This is who I am..

[Islami.Mu'mina]

I started practicing two years ago.

Year 1

My first year was full of much motivation. A light was put through me so I could push through and understand Islam.

For my first year, I was tested with my desires... tested with giving up the "pleasant" life I had

My biggest troubles were losing my friends, giving up my desires, giving up my old motivation to become a famous serious violinist and musician (in which I used to think that was my one purpose in life), dealing with family issues, and trying to practice while others pushed me down (except for my sister, who really witnessed how much religion can change one).. I also started losing confidence in who I was.. Dealt with low self esteem issues.. I became more anxious overall, compared to the person I was.. Because everyone didn't enjoy the new me..

My biggest test was excepting that I was a new person. Someone who had to move on from the past and look into the future.. I had to let go of my memories and all the nostalgia of the things that promised me "happiness"

But it was all worth it.. Because within that first year, I learned what patience is.. What it means to be grateful.. I learned what calamities are.. And what they will continue to progress into.. I learned about how others have it so much harder than I do.. I learned how to take inspiration of these people.. I learned Wisdom.. Self discipline.. The ability to think for my future... To be happy with less. To understand that you wont get what you want all the time.. I learned to think logically.. To understand others.. To understand how to protect yourself from being hurt..

I understood how to not be blinded by the promises of life and the people in life..

I used to have everything I wanted ( for the most part) and I thought I was happy.. But I never knew what true happiness was.. That was just materialistic happiness.. Now Islam taught me to give up everything I wanted.. But it showed me what true spiritual happiness is.. Throughout my first year, I faced a lot of regret.. Until it went all away..

Throughout that year, there was a very dramatic increase in faith, knowledge, and change. Soon it started increasing at a steady rate

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________



Year 2


Then my second year.. My bigger test was my doubts.. I've never had issues with doubts. I underestimated them because I thought desires were a big fitna .. I didn't really understand doubts because I was so confident in my religion.. My faith hit a steady decline unlike my first year.. Soon it dramatically started decreasing fast.

I started learning more about Islam on my own.. Throughout the year.. My faith never felt the same.. It would shake over and over again, going up and down.. It was something hard for me to deal with when I first experienced this.

I started learning more knowledge. Islam wasn't the religion I thought it was.. It wasn't just about keeping away from haram and worshipping Allah by being nice to others and doing salat, etc.. It was a much more complex religion that needed much understanding. So I continued to study it.. I started looking more into the history of Islam and the structure of an Islamic society.. As well as the societal structure. These held problematic issues for me (common controversial topics of Islam that sound wrong). I started discovering a lot of things that just never made sense to me.. So this took an impact on my faith.. At first, I looked up explanations from very reliable traditional Islamic sources and good Muslims/scholars..

I understood everything eventually.. And I saw the logic behind it all. I saw it in a positive light. But even though I did.. I would keep going back to these things.. Start doubting Allah's intentions... Reoccurring thoughts would come back over and over again. I'd go through horrible phases where I would think very irrationally and think the worst of Islam and "its dark truth".. I would completely lose what I learned.. And I would get extremely over emotional.. I would eventually heal after.. think logically again.. but it would happen again and again..

I never took it as my test/trial.. I always thought I was right about these thoughts even when I calmed down.. I thought Islam was not the beautiful religion that I used to make it to be.. When I calmed down.. I would just avoid my issues rather than trying to reason with myself. I would run away from my issue.

I became depressed and constantly cried.. Failed at continuing my aspirations. Faith kept decreasing. I still prayed no matter what. I would fall into some sins sometimes, but I would repent and try again to get back to Allah. But I never just started doubting controversial topics of Islam.. It became more.. I kept questioning random things. Intensely.. To the point where I would feel to anxious to go to jannah for the reason that I never trusted what Allah would do to me if I succeeded as a Muslim. I questioned Allah's promises. So I became scared. I know they sound like weird thoughts.. I did even think we'd all become programmed in the hereafter (those who succeeded as Muslims)

So I regret life and felt like I put myself into this trap. Now that I became Muslim and saw the truth, there is no way I could go back. I kept praying and following the religion I disliked so i wouldnt burn in hell. I didnt feel good anymore. So whenever I would go through my phases where I would constantly freak out and cry for hours a day.. I Would constantly search for answers online.. And i would look for others to give me answers. But they still kept giving me the same answers I already knew.. The answers I would deny. Which would make me angrier and more depressed.

