[anonymous]

I get moments of terrible doubt and don't feel in my heart that I am making my fast or prayers for their intended purpose rather because I am in a very desperate situation, and I know that Allah swt knows our hearts and sees our deeds, so I try to increase those deeds in hopes it would awash the doubt I have.
On several occasions I have asked Allah swt to specifically show me things in my dreams to increase my iman, Allah swt has never failed me with this regard. I spoke with a sibling about this and he said such things should increases yaqeen not iman. I am not sure I understand the difference but it is really not the issue.

He also mentioned something about Ali Ibn Abu Talib saying that if he'd been shown a sign or something to that avail it wouldn't have increased his iman any. I can't find this incident but didn't want to push the issue with him to find it for me because I don't want to appear to others with my true image. Someone under pretense of piety who is probably very despised by Allah swt. I want to love Allah swt as I pretend to and I want him to love me as he loved his messengers but why isn't my heart in concert with my mind. I approach this almost like a science not faith. How do I get faith? I don't have doubts about Allah swt I can't even pinpoint what the doubt is I think it is with regard to my own person.I don't feel like a good person. I should know me, I feel like it is all pretense but for what? what am I pretending for I don't know. I want the heart and the mind to be both in the right place not just one in place of another.


An example of this is me keeping the promise. I asked Allah swt to remove a certain affliction and in exchange for removal of affliction (yes that to me is what a promise/Nadr is) I'd make fajr on time everyday. I have never broken that promise to Allah without a valid reason, but am I doing it out of conviction and love? has it made me a better person. I don't think so. I feel like I am doing it for the next favor I ask of Allah to bestow upon me with see oh Allah how I fulfill my end of the bargain. Please don't judge me harshly just help me with anything to make the heart and the mind both in the right place. I feel or perhaps know that things aren't resolved for me because in spite of what Allah swt keeps me offering me, I am looking for the next calamity to be lifted and I haven't had time to test how I am like under normal conditions because I haven't had a normal condition in so long.




Jazakoum Allah khyran

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Bro you are on a beautiful path.

athar of Ali Radhiallahu Anhu


‘Ali (radiallahu ‘anhu) used to say, “if I saw Paradise (with my eyes) I wouldn’t desire it more, and if I saw Hellfire, I wouldn’t fear it more.” Ya’ne, that he reached that level of ayn-ul-yaqeen, certainty of sight, despite never seeing them. That’s the level of (some) sahaba over the rest of us.



As far as Yaqeen goes bro theres 3 types.

Ilmul Yaqeen - certainty of knowledge. To be beyond doubt.

Aynul Yaqeen - Certainty of sight. To know by sight which is not like knowing without it.

Haqqul Yaqeen - Certainty of Presence. The highest level.


^ thats just a summary. Obviously more knowledgable scholars have explained it better then someone lowly like me.





Bro please continue as you are, reach Allaah inshAllah. Your not too far. Please make dua for me, I ask you sincerely.




You worry about your intentions, you worry about your deeds, and you worry quite rightly.

May Allah guide our every action towards his pleasure.

 

[anonymous]

Jazakoum Allah you are very kind and with a genuine heart. You see good in everyone even if there's no good in them.

what I meant is, I have no Ihsan nor Ikhlas and it is something I'd really like otherwise one is just Muslim by name.
How does one attain those two?

 

[CosmicPathos]

brother, when the mind and the heart dont agree, simply cut the vagus nerve. And let both do their own work.

Eventually one will give up.

*light joke*