To be kind or not to be?

Ameeratul Layl

Ameeratul Layl

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:sl:

I hope you are in the best if health.inshAllah.

There is a student at college.

Basically...

We were good friends (not best, I don't believe in having 'best friends'). Everything was okay until she began lying about her progress in studies at college. I ignored it a few times, but then, I didn't want to tell her to leave me alone. So, I found a another place to sit during lessons.
Before we broke up from college for the holidays, we had an event at college. I was willing to get to know new people as the challenge at the end of the day was against the other college. The challenge was to make a group and make a bridge out of, what looked like, spaghetti (but it wasn't). I was determined to bond with the others but she came to me looking sad and asked if I would partner with her. I felt sorry for her and agreed.

.....She sat talking to the boy in our group while I did all the work. When we walked out to go to the other builiding I heard her saying: I bet we are going to lose.Everyone elses so much better than ours.
All my hard work and all she can do is be negative.

Brothers and sisters, I have tried to be nice, even on the last day.
Whenever we have Physics experiments to do, she just sits back while I do all the work.

I tell you, it was the day we broke up for christmas and we were set a challenge to think of an experiment that will last for 1 minute. I thought, sand through a tube into another cup will take atleast 1 minute.
I stood there trying to get the timing as accurate as possible while she went off admiring everyone elses work.
I was afraid I wasn't goint to win so I began reading Ya Mutakabir.

We were next and she was moaning about us NOT winning.

We won! I always put the effort in and she treats me so nasty.:cry:

So, when I go back, should I be polite but not get too friendly? And if she asks for help, do I turn her away?

:w:
 
i think you should tell her politely exactly what shes doing
and i think shes taking advantage of your kindness and patience already

Allah swt knows her intentions best, but it seems that she puts on a sad face and leaves the dirty work to you because she knows you will fall for it, so clearly tell her to participate or get out of the group.
 
Sahabiyaat said:
i think you should tell her politely exactly what shes doing
and i think shes taking advantage of your kindness and patience already

Allah swt knows her intentions best, but it seems that she puts on a sad face and leaves the dirty work to you because she knows you will fall for it, so clearly tell her to participate or get out of the group.
Click to expand...


:sl:

Tell her politely? Isn't it okay to ignore her?

She is a muslim, which is why I cannot understand such nastiness.

:w:
 
:) Yes, well its not such a flowery world after all ameeratul



you cant ignore her if she asks to join your group
maybe she knows that in other groups she will have to work and in your group she can lie back.


let her join if she asks but if she trys relaxing anymore, tell her straight.


or.. just smash a flask in her head :D
 
Sahabiyaat said:
:) Yes, well its not such a flowery world after all ameeratul



you cant ignore her if she asks to join your group
maybe she knows that in other groups she will have to work and in your group she can lie back.


let her join if she asks but if she trys relaxing anymore, tell her straight.


or.. just smash a flask in her head :D
Click to expand...

:sl:

not a flowery world? ofcourse not, its far from it.
I do tell her, but she says ' dont know what to do' een though I tell her so may x amount of times.
Smash a flask? No, two wrongs dont make a right. Plus, I'd have to pay for it.:)
:w:
 
well...theres only so much a human can take and if she pushes you to the limit you will probably erupt and tell her in the end!
 
loooooooooooool i dunno wat 2 say cos ya m8 sounds a bit like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but i dont think my m8s feel that way bout me so i think u shud jus chilllllll ooooooooooout n tharrrrrrrrrrrrrrt iniiiiiiiiiiiiitttt
 
:sl:

You know what sis? Stand up for yourself!
Tell her to get her lazy a** back when she goes off and tell her to work!
Allah (swt) didn't give us hands and brains for nothing, so make sure she uses them to achieve success, like you do.

If you do this, you're not being mean or impolite, you're just telling her what the deal is. And it is, either work with me or without me.
Easy, better than ignoring, 'cause THAT'S when you are being rude.
She maybe doesn't even realize how much you're hurt and ignoring her would make her mad at you. So talk with her, tell her you're her friend and not her slave, dammit, and that being like the way she is to you she's only prooving how incapable of good work she is!

Yes, in some situations the other one gets mad and you may be "enemies" for a time. But if so, wait just a few days, go back to her, talk to her, tell her how much you care and you only want her best etc. Tell her, you feel used and ask her, are friends there to be used? NO! They are there to help and make the perfect teampartner! Be veeery sweet and friendly... Well, IF it happens this way. If she's still angry, you didn't loose anything. If she acts that immature, still thinking it was OK to make YOU do all the work, she wasn't even a worthy friend of yours!

Got it sistah?

:w:
 
Ameeratul Layl said:
So, when I go back, should I be polite but not get too friendly? And if she asks for help, do I turn her away?
Click to expand...

Be honest. Completely honest. Don't turn her away, just say something like "But make sure you get this before we start to work: You are going to HELP ME too, not just stand here and watch or get off somewhere! I'm going to help you/work with you, not doing the job FOR YOU! Capito, amigo?"

Sounds harsh? Well, at least I am like that and my honesty is very much respected. Also, I say this in a soft voice and look the person in the eyes, that's when they get the message and realize I mean it. Then just be like always, friendly and make sure she's got something to do!

:w:
 
Last edited:
:sl:

~pInK cHiCk~ said:
loooooooooooool i dunno wat 2 say cos ya m8 sounds a bit like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but i dont think my m8s feel that way bout me so i think u shud jus chilllllll ooooooooooout n tharrrrrrrrrrrrrrt iniiiiiiiiiiiiitttt
Click to expand...

May Allah guide you.:w:



Aafreen said:
Be veeery sweet and friendly... Well, IF it happens this way. If she's still angry, you didn't loose anything. If she acts that immature, still thinking it was OK to make YOU do all the work, she wasn't even a worthy friend of yours!

