What is your view on divorce?

[00001001]

As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

How do you think about divorce?

Edit:
To clarify, this is just a hypothetical question. To further clarify, the question is if the two scenario's are the same and if you agree/disagree on it.

Edit:
It seems some people still don't properly understand the question. So I'll rephrase it: "Is it fair for a men to divorce his wife for shallow reasons, if the women had shallow requirements (high mahr etc. etc.) when they got married."

 

[Misbah-Abd]

Sometimes divorce is necessary if it is going to involve fitnah and be a cause of weak iman. Unfortunately, we live in times where both spouses usually have to work to have a decent standard of living with the high costs of food, rents and other necessities with wages not really keeping up. Traditional marriages in the West are becoming extinct. Secondly, you don't have your mother dictate who you marry. It's your choice and the bottom line is you are going to be the one that wakes up to your wife every morning so it's best that the choice was 100% yours.

 

[azc]

I think you are the first person who is thinking to divorce his wife before marriage.

 

[Alamgir]

I think you are the first person who is thinking to divorce his wife before marriage.

Asalamu Alaikum

 

[00001001]

I think you are the first person who is thinking to divorce his wife before marriage.

It was just a hypothetical question, no need to respond like that.

- - - Updated - - -

Sometimes divorce is necessary if it is going to involve fitnah and be a cause of weak iman. Unfortunately, we live in times where both spouses usually have to work to have a decent standard of living with the high costs of food, rents and other necessities with wages not really keeping up. Traditional marriages in the West are becoming extinct. Secondly, you don't have your mother dictate who you marry. It's your choice and the bottom line is you are going to be the one that wakes up to your wife every morning so it's best that the choice was 100% yours.

The premise of the question was not if my mother dictates who I am going to marry (she is not, just helping me), the premise of the question was if the two scenario's are the same and if you personally agree or disagree with it.

 

[Alamgir]

As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

How do you think about divorce?

Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

- - - Updated - - -

As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

How do you think about divorce?

Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

 

[azc]

Asalamu Alaikum

:wa: your location is milky way... ...?

 

[Alamgir]

:wa: your location is milky way... ...?

Where else is would I be? Andromeda?

 

[00001001]

Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

- - - Updated - - -



Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

I completely agree with you, however, it seems I haven't made the question really clear and have updated it just now.

 

[Alamgir]

I completely agree with you, however, it seems I haven't made the question really clear and have updated it just now.

Okay.

They are of similar importance, but I wouldn't say the same. In my opinion, being able to provide is more important as that's an objective measure, where as beauty is far more subjective.

I also don't agree with divorcing someone just because they are no longer attractive or because they are going through financial struggles. Unless the love is totally gone, you have tried everything to rekindle your romance, it's the woman who doesn't love the man (the guy can just get a 2nd wife if it's the other way around so no excuse for him), and no kids need to be raised, no divorce should take place just because the marriage is loveless. As for financial struggles, the wife should only leave the husband if he makes no effort to fix his monetary woes and they are pretty serious.

 

[azc]

It was just a hypothetical question, no need to respond like that.- - - Updated - - -The premise of the question was not if my mother dictates who I am going to marry (she is not, just helping me), the premise of the question was if the two scenario's are the same and if you personally agree or disagree with it.

also no need to put any hypothetical question then....

 

[Misbah-Abd]

- - - Updated - - -



The premise of the question was not if my mother dictates who I am going to marry (she is not, just helping me), the premise of the question was if the two scenario's are the same and if you personally agree or disagree with it.

You can divorce her if you don't find her attractive to want to be with her anymore, but give her that same right if she feels the same way about you. Look, life is too short to be in an unwanted marriage. So therefore, I agree.

 

[A786]

Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

- - - Updated - - -



Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

It's really not that easy.

- - - Updated - - -

Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

- - - Updated - - -



Asalamu Alaikum

You need to be able to provide for your wife before you marry her. If along the way you develop some financial struggles, she has no right to leave you, but you also have no right to leave her if she becomes less attractive. All you can do is tell her to become more attractive somehow (make her lose weight, wear nicer clothing at home, etc), but don't be a hypocrite and end up as some tub of lard while begging her to be the most beautiful woman in the solar system. You should make the effort to be attractive to her as well. Also, becoming less attractive does kinda come with age, and can't always be controlled. So don't reprimand her for things such as looking older (she can't really control that).

If you are still attractive to her, and she just doesn't make the effort to be just as attractive to you (provided her un-attractiveness is due to something she can control), tell her you're getting a 2nd wife. That will make her pull her socks up. If it doesn't, go ahead and do it. You'll now have a brand new attractive wife (but make sure you can provide for both of them and spend equal time with both of them too).

Problem solved.

It's really not that easy.

 

[Misbah-Abd]

Just remember for every perceived shallow reason to divorce your wife, she also has perceived shallow reasons to divorce you, i.e. your unattraction due to baldness, gaining too much weight, erectile dysfunction, etc. So be careful going down that shallow road...

 

[Scimitar]

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house.

Curious, but what was your solution to what your mom said?