But soon something happened. I took it as my test.. And I put my trust in Allah. I finally acknowledged these thoughts were not true. They were not from me. I acknowledged that the internet wouldn't give me the answers I wanted. It was pointless to keep wasting hours thinking over the same thing.. So I promised myself to automatically trust Allah and ignore my thoughts. After that.. It got easier and easier... As the sun would almost set and look beautiful, I would always go rest on a special tree nearby to contemplate and be thankful to Allah for the beautiful world. Especially since we are quarantined, I'm not going out often. So whenever I go outside, it feels like a new world to see the nature.. I would go outside to feel the fall weather and walk through the beautiful leaves.. Close my eyes.. And imagine jannah. It would be much more beautiful than that nature.. This would motivate me to grab ahold of myself..

After that.. For a few months.. I never doubted.. i got it occasionally.. But i could easily push it away.. It worked.. I was so happy... But something happened again.. I fell into the same trap. This time I let them grab ahold of me.. I got angry at Allah and I had so much trouble praying with humility.. I could no longer repent with emotion.

But this was different. it was a complete break out. I started doubting the existence of Allah.. Then the existence of heaven and hell. Then I started becoming agnostic. I doubted the Quran preservation due to a few reasons then I ended up believing that Islam was a false religion created by the arabs at the time according to their custom so that they could give themselves hope about an afterlife.


I stopped praying.. I thought that I lied to myseld for two years.. Giving myself false hope.. Devoting my life to something false. I was on the brink of atheism.. I kept thinking to denounce my faith to myself and my family soon....

One morning after I had a very short dream of my close muslim friend and myself.. We went outside running/playing/laughing in an empty grassy field together (but in the dream, it was implied that i was an ex Muslim, and i didnt have hijab on). I was extremely happy in the dream. All of a sudden she paused and looked at me.. Then she said " You seem happier now".. I woke up and I got so depressed from that dream..

But for the next few days.. I kept soul searching for my purpose but then I started thinking that atheism was real.. After that, I thought i would be happier. But I couldn't go to my normal sins and lifestyle. I couldnt even think about it..

I started feeling so lost.. I didn't understand life.. Without God. I never knew which route was the truth. I s Weeping out of sorrow.. Each prayer I missed made me feel even worse.. By the days I couldn't handle it. My body and heart felt dead without praying for days. I had never thought I would feel this way from not praying because praying would often feel like a burden to me. I started doubting if I made the right choice..

Even with all the disbelief I had in my heart.. There was a tiny spark waiting to be lit up... I took that and I ask Allah to guide me back if I was wrong.. Because i was confused.. Did Allah not answer the request of iblees when he denied Allah's wisdom and committed an act of disbelief?

I thought it would be so easy to go back to my jahilliyah days. I had the chance. No one would care enough to stop me.. But I couldn't do it. Because I finally felt how worthless the dunya was because right then and there I realized that I had already discovered what the real path was.. and that was Islam.


I'm sorry for posting that last thread.. If I scared anyone.. I have been going to other people to look for answers..

Especially on that thread... I have the same knowledge that I have been given over and over again.. But what I keep failing to realize is that the answers were already right here, in myself... I kept denying it when my heart kept saying otherwise..

I am Muslim and a slave of Allah.

Thats who I am.. And thats who we are..


They say those with true faith really don't leave the religion. So I will stick to it... By the mercy of Allah, he will guide us back when we fall.



I'm glad I have you all on this forum... Coming on here reminds me of who I am.. Even the littlest thing you've done for me helps.. How could I leave my religion and all of you..?

I am thankful for every one of you

I have made a bad mistake. But the bad deed that leads you closer to Allah is better than the good one that leads you away from Him.

Just as someone here said "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago, the second best time is today"

I can't change the past. But I can start now.. I'll plant my tree and grow it..

This is the religion that set me free from being blind.. Which is why I can't go back to my old life

I have also realized the reality of this modern liberal mindset.. And all the oppressions behind it... There really is no freedom.. It isn'tbetter than the law Allah placed in order to create the perfect social structure.. The one that prevents us from reaching the time we have now..

We will never be at peace. But there will be some hidden good that comes out of the evils of this world.

I think this experience.. There couldnt be anything better that could answer my doubts... After all the steps I took to leave this deen.. My heart brought me back by the will of Allah. I no longer have an excuse but to put my trust in Him

I have learned so much as a Muslim.. Taught me to be the person I never thought I would have been. I am still young and immature.. I have a long way to go to as a Muslim.. And I am eager for what the future holds. Whatever is in my decree

Thank you to those who showed a concern.. May ALlah reward and guide us all.

