What Does Obeying The Parents Mean?

[shible]

WHAT DOES OBEYING THE PARENTS MEAN? ​

by Sumayyah bint Joan

Abdullah ibn Umar narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) told a person that one who awoke in the morning as obedient to his parents, according to the commandments of Almighty Allah, was like one who found two doors opened for him in Heaven. And he will find one door opened if ant one of his parents was alive. But one who broke the day as disobedient to his parents defying the orders of Allah the Almighty, was like one who found the two doors opened for him in Hell. And he will find one door opened if any one of his parents was alive. The man asked the Prophet (PBUH), if one should be obedient to his parents even if they were insensible to him? The Prophet (PBUH), replied, "Yes , even if they are insensible ; yes, even if they are insensible; yes, even if they are insensible."


Parents are to be obeyed in matters that are permitted in Islam whether they demand you to perform them or to leave them, as long as it does not endanger your life or limb.


If they order you to commit as act of disobedience -whether it be to leave something obligatory (like hijab) or to commit something harm(like dealing in interest) there is no obedience to them. If they order you to leave something mustahab(like giving up the night prayer or recitation of the Quran) for some benefit they may get out of it, like companionship, then it is obligatory to obey them. If they order you to leave the fard kifayah (like washing a dead body, or offering the funeral prayer on it , or Jihad, etc.) and there is no one else to do it or not enough people to do it, then they are not to be obeyed. If enough people are taking care of the matter, then they must be obeyed. Even though obedience is crucial to being a good Muslim and in fulfilling our duty to Allah, it should be clear that its objectives are to show kindness and achieve better individuals, families and society. Common sense good interest must prevail. Here are two examples to ponder:

1 - Going for Jihad: ​

The lengthy discussions of the scholars on this point can be summarized as follows: If the Jihad has become fard ain (obligation on every individual Muslim), then obedience to the parents is over-ruled and Jihad requirements must be fulfilled. This rule is general for all obligations like offering the salah or performing Hajj; one does not need their permission unless their livelihood and well being depend on their son.


If, on the other hand, Jihad is fard kifayah (obligation on Muslims as community or group), then -as held by the majority of the scholars- their permission must be sought before going for Jihad.


A man came to the Prophet(PBUH),and said, "O Messenger of Allah, may I take part in Jihad?" He asked , "Do you have parents?" He replied, "Yes". He said, "So strive for them." (Abu Dawud) In another hadeeth , a man migrated to the Messenger of Allah from Yemen. He asked, "Is any of your relatives in Yemen?" He replied, "My parents." He(PBUH) asked, "Did they permit you to come?" he replied, "No". He said, "Go back to them and ask for their permission. If they permit you, then right, otherwise be devoted to them." (Abu Dawud)

2- Divorcing your spouse: ​

Abdullah ibn Umar said, "I had a wife whom I loved but Umar disliked. He told me to divorce her, and when I refused, Umar went to Allah's Messenger (PBUH), and mentioned the matter to him. Allah's Messenger (PBUH), then told me to divorced her." (Abu Dawud and Tirmithi) In a more recent case, reported by the Detroit News, April 5, a wife was ordered to leave the home of her husband by her father. The article states: "The parents of the Saudi septuplets have separated because of the publicity generated by the births, further delaying their babies' homecoming, the father said Saturday, "Abdullah Mohammad Ali said pictures of his wife appeared in Saudi magazines and on Arab satellite TV channels seen in the Kingdom - and angered his in-laws so much that they are refusing to allow their 40-years-old daughter to return to her husband's home.


"Tradition in the conservative southern city of Abha, where the babies were born, dictates that women must cover their faces in public. "Her family says I am not a worthy husband because I have allowed everyone to see my wife. They say I have besmirched my wife's honor. "In the photograph, Abdullah's wife, Humair, wore a high-necked, long-sleeved, floor-length dress. A veil covered her hair- but not her face." What should a person do in such a situation? The strongest opinion - and Allah knows best - is that if the father is like Umar, i.e., he judges and weighs the matters in the scale of the Shari'ah and not his personal desires, then the son (or daughter) must obey the father. In such a case, the father would be ordering his son (or daughter) to divorce perhaps because of some shortcoming in the spouse's practice of Islam. If the father is driven by personal desire, blind following of customs, then the child does not have to obey him.

