We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum

In late of my teen age I often gathered with other guys in my residential area. Every Saturday evening we gathered in house of one of us. Then go out, usually to enjoy roasted corn and hot traditional drinks. ….. Drinking alcohol? Using drug? Go clubbing?. No waaaayy, we were good guys.

One Saturday evening, when we gathered at that house, my friend grandma asked us “Hey boys, why you always gather every Saturday evening? Don’t you have girlfriends?”. One of us answered “Oh grandma, we are flock of guys who run out the girls”. We laugh. And a moment later my other friend said “Hey, flock of guys who run out the girls, can be shortened into ……..sound good to call our group”. We laugh again, and agreed.

But, were we really the guys who ran out the girls?.

All of us are fathers now. We got married in age that we had planned, without difficulties to get wives. Yes, without difficulty, because we were guys who had high values in the girls eyes. Was not difficult for us to get girlfriends in that time if we wanted. But we didn’t want. We wanted to enjoy our freedom, and we believed when the time has come we would get wives.

We had good confidence. That’s why we didn’t feel inferior when we saw other guys had girlfriends. Even we laughed when we saw a guy tried to get girlfriend, but rejected and rejected. Yes, we had good confidence. That’s why we had high values in the girl’s eyes. Girls love the guys with good confidence.

Okay young brothers of IB. Can you have good confidence like this?. Can you assure yourself that when the time to get married has come you will get a wife?. Can you be proud because now you don’t have girlfriend?

I challenge you.

 

[Nájlá]

:wa:

Nowadays the youth most concern is having a relationship, sadly mobiles, social media, TV, maginzes etc has a big influence on our youth even in Muslim countries. So I disagree with those who say that's why Muslims should live in muslim countries.

We having a saying in arabic that says zaman Al tayiboon rah ( the time of the good (people) has gone). I really believe in that. It's hard nowadays to find decent people. All the youth think about relationships, they have no purpose. You'll find a 13 year old now talking about heart break and listening to love sad songs. Like really???? But honestly I was in that situation, I don't blame them. Everything around them suggests a corruption of the youth.

 

[CuriousonTruth]

Assalamualaikum

In late of my teen age I often gathered with other guys in my residential area. Every Saturday evening we gathered in house of one of us. Then go out, usually to enjoy roasted corn and hot traditional drinks. ….. Drinking alcohol? Using drug? Go clubbing?. No waaaayy, we were good guys.

One Saturday evening, when we gathered at that house, my friend grandma asked us “Hey boys, why you always gather every Saturday evening? Don’t you have girlfriends?”. One of us answered “Oh grandma, we are flock of guys who run out the girls”. We laugh. And a moment later my other friend said “Hey, flock of guys who run out the girls, can be shortened into ……..sound good to call our group”. We laugh again, and agreed.

But, were we really the guys who ran out the girls?.

All of us are fathers now. We got married in age that we had planned, without difficulties to get wives. Yes, without difficulty, because we were guys who had high values in the girls eyes. Was not difficult for us to get girlfriends in that time if we wanted. But we didn’t want. We wanted to enjoy our freedom, and we believed when the time has come we would get wives.

We had good confidence. That’s why we didn’t feel inferior when we saw other guys had girlfriends. Even we laughed when we saw a guy tried to get girlfriend, but rejected and rejected. Yes, we had good confidence. That’s why we had high values in the girl’s eyes. Girls love the guys with good confidence.

Okay young brothers of IB. Can you have good confidence like this?. Can you assure yourself that when the time to get married has come you will get a wife?. Can you be proud because now you don’t have girlfriend?

I challenge you.

There are guys who don't drink, smoke or drugs and still have girlfriends.

But the more important issue is how do you propose we find wife? I hope the answer isn't arranged marriage because that doesn't work anymore. How on earth would you know what misdeeds a girl has done before marriage. What guarantee do you have she won't cheat? What do you really know of her personality? Arranged marriage is now more dangerous if not more than love marriage.

Here's an example: https://www.dhakatribune.com/bangla...ctor-reportedly-commits-suicide-in-chittagong

The problem isn't the concept of arranged marriage itself, the problem is the internet and the "freedom" people pursue in it.

 

[MazharShafiq]

I really believe in that. It's hard nowadays to find decent people. All the youth think about relationships, they have no purpose. because of Being away from Islam .Everything around them suggests a corruption of the youth.we All of us should focus on training the children and train the children according to Islamic principles.

 

[CuriousonTruth]

In modern day, how do you know arranged marriages will work as well? Here's an example of it gone bad: Here's an example: https://www.dhakatribune.com/banglad...-in-chittagong

 

[ardianto]

We having a saying in arabic that says zaman Al tayiboon rah ( the time of the good (people) has gone). I really believe in that. It's hard nowadays to find decent people. All the youth think about relationships, they have no purpose. You'll find a 13 year old now talking about heart break and listening to love sad songs. Like really???? But honestly I was in that situation, I don't blame them. Everything around them suggests a corruption of the youth.

Melodrama kids like that did exist in my time too, although not weird like social media kids nowadays. And this actually effect of pop movie and pop novel that 'teach' to exaggerate feeling when fall in love, when broken heart.

But the more important issue is how do you propose we find wife? I hope the answer isn't arranged marriage because that doesn't work anymore. How on earth would you know what misdeeds a girl has done before marriage. What guarantee do you have she won't cheat? What do you really know of her personality? Arranged marriage is now more dangerous if not more than love marriage.

We didn't think to have girlfriend with purpose, if she matched with me I will marry her, if not, then break, and I seek the new. What we seek when we had been adult was future wife. We seek by ourselves, and our parents just approve, although not always. My mother did not approve the first girl who I chose. So I chose the second girl who already approved and be liked by my mother.

And we seek wives only among women we already knew before, like working colleague, neighbor. Or, women who introduced by people we knew personally. The first girl that was not approved by mother is my close friend cousin. The girl who then became my (late) wife was my classmate in highschool. Even few of my friends (not from that group) married their friend sisters.

I am not the only one who married ex-classmate. Few of my friends married ex-classmate or schoolmate too. But no one of us had special relationship in school. We just knew each other in school, and met again after we became adult. While all of my schoolmates who had special relationship in school didn’t go to marriage.

 

[CuriousonTruth]

We didn't think to have girlfriend with purpose, if she matched with me I will marry her, if not, then break, and I seek the new. What we seek when we had been adult was future wife. We seek by ourselves, and our parents just approve, although not always. My mother did not approve the first girl who I chose. So I chose the second girl who already approved and be liked by my mother.

And we seek wives only among women we already knew before, like working colleague, neighbor. Or, women who introduced by people we knew personally. The first girl that was not approved by mother is my close friend cousin. The girl who then became my (late) wife was my classmate in highschool. Even few of my friends (not from that group) married their friend sisters.

I am not the only one who married ex-classmate. Few of my friends married ex-classmate or schoolmate too. But no one of us had special relationship in school. We just knew each other in school, and met again after we became adult. While all of my schoolmates who had special relationship in school didn’t go to marriage.

Purpose? You mean like actively? Very few do that, and usually they are attention seekers and have more to do with attention than actually being serious. Those relationships don't work for more than 3-4 months.

Overall, the approach you mentioned is smarter than the usual lottery type arranged marriages that happen over here.