 

[المدينه]

Mashallah, I am so happy to hear this and so happy to read this!

 

[Imraan]

I started practicing two years ago.

Year 1

My first year was full of much motivation. A light was put through me so I could push through and understand Islam.

For my first year, I was tested with my desires... tested with giving up the "pleasant" life I had

My biggest troubles were losing my friends, giving up my desires, giving up my old motivation to become a famous serious violinist and musician (in which I used to think that was my one purpose in life), dealing with family issues, and trying to practice while others pushed me down (except for my sister, who really witnessed how much religion can change one).. I also started losing confidence in who I was.. Dealt with low self esteem issues.. I became more anxious overall, compared to the person I was.. Because everyone didn't enjoy the new me..

My biggest test was excepting that I was a new person. Someone who had to move on from the past and look into the future.. I had to let go of my memories and all the nostalgia of the things that promised me "happiness"

But it was all worth it.. Because within that first year, I learned what patience is.. What it means to be grateful.. I learned what calamities are.. And what they will continue to progress into.. I learned about how others have it so much harder than I do.. I learned how to take inspiration of these people.. I learned Wisdom.. Self discipline.. The ability to think for my future... To be happy with less. To understand that you wont get what you want all the time.. I learned to think logically.. To understand others.. To understand how to protect yourself from being hurt..

I understood how to not be blinded by the promises of life and the people in life..

I used to have everything I wanted ( for the most part) and I thought I was happy.. But I never knew what true happiness was.. That was just materialistic happiness.. Now Islam taught me to give up everything I wanted.. But it showed me what true spiritual happiness is.. Throughout my first year, I faced a lot of regret.. Until it went all away..

Throughout that year, there was a very dramatic increase in faith, knowledge, and change. Soon it started increasing at a steady rate

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________



Year 2


Then my second year.. My bigger test was my doubts.. I've never had issues with doubts. I underestimated them because I thought desires were a big fitna .. I didn't really understand doubts because I was so confident in my religion.. My faith hit a steady decline unlike my first year.. Soon it dramatically started decreasing fast.

I started learning more about Islam on my own.. Throughout the year.. My faith never felt the same.. It would shake over and over again, going up and down.. It was something hard for me to deal with when I first experienced this.

I started learning more knowledge. Islam wasn't the religion I thought it was.. It wasn't just about keeping away from haram and worshipping Allah by being nice to others and doing salat, etc.. It was a much more complex religion that needed much understanding. So I continued to study it.. I started looking more into the history of Islam and the structure of an Islamic society.. As well as the societal structure. These held problematic issues for me (common controversial topics of Islam that sound wrong). I started discovering a lot of things that just never made sense to me.. So this took an impact on my faith.. At first, I looked up explanations from very reliable traditional Islamic sources and good Muslims/scholars..

I understood everything eventually.. And I saw the logic behind it all. I saw it in a positive light. But even though I did.. I would keep going back to these things.. Start doubting Allah's intentions... Reoccurring thoughts would come back over and over again. I'd go through horrible phases where I would think very irrationally and think the worst of Islam and "its dark truth".. I would completely lose what I learned.. And I would get extremely over emotional.. I would eventually heal after.. think logically again.. but it would happen again and again..

I never took it as my test/trial.. I always thought I was right about these thoughts even when I calmed down.. I thought Islam was not the beautiful religion that I used to make it to be.. When I calmed down.. I would just avoid my issues rather than trying to reason with myself. I would run away from my issue.

I became depressed and constantly cried.. Failed at continuing my aspirations. Faith kept decreasing. I still prayed no matter what. I would fall into some sins sometimes, but I would repent and try again to get back to Allah. But I never just started doubting controversial topics of Islam.. It became more.. I kept questioning random things. Intensely.. To the point where I would feel to anxious to go to jannah for the reason that I never trusted what Allah would do to me if I succeeded as a Muslim. I questioned Allah's promises. So I became scared. I know they sound like weird thoughts.. I did even think we'd all become programmed in the hereafter (those who succeeded as Muslims)

So I regret life and felt like I put myself into this trap. Now that I became Muslim and saw the truth, there is no way I could go back. I kept praying and following the religion I disliked so i wouldnt burn in hell. I didnt feel good anymore. So whenever I would go through my phases where I would constantly freak out and cry for hours a day.. I Would constantly search for answers online.. And i would look for others to give me answers. But they still kept giving me the same answers I already knew.. The answers I would deny. Which would make me angrier and more depressed.

