in short, islam gave me a reason to live.
my life has never been that good, it neither is now. i cant recall one day to call it the best day of my life. i dont remember having any fancy dinner time with my family or when my mother(i dont have a father) discussed or talked about religion to me. i dont even remember the last time my mom told me she loved me. i am no more than someone to have a good laugh with for my class mates. but i'm happy the way it is. i have been punished for every single bad deed, that if someone else did, they certainly would not have been caught and punished.
i'm currently standing somewhere veeeeerrryy low in my deen but i know its better than being no where around it. i'm happy in the state i am in because with the state of mind that i have now, i couldn't handle any more or any less. i'm happy with the state of mind that i have now because with all this hustle, if i were someone else, someone not close to religion i probably would have committed suicide years ago. and if i were someone close to their religion, than i'd probably have lost faith by now. ( i mean some coward like me, not someone "really" close to religion)
nothing goes the way i want it to. everything that i ask for, ALLAH never gave it to me the way i want it.
but when i think over everything that has ever happened to me, think over what would have happened the way i wanted it and compare it with what ALLAH swt did. it tells me he is the best planner and he knows me alot better than i know myself.
islam answered all my questions. it told me why all this was happening to me. unlike any other book around QURAN makes sense and it is not corrupted or changed.
the more bad my life gets, the more closer it brought me to my religion. i dont know if that happens to everyone, but thats what happens to me.