 

[shible]

Love Your Parents

Love Your Parents​

By: Mohammad Amin C. Cave

A MOTHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE ​

No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders to her child. The mother carries him (in her womb) by enduring strain after strain. And subsequently, at the time of birth, she is suspended between life and death. All this she faces with determination as much as patience barring any regret or anger.


After the child is born, the mother looks after him and brings him up with enormous love. She breast-feeds him for as long as two years, after which she continues to look after her child with all sincerity, regardless of the strain and travail (hard labour) that accompanies such a task. Without doubt, the mother sacrifices time, energy and much more in bringing up her child.


Because of her child, the mother is often forced to go without sufficient sleep------ sacrificing and forgoing much-needed rest. As a consequence, it is only but natural that she would constantly suffer from exhaustion and fatigue. But strangely enough,in reality, the opposite occurs. She is always happy and energetic.


The mother is the one who is up earliest. And at night, it is usually the mother who is the last to go to bed. It is the mother who prepares breakfast for the child and the rest of the family. And when everyone leaves the house, be it for work, for school or for any other reason, it is the mother who is left alone at home. She does not rest, but continues to work ------ busy with cooking and the daily household chores without stopping to rest. And when the child comes home from school, his meal is ready; and he proceeds to eat such with great relish. The mother, however, more often than not, has not had anything to eat as yet.


The mother is always energetic. She performs her chores with a feeling of elation and happiness. Why? Because of her love for her children and family. She does not feel the exhaustion that naturally comes with such work, because it gladdens her heart to know that her child’s future will be a happy and successful one.


A mother wishes that all her children will succeed ------- that is, becoming useful citizens, children who are pious, children who are devoted and respectful to their parents, who obey Allah (fearful of God) and who are useful to their family, society and country as well .


Because of her high aspirations for her children, she is always happy and in high spirit; never tired and exhausted, in spite of her heavy work load. She never sighs and complains, but is ever grateful.


Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has described and explained a mother's feelings for her child in the following hadith (his sayings):


Truly, those feelings are a blessing (rahmah) from Allah, if it were not for these feelings, a mother would not be willing to breast-feed her child, nor would a farmer be willing to work in the fields (under the schorching heat of the sun).

A FATHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE ​

A father’s sacrifice is just as big. It is the father who is the bread winner in the family; he provides money for food, clothing, shelter, education, health and other necessities for the family.


Every day, without wasting time, the father has to earn and provide----- be it by using his mental faculties, or thru physical labour such as working under the scorching heat of the sun , or endangering his life by going out in the stormy seas. He goes through all these with perseverance and determination, solely for the purpose of providing the needs of the family.


The father also harbors hopes for his children similar to that of the mother, which means that his children succeed in becoming useful individuals.

PARENTS AND THEIR HOPES ​

Expectations of parents with regard to their children are towering. And it would make them extremely happy if their hopes become reality----: their child doing so well in his studies, their child having good and praise-worthy manners.


A child who has achieved this is a pleasure to behold; one who gladdens the heart of his parents, and like a child who is mentioned in the following Du’a (supplication):


O our Sustainer (Allah - the Creator)! Grant that our spouse and our offsprings be a joy to our eyes, and cause us to be foremost among those who are conscious of thee! (Qur’an, 25/74)


Thus, every child must aspire to fulfill the desires and hopes of his parents. If he is still a student, he should study conscientiously and earnestly in order that he may perform well. If he completed schooling and gets into society, he should put into practice all that he has learnt. He should behave well at all times and should never himself be a burden to society. He should constantly strive to be a virtuous son who is always obedient to Allah's (God’s) commandments; and he should pray for his parents with good intentions and supplication.


If the son is far away from home, he should not forget his parents who may be feeling lonely. He should write to them often; visit them during his vacation time especially during the Muslim festive season. He should always try to make them happy; and he should never hurt their feelings.


If the son has made a failure of his life, and has led a life abound with sins, he should make a conscious effort to return to the Right Path. He should seek repentance from Allah. He should strive to make amends and should not cause his parents any further grief and unhappiness.

