what to do

[noorseeker]

Breaking away from asian tradition will be very hard, as i told a family member that i want a sunnah wedding ,but there like no you have to have all these things done, but its like they want all the family round to have a celebration, im like its my day not yours.


Brother musaffir , i can wait to get of debt, but it willl take years for that ,and years to save up, so im actually psyching my self to be alone forever, and i dont want that,

I wish the human desire for getting married and having kids would just leave my body , life was so much simpler back then, its on my mind alot, its affecting my deen as well,



The funny thing is all of us that live in the wealthy west, find it difficult to get married,
but even poor people get married and have kids,

 

[Musaafirah]

sorry, I sounded kinda harsh...if that's the case though, try gettin married but to someone who isn't so demanding and understands and accepts your situation.
I get you about it being hard to break away from asian tradition. My cousin's father spent £35,000 on her wedding and mehndi arrangements last year, I can't imagine what her husband spent for the weddin.
The problem is also 'trying to keep face' I guess.
But once we take steps to break away from extravagent spending it should insha'allah help our future generation innit?
See how it goes though..

 

[crayon]

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH2nNt1s5pk
It won't really help with your situation, but it will make you laugh inshAllah, heh.

I'm not really sure what to do in your situation, brother, but taking out an interest based loan is not the answer. I mean, you want to start your marriage with haram? Where will all the barakah go?

Explain to your family that you want to get married, but can't afford a lavish wedding at the moment. If they don't understand, simply elope.

 

[Umar001]

Just fast and tell your family that you will not get married if you are going to end up in debt. And be steadfast, sometimes we assume it is just reverts who have these problems with their families, but subhanAllah people born into muslim families go through it too.

May Allah make your affair easy.

 

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb

nightstar;963756]Breaking away from asian tradition will be very hard, as i told a family member that i want a sunnah wedding ,but there like no you have to have all these things done, but its like they want all the family round to have a celebration, im like its my day not yours.

Well bro, if you want a debt free marriage then breaking traditions is the only way to do it. What are you afraid of? I guarantee you that if you take loans, even interest-free ones, when it comes to paying them back, everyone else will have forgotten what a good time they had celebrating your marriage. And yourself.. you won't forget it that easily, since you'll be paying for it for years down the line.

Put your foot down and tell your family, that you don't want to start married life already in debt. Show them relevant hadith about wasting money etc. And stand up for your rights. I'm a woman and I'd go against the world for mine. So, I'm sure being a man, you have the courage to do what is right according to Islam and hence for you. There is nothing wrong with celebrating a wedding. But getting in debt for it is wrong. If I was you I'd tell anyone who wants you to have a big wedding to pay for it! It's because of traditions that muslims have so many problems.

I wish the human desire for getting married and having kids would just leave my body , life was so much simpler back then, its on my mind alot, its affecting my deen as well,

You sound like Mother Teresa! Be grateful Allah blessed you with natural desires. And use your energy convincing your family to do the right thing instead of wasting it on killing your feelings.

The funny thing is all of us that live in the wealthy west, find it difficult to get married,
but even poor people get married and have kids

You can too inshaAllah! If you have the courage to go against tradition that is. You're a muslim. You can do it inshaAllah! Fight!


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

 

[Eeman]

Oh gosh thats terrible, look i really do not understand what is it with lavish weddings and people having to spend so much just to show to other people that yeh this is how its done.
its silly and leaves no one damaged but the groom and the bride too cos in the end your wedding isthe 1st day of your renunion together and after that you and i become "we" so it wont be that you'll be £15'000 in debt it will be you two £15'000 in debt.

when i got married my husband was not in a position to be able to afford a dinner for our wedding let alone a function so we had our nikah done in the mosque, my parent's were upset at the fact that me being their only child not having that special day that every bride dreams of and threw me and my husband a lavish party, i didnt want to offend or make my husband feel bad about his situation by getting my parents to fund our wedding so instead was happy with my nikah done in the mosque.

now if this sister that you want to marry is a decent muslim ( not that im saying she is not) then things like that would never be an issue.

Man i had to pay for my own ring and wedding band and his too!!!
but thats cos i had the means and he didnt!
thats how marriage should be if the other partner is not understanding then would you really want to spend the rest of your life with them?