But soon something happened. I took it as my test.. And I put my trust in Allah. I finally acknowledged these thoughts were not true. They were not from me. I acknowledged that the internet wouldn't give me the answers I wanted. It was pointless to keep wasting hours thinking over the same thing.. So I promised myself to automatically trust Allah and ignore my thoughts. After that.. It got easier and easier... As the sun would almost set and look beautiful, I would always go rest on a special tree nearby to contemplate and be thankful to Allah for the beautiful world. Especially since we are quarantined, I'm not going out often. So whenever I go outside, it feels like a new world to see the nature.. I would go outside to feel the fall weather and walk through the beautiful leaves.. Close my eyes.. And imagine jannah. It would be much more beautiful than that nature.. This would motivate me to grab ahold of myself..

After that.. For a few months.. I never doubted.. i got it occasionally.. But i could easily push it away.. It worked.. I was so happy... But something happened again.. I fell into the same trap. This time I let them grab ahold of me.. I got angry at Allah and I had so much trouble praying with humility.. I could no longer repent with emotion.

But this was different. it was a complete break out. I started doubting the existence of Allah.. Then the existence of heaven and hell. Then I started becoming agnostic. I doubted the Quran preservation due to a few reasons then I ended up believing that Islam was a false religion created by the arabs at the time according to their custom so that they could give themselves hope about an afterlife.


I stopped praying.. I thought that I lied to myseld for two years.. Giving myself false hope.. Devoting my life to something false. I was on the brink of atheism.. I kept thinking to denounce my faith to myself and my family soon....

One morning after I had a very short dream of my close muslim friend and myself.. We went outside running/playing/laughing in an empty grassy field together (but in the dream, it was implied that i was an ex Muslim, and i didnt have hijab on). I was extremely happy in the dream. All of a sudden she paused and looked at me.. Then she said " You seem happier now".. I woke up and I got so depressed from that dream..

But for the next few days.. I kept soul searching for my purpose but then I started thinking that atheism was real.. After that, I thought i would be happier. But I couldn't go to my normal sins and lifestyle. I couldnt even think about it..

I started feeling so lost.. I didn't understand life.. Without God. I never knew which route was the truth. I s Weeping out of sorrow.. Each prayer I missed made me feel even worse.. By the days I couldn't handle it. My body and heart felt dead without praying for days. I had never thought I would feel this way from not praying because praying would often feel like a burden to me. I started doubting if I made the right choice..

Even with all the disbelief I had in my heart.. There was a tiny spark waiting to be lit up... I took that and I ask Allah to guide me back if I was wrong.. Because i was confused.. Did Allah not answer the request of iblees when he denied Allah's wisdom and committed an act of disbelief?

I thought it would be so easy to go back to my jahilliyah days. I had the chance. No one would care enough to stop me.. But I couldn't do it. Because I finally felt how worthless the dunya was because right then and there I realized that I had already discovered what the real path was.. and that was Islam.


I'm sorry for posting that last thread.. If I scared anyone.. I have been going to other people to look for answers..

Especially on that thread... I have the same knowledge that I have been given over and over again.. But what I keep failing to realize is that the answers were already right here, in myself... I kept denying it when my heart kept saying otherwise..

I am Muslim and a slave of Allah.

Thats who I am.. And thats who we are..


They say those with true faith really don't leave the religion. So I will stick to it... By the mercy of Allah, he will guide us back when we fall.



I'm glad I have you all on this forum... Coming on here reminds me of who I am.. Even the littlest thing you've done for me helps.. How could I leave my religion and all of you..?

I am thankful for every one of you

I have made a bad mistake. But the bad deed that leads you closer to Allah is better than the good one that leads you away from Him.

Just as someone here said "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago, the second best time is today"

I can't change the past. But I can start now.. I'll plant my tree and grow it..

This is the religion that set me free from being blind.. Which is why I can't go back to my old life

I have also realized the reality of this modern liberal mindset.. And all the oppressions behind it... There really is no freedom.. It isn'tbetter than the law Allah placed in order to create the perfect social structure.. The one that prevents us from reaching the time we have now..

We will never be at peace. But there will be some hidden good that comes out of the evils of this world.

I think this experience.. There couldnt be anything better that could answer my doubts... After all the steps I took to leave this deen.. My heart brought me back by the will of Allah. I no longer have an excuse but to put my trust in Him

I have learned so much as a Muslim.. Taught me to be the person I never thought I would have been. I am still young and immature.. I have a long way to go to as a Muslim.. And I am eager for what the future holds. Whatever is in my decree

Thank you to those who showed a concern.. May ALlah reward and guide us all.