THE VIRTUOUS CHILD ​

Parents will definitely benefit if their child turns out to be virtuous. A virtuous child who has strong faith and has acquired an understanding of submission (following the will of Allah {God}) which is called Islam and puts it into practice ---- that is,he prays five times a day, fasts during the month of Ramadan, goes for congregation prayers, attends religious lectures/seminars and participates in religious activities.


Such a child will gladden his parents’ hearts while they are in this world as well as in the hereafter.


The Prophet (pbuh), said: "When a person dies, he ceases to receive reward for his deeds with the exception of the following: establishing a foundation for the welfare of the public (for example, building a mosque, school, hospital, etc.), knowledge which has benefited others, and a virtuous offspring who supplicates for him." (Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawud).


A virtuous child will fulfill his obligations towards his parents, as is prescribed by Islam.


Obligations of A child Towards His parent: To treat his parents politely and gently. He must be gentle and devoted towards his parents. He should not adopt rough and coarse attitude towards them, especially in their old age. He should not utter anything that might upset them, but should always speak politely to them.


The teachings of the Holy Qur’aan for the child to follow during his life: "Your Lord (Allah) has ordained that you should worship none except Him and show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain to old age with you, say not ‘Fie’ unto them nor reproach them but speak to them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy (defer humbly to them out of tenderness) and pray: My Lord, have mercy on them both as they nurtured me when I was little." (Qur’an 17:23-24)..


"And we (Allah) have enjoined upon man (to be good) to his parents: His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness.." Qur’an 31:14).


"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.." (Qur’an 46:59).


Children should first seek permission before entering their room
The children should not enter their parents’ room until and unless they have obtained permission first.


"Yet when the children among you attain puberty, let them ask leave of you (at all times), even as those (who have reached maturity) before them have been enjoined to ask it." (Qur’an 24:59)


To stand before them (parents) as a mark of respect. And as a mark of respect, children should stand when welcoming their parents.


The Prophet (pbuh) used to stand to welcome Fatima (his daughter) when she came to visit him. And the prophet (pbuh) used to kiss her and invite her to sit. Likewise, Fatima used to stand to welcome her father whenever he came to visit her. And Fatima used to kiss him and invite him to sit. That was how Siti Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) used to show respect to her parents. (Abu Dawud, Al-Nasai ans Al-Tirmidhi)

TO HELP PARENTS FINANCIALLY ​

The children should help out their parents financially should such help be needed. A young man once came to the prophet (pbuh)with a complaint that his father wanted to take his property. The Prophet (pbuh), replied:


"Anta wa-maluka li-Abika" ["You and your property are for your father (to use) "].


Obligation of the child After the death of His parents
The prophet (pbuh) was once asked by a companion: "O messenger of Allah! Are there any deeds that I could do to be of service to my prarents after they have passed away?"


The prophet (pbuh), replied: "Yes there are: you should supplicate for them and ask Allah to forgive them; you should carry out (fulfill) their promises; you should maintain good relations with your relatives ; and you should honour their friends." (Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Ibn Hibban)


A well known prayer for parents: "O Allah! Forgive me my sins, and the sins of my parents, have mercy on them boths as they have looked after me when I was little"

PARENTS WHO ARE NOT NON-MUSLIMS ​

A child is required to do good towards his parents who are non-Muslims except in matters which will lead to shirk or which will go against Allah --- in which case, the child must not obey the parents.


(Revere thy parents); Yet should they endeavour to make thee ascribe divinity, side by side with Me, to something thy mind cannot accept (as divine), obey them not; but (even then) bear them company in this world’s life with kindness." Qur’an 31:15

Good relation with non-Muslim parents should be maintained, for example, honouring them, treating them politely, helping them financially, providing food and clothing, visiting them and attending to them when they are sick. And most important, to pray that their parents receive guidance from Allah!


Allah’s Reward for the Child: Allah will give a bounteous reward to the child who is devoted to his parents. On the other hand, a child who is rebellious and goes against the wishes of his parents will incur Allah’s wrath. There are numerous hadith with regard to this:


Whoever does good towards his parents will certainly live happily and contentedly; and Allah will lengthen his life. (Al-Fath Al-Kabir).


Be devoted towards your parents so that your children may be devoted towards you.


