[AnonymousPoster]

salams bros and sis..

I've got a problem wheighing hard on me...At my office recently,I've met this guy(who also works with me)...Now im not the cheesy kind,nor am I a complete "girl" when it comes to "love"...I always did believe that love,REAL,honest love,comes after marriage.

But this man,boy,did he leave an impression on me.

We work together,so yes,we talked.He's made his mistakes but truly believes in his religion,and he practices,but not "fully".He,I believe,is lacking proper knowledge that will allow him to follow Islam with complete devotion... We both had pretty harsh pasts, so we clicked there..I won't go into details,but there's just that comfort there. I'll never ask him "oh,so you want to hang out or something?" we only talk @ work,in public.

Anyway,he's leaving the country for personal reasons,and will be back in 18-20..maybe even more,months.

Men here(no offence) are quite complicated(we talked about this also), most of them commit grave sins(although muslims),then,when deciding to finally settle down,they expect a "pure" wife.What obligates a woman,who has restrained herself during her teenage/early adult years from "temptations",to settle for a man who already had his "fun"?if he is truly regretful,I can understand that,but quite frankly;most of them just don't care.This can go the complete opposite way too(woman settles for "pure man") but this completly angers me.I don't find it justifiable that some men expect me to wait for them while they have their fun,then I marry one just for the heck of it,because they're READY to stop playing around and get married.

I KNOW there must be some good guys out there(Mash'Allah,board members here are proof of that!) but i still have to be realistic and realize that no one is perfect.

I feel that,with this man here(that i've met),it is truly different and...maybe im being a complete airhead,but I truly do like him.

He's leaving in two days,and I have nothing but "internet" to contact him.I don't want to tell anyone;im still quite young and i don't want them thinking"Who's this guy?What,you want to get married ALREADY?" and who says he feels the same way?If he does;wow that's incredible,and we can get on with doing this the "halal" way,but I just don't tihnk he's ready for that now,and even if he is...i don't know if he will settle for me(and me only

Also,there's a major cultural difference,im from jordan,and he's indian.I don't care,really,but....*sigh*...families.I guess im pretty sure my family won't mind....it's still hard though.

So what should I do?Should I tell him how I feel?See how he reacts?What else can I do?Contacting his family is quite difficult(his past and such,the distance,etc).I also don't want to persue these emotions if they won't lead to anything halal,it's important that I find out how he feels,but I just don't know how to find out...

Wise answers are appreciated.jazak'Allah kheir(god bless you) for taking the time to read.

Salam

 

[------]

:salamext:

...BuMp... someone advise InshaaAllaah

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

when it comes to these love/marriage type of problems theres a simple formula:


istikhara ---> then either get married or forget the geezah


oh and keep things halaal (notice no quotation marks )


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Sahabiyaat]

lol

yes im sure that would be the perfect solution, but if life was that easy and straightfoward we wouldnt have this thread

ok as for the poster, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN GAL, IM TELLING YA, RUUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTIONNNNN!

Just kidding

you need to think VERY carefully about this, if your going to say something, before opening ur mouth, you need to think that if things dnt go to plan ull still be working at that place and its going to be very uncomfortable, thats all i have to say.

 

[pinkorchid]

maybe you could ask him during a conversation what his ideas are .does he want to get married someday,have children.of course i would start out talking about your families and maybe that will lead to things you do and don't have in common.i hope this helps you,good luck

 

[sangeeta]

You need to know if you are on the same wavelength, tricky when its at work.Regarding men who fool around and expect pure wives, things are changing.The girl is the most precious and fortunately carry a lot more responsibility for the upkeep of family and cultural values.
May God grant a loving husband to such a girl regardless of his past,Remember past is past.No a man should not expect a pure woman, but guess what they are not all getting them.Some find their perfect match!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ansariyah]

,but I just don't tihnk he's ready for that now,and even if he is...i don't know if he will settle for me(and me only

Sis that tells me enuff bout ur situation. You dont seem to believe that u will be his only one...why's that?

If u have doubts about him, dont tell him "personally" how u feel.

You can find out where he stands by asking someone who knows u both?