What is the appropriate age for getting married?

[Karl]

Marry off prepubescent girls? Is that a cultural thing or is that something that's allowed in Islam? I am not very conversant with this aspect of Islam. Please quote the Holy Quran or Hadeeth Sahih in your reply. Thank you.

Marriage age laws are a radical modern secular concept, the state has forced its way into peoples private affairs and correlates in time to the rise of Marxism neo communism, collectivism and other extreme left wing ideologies.
The father decided the appropriate time for his daughter to marry throughout history. Islam is a conservative religion and adheres to the old traditional norms of private family affairs. In the Quran there is no age restriction of marriage nor the Bible or the Vedas (and other pagan religions). It has always been the father decides as head of the household.
The old communist Kibbutz has collectivist control over the children but many Jews can't stand this and leave them.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

How do you know what they want? I'm getting really tired with people trying to turn Islam into a Zionist politically correct UN approved religion. Look the Zionists want to destroy Islam, they don't really care about child marriage as you may think, as they are always killing children anyway. The fact is, there is no age of marriage in Islam or any of the other major religions out there. Secularists have infiltrated and have destroyed the other religions and now they are working on Islam.
If you can't hold on to the tenets of Islam and you bend to the demands of the unbelievers then Islam will fall. Iblis wins the wager.

Assalaamu alaikum Karl,


You seem to feel very strongly on this topic.


But I'm wondering if perhaps you aren't mixing different things.


I certainly applaud your anger at the injustices faced by many of the children of the world. And it is a valid point that there are those in our world who would like to weaken Islam. And that Iblis would like to see us fail (I don't think it's a wager, you know), is a definite truth.


It is also true that in many societies of the past (and some today), marriages were arranged between parents when the children were even infants in their cradles. The girls could be sent to live with their future in-laws at an early age, to be raised by her future mother-in-law. This was not an Islamic practice.This was a practice in many places.


The thing that was brought with the Prophet (PBUH) was the idea that the girl had a choice. Sure, she could be sent to live with her future in-laws, but the marriage was not actual. The girl had to be able to accept. And in order to do this, she had to have rushd. That is, have the maturity of mind to make an informed decision.


What is the age of rushd? Well, she had to at least be physically mature. Depending on the complexity of her society, and the level of understanding of the young woman, the marriage might not be able to be consummated for a while after her physical maturity. And if she refused, it wouldn't be consummated at all. At least, not if the Islamic requirements were to be met.


When you call for the marriage of prepubescent girls, you may also want to take into account the possibility that if she refuses the marriage when she has her rushd, that this may be damaging to the girl's future marital options. She may be seen as possibly damaged goods. I have actually known of this sort of circumstance. (smile) Someone even offered that my 2 year-old daughter be fiancéed to her grandson, and come to live with her when she was 11 or 12. To be properly trained (not for sexual relations), until the actual wedding.


I understand that you feel that Islam is under attack (because, well, it is), but please consider that your words may be misunderstood and further the cause of those who seek to discredit Islam.


May Allah Guide us all.

 

[ardianto]

Karl, there are other members who want to share their thought about appropriate age for getting married. So, don't make admin decide to close this thread because it turn into discussion about child marriage. Okay?.

 

[Karl]

Karl, there are other members who want to share their thought about appropriate age for getting married. So, don't make admin decide to close this thread because it turn into discussion about child marriage. Okay?.

I'm not actually getting "off topic" here anyway. As much as what I may say might be jarring to the misandrist politically correct enemies of Islam, what I am talking about IS on topic. It is a thread asking for opinions of what time is best to get married, so my replies are in keeping with that. The fact that I deem it ideal practice for my own daughters to marry in prepubescence does NOT take it "off topic" at all. But anyway, I will minimize my contribution if that's what you wish, provided of course you quit "correcting" and lecturing me how I should raise my own progeny. I alone as their father shall do that. It is NOT up to you to play part in my parenting because my offspring are simply none of your business to begin with. Remember, what might be appropriate for your offspring won't necessarily be appropriate for mine, especially for the fact that we are not even the same race. Even if I were to hypothetically and sycophantically agree with you to marry my daughters off as full grown adults that would still mean them marrying at age 12 anyway as that is the age at which my race is fully grown. Those of your race at that same age look only of the approximate development of 4 year olds of my race. That's why it is impossible that "one size can fit all". I bet you would not take kindly if I tried to tell you how to raise you own offspring so please have some decency and stop doing it to me. You employ the phrase "sexual object" and "marital rape", very typically feminist anti-Islamic expressions I shall remind you. Your arrogance assumes my daughters "don't want to be married off and become sexual object" (to quote your earlier post). Well for your information, you have that dead wrong. My daughters have no problem with being "sexual objects", but I as their father will NOT have them indulging in any sexual activity UNLESS they are married first. Because they are sexual beings in prepubescence I believe it of utmost importance that they marry as early as possible so that zina is avoided. The longer marriage is delayed, the more likely zina will occur. Over and out.

 

[Muhaba]

There is no age of marriage in Islam. And while it is not compulsory to marry off prepubescent girls by Islamic law, it is still good for girls of my race, therefore I will continue to marry my prepubescent girls off and I don't care at all what the enemies of Islam say or think.

A person cannot be married off without his or her consent. A prepubescent child cannot understand marital matters and so is not in the position to give consent. They don't understand what they are consenting to. Hence, such children cannot be married. The child would have to be at least 15 (in most cases older) to understand marriage and be able to give their consent. Marriage without consent is invalid according to hadith.

 

[Karl]

A person cannot be married off without his or her consent. A prepubescent child cannot understand marital matters and so is not in the position to give consent. They don't understand what they are consenting to. Hence, such children cannot be married. The child would have to be at least 15 (in most cases older) to understand marriage and be able to give their consent. Marriage without consent is invalid according to hadith.