Allah’s pleasure ceases when the parents’ pleasure cease; Allah's Wrath ceases when the parents’ wrath cease. (Al-Termidhi, Al-Hakim and Al-Bukhari)


There are three prayers which are accepted without any uncertainty; they are: the prayer of one who has been oppressed: the prayer of a traveler; and the prayer of parents for their child. (Ahmad, Al-Bukhari, Abu Dawud and Al-Tirmidhi).


The major sins are: to associate partners with Allah (acknowledging other gods besides Allah), going against the wishes of one’s parents. To kill someone, and to swear falsely. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)


The punishment of every major sin is Hell-fire unless the sinner seeks repentance from Allah; or if the sin is going against one’s parents, then the sinner must also seek forgiveness from his parents.



The punishment of every sin will be held back till the Day of Judgment with exception of the sin of going against one’s parents, in which case, punishment will take place during his lifetime before his death. (Al-Tabrani).


It has been narrated that Alqamah was a good companion of the prophet (pbuh). He was very diligent when it came to praying, fasting and giving charity. However, upon getting married, his love for his wife was greater than for his mother. As a result, when he was dying, he was not able to recite the Kalimah "la ilaha illallah." The Prophet (pbuh) asked the mother to forgive her son, however, she refused to do so. Eventually, the Prophet told bilal to gather some firewood; and told the latter to burn Alqamah. Upon seeing this, the feelings of love for her son prevailed; forgave her son, after which, Alqamah was able to recite the Kalimah "La ilaha illah" as he breathed his last.

LOVE YOUR PARENTS! ​

When we realized how much our parents have done for us, every son/ daughter must love and respect his/her parents, must be good towards them and must be grateful to them.


A child who does this will be bounteously rewarded with paradise in the hereafter and will enjoy a life of happiness and comfort in this world. Insha Allah. On the other hand, a child who goes against his parents will incur Allah’s wrath.


Thus, strive to be a virtuous son/daughter. Love your parents, so that your life will be happy and blissful and you will be protected from the wrath of Allah (God).

Revised by: Da'wah Group

 

[Maimunah]

jazakaAllah khayr bro, its long but beneficial, inshaAllah i will print this as it is usefull

 

[shible]

Assalamu alaikkum (warah)

Thanks sis and in case if it's really good

then try to forward it to your friends through mail let them too know about it

 

[syilla]

The Treatment of parents in Islam



"Give thanks to Me and your parents." [31:14]


"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor." [17:23]


Mujahid said: "If the parents grow old and end up urinating and answering the call of nature on themselves, do not feel disgusted or say 'Uff' to them. Rather, remove the urine and feces from them, just as they used to do when you were young without feeling disgust in doing that for you."


Ad-Daylami narrated that Al-Husayn Ibn Ali (radhi allahu anhu) narrated that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasalam) said: "Has there been an act of Uquq (entails neglecting parents and withholding one's kindness from them), less than saying Uff (Fie), Allah would have disallowed it as well."


Abdullah Ibn Amr Ibn al-Aas (radhi allahu anhu) narrated that a man came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) to give him the pledge of allegiance, saying, 'I have come to give you my Bai'ah (allegiance) to perform Hijrah (migration to al-Madina). However, I left behind my parents while they were crying." The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "Then go back and make them laugh as you made them cry." [Musnad Ahmad] Furthermore, Ibn Umar (radhi allahu anhu) said: "Bringing tears to parents is a part of Uquq and a major sin." [Sahih al-Bukhari]


al-Bayhaqi reports that Ibn 'Abbas (radhi allahu anhu) said: "Allah opens two doors (to Paradise) for every Muslim that is dutiful to his (or her) two Muslim parents, awaiting the reward with Allah alone, and one door if he (or she) had one surviving parents to whom he was dutiful. Furthermore, if one makes his parents angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until his parents forgive him." He was asked, "Even if they were unjust to their child?" He said, "Even if they were unjust."


al-Imaam Ibn al-Jawzi reports that Ibn Muhayriz said: "He who walks in front of his father will have fallen into disrespect of him, unless he walks in front of him to remove some harm from his way."


He also reports in his book al-Birr was-Silah: "Children, no matter how old they get, should not look their parents straight in the eye, walk in front of them, speak first when they are present, or walk to the right or left of them, unless they make such a request. Rather, children should walk behind their parents just as a servant would do with his master."


