Thinking of ending my marriage

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as-salam alaykum
Hey
I have been married for 3 years, I am 21 years old. My husband is disabled and has been disabled since the beginning of our marriage. I accepted I had to assist with activities of daily living, leisure and sometimes work. He knew before the marriage that I was a qualified OT. He can move his upper limb but is disabled on his lower limb. By using his upper limb, he learnt to chair and bed transfer (I taught him). He can engage in conversations, concentrate, hear and see. This is just brief outline of how disabled he is.
He is 27 years old man and I used to love him dearly. However, he recently married another woman without telling me back in his home country. He has been married to her for 3 months. He did not tell, I found out from other people. I confronted him; he admitted the marriage and has told me that it was none of my business. I asked him why, he told me it was because I was more of a carer then a wife. This hurt me. I decided to stay and make it work. Only he decided to bring her here over to the UK.
He does spend equal time I think. But I don’t spend time with him like marriage couples do. I do all his personal care and the domestic work. The other wife does none of this and has not lifted a finger to help him. I attend to his care during nights and morning. Whenever I spend time with him, it is often about his care. I seriously depressed and literally tearing my hair apart. I confronted him about this issue and he told me the other wife cannot look after him because she was young. She is 20 years old. I told time and time again that he needed to change and force his other wife to assist him so that I can spend equal quality time with him.
He has not changed. Every time I look at him, I get so angry. I wasted my life for this man. I gave up my job for this man. I starting to believe he married me to care for his disability. I gain nothing from this marriage. I see no difference between what I am doing now to the job I left. We have two years old son and I want and think I should divorce him. His silly other wife can have him. I don’t mind being a single mother providing for my son and returning back to my job.
The question is whether I am entitled to a divorce and whether I should give it another go. Am I committing a sin by leaving a disabled man.
 
Ubah said:
as-salam alaykum
Hey
I have been married for 3 years, I am 21 years old. My husband is disabled and has been disabled since the beginning of our marriage. I accepted I had to assist with activities of daily living, leisure and sometimes work. He knew before the marriage that I was a qualified OT. He can move his upper limb but is disabled on his lower limb. By using his upper limb, he learnt to chair and bed transfer (I taught him). He can engage in conversations, concentrate, hear and see. This is just brief outline of how disabled he is.
He is 27 years old man and I used to love him dearly. However, he recently married another woman without telling me back in his home country. He has been married to her for 3 months. He did not tell, I found out from other people. I confronted him; he admitted the marriage and has told me that it was none of my business. I asked him why, he told me it was because I was more of a carer then a wife. This hurt me. I decided to stay and make it work. Only he decided to bring her here over to the UK.
He does spend equal time I think. But I don’t spend time with him like marriage couples do. I do all his personal care and the domestic work. The other wife does none of this and has not lifted a finger to help him. I attend to his care during nights and morning. Whenever I spend time with him, it is often about his care. I seriously depressed and literally tearing my hair apart. I confronted him about this issue and he told me the other wife cannot look after him because she was young. She is 20 years old. I told time and time again that he needed to change and force his other wife to assist him so that I can spend equal quality time with him.
He has not changed. Every time I look at him, I get so angry. I wasted my life for this man. I gave up my job for this man. I starting to believe he married me to care for his disability. I gain nothing from this marriage. I see no difference between what I am doing now to the job I left. We have two years old son and I want and think I should divorce him. His silly other wife can have him. I don’t mind being a single mother providing for my son and returning back to my job.
The question is whether I am entitled to a divorce and whether I should give it another go. Am I committing a sin by leaving a disabled man.
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Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah khayr for sharing this issue with us sister. My sister what you have written shows your devotion as many women would not have endured being married to a disabled man let alone staying with one who has married again. It does show from what you have written that your husband is not appreciative of you and what you do for him and he would only realise once it is too late. He does not know what he has and he will regret it forever if you were to leave him.

It does make things difficult when children are involved because of the fact that they may be affected by seperation but you are also still young and you have to also think about your own life because you also deserve love, affection and devotion. The fact that he is not giving you the same quality time as his other wife does give a good reason for divorce but sister this matter along with most matters of this nature cannot be dealt with by lay people like us for it requires those with more knowledge and experience who would be able to advise you best.

So i would urge you to find a good and reliable scholar who may advise you on this matter and if you cannot then i will help you find one inshallah. Make dua to Allah that he does what is best for you and your child and ask for his assitance.

You have taken the first step by opening up about your issue here. The next step is to go to a learned scholar where this matter maybe resolved once and for all inshallah.

and Allah knows best in all matters
 
wa alaykum us-Salaam
i think its best to see a reliable imam about this. have you spoken to one?
 
I have spoken to the iman and I am going ahead with the divorce. I did tell him that I will be divorcing him finally and free to live my life.
Of course he was upset and stated that he will do everything within his power to stop me. The iman advised me to discuss that I am thinking of divorce with him. There was a huge argument and shouting but I think he gets the point. We will later on visit the iman together. But I am positive things will go accordingly. I just need to sort when and how he would see his son.
Can’t wait. I am looking forward to starting again.
Thanks for the advices.
 
:sl:

I wish you the best dear sister.. may Allah replace your hardships with ease and grant your husband well in your respective lives insha'Allah

:w:
 
You are a great woman, and he don't deserve a woman like you, may Allah grant you a better future and a better life dear. When you will get the dicvorce the most thing you have to do is make sure that your kids won't suffer from this separation.

And one more thing, don't say that what you did was for nothing, just keep your intention sincere that it was for pleasing Allah by helping that man.

that's all what I can say
 

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