what is ur opinion ?

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tigerkhan

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there is high divorce ratio in west as compared to eastern countries.
so what are the reasons behind this? plz share ur opinion.
who is more responsible, men or women?

Plz be soft. its just we want to study/analyze the ground realities behind this fact without offending any culture or person.
Jazakallah o khair
 
Well from what I have read, money is the number one cause of most martial disagreements.
 
Hmm. The ratio in "Eastern" countries is also rising. So its not a "West" situation anymore. Higher divorce rates seem to be a good thing, people are realizing that they can't live with their partners and hence they separate.

And Allah knows.
 
well some logical reason in my mind.
1. in west there is no modesty as in east, so eastern men ususally satisfied with what they have. but in west i guess one reason maybe this non-modest culture in which men have chances to see many girls and that surely had a bad effect on his attention/devotion/contenment toward his wife.
2. in east women mostly dont work, so she is dependent financially on husband. therfore i see girls mostly compromise even a huby is little bit harsh.
3. there is more selfishness and materialism in west. as far as my knowledge ppl palys game for their interest and no passion for sacrifice for other. esp girls have high demands they never compromise on finanace or care issues.
 
Although not so high like in US or UK, divorce rate in Indonesia is the highest in Muslim countries and in Pacific Asia. Data from Religion Affair Office, around 70% initiative for divorce were came from wives.
 
i cant understand, plz if u explain ur point bit more.

I'll see if I can.

Here in the USA, most marital disputes are related to money issues, budgeting for families and the like. The couple disagrees on how to spend money or one partner spends money on something that the other partner does not agree with. This disagreement is what eventually leads to divorce.

From my own experience, I can remember only one time where my parents (who are still married after 42 years) arguing was over money. I think they disagreed on how to spend for something.

I hope that clears things up a bit.
 
All the posts are very valid points. Money is a big issue which has led to make martial troubles and ultimately break ups.

From my experiences, my ex husband was very obsessed with money and the spending of it. He had succumbed to the evils of money, he worshipped the stuff. When i feel pregnant, he did not want to take financial responsibility to take care and provide for me and the child, he saw it as a burden, he even asked for me to have an abortion, subhanallah. Now i know my experience is not why all marriages break down, but it is a main reason for some women, from all societies. There are selfish people only concerned about this material world and money and lack of belief in Allah, and that He will always provide as the Quran states: Do not slay your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them and for you (Qur'an 17:31).

Money is a the route of all evil. From my experiences and from hearing from people looking to marry, i know some girls demand high dowries and demand a house and car before marriage. They almost price themselves out of the market. The is no longer the belief that you will have to work hard to build a life together. As tigerkhan mentioned, many girls do not want to compromise and make the sacrifice, but this also goes for men too. With some men, because they also want a good 'celebrity' lifestyle, they are looking for their wife to have a good job and education to contribute and they almost forget that they have to provide as Islam teaches. They forget what income the wife earns, belongs to the wife and for her to spend as she wishes. Now if a couple struggles, then yes it is good to help out, but due to western influences Muslim men are expecting just that, a joint income therefore a good lifestyle will come of it. It is materialism most people are after, they live an excessive lifestyle.

People are no longer grateful for what they have and only want more. Our generation is a generation that has been blessed with the most then any of our parents and ancestors have ever had, and yet people are still never thankfully and they constantly expect and want more. - Ibn 'Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If the son of Adam possessed a valley full of gold he would want to have two valleys, yet his mouth will only be filled by earth. Allah turns towards those who turn in repentance."

Another major problem i find with martial breakdowns, are the interference of family members, i.e. parents and siblings. Again i speak from experience. I have personally experienced a family dictating what they expect from their sons. I do not know if girls get a similar experience. I have found since some Pakistanis require the wife to move in with the in laws and this is where trouble can start. From here husbands are not cooperating with their wives, but allow the interference of their parents and listen to their so called 'good' opinions, without realising that the parents may even be using them for their own benefits sometimes. Parents dictating how they spend their income, where they may choose to live, who will look after their children, even whether the girl should be working, etc. Many girls become unhappy and often feel they are lacking in privacy and say in their OWN marriage and ultimately lacking of respect. It is a right for a wife to live wherever she wants but some do not allow it as it is a requirement from their parents (due to culture brainwashing) to stay at home for a 'little longer', mainly due to financial reasons. Many can deny this happens but i have physically seen and experienced this, so i would not be lying in my statement. It is one thing to obey and respect your parents yes, but nobody should think they own their children, which i see too often among such communities. Having children is a privilege and blessing form Allah, not a right. It is one thing to raise your children to be good members of society, but not dictate their adult lives, i mean are they that incapable to decide their finances, lifestyle and having a marriage?

