Urgent relationship advice required...plzz..

[soljah_ov_allah]

brothers and sisters,

I am seeking serious urgent advice on what i should do...plz no jokes...i'm pretty much confused and desperate...im not sure what i should do...

Im 17 going 18 and i have been seeing someone for 8 months, but recently she has revealed to me that her mother has decided the family will move to kenya. Determined not split up, i came to the conclusion that i should marry her....so i decided to propose marriage to the girl i am seeing. Her mother has apparently planned the move to take place in late-august this year and we really do not want to split up.
She has told me that she is willing to give the marriage idea a go, but knowing that it is not only her choice i have to ask her mother as her father has passed away.
We met on a social network site and she told me that she is willing to give it a go only if we can come up, or i can come up with a story that sounds real to her mother and family as we cannot tell her that we met on a social network site as she will just say no way son, i will not give u my daughters hand in marriage.

In all honesty, i have been thinking about the marriage proposal for sometime as i was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with doing things the haraam way; 'going out' with each other. I just cannot think of a story as well i haven't got a clue what to say to her mother....all opinions welcome but please serious advice.... please give me all the stories of how we metor anything you think that may suit my situation. Very much appreciated.

 

[Noora_z3]

Simple question, how are you going to support her financinally if you both got married?

 

[------]

:salamext:

^ point.

Also make Istikharah bro;

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...ing-allaah-subhaanahu-wa-taaala-guidance.html

 

[soljah_ov_allah]

well i still live with family and im confident of relying on them for aid...

 

[------]

:salamext:

^ Have u talked to your family about this?

 

[soljah_ov_allah]

no i haven't, i think they'd be delighted about the marriage idea, but i'm doubtful that me meeting her on a site is also going to put them off....

 

[------]

:salamext:

Do Istikharah bro.

 

[aamirsaab]

Speak with your parents first.

 

[Malaikah]

Brother it isn't a good idea for you to lie to her mother... not a good idea at all.

As has been mentioned, you should really talk to your parents first.

 

[soljah_ov_allah]

and tell them the whole truth...?

 

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb,

I don't think it matters how you met, as people meet in all sorts of ways. And I don't think it will affect the mother's decision. I'm sure she'd be more concerned about her daughter's welfare in marriage.

As said before do istikhara first. Then talk to your parents and include them when going to talk to the girl's mother. Since you're dependant on your family and are confident they can support you both, you can if the girl's mother agrees marry asap inshaAllah.

However, since the girl's mother is moving away, she may want her daughter to accompany her and perhaps live with her in Kenya for a short time. If that happens to be the case then you can still do the nikah and set a date for the rukhsati later. You can also wait until you are financially independant.

Just don't do anything that will cause conflict. May Allah help you if there is good for you in this marriage and may He replace it with something better if there isn't. Ameen.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

 

[soljah_ov_allah]

now tahts advice...jazakallahu khayr sis. reli appreciate it.

 

[Snowflake]

Wa iyyakum brother

wa alaikum asalam wr wb

 

[soljah_ov_allah]

the only thing that worries me is saying to her mother....'me and your daughter met on a social networking site...' im petrified she might throw me out the window, not even the door...

 

[Noora_z3]

Well, here is my 2 cents..take it or leave it..

I assume the girl is 18 years old too, you said that you expect your paretns to support you and her, does that include her university fees? I am sure she wants to continue her studies. And how would she feel knowin that her guy is not supporting her and its actually his parents? this just somethng you need to think about.

Before antyhing, talk to your parents, you CANT do anything before you have your parents approval, right! if they say yes and fine, then you can make a move and propose, but dont be surprised if her mother didnt accept the proposal because you are not yet financially stable.

Also, you both are young, marrige requires LOTS of work and seriouse commitment, are you sure you ready for it? One more thing, maybe what you are feeling for her is just infetuation rather than love, right?

Ok here is a suggestion, let her leave to kenya and finish her studis in the mean time you get your university degree and get a job, if you both really love eachother get married, if any one felt less intrested in the other thats a sign that it wasnt love after all...how about that...

 

[soljah_ov_allah]

thats fab sis, thanks, but also, if do decide to let her go kenya, we predict that her mom will arrange her a marriange, where she cannot refuse as it will be her against her family and mothers choice...

 

[gladTidings]

Your very young brother, but seem to know what you want. I also think it would be best that you talk to your parents before you take any other steps. And be honest with them. Wish you all the best!

Ws