All biased dogmatic assumptions on your part. Please note well that my comments are primarily about prepubescents of MY race. I am not trying to dictate what age is ideal for YOUR daughters, I am only speaking for what's fit for MINE, ok? 15 or even older to be capable of consent? You have to be joking though right? I would regard that as extreme retardation if it took my offspring that long to grasp the basics of consent. FYI, MY prepubescent offspring FULLY UNDERSTAND marital matters from they time they are 7 or 8, I teach them about it, and they can very easily fully comprehend it by then, hence why I marry them off at that age. They are fully capable of the basic principles of consent by the time they are able to SPEAK, and that's what I as their father also EXPECT from them too. Any inability to do something so basic as that would simply not be tolerated in my house. I would be highly embarrassed and appalled if it took them 15 long years just to grasp that. I teach my offspring the importance of the principle "If in doubt, leave it out", which basically means if one is not sure what they are consenting to then simply do not give consent at all. They understand the simple principle 100%. And also by the way, seeing a prepubescent IS a child there is no need in saying "prepubescent child" as you are only unnecessarily doubling up in much the same way as saying "the round circle" would also be an unnecessary double up.

Again, I am not trying to shove my own position down your throat. I am merely stating my own personal position here. I respect individual parental prerogative to raise one's own offspring as one sees fit. As far as I'm concerned all such matters is down to individual parental discretion, not arrogant collective dictates. I am more than happy not to dictate to you how you should raise your offspring just as long as you have enough decency to also keep out of my parenting.

 

[Insaanah]

brothers and sisters,

As per brother Muhammad's earlier request, this thread is about the age that most people generally would think about getting married. It is not about pre-pubertal marriage, or specific exceptions to what happens generally, which we now know about. If this thread continues in this vein, then unfortunately it may have to be closed. Please no more posts on pre-pubertal marriage, nor any replies to posts on the topic. We will be keeping an eye on it.

And so, back to the topic.

 

[piXie]

Allah :swt: does not give any specific age for the man and woman to marry, therefore how can we.

Is there a set age for marriage in Islam? - islamqa.info

No offense but I think fasting doesn't always help avoiding that kind of emotions. I often keep fast and it's a great feeling but in that case, it doesn't always work for me. Or maybe I'm not keeping the principle of fasting properly?

If Allahs messenger :arabic5: said fasting diminishes the desire then there is no doubt about it.

Allaah’s Messenger :arabic5: said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066.

What we eat and how we eat is important. Just some tips

1. Eat moderately - when keeping and opening your fast.

2. Try to avoid foods like honey, meat, mangos, figs, dates, chicken, cinnamon, olive oil, turmeric, eggs, fish because these foods increase the desire.

3. Increase foods like salads, yogurt, lentils, milk, cheese, bananas, cucumbers, watermelon, water, etc because these foods keep u cool.

4. Staying active

5. Avoid reading, watching etc anything which brings on these desires.

 

[Karl]

brothers and sisters,

As per brother Muhammad's earlier request, this thread is about the age that most people generally would think about getting married. It is not about pre-pubertal marriage, or specific exceptions to what happens generally, which we now know about. If this thread continues in this vein, then unfortunately it may have to be closed. Please no more posts on pre-pubertal marriage, nor any replies to posts on the topic. We will be keeping an eye on it.

And so, back to the topic.

Ok, I for one will make an effort to do that for you. After my initial short single reply to this thread I would have not at all been troubled to see it continue back to a more politically correct level of discussion, but unfortunately it seems that there are some who feel not content enough to make only their own personal contribution without also feeling the need to make needless attacks on my post and lecture me on how to parent my own offspring, which to be frank I think is highly audacious and rude.

Also to clarify things here, I presume that as well as avoiding discussion about actual prepubertal marriages you are also meaning to include marriages that are considered "too young" or "under age" by the arbitrary standards of the modern day secularist West? It is important to note that prepubertal and "under age" are far from being the same and one. So, discussion to be avoided in this thread would therefore include not just prepubertals but those who are of any lunar age under the West's Magical Age (i.e. 18). Any recommendations for marriage under the West's Magic Age is to be avoided as much as possible in this thread. Is that really more specifically it? Thank you.

 

[Muhammad]

without also feeling the need to make needless attacks on my post and lecture me on how to parent my own offspring, which to be frank I think is highly audacious and rude.

There is no harm in advising each other about good parenting.

Any recommendations for marriage under the West's Magic Age is to be avoided as much as possible in this thread. Is that really more specifically it? Thank you.

What is to be avoided is this needless arguing. I don't recall anyone mentioning a 'magic age', so I think that assumption is wrong.

 

[Karl]

There is no harm in advising each other about good parenting.

I agree, but the point here is that I was not even seeking advice in the first place. I think I made it quite clear that I am 100% confident and adamant in my parenting decisions and do not seek external interference or "advice", and I think the poster that tried to ridicule my position knew that perfectly well too. That's what angers me. As my offsprings' father only I know how to raise them properly, not any outsider. This is because it is me who produced them, I have first hand experience of who they are, and I have a thorough understanding of all their temperaments and various personal requirements. Remember that one size does not fit all, so there is no "one universally correct way" of parenting. While your parenting methods would obviously be completely inappropriate for my offspring, my parenting methods would also be completely inappropriate for yours. To each their own.

What is to be avoided is this needless arguing. I don't recall anyone mentioning a 'magic age', so I think that assumption is wrong.

I also agree that needless arguing should be avoided. I know no one here mentioned the "Magic Age". I was just using the phrase to demonstrate the West's ridiculous and arbitrary way of seeing the age of 18 as some sort of instant magical transformation, which of course it isn't.