mamedesign
New member
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
"My wife do not get along with my mother. I tried to explain it, my mother was sick and it needs attention from their children." What I want to ask which one I should be more priority?
Ummu Sufyaan
is in need of dua
- Messages
- 7,926
- Reaction score
- 1,403
- Gender
- Female
- Religion
- Islam
depends what the situation is. if it doesn't involve violating the rights of your mother, then your wife, and likewise if it doesn't involve violating the rights of your wife, then your mother.
you need to take a neutral stance with these situations because if you dont, then it will seem like you are being biased. just pretend you are a judge in a court trying to solve a difference between 2 people i.e be as neutral as possible.
you definatley need to look after and care for your mother, but at the same time show consideration towards your wife...if that makes sense.
if you live with your parents, perhaps consider moving out as this may reduce any resentment of either party towards one another.
CosmicPathos
Anathema
- Messages
- 3,923
- Reaction score
- 530
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
How would his moving out provide him the opportunity to look after his mother? Yes, his wife can move out as per her Islamic right in marriage.
depends what the situation is. if it doesn't involve violating the rights of your mother, then your wife, and likewise if it doesn't involve violating the rights of your wife, then your mother.
you need to take a neutral stance with these situations because if you dont, then it will seem like you are being biased. just pretend you are a judge in a court trying to solve a difference between 2 people i.e be as neutral as possible.
you definatley need to look after and care for your mother, but at the same time show consideration towards your wife...if that makes sense.
if you live with your parents, perhaps consider moving out as this may reduce any resentment of either party towards one another.
The situation of the judge that you mentioned does not apply here. A judge has no conflict of interest or emotional relationships with the plaintiff or the accused. Here, he has relations and vested interest in both parties.
cat eyes
IB Expert
- Messages
- 2,790
- Reaction score
- 542
- Gender
- Female
- Religion
- Islam
islam is not about favoring one and neglecting the other.. FEAR ALLAH
give them both there due rights according to islam
This seems to be difficult nowadays especially where culture is concerned.
If you do not understand what i mean then take advice from a reliable scholar he will be able to explain more to you in detail about your question
Do not cause resentment between your wife and your mother..deal fairly with them..
However, this is becoming common where the wife is telling her husband to disobey his mother if your wife is telling you to do this brother then she is disobeying the commands of Allah swt
if she is disobeying the rights of your mother then you are NOT meant to follow her and you are meant to neglect her what ever she is ordering you to do against your mother.
this is very serious so fear Allah and as i said take advice from a reliable scholar in your area
:wa:
Sampharo
IB Veteran
- Messages
- 672
- Reaction score
- 227
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
People not getting along is possible, and it could happen that your wife gets distressed from pressures by your mother. However, no decent muslim woman can ever ask or pressure her husband to even bat an eyelash againt his mother. This is a most heinous of sins that will remove the blessing out of your life and afterlife.
Your mother ALWAYS comes first. Your salvation and highest rewards in this life and in the afterlife comes from a simple satisfied supplication that your mother makes for you. She has every right in the World on you, and if she asks you anything that is not in violation with Islam, her obedience is an obligation.
Your wife would do well to understand that. She may feel bad about an argument or being told off by your mother, for which she needs then to be patient or hold her own sensibly and calmly. Yes you are required to cater for your wife's well-being as well, but if your wife asks you to "defend" her or any nonsense like that, or pits you against your mother, know that she's asking you then to commit the most major and greatest sin in Islamic jurisprudence, bar none other than polytheism. Would that be something you're willing to do?
Your mother comes first. If your wife has a problem with that, tell her to go back to HER mother and learn how to appreciate her own parents, otherwise she wouldn't have the what it takes to appreciate and respect YOU if the times come around and you are disabled or depressed or tested by God in wealth or health.
zakirs
Servant of god
- Messages
- 1,102
- Reaction score
- 165
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
READ THIS AND DECIDE FOR URSELVES
Allah has commanded us to treat our parents well, and He has linked this to the command to worship Him and the prohibition of associating anything in worship with Him. The rights of the mother in this regard have been emphasized more than those of the father.
Allah says:“Worship none but Allah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents…” [al-Baqarah 2:83].
