We'll would you look at that????

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lynn4now

lynn4now

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:sl:

So I received my first nikah proposal and I think I want to accept..but I am a revert so what should I do next or rather how is it supposed to go? I know there is the khitbah,Ishhar,mahr,nikah,and the walimah. :embarrass
 
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:wa:


Congrates sis :)

u may offer Istetekhara salat before saying yes . May Allah bless u with u a pious partner . Ameen.
 
lynn4now said:
:sl:

So I received my first nikah proposal and I think I want to accept..but I am a revert so what should I do next or rather how is it supposed to go? I know there is the khitbah,Ishhar,mahr,nikah,and the walimah. :embarrass
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:wa:

SubhanAllah! That is great news sister :). Insha'Allah everything will work out accordingly to the plan made by Allah.

I am slightly unsure of what your concern is though. Can you please clarify what you are asking insha'Allah:)?
 
Welll if i indeed say yes what is next although I know the steps I don't know any Muslim that have been married I am too shy and embarrassed to ask a random sister.:embarrass I dont understand the process at all.
 
Maybe you should not assume there's a definite "process". I have gotten married and nobody else was there to lead me on, and I have no idea what khitbah, ishhar or walimah are.
 
Futuwwa said:
Maybe you should not assume there's a definite "process". I have gotten married and nobody else was there to lead me on, and I have no idea what khitbah, ishhar or walimah are.
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Khitbah is proposing marriage.

Ishhar?. I don't know. But maybe Muslims in my place know it in different name.

Walimah is wedding reception.
 
lynn4now said:
Welll if i indeed say yes what is next although I know the steps I don't know any Muslim that have been married I am too shy and embarrassed to ask a random sister.:embarrass I dont understand the process at all.
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Assalamualaikum, sister.

Alhamdulillah, I'm glad to hear you have found someone who can be (In Shaa Allah) your husband.

If you have said "Yes", then what's next?.

Start talking with him about when the nikah and walimah will be held, what mahr you request, where you and your husband will live, etc.

:)
 
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lynn4now said:
:sl:

So I received my first nikah proposal and I think I want to accept..but I am a revert so what should I do next or rather how is it supposed to go? I know there is the khitbah,Ishhar,mahr,nikah,and the walimah. :embarrass
Click to expand...

:sl:

Sister you should get in touch with a local sisters group who will help you with everything you need to know. The following link contains a link to contact a local Muslim sisters group in Texas:

http://www.islamicfinder.org/getitWorld.php?id=81810

Please let us know how it goes.

:wa:
 
Sooooo I said. Yes..n.We have not tackled the when(he would pefer it sooner) just the where and excatly how do you bring up mahr? ...what is normal? Would it be haram to have a walimah like a reception? I am the only Muslim in my family and there hasn't been marriage to celebrate in quite some time. I am nervously excited lol
 
lynn4now said:
Sooooo I said. Yes..n.We have not tackled the when(he would pefer it sooner) just the where and excatly how do you bring up mahr? ...what is normal? Would it be haram to have a walimah like a reception? I am the only Muslim in my family and there hasn't been marriage to celebrate in quite some time. I am nervously excited lol
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Sister have you contacted the above link?
 
lynn4now said:
Sooooo I said. Yes..n.We have not tackled the when(he would pefer it sooner) just the where and excatly how do you bring up mahr? ...what is normal? Would it be haram to have a walimah like a reception? I am the only Muslim in my family and there hasn't been marriage to celebrate in quite some time. I am nervously excited lol
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:sl: sister,

Alhamdulillah, I am happy to hear that such opportunities are arising for you.

As the brother has advised, I would also suggest that you contact your local imam to assist you in this matter.

Reason being is that:

1. For all major decisions in life (and sometimes, even smaller ones), we should seek guidance from Allah (subhanawataála) first, by means of the istikharah prayer.
The wisdom behind this is that:
1. It is the sunnah of our prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam), so there can be only goodness for us by following his way, and it is a means of ibaadat (worship) as well.

2. Our knowledge is only limited to the past and present......while the knowledge of Allah (subhanawata'la) encompasses that of the future as well.
So, Allah alone knows what is best for us - there may be bad in what we perceive as good, and good in what we perceive as bad.

There are decisions that I have made in life, without reading istikarah and seeking the guidance of Allah, only to regret them later on (and I think many may be able to relate to this as well).
Perhaps, if I had first sought Allahs guidance, then things may have worked out differently....Allah knows best.

So, even though you have already accepted this proposal, in shaa Allah it is still not too late to sincerely ask Allah to guide you towards that which would be best for your imaan and aakhirah.


3. It would be more advisable that a male guardian accepts such proposals on your behalf, and who can then discuss the issues of the nikkah, mahr etc with the brother.
As you do not have a muslim relative to fulfill the task of a wali, then your local imam can stand in place in shaa Allah.
He may also be able to counsel the both of you regarding this lifetime journey (if Allah wills) that you plan to embark on, advise you how to actually read istikaraah salaah (and for the brother as well) and support you during this important time in your life.


My sister, marriage is a momentous decision in a persons life.
And the best of spouses are the ones whose hearts are attached to Allah (subhawataála) and His Nabi (sallalahu alahi wasalam), and those hearts who are detaching from this dunya (world).
With such a spouse, in shaa Allah, you cannot go wrong.

I pray that you take the time and the necessary measures before embarking on this journey.
And I pray that Allah Taa'la blesses you with a blissful, loving marriage that is founded upon imaan.
Ameen.

All the best sister.

Please let us know how it goes, and if we can help you in any other ways in shaa Allah.


BarakAllah feekum
 
As for Mahr, well, I even started a thread to see what people gave/got. There's no universal standard on what's normal, though already during the time of the sahaba, it was established that mahr should scale according to the wealth and income of the groom. One very poor groom just gave his wife a pair of shoes.

I gave my wife about one fifteenth of my net worth, in two separate instalments because at the moment we married, most of my net worth consisted of an incoming inheritance that had not yet been handed over to me.

I think something between a tenth and a twentieth of his net worth would be reasonable, or one month's income, whichever is higher.
 
The husband is obligated to fulfill the wife needs, but the wife must understand the husband limit of ability to fulfill her needs. The wife should not burdensome the husband with requesting something beyond the husband ability.

The common mistake among Muslims in certain cultures is asking mahr in big amount that often burdensome the groom to fulfill it.

Mahr is not the expense to buy the bride, but mahr is the first gift from the husband that considered as his obligation to fulfill the wife needs.

My mahr when I got married were Qur'an, prayer mat, mukena (salah clothes for women) and just very small amount of money and gold. This is the common mahr in my place.

My advice is, do not ask mahr in big amount that will burden the groom. One or two month income of the groom is enough. It's because the groom/husband still have obligation to fulfill the wife needs such as rent or buy the house, buy household needs,etc, which the husband need much money for it.
 
Thank you all for your wisdom and advice I finally made it to my off day. I would not contact people that are far from me. I will however got to the local Masjid I attend frequently and talk to the imam. I am a very private person so have a complete stranger handle my marriage agreement is completely unsettling. I of course made istikharah prayer before i ever posted here. Also the people here are vast and unique  while the people at the Masjid can be uniquely one culture depending on what side of time I am on  I wanted an unbiased opinion from different culture considering the man in question in is not of the same culture as me as well as a man's point of view on something I know very little about.
 

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