He also reports that when Nasr ibn Abu Hafidh al-Maqdisi travelled from Jerusalem to 'Iraq to learn with al-Kazaruni, a well-known scholar at that time, al-Kazaruni asked him, "Is your mother alive?" Nasr said, "Yes." al-Kazaruni asked, "Have you taken her permission?" Nasr said, "No." al-Kazaruni said, "By Allah! You will not learn from me until you go back to her so that her anger ends." Nasr went back to his mother in Jerusalem and remained with her until she died, then travelled to collect knowledge.


Allah's Messenger (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) has cursed him, who insults parents, he (salAllahu alaihi wasalam) said: "Curse be upon whoever reviles his father, curse be upon whoever reviles his mother, Curse be upon on whoever slaughters for other than Allah, Curse be on whoever misguides a blind person on the street, Curse be on whoever does what the nation of Loot did." [Sahih al-Jami (5767)]


And he (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) also reported to have said: "From the major sins is a man reviling his parents." We (Sahabah) said, "O Messenger of Allah (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) and how does a man revile his parents?" He said: "Yes, reviling a man's father is reviling your father, and reviling his mother is reviling your mother." [Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim]


And in another narration, Allah's Messenger (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) replied: "He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former's; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother." [Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim] We learn from this Hadith that one should not abuse anyone's parents, because in the event, he is paid in the same coin and he will be responsible for disgracing his own parents.


Anas al-Juhani said that his father narrated that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasalam) said: "Verily, on the Day of Resurrection, Allah has slaves whom He will neither speak nor purify nor look at." He was asked: "Who are they, O Allah's Messenger?" He said: "He who disowns and abandons his parents, he who disowns his children and he who was granted a favor by a people, but he denied their favor and disowned them." [Musnad Ahmad]


Abu Bakr ibn 'Ayyash said: "I used to sit with Mansoor in his house and I would hear his mother, who was loud and rude, shout at him, 'O Mansoor! Ibn Hubayrah (governor of 'Iraq at that time) appointed you to the post of judge, but you refused!' Mansoor would not even look her in the eye out of respect."


When Haywah ibn Shurih used to sit teaching the people, his mother would sometimes say to him, "O Haywah! Feed the chickens some barley," he would leave the audience, obey his mother, and then resume the lecture!


at-Tirmidhi reports that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "The parent is the best among the doors of Paradise, so lose that door or protect it."


adh-Dhahabi and Ibn Majah report that when Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllahu anhu) was asked about the people of al-A'raf, he said: "al-A'raf is a mountain between Paradise and the Fire. Those who will be kept at al-A'raf include some men who joined the Jihaad without permission from their fathers and mothers and were martyred in the Jihad. Their death in the cause of Allaah qualified them to be saved from the Fire, but their disobedience to their parents prevented them from entering Paradise. They will remain at al-A'raaf until Allah decides in their case."


Muslim reports that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "No child can pay back his parents, unless he finds that his father is a slave, so he buys him and sets him free."


Ibn al-Jawzi reported that al-Hasan (radiAllahu anhu) said: "It is better for you to eat dinner with your mother, so that her heart is comforted, than to perform a voluntary Hajj."


al-Hakim narrates that the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said: "Allah delays the punishment for whatever sins He wills until the Day of Ressurection, except for disrespect and disobedience of the parents, for he rushes its recompense (in this life)."


Ibn al-Jawzi reports that during hot days, az-Zubayr ibn Hisham would taste the water he brought and if he found it to be cold, he would prefer his father with it and send it to him to drink.


He also reports that Abu Hurayrah (radiAllahu anhu) used to carry his mother so that she could answer the call of nature and bring her back when she was finished after she became old and blind.


Zur'ah ibn Ibrhim narrated that a man came to 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) and said to him: "I have an old mother who is unable to go answer the call of nature, so I carry her on my back. I also help her perform ablution while turning my face away from her (out of respect). Have I fulfilled my duty towards her?" 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) said, "No." The man said, "Even though I carry her on my back and exert myself in her service?" 'Umar (radiAllahu anhu) said: "She used to do the same for you when you were young, while hoping that you will live. As for you, you await when she will go away (die)."​

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