[Yasserk]

As-Salamu Alaykum

My Name is Yasser ...i am a 29 year old male residing in New Delhi, India....i am looking for advice on an important issue i am currently facing...my marriage was arranged by my parents two years back, who got me engaged to a girl from my community....since the girl was studying...the families decided that the marriage be held two years later in the present year....

Both me and the girl were happy with the relation as were our families...both of us are extremely compatible and were looking forward to our marriage later this year....However, as i later learned, my fiance's sister was not happy with the union...and ever since the engagement...she tried to create differences between both of us...as well as our families. Also..in the meantime...i came to know that her parents received more suitable offers for marriage and thus were non committal when my family started probing them for fixing the date of marriage...

then this past month...her family informed us that they no longer wanted to marry their daughter with me saying that they dont think it is a good match....However, i came to know that the girl had no say in this decision...and she still wants to marry me as both of us were really happy with the union and had become really attached to each other during the two years...i have been informed that her parents are now forcing her into marrying someone else against her wishes

We both respect our families and do not want to get married discreetly against their wishes...however...i would like to know from you all whether what her family is doing justified under Islam? I agree Allah has given parents the right to decide for the future of their children...but is forced marriage valid in Islam???

If both of us wish to marry each other....and we only became fond of each other because our parents had brought us together and formed this relation...
Would we be doing anything wrong if we were to marry each other despite our parents wishes now?? or both she and i should marry someone else now just because her parents (and not mine) feel so...

Do the wishes of ppl getting married doesnt matter in Islam?? i strongly believe our Prophet (P.B.U.H) also has clearly mentioned that a marriage is only valid if it is with the consent of both the girl and groom and is not forced upon either....and in this case...we did not fall in love unnaturally or with any malafide intention...our intentions were pure and we still only wish to get married to each other


Please guide me as to what is right....hoping for the right advice

 

[Abz2000]

Not sure what you mean by engaged, bur if it is a valid nikah then you are married,
The verse below gives guidance on the priority of the people having more right to choose, and they turn out (obviously) to be the spouses.
The situation is similar and contextual in many aspects since you both seem to understand each other well.

When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their ('Iddat),

do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms.

This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is (the course Making for) most virtue and purity amongst you and Allah knows, and ye know not.
Quran 2:232

A previously married woman has more right to choose than a virgin anyway, since they have prudence and can be expected to make a more informed and mature decision,
I find it difficult to fathom why a father would take the risk of marrying his daughter to someone who might come to realize that she loves another - especially when there isn't a very strong and valid reason for the father to reject the prospective groom of daughter's choice.
although force is not allowed, a person can easily be manipulated into feeling guilty about rejecting the parent's wishes via emotional blackmail even though they are not in the wrong to make that rejection.

Amazing, the last thing i would want would be my daughter crying alone constantly or blaming me for ruining her life if my choice turned out to be the wrong one in spite of her valid and chosen prospect.

“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)

Al Mughirah Ibn Shaibah said “I got engaged to a woman at the time of the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace).
He asked me “Have you seen her?”
I said “No”.
He said “go and have a look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility is established between you.” (Nasai)*

Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace).
He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.”
I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”*
He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.”
I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).

(Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)*

At first, the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) told Al Khansa to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concerns of fathers for the well being of their daughters is well known.
But when he realized that her father wanted to force her in to marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

More info pieced together here:
https://m.facebook.com/notes/muslim...love-marriagesecret-marriages/281689961843515

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

For two that love each other, the best thing is marriage as the Messenger salalahu alaihiwassalam said:
“For those who love each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.”
(Sunan ibn Majah)