I also agree that temptation can cause a marriage to breakdown. Because we mix so freely in the west, and so it is easy to commit zina for some who may have weak character. There are men and women who are not modest in their dress/nature and it provides a temptation. With sexual images freely opposed everywhere and music conveying the same message, is is hard to run from this and so if one is weak they feel that something is always better around the corner, they are never satisfied. everyone is constantly comparing each other. It is all about physical pleasure and not looking beyond the fact that beauty and image will fade and Deen and a growing love is ever lasting. Furthermore, everyone is expecting Mr and Mrs Perfect. What is funny is they themselves are not perfect but they are buying into an idealisation of a type of man or woman they want, hence when you marry that person you have idealised, the marriage can breakdown as you have built them up to be what they are not. You can become disappointed.

I am sure their are more, reasons but i have picked the main ones.
 
PiousGirl I think you have a serious issue with men, I didn't bother to read your entire post because the first half contained so many false and baseless generalisations.

Since when do men want their women to earn so they can live a life of luxury? All of my friends, every single one of them does not have a wife who works and we are in the west so where does your baseless statement about what men want come from? Just because your husband was like that doesn't mean all men are like that.

For the record, did you know the Prophet PBUH said more women are in hell than men.

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allaah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1052)

So based on what the Prophet said, women are more demaning and ungrateful than men.

I wish the sisters would stop with these baseless and sexist generalisations. When anyone does it, you don't hear the end of it, but when a sister does it, it's ok?
 
In the past women especially used to keep silent toward abuse ...in order to keep their men...Women didn ´t know well their rightS ..


but now women have more conscience...



I m essentially talking in the base of Arabian culture or background ....
 
To be honest I think in the West there are more divorces because of:

----More freedom to divorce
----Less laws discouraging divorce
----Marriage at an earlier stage.

More freedom to divorce meaning over at the west less people are Muslim which means less abide by the rules and regulations of islam druing divorce. So a muslim man would be more discouraged to divorce his wife because he might face the consequences. Another thing is that some marry of their parents; as in their parents set them up with a bride or a groom and they get married. This in some cases, although not all, discourages the groom or bride from divorce because of political, social or family ties.

In the West there less laws that discourage men and women from divorce. In fact, people divorce almost always because they want a sum of money granted to them because of the divorce. ( Could someone tell me what that is called?)

As everyone knows people marry at younger ages over at the US, and that usually results in a divorce when the couple realises what a huge mistake it was. More marriages=More divorces.
 
In the West there less laws that discourage men and women from divorce. In fact, people divorce almost always because they want a sum of money granted to them because of the divorce. ( Could someone tell me what that is called?)
West ? do you mean in US ?.

I know about if from Hollywood movies. One of those movies is "Liar Liar" (Jim Carrey)
 
I know the West contains not only the US but also most of Europe and Canada. I wanted to know what it's called when you have a divorce in the West and you get money for it...
 
I know the West contains not only the US but also most of Europe and Canada. I wanted to know what it's called when you have a divorce in the West and you get money for it...
Depend on the place and language. In Indonesia it's called "Gono-gini", this is treasure that shared between wife and husband when they get divorced.

If I am not wrong, in California, a wife get a half of the husband treasure when she get divorced. There are some people who live in US here, I hope they can tell you what's the name of this "treasure sharing when divorced".
 
In the West there less laws that discourage men and women from divorce. In fact, people divorce almost always because they want a sum of money granted to them because of the divorce. ( Could someone tell me what that is called?)
I think it's called alimony.
 
Pre-nuptual agreement?

Speaking of societal changes, I can remember as a kid in the early 1980's and divorce was still a scandalous affair. People did it, but nobody really talked about it. Nowadays it's rare to find a couple that has never been divorced.
 
All the posts are very valid points. Money is a big issue which has led to make martial troubles and ultimately break ups.