Got it sistah?
Click to expand...

:sl:

I am sweet and friendly, do you think that is why she is taking advantage?
Yes sister, I fully understand.:w:


Daffodil said:
Why dnt u jsut tell her how u feel.
Click to expand...
:sl:
I think I will be sister, after the holidays.inshAllah.
:w:
 
Ameeratul Layl said:
:sl:

I hope you are in the best if health.inshAllah.

There is a student at college.

Basically...

We were good friends (not best, I don't believe in having 'best friends'). Everything was okay until she began lying about her progress in studies at college. I ignored it a few times, but then, I didn't want to tell her to leave me alone. So, I found a another place to sit during lessons.
Before we broke up from college for the holidays, we had an event at college. I was willing to get to know new people as the challenge at the end of the day was against the other college. The challenge was to make a group and make a bridge out of, what looked like, spaghetti (but it wasn't). I was determined to bond with the others but she came to me looking sad and asked if I would partner with her. I felt sorry for her and agreed.

.....She sat talking to the boy in our group while I did all the work. When we walked out to go to the other builiding I heard her saying: I bet we are going to lose.Everyone elses so much better than ours.
All my hard work and all she can do is be negative.

Brothers and sisters, I have tried to be nice, even on the last day.
Whenever we have Physics experiments to do, she just sits back while I do all the work.

I tell you, it was the day we broke up for christmas and we were set a challenge to think of an experiment that will last for 1 minute. I thought, sand through a tube into another cup will take atleast 1 minute.
I stood there trying to get the timing as accurate as possible while she went off admiring everyone elses work.
I was afraid I wasn't goint to win so I began reading Ya Mutakabir.

We were next and she was moaning about us NOT winning.

We won! I always put the effort in and she treats me so nasty.:cry:

So, when I go back, should I be polite but not get too friendly? And if she asks for help, do I turn her away?

:w:
Click to expand...


Asalaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi

sister stand up for yourself

dont let her walk all over you

tell her look here so and so

you needs to get off my back and learn to do your own work

(thats if she tries to come to you to make her workload easier)

I suggest you be firm because it seems like the minute she tells you aww please i need you

you may feel bad for her and give in to the trap
if you dont want to be taken advantage of than sista you gotta get firm and lift your head up make sure she knows you aint havin that

tell her like it is

I think that if your overly polite with her she will not take you seriously sometimes you gotta show her the ugly side of you so she can back off every once in a while

feel me sis?????

May Allah the most powerful make this situation easy for you to deal with ameen

Maa salaama
 
Quruxbadaan said:
Asalaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi

sister stand up for yourself

dont let her walk all over you

tell her look here so and so

you needs to get off my back and learn to do your own work

(thats if she tries to come to you to make her workload easier)

I suggest you be firm because it seems like the minute she tells you aww please i need you

you may feel bad for her and give in to the trap
if you dont want to be taken advantage of than sista you gotta get firm and lift your head up make sure she knows you aint havin that

tell her like it is

I think that if your overly polite with her she will not take you seriously sometimes you gotta show her the ugly side of you so she can back off every once in a while

feel me sis?????

May Allah the most powerful make this situation easy for you to deal with ameen

Maa salaama
Click to expand...

:sl:

I fully understand, its just a matter of courage now.
:w:
 
:sl:


Ameeratul Layl said:
:sl:

Tell her politely? Isn't it okay to ignore her?

She is a muslim, which is why I cannot understand such nastiness.

:w:
Click to expand...

Be firm but polite. No need to grin and bear it and ignoring her wouldn't be nice. Tell her directly with a straight face *no smiles/buttering* what you expect from her. Say if she doesn't cooperate then you simply can't help her as it's not fair on you.

Aafreen said:
Be honest. Completely honest. Don't turn her away, just say something like "But make sure you get this before we start to work: You are going to HELP ME too, not just stand here and watch or get off somewhere! I'm going to help you/work with you, not doing the job FOR YOU! Capito, amigo?"

:w:
Click to expand...

Exactly! ;)
 
Salam,

InshAllah, Allah will help me.
Just the thought of going back to college and seeing her gives me the butterflies.

Wasalam
 
Ameeratul Layl said:
Salam,

InshAllah, Allah will help me.
Just the thought of going back to college and seeing her gives me the butterflies.

Wasalam
Click to expand...
:sl:
Awww sis, don't worry! Lemme think... :rolleyes:

For achieving an honourable status amongst family, friends and strangers, bringing attractiveness to one's face i.e that when ppl look at you they feel respect for you - recite Ya Raheemu 101 times after fajr prayer, blow on hands on wipe over face. SubhanAllah.

Go get her sis! ;) :happy:
 
:sl: Sister
I think you should tell her striaght up...if she is muslim she should know that it is a not right to break someones heart..."what goes around comes around"
You should tell her that she needs to stop and if she doesnt appricates your work she should not criticize it...because i know you must have put in alot of time and dedication into ur work.
:w:
 
Muslimah_Sis said:
:sl:
Awww sis, don't worry! Lemme think... :rolleyes:

For achieving an honourable status amongst family, friends and strangers, bringing attractiveness to one's face i.e that when ppl look at you they feel respect for you - recite Ya Raheemu 101 times after fajr prayer, blow on hands on wipe over face. SubhanAllah.

Go get her sis! ;) :happy:
Click to expand...


:sl:

Does that mean I will look beautiful?:?

Sister asiya: because i know you must have put in alot of time and dedication into ur work.
Physics is a subject that needs full concentration, one cannot afford to mess about in class. So yes, your point is correct.:)

:w:
 

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