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Thread: Urgent Advice Please
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anonymous

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Assalamu Aleykum, brothers and sisters I need urgent advice pls...
there is a brother Ive known for a while now, we dont speak much but as far as I can see and hear of he is a very good Muslim Masha Allah, I dnt think he is considering marriage at this point (just my opinion), but Ive been thinking that he would be a good partner.. However in a few weeks I will be moving away.. I was thinking whether its appropriate for me to send him a message explaining my feelings and asking him if he is considering marriage?? Is this Islamically correct? I dont wnt to ask someone else to do it because I dont trust people.. and Im not at a stage where I can tell my family.. I want to know if there is a mutual willingness 4 marriage first.. I only have limited time left so pls any advice wld be much appreciated!! I dont want to embaress myself in front of him, I am a very shy person, but I feel like I just need to get it out..
Jazakh Allah Khairun
 
:sl:

how far will u go ? In the era of mobile and mail , u can contact with anyone from distance . So , don't do anything in hurry .


Offer Istekhara , if u feel positive , then go through family about marriage . May Allah grants what is best for u .
 
Sister I 4got to mention I have performed istikhaara already... I did it once and was aware that I should not expect anything from it.. however a few days later I had a very positive dream.. I kno u shouodnt expext a dream but its not something I was expecting to happen.. do I have to tell my family? I dont want them to know before I actually knw if he wants marriage or not
 
This is what I have done before.

When I am not sure as to what to do next, I do the istiqarah solat and ask for signs to show me the way. However, most of the time, I take a short cut and do tahajjud solat and plead with Allah to open the way if that is Allah's will and shut the way if that isn't Allah's will. Then I specifically propose in my tahajjud dua what I will do to find Allah's will. For example, I may say something like,

Ya Allah ya Rabbi, if it's Allah's will that I should marry her, then smooth the way for me to go to her house tomorrow to see her parents about the matter.

After that I will go to see her parents. If everything goes smoothly, then I know for sure that she is destined to be my wife. If all kinds of inconveniences and obstacles crop up along the way, then I know that she and I are not meant for each other.

So, in your case, you can, for example, do the tahajjud solat and plead with Allah to smooth the way when you go to talk to your parents about him. If you find that things proceed smoothly, it's a good sign that you and him are destined for each other. If all kinds of things come up to make it difficult for you to speak to your parents about the matter, then take it as a sign that you and him are probably not meant to share the same path in life.

WalLahu aklam.
 
JazakhAllah Khair,
so you think it would be best for me to do istikhara again, and tahajjud and then Insha Allah speak to my parents about it... the thing is my mum is likely to say that i am too young for marriage etc... that is why i wanted to know his view first and if he views it positively then agree to wait for a more suitable time, and if he says no there will be no point of telling my parents anyway... i just want to do everything the right way insha Allah
 
:sl:



sis , u had a bad dream after Istekhara ? Then better not to proceed or talk to a mufti who can interprete dreams.
 
No sis the dream was really good subhana Allah, in fact I had more than one and all were rreally good
 
:sl:


after Istekhara salat if u had a positive dream , then it is supposed to be a good sign and Allah knows Best.


Talk to ur mom , keep praying . In'sha Allah the best will be granted for u .
 
^you are infatuated with him. Now that you've done istikhara, trust Allah and leave it to Him. If it's meant to be, it will happen whether you d anything about it or not. And if it's not meant to be, no matter what you do, it won't happen. So just leave it to Allah. Move on with your life and if you don't end up getting married to him, then don't wonder that if you had made the move, you might've gotten married because you've done istikhara.

I knew a girl who had her engagement broken but she and her fiance both didn't want that. She did istikhara and wanted to contact him to let him know her feelings although her parents were against that. I told her the same as above and she decided to follow my advice and not do anything. But since the marriage was meant to be, the guy's family came to her family and convinced them and the two got their nikah done again. So just trust Allah after doing Istikhara.
 
Of course sister zaria, im 18

shall I just leave it? I feel like if I do not take action nothing will ever happen..
 
anonymous said:
Of course sister zaria, im 18

shall I just leave it? I feel like if I do not take action nothing will ever happen..
Click to expand...


MashaAllah my sister, you are still very young.

This is a decision that should be taken together with your parents.
You may feel awkward bringing up the topic of marriage, but it is indeed necessary to be open with them so that they can provide their advise and guide you in this matter.

You should also ask yourself:

- Are you ready for marriage at present?
- Do you have any personal aspirations before settling down? - perhaps obtaining some skills/ education (that will also, in shaa Allah be of benefit to you in the future/ should there be any difficult times in life).


If you do not have the intention to settle down now, but only much later, then there is no point in pursuing this at yet.

However, if you do desire marriage sometime in the near future, in shaa Allah, then let your parents know how you feel about this particular brother.
If they are also open to the idea, they may first want to get a reference/ do a little research on the brother and his family, and also obtain his sentiments on marriage through his family/ friends before approaching him directly.


May Allah (subhanawata'la) guide you towards only that which is beneficial to your imaan and your aakhirah.
Ameen

:wa:
 
anonymous said:
Of course sister zaria, im 18

shall I just leave it? I feel like if I do not take action nothing will ever happen..
Click to expand...

Have faith, young lady, have faith. Allah knows best what's good for you. So just plead sincerely with Allah to show you the way clearly and leave it to Allah.
 
:sl: young sister.

I understand if you have desire to marry that guy. But let me ask you an important question. Are you ready to accept if the guy you expect doesn't have desire to marry you?.

I ask this question because, frankly, when I was young I was a guy who had high value in the girls eyes. It made me familiar with experience when a girl attracted to me and started to expect me, but later she felt disappointed because I was not interested to her. I have enough much experiences like this.
 
I know im young but I genuinely feel that I am ready to take that step.. I think im a lot more mature than my age and am very serious.. insha Allah Allah will guide me to whatevers best

if I did get rejected it would hurt a lot, but that is just something I would have to accept
If I told my family I want to marry they would say no you are too young, but I want to to avoid haram, I want to settle down, and im really confused as to what I should do
 
If you want to get him, the first step is you should make him have a good impression on you. The next step is make him understand that you 'open your door' for him. So he will feel invited to propose marriage to you.

Yeah, young sister, as a female you are not in position which can propose marriage. But you can invite someone to propose marriage.
 
Not meaning to open the door to anything untoward but can't you just get the dude's contact details for later?
 
anonymous said:
if I did get rejected it would hurt a lot, but that is just something I would have to accept
Click to expand...
Rejection will only embarrass you, not hurt you. But if you already fall in love to him, the presence of someone beside him will really hurt you.

This is why I ever said few times in this forum "Do not fall in love to someone who is not yours because it will make you broken heart".

It's okay if you see him as good person and you hope he will come to you. But if you start thinking you should get him, you would be hurt if in the future he choose someone else.
 
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Jazakh Allah for everybodys advice
You are right, I need to make a good impression, i think i have for the time ive known him insha Allah
How can i 'open the door'?