From my experiences, my ex husband was very obsessed with money and the spending of it. He had succumbed to the evils of money, he worshipped the stuff. When i feel pregnant, he did not want to take financial responsibility to take care and provide for me and the child, he saw it as a burden, he even asked for me to have an abortion, subhanallah. Now i know my experience is not why all marriages break down, but it is a main reason for some women, from all societies. There are selfish people only concerned about this material world and money and lack of belief in Allah, and that He will always provide as the Quran states: Do not slay your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them and for you (Qur'an 17:31).

Money is a the route of all evil. From my experiences and from hearing from people looking to marry, i know some girls demand high dowries and demand a house and car before marriage. They almost price themselves out of the market. The is no longer the belief that you will have to work hard to build a life together. As tigerkhan mentioned, many girls do not want to compromise and make the sacrifice, but this also goes for men too. With some men, because they also want a good 'celebrity' lifestyle, they are looking for their wife to have a good job and education to contribute and they almost forget that they have to provide as Islam teaches. They forget what income the wife earns, belongs to the wife and for her to spend as she wishes. Now if a couple struggles, then yes it is good to help out, but due to western influences Muslim men are expecting just that, a joint income therefore a good lifestyle will come of it. It is materialism most people are after, they live an excessive lifestyle.

People are no longer grateful for what they have and only want more. Our generation is a generation that has been blessed with the most then any of our parents and ancestors have ever had, and yet people are still never thankfully and they constantly expect and want more. - Ibn 'Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If the son of Adam possessed a valley full of gold he would want to have two valleys, yet his mouth will only be filled by earth. Allah turns towards those who turn in repentance."

Another major problem i find with martial breakdowns, are the interference of family members, i.e. parents and siblings. Again i speak from experience. I have personally experienced a family dictating what they expect from their sons. I do not know if girls get a similar experience. I have found since some Pakistanis require the wife to move in with the in laws and this is where trouble can start. From here husbands are not cooperating with their wives, but allow the interference of their parents and listen to their so called 'good' opinions, without realising that the parents may even be using them for their own benefits sometimes. Parents dictating how they spend their income, where they may choose to live, who will look after their children, even whether the girl should be working, etc. Many girls become unhappy and often feel they are lacking in privacy and say in their OWN marriage and ultimately lacking of respect. It is a right for a wife to live wherever she wants but some do not allow it as it is a requirement from their parents (due to culture brainwashing) to stay at home for a 'little longer', mainly due to financial reasons. Many can deny this happens but i have physically seen and experienced this, so i would not be lying in my statement. It is one thing to obey and respect your parents yes, but nobody should think they own their children, which i see too often among such communities. Having children is a privilege and blessing form Allah, not a right. It is one thing to raise your children to be good members of society, but not dictate their adult lives, i mean are they that incapable to decide their finances, lifestyle and having a marriage?

I also agree that temptation can cause a marriage to breakdown. Because we mix so freely in the west, and so it is easy to commit zina for some who may have weak character. There are men and women who are not modest in their dress/nature and it provides a temptation. With sexual images freely opposed everywhere and music conveying the same message, is is hard to run from this and so if one is weak they feel that something is always better around the corner, they are never satisfied. everyone is constantly comparing each other. It is all about physical pleasure and not looking beyond the fact that beauty and image will fade and Deen and a growing love is ever lasting. Furthermore, everyone is expecting Mr and Mrs Perfect. What is funny is they themselves are not perfect but they are buying into an idealisation of a type of man or woman they want, hence when you marry that person you have idealised, the marriage can breakdown as you have built them up to be what they are not. You can become disappointed.

I am sure their are more, reasons but i have picked the main ones.

No need to start picking on Pakistanis. Actually most Pakistanis require that. It is part of their culture. It is also a part of Indian culture. It is a also a part of Afghani culture. It is also a part of Bengali culture. It is also a part of Kashmiri culture. It is also a part of Balochi culture. It is also a part of Sindhi culture. Duh, Pakistanis are the root of all evil, eh.

Both husband and wife agree, before marriage, that they will be living with his parents. If she does not like it, she has the full freedom to call off the marriage.
 
In a world without pornography, where a man's wife is the only woman he would typically see in sexual situations, this process of conditioning would probably serve to make him more turned on by her particular features and habits, thus strengthening his attraction to her even as her body changes with age. In our highly sexualized western culture where a man sees many sexualized images of other women, sexual cues are created that have little or nothing to do with a man's wife, and are more likely to detract from the marriage relationship.


.......................
 

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