that are more important than this.

All i can do is put my trust in allah.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you universecloud;

All i can do is put my trust in allah.

I think this is the only way to find peace. Also try and find several things to thank Allah for each day, the more you are thankful, the stronger you will become.

May you be blessed in your struggles,
Eric