my dad said he would talk to me after a long time of not talking to me due to me threatening suicide.
i deicded to do the fast of Dawud (AS)
My mother pressured me into not talking to my father and telling him to be a better father.
i told him by text.
i felt guilty, and told my mother severing ties of kinship were haram, but she didnt listen and forbade me from texting him.
i told my friend, my gulenist friend who fled turkey, and he said i am merely practicing dissassociation from people who are toxic, which the Prophet did, so I listen.
I felt guilty so i texted my dad anyway.
no reply for days.
i text my dad again apologizing.
no reply.
still no reply.
my mother's relationship with me is getting toxic, and i took too many sleeping pills to calm myself down. i am currently dizzy, and almost drunk.
my mother even choked me and partially broke my phone to the point there was a black mark on the screen.
she recorded me, and said i was a pedophile (I was crushing on a 12 year old pubescent girl), and said she would upload it to youtube, which is what prompted suicidal thoughts and OD on pills.
i called a bunch of gulenists and they all blamed me.
i left islam......
i felt as if I was going to die from overdose, so i made taubah to Allah took shahadah, and prayed salah.
i decided gulenists were a toxic group, and i merely needed to distance myself from my mother while remaining dutiful to her, but not severing ties.
i made taubah, decided i was going to do a lot of ruqyah and dhikr, and do a lot of ibadat and dua, and get off of the addictive pharmaceuticals like brother @Abz2000 suggested before, after talking with my social worker and mother, and instead try to cure it with black seed oil, zikr, spirituality, and honey as ive been doing, but with more intensity. im strongly considering ditching the gulen jamaat, and maintaining distance with my aunt who told me to "go ahead and kill myself" and that "i had no reason to kill myself"
I've decided to practice the fast of dawut and only eat meat once a week, to cut down on lust, and take black seed oil and make dhikr and drink honey and listen to ruqyah and be religious to cure my anxiety and depression. please pray for me.
please reassure me that i can find a spouse without gulen movement in spite of my shyness, please help guide me, and please tell me if i can get engaged in college so long as i dont date, and how all that works. @azc please....someone....please....help me.... @Muhammad ????? why isnt anyone responding....am i a worthless human being....does allah hate me.... [MENTION=32433]crimsontide06[/MENTION] could you please help, brother?
i deicded to do the fast of Dawud (AS)
My mother pressured me into not talking to my father and telling him to be a better father.
i told him by text.
i felt guilty, and told my mother severing ties of kinship were haram, but she didnt listen and forbade me from texting him.
i told my friend, my gulenist friend who fled turkey, and he said i am merely practicing dissassociation from people who are toxic, which the Prophet did, so I listen.
I felt guilty so i texted my dad anyway.
no reply for days.
i text my dad again apologizing.
no reply.
still no reply.
my mother's relationship with me is getting toxic, and i took too many sleeping pills to calm myself down. i am currently dizzy, and almost drunk.
my mother even choked me and partially broke my phone to the point there was a black mark on the screen.
she recorded me, and said i was a pedophile (I was crushing on a 12 year old pubescent girl), and said she would upload it to youtube, which is what prompted suicidal thoughts and OD on pills.
i called a bunch of gulenists and they all blamed me.
i left islam......
i felt as if I was going to die from overdose, so i made taubah to Allah took shahadah, and prayed salah.
i decided gulenists were a toxic group, and i merely needed to distance myself from my mother while remaining dutiful to her, but not severing ties.
i made taubah, decided i was going to do a lot of ruqyah and dhikr, and do a lot of ibadat and dua, and get off of the addictive pharmaceuticals like brother @Abz2000 suggested before, after talking with my social worker and mother, and instead try to cure it with black seed oil, zikr, spirituality, and honey as ive been doing, but with more intensity. im strongly considering ditching the gulen jamaat, and maintaining distance with my aunt who told me to "go ahead and kill myself" and that "i had no reason to kill myself"
I've decided to practice the fast of dawut and only eat meat once a week, to cut down on lust, and take black seed oil and make dhikr and drink honey and listen to ruqyah and be religious to cure my anxiety and depression. please pray for me.
please reassure me that i can find a spouse without gulen movement in spite of my shyness, please help guide me, and please tell me if i can get engaged in college so long as i dont date, and how all that works. @azc please....someone....please....help me.... @Muhammad ????? why isnt anyone responding....am i a worthless human being....does allah hate me.... [MENTION=32433]crimsontide06[/MENTION] could you please help, brother?
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EDIT: May Allah grant you a pious spouse if it is what Allah sees befitting for you ameen.