 

[Mustafa16]

I'm in the same boat, brother, I wish I could get married, but I'm only 18 bordering 19, and haven't finished my degree, don't have a driver's license, don't have a career, (although I'll get my license inshaAllah in about a week), but you know, you have to be pulled to the person first, then build a romance, then build love, and THEN you have to stick with the person even if they develop unattractiveness such as gain of weight, baldness, illness, etc. That's not from the beginning. If the girl already loves you, she'll already stay with you through thick and thin, and the same applies to men. Be careful what you wish for, because we all age, and we all get unattractive and unpleasant, and we all gain weight, attractiveness is the tip of the iceberg, the important part is whether or not 1) you are drawn to the person in the first place 2) you end up falling in love in a halal manner and marrying in a halal manner 3) you have the RESOURCES (through education, I know this is a difficult pill to swallow, but I had to learn, too) and 4) you continue to love each other and have a healthy relationship I know it's hard brother, as one sheikh says, "unless you don't have hormones, we all have desires and fitnah" but the end result is going to be the same, and Allah is with the patient.........try going on a diet to lower libido, try avoiding social media, try online college (some shaikhs saying going to mixed university is haram anyway....i dont blame them.......) try googling the zikr phrase that is equivalent to 6 hours of prayer (in authentic hadeeth), try other zikr phrases as well, just google them, some are more noble than others, try memorizing Allah aza wa jal's 99 names like I am, try getting a job and learning to drive if you have not already done so, to be more self sufficient, but if free mixing is too much work in an islamic organization......but dude i feel your pain, i suffered a lot and i have severe mental illnesses like severe anxiety,, OCD, autism, ADHD that cannot be treated with medication, etc. to make it worse.......we're all in the same boat, but just be patient

 

[Alamgir]

It's really not that easy.

Asalamu Alaikum

I was simplifying it.

 

[00001001]

Thanks for the video, learned a couple of things. But it fails it answer my question.

- - - Updated - - -

Assalamu Alaikum



Curious, but what was your solution to what your mom said?

You mean reaction?

- - - Updated - - -

I'm in the same boat, brother, I wish I could get married, but I'm only 18 bordering 19, and haven't finished my degree, don't have a driver's license, don't have a career, (although I'll get my license inshaAllah in about a week), but you know, you have to be pulled to the person first, then build a romance, then build love, and THEN you have to stick with the person even if they develop unattractiveness such as gain of weight, baldness, illness, etc. That's not from the beginning. If the girl already loves you, she'll already stay with you through thick and thin, and the same applies to men. Be careful what you wish for, because we all age, and we all get unattractive and unpleasant, and we all gain weight, attractiveness is the tip of the iceberg, the important part is whether or not 1) you are drawn to the person in the first place 2) you end up falling in love in a halal manner and marrying in a halal manner 3) you have the RESOURCES (through education, I know this is a difficult pill to swallow, but I had to learn, too) and 4) you continue to love each other and have a healthy relationship I know it's hard brother, as one sheikh says, "unless you don't have hormones, we all have desires and fitnah" but the end result is going to be the same, and Allah is with the patient.........try going on a diet to lower libido, try avoiding social media, try online college (some shaikhs saying going to mixed university is haram anyway....i dont blame them.......) try googling the zikr phrase that is equivalent to 6 hours of prayer (in authentic hadeeth), try other zikr phrases as well, just google them, some are more noble than others, try memorizing Allah aza wa jal's 99 names like I am, try getting a job and learning to drive if you have not already done so, to be more self sufficient, but if free mixing is too much work in an islamic organization......but dude i feel your pain, i suffered a lot and i have severe mental illnesses like severe anxiety,, OCD, autism, ADHD that cannot be treated with medication, etc. to make it worse.......we're all in the same boat, but just be patient

Akhi, thanks for the tips. But my situation is not like you perceived it to be (Like I said in the initial post, it was a hypothetical question.). It just annoys me that my fellow men (like you) have such a hard time dealing with these things.

- - - Updated - - -

also no need to put any hypothetical question then....

Am I not allowed to ask questions here? Isn't this a forum? Oh sorry, I though this was a forum.

 

[ChosenTCO]

Salam Brother.

Your Mother's response was right in that, these 2 situations are not the same. The reason why its not is because one happens before marriage and one happens after it. However, if you were to compare the 2 cases before marriage it would be 100% ok. But if it was after then it would be 99% wrong (because divorce is still halal under the condition that the situation has become extremely difficult for you to cope with).

When it comes to what each of us wants then to be honest, id highly recommend that each of us look for compatibility and kindness more than anything materialistic you may think of. Because, trust me, if you marry someone that has every materialistic thing you desire but is not compatible with you, you will have a miserable life and wont be able to enjoy anything materialistic from them. In essence, thinking about finding someone that "has it all" is a very dangerous way of thinking. Regardless, if the woman feels like that as a must then we should never force her to marry someone she doesnt want.

Its just that, in islam, it does say that the man has to provide for the wife, but in this day and age, this is usually accomplished after the guy has turned 30. And we all know that by then, the guy or girl would have probably done something haram by then. This is why the umma has got to either fix this problem in our society and allow young men to work and not focus on their studies so much, or find an exception to the rule of our society where the man is allowed to marry a woman without being actively working and get a chance to elevate his academic status. But when the umma leave the 2 paths of halal filled with obstacles , you will definitely fine some going through the haram path to reach what they want.

I ask Allah to be merciful with his creation and not to put us through any trials or tribulations that would destroy us. Aamean.