Catharsis really does help emotional downturns...
Maybe you were meant to go through it, seems like your faith has been re-inforced more than what you had prior to the recent phase. Subhan Allah. I very very much doubt you'll go through a doubting phase again. You know your destination in your dunya now right..? The grave and the afterlife that awaits you. Its your conduct and actions before you enter that grave is where you make a difference for your own benefit.....

Stay strong, keep praying.
Entered this world a Muslim, leave the dunya as a Muslim is what I say. (sorry reverts, different journey for you)

You know I have to agree... Ppl on this forum help, the benefits of support on a emotional level is tremendous... The dua's, The constant reminder of Allah swt and his wisdoms.... All of which I am eternally grateful for....

Maash Allah.

 

[eesa the kiwi]

From sahih Muslim

Book 37, Number 6610:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying : Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said: I live in the thought of My servant and I am with him as he remembers Me. (The Holy Prophet) further said: By Allah, Allah is more pleased wth the repentance of His servant than what one of you would do on finding the lost camel in the waterless desert. When he draws near Me by the span of his hand. I draw near him by the length of a cubit and when he draws near Me by the length of a cubit. I draw near him by the length of a fathom and when he draws near Me walking I draw close to him hurriedly.
​

 

[Studentofdeed]

Our duas are always with you, sister. Please do not ever hesitate to speak

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

MashaAllah

See it was all nothing but tremendous waswas of shaytan. Keep it up- & never abandon Salaah.It brings us all back to imaan.& leaving it hardens the heart

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

Regarding your dream:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us what to do when someone sees something unpleasant in a dream and wakes up as a result. That is: to spit drily to the left, to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, to change the side on which one was sleeping, and to pray if one wishes.

(a)It was reported that Abu Qutaadah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Good dreams come from Allaah and bad dreams come from the Shaytaan. If any one of you sees a bad dream which makes him afraid, let him spit drily to his left and seek refuge with Allaah from its evil, then it will not harm him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3118; Muslim, 2261).

(b)It was reported from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you sees a dream that he dislikes, let him spit drily to his left three time, and seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan three times, and change the side on which he was sleeping.” (narrated by Muslim, 2262).

(c)It was reported that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If any one of you sees something that he dislikes (in a dream), let him get up and pray, and not tell people about it.’” (narrated by Muslim, 2263)

 

[FinalNyc]

MashaAllah. Thank you for sharing. Glad to hear this.

 

[MazharShafiq]

Ma sha Allah keep it up.

 

[Revert alYunani]

Alaikum Salam

ma shaa Allah for becoming a muslim and choosing the true path.What you have left is nothing compared to what you will gain in shaa Allah.I can imagine how hard it must have been for you as i have been through the same situation when I became a muslim,and from my exp i can see that everything that is happening to you is a blessing.When it happened to me i felt the same as you,even worst,and now i see the wisdom behind it.You will see it too one day in shaa Allah,and you will be so grateful.Untilthen know that doubt is a sign of iman.Shaytan would not care to cause doubts in you if you were not in the right path,andAllah would not care to guide you again,if He didnt want you to be on the right path.

What you are doing is pure jihad.You were on the verge of loosing the war but you didnt loose it.Well done for that.Dont be so hard on yourself,you are still new.And a believer is never 'perfect'.There are times when his iman is low and times when his iman is high.These experiences are to purify you like gold is purified on the furnace,and these doubts are to push you towards seekingknowledge.

I dont know your last thread but you should give an answer to your doubts.Dont let them accumulate.Anytime you have a doubtsearch about it and even come here and ask us.There is an answer to everything in islam trust me on that.I had doubts for years and was about to leave islam too,until i searched about all and felt embarassed that i left my iman get down cuz of that.Find what attracts you more to islam,some things that make you iman skyrocket.Anytime you have a doubt,until you find the answer to it,you can remindyourself of what attracts you more to islam and that will prevent shaytan from wreaking havoc on your thoughts.For me is science.If you like science too youll love this page https://www.miracles-of-quran.com/.

To sum up just seek answers for everything you doubt,you will find in shaa Allah.You may come and ask here too,nobody is gonna think bad of you.And please always say the morning and evening dhikr.You cant fight shaytan alone.You need dhikr,its like a shield for you.I can give you dhikr if you want.Also always keep making duaa to Allah that He guides you and gives you beneficial knowledge,knowledge,knowledge,thats the key.We need guidance any second,otherwisewe wouldnt have been obligated to ask for guidance 5 times a day (surah fatiha).

