Assalamuliakum everyone,
To keep a long story short, I been married approximately 5 years, and it has had its many challenges like every marriage. My wife, while amazing in many ways, unfortunately is far too blunt and volatile with her mouth. Even the simplest of conversations can be challenging, something that echoes even in my family.
I am blessed to have a great job where I can work from home full time, so balancing family commitments with work. Downside my office is 80 miles away should I choose to go to the office.
The biggest issue has been ever since my wife gave birth. I am truly blessed with having a beautiful boy who is now 8 months old, but I feel my life has become completely stagnant, both in my deen, and social life.
I feel ever since i have had my child, my mental and physical capacity has declined completely. I havent read salah in ages, i havent even read the quran, im oblivious to the azan when i hear it (as i got an azan clock in the house). Every time my wife goes out with our child, I have nothing but negative thoughts hoping she doesnt come back or something "tragic" happens. Physically i have a gym literally in the back of my house which I dont even use. When it comes to food, I find every opportunity to just order something from outside, with the most amount of quantity. Irony is everyone in my family thinks that me and my wife are the strongest couple in our family and taht I am "level headed" when in reality no one actually has a clue what I am going through.
Some obvious questions with an answer:
Why dont you talk to your wife about this?
My wife is chaotic on her best of days. The best way I can describe my wife is that she has narcissistic traits, whereby she will put someone down for her own selfish gain. When I have simple conversations with her, her responses are direct and somewhat hurtful. She knows it, and apologises after, but when something is repeatedly happening, the apology waters down.
Why dont you take your kid to your parents/her parents house to take some slack of you?
My wifes relationship with my family is rubbish. Again, echoing narcasistic and egotistical traits, she would rather suffer in silence then go to my parents. Most of her thinking is just her rubbish way of thinking. A person can do 99% great things but she will focus on the 1% bad because that person may have made a comment or have had an argument with her in the past. Her parents live around 40-50 mins away, but to her, going there with a kid is challenging, which I respect.
Even when she goes out, I take the initiative to clean the house to the best of my ability so my wife doesnt have do anything when she gets back. Unfortunately the 99% stuff done right holds no weight to the 1% that I may have missed out. Any rational person would point it out but as I said above, she talks with so much hostility, she has no control of the way she talks. When my wife has too much house work on, I always try to help, or encourage her not to cook so she can have a break from cooking and we would either go out or order it. As a husband, I am the calm to her storm, but I am getting to the point where me being "nice" is starting to wear thin.
My daily life either involves a screaming baby in 1 ear, and a nagging painful wife in the other. If I am trying to ease my child, I get criticism from the wife that I am doing something wrong. It feels nothing I do is correct. Given that I work from home, i feel that my routine has become this daily. When I go out with friends or family (like my brothers) for food or something, and I come back late (say 11pm), its followed by criticism that I am coming back too late, or i feel constantly guilt tripped just when I want to go out and enjoy myself. I can honestly say that not a days gone by where she hasnt thrown her toys out of her pram.
I even treated my wife on holiday, fully expensed, which we loved. 10 minutes back into our house, she throws a dig at my parents, triggering a massive argument.
I am at a point where I want to give up on everything. Mentally I am at break point. I have no ambition to perfect my deen, I have no ambition to sort myself out. Even if I do get a break for a day or 2, i know full well its back to square one days later.
I know I am not looking for some miracle in this group, but maybe someone who may have gone/is currently going through something similar could echo their thoughts.
To keep a long story short, I been married approximately 5 years, and it has had its many challenges like every marriage. My wife, while amazing in many ways, unfortunately is far too blunt and volatile with her mouth. Even the simplest of conversations can be challenging, something that echoes even in my family.
I am blessed to have a great job where I can work from home full time, so balancing family commitments with work. Downside my office is 80 miles away should I choose to go to the office.
The biggest issue has been ever since my wife gave birth. I am truly blessed with having a beautiful boy who is now 8 months old, but I feel my life has become completely stagnant, both in my deen, and social life.
I feel ever since i have had my child, my mental and physical capacity has declined completely. I havent read salah in ages, i havent even read the quran, im oblivious to the azan when i hear it (as i got an azan clock in the house). Every time my wife goes out with our child, I have nothing but negative thoughts hoping she doesnt come back or something "tragic" happens. Physically i have a gym literally in the back of my house which I dont even use. When it comes to food, I find every opportunity to just order something from outside, with the most amount of quantity. Irony is everyone in my family thinks that me and my wife are the strongest couple in our family and taht I am "level headed" when in reality no one actually has a clue what I am going through.
Some obvious questions with an answer:
Why dont you talk to your wife about this?
My wife is chaotic on her best of days. The best way I can describe my wife is that she has narcissistic traits, whereby she will put someone down for her own selfish gain. When I have simple conversations with her, her responses are direct and somewhat hurtful. She knows it, and apologises after, but when something is repeatedly happening, the apology waters down.
Why dont you take your kid to your parents/her parents house to take some slack of you?
My wifes relationship with my family is rubbish. Again, echoing narcasistic and egotistical traits, she would rather suffer in silence then go to my parents. Most of her thinking is just her rubbish way of thinking. A person can do 99% great things but she will focus on the 1% bad because that person may have made a comment or have had an argument with her in the past. Her parents live around 40-50 mins away, but to her, going there with a kid is challenging, which I respect.
Even when she goes out, I take the initiative to clean the house to the best of my ability so my wife doesnt have do anything when she gets back. Unfortunately the 99% stuff done right holds no weight to the 1% that I may have missed out. Any rational person would point it out but as I said above, she talks with so much hostility, she has no control of the way she talks. When my wife has too much house work on, I always try to help, or encourage her not to cook so she can have a break from cooking and we would either go out or order it. As a husband, I am the calm to her storm, but I am getting to the point where me being "nice" is starting to wear thin.
My daily life either involves a screaming baby in 1 ear, and a nagging painful wife in the other. If I am trying to ease my child, I get criticism from the wife that I am doing something wrong. It feels nothing I do is correct. Given that I work from home, i feel that my routine has become this daily. When I go out with friends or family (like my brothers) for food or something, and I come back late (say 11pm), its followed by criticism that I am coming back too late, or i feel constantly guilt tripped just when I want to go out and enjoy myself. I can honestly say that not a days gone by where she hasnt thrown her toys out of her pram.
I even treated my wife on holiday, fully expensed, which we loved. 10 minutes back into our house, she throws a dig at my parents, triggering a massive argument.
I am at a point where I want to give up on everything. Mentally I am at break point. I have no ambition to perfect my deen, I have no ambition to sort myself out. Even if I do get a break for a day or 2, i know full well its back to square one days later.
I know I am not looking for some miracle in this group, but maybe someone who may have gone/is currently going through something similar could echo their thoughts.