Ibn ‘Abbas said: “This means treating them with respect and kindness, and lowering the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring at them, not raising one's voice to them, but being as humble towards them as a slave towards his master.”
Allah says: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout at them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” [al-Isra’ 17:23-24].
Al-Baghawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “This means not saying anything that may contain the slightest hint of irritation. [The word ‘uff’ in the aayah, translated here as ‘a word of disrespect’] comes from the word ‘aff’, which is similar to the word ‘taff’; both words refer to the dirt that collects under fingernails, and [in Arabic] when one is annoyed and fed up with something, one says ‘uff!’ to it.”
Abu Baddaah al-Tajeebi said: “I said to Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab: ‘I understood everything in the Qur’an about respecting one’s parents, apart from the aayah “But address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23]. What are these terms of honour [al-qawl al-kareem]?’
Ibn al-Musayyab said: ‘It is the way in which a slave who has done wrong approaches a harsh and strict master.’”
Makhool said: “Respecting one’s parents is an expiation for major sins.”
Allah has commanded us to treat our parents well, and He has linked this to the command to worship Him and the prohibition of associating anything in worship with Him. The rights of the mother in this regard have been emphasized more than those of the father.
Allah says:“Worship none but Allah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents…” [al-Baqarah 2:83].
Ibn ‘Abbas said: “This means treating them with respect and kindness, and lowering the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring at them, not raising one's voice to them, but being as humble towards them as a slave towards his master.”
Allah says: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout at them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” [al-Isra’ 17:23-24].
Al-Baghawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “This means not saying anything that may contain the slightest hint of irritation. [The word ‘uff’ in the aayah, translated here as ‘a word of disrespect’] comes from the word ‘aff’, which is similar to the word ‘taff’; both words refer to the dirt that collects under fingernails, and [in Arabic] when one is annoyed and fed up with something, one says ‘uff!’ to it.”
Abu Baddaah al-Tajeebi said: “I said to Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab: ‘I understood everything in the Qur’an about respecting one’s parents, apart from the aayah “But address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23]. What are these terms of honour [al-qawl al-kareem]?’
Ibn al-Musayyab said: ‘It is the way in which a slave who has done wrong approaches a harsh and strict master.’”
Makhool said: “Respecting one’s parents is an expiation for major sins.”
islam is not about favoring one and neglecting the other.. FEAR ALLAH
give them both there due rights according to islam
This seems to be difficult nowadays especially where culture is concerned.
If you do not understand what i mean then take advice from a reliable scholar he will be able to explain more to you in detail about your question
Do not cause resentment between your wife and your mother..deal fairly with them..
However, this is becoming common where the wife is telling her husband to disobey his mother if your wife is telling you to do this brother then she is disobeying the commands of Allah swt
if she is disobeying the rights of your mother then you are NOT meant to follow her and you are meant to neglect her what ever she is ordering you to do against your mother.
this is very serious so fear Allah and as i said take advice from a reliable scholar in your area
:wa:
The best advice
this is a domestic issue, to be solved with compromise from both parties, Islam does not give anyone be they mother or wife the right to infringe upon anther's rights, and a word of advice brother; don't take sides, this is about solving a problem, not deciding whose more important so you can throw the other away.
it is natural of conflict to happen, but it is also natural that conflict is resolved one way or the other, your priority is to take the path of least resistance and be smart, force a compromise, it's how mature people deal with problems and the only way to resolve it without anyone getting too hurt.
it is natural of conflict to happen, but it is also natural that conflict is resolved one way or the other, your priority is to take the path of least resistance and be smart, force a compromise, it's how mature people deal with problems and the only way to resolve it without anyone getting too hurt.
Sampharo
IB Veteran
- Messages
- 672
- Reaction score
- 227
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
Found this that might put more weight towards the correct Islamic opinion on the matter for you mamedesign:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” …
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).
But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner.
And Allaah knows best.
Who has priority, one’s mother or one’s wife?
To whom should a married man should give much preference, either his mother or wife?
Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” …
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).
But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Brother, I dont understand why you have a dilemma here. This is your mother you must must take care of her especially if she is ill. As long as you are not neglecting the rights of your wife you should be able to look afetr your mother and spend time with her. If your wife doesnt get on with her then she should probably not spend so much time with her but it is YOUR duty to look after your mum. I dont even know why you need to ask this.