May Allah keep you safe,feel free to ask me if you need anything.And sorry for the long reply

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Alaikum Salam

ma shaa Allah for becoming a muslim and choosing the true path.What you have left is nothing compared to what you will gain in shaa Allah.I can imagine how hard it must have been for you as i have been through the same situation when I became a muslim,and from my exp i can see that everything that is happening to you is a blessing.When it happened to me i felt the same as you,even worst,and now i see the wisdom behind it.You will see it too one day in shaa Allah,and you will be so grateful.Untilthen know that doubt is a sign of iman.Shaytan would not care to cause doubts in you if you were not in the right path,andAllah would not care to guide you again,if He didnt want you to be on the right path.

What you are doing is pure jihad.You were on the verge of loosing the war but you didnt loose it.Well done for that.Dont be so hard on yourself,you are still new.And a believer is never 'perfect'.There are times when his iman is low and times when his iman is high.These experiences are to purify you like gold is purified on the furnace,and these doubts are to push you towards seekingknowledge.

I dont know your last thread but you should give an answer to your doubts.Dont let them accumulate.Anytime you have a doubtsearch about it and even come here and ask us.There is an answer to everything in islam trust me on that.I had doubts for years and was about to leave islam too,until i searched about all and felt embarassed that i left my iman get down cuz of that.Find what attracts you more to islam,some things that make you iman skyrocket.Anytime you have a doubt,until you find the answer to it,you can remindyourself of what attracts you more to islam and that will prevent shaytan from wreaking havoc on your thoughts.For me is science.If you like science too youll love this page https://www.miracles-of-quran.com/.

To sum up just seek answers for everything you doubt,you will find in shaa Allah.You may come and ask here too,nobody is gonna think bad of you.And please always say the morning and evening dhikr.You cant fight shaytan alone.You need dhikr,its like a shield for you.I can give you dhikr if you want.Also always keep making duaa to Allah that He guides you and gives you beneficial knowledge,knowledge,knowledge,thats the key.We need guidance any second,otherwisewe wouldnt have been obligated to ask for guidance 5 times a day (surah fatiha).

May Allah keep you safe,feel free to ask me if you need anything.And sorry for the long reply

JazakAllahu khayran brother, I appreciate it. No need to apologize for a long reply. I'm glad you have seen the wisdom in what you've given up as well

 

[Revert alYunani]

JazakAllahu khayran brother, I appreciate it. No need to apologize for a long reply. I'm glad you have seen the wisdom in what you've given up as well

I forgot the mention that praying tahajjud everyday and saying astagfirullah often will change your life.Give it a try for 2 months and you will see change.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

I forgot the mention that praying tahajjud everyday and saying astagfirullah often will change your life.Give it a try for 2 months and you will see change.

Oh yes exactly!! I noticed my life used to be so on track when i prayed tahajjud each morning! Life started falling when I quit

Its amazing how much it stabilizes your faith! I'm trying to start once again because my faith is easily shaken nowadays alhamdulilah I don't really get doubts anymore for some reason. It was after that time i tried giving up Islam.

I just have to work very hard to be productive and get it up again. I've been feeling much lethargy and exhaustion for no reason, I think it's because of quarantine and the season change. It's winter now.

I'll just have to work with I have and push through

 

[Revert alYunani]

Oh yes exactly!! I noticed my life used to be so on track when i prayed tahajjud each morning! Life started falling when I quit

Its amazing how much it stabilizes your faith! I'm trying to start once again because my faith is easily shaken nowadays alhamdulilah I don't really get doubts anymore for some reason. It was after that time i tried giving up Islam.

I just have to work very hard to be productive and get it up again. I've been feeling much lethargy and exhaustion for no reason, I think it's because of quarantine and the season change. It's winter now.

I'll just have to work with I have and push through

I understand you.Dont worry much about it,its normal,we all have ups and downs.There is a hadith about it too,i will find it later as i dont have time now.
Also i read about a famoussss like famoussss scholar with a looot of influence,that when he started studying about islam his iman wasnt very good,was normal,and the teacher told them that you will pray witr and tahajjud everyday for 3 months straight,and at the end of 3 months he said now you can stop praying it if you want,but their iman has gotten so high because of praying those that they didnt stop praying.Also i have stopped praying before and i started praying only tahajjud and that brought my iman high to pray all salah.I notice everytime i miss tahajjud my iman falls a lot.
Ill try to find those hadiths later and show you a video about it.In shaa Allah after a while