[Allahsavesall]

Assalam Alaikum wb,

I am new to the forum here and first would like to say it is nice to of found this forum. Alhamdulillah.

I will tell you a little about myself. I am a 31 yr old sister who came back to islam about 8 yrs ago. I have not had the greatest experiances and have not been able to benefit as much as I would like to. I am behind on a lot of learning. Not because I don't want to learn. But I suffer from a learning disability and also a few other things. I still do my best and Allah knows I have givin my all and will continue although at times It is very frustrating and difficult. Not only with this but also other aspects in my life.

I have a social anxiety issue in which I tend to lock myself in my home a lot. And don't interact with many people in the community. I suffer from panic attacks in severity. I have only really been in contact with imam at the same center that moved me to my location about 6 yrs ago. I have missed out on a lot of things I would of liked to do. He has helped me a lot by bringing books and cd's and tapes to listen and watch. But because he is so busy with the masjid, his family and work and the economy situation. Things have been very difficult.

I have been working with drs, social workers, therapy for some time now. Applying and fighting the corrupt system trying to get benifits to survive on my own through social security. It all has been very tiring and hard. I have had to use every resource available to me to survive. I don't drive which makes things even more harder to accomplish at times. Every day is a struggle within mentally for me, some days it seems impossible to continue.
But I continue to pray for the strength and willpower to move forward.

At times I often wondered why me? Why has my life been such a struggle? what did I do to deserve this? It's said that Allah will not give us more than we can bare. At times I feel week, worn out and tired and ready to give up. But something keeps me going and that something is Allah. I found myself more times to count crying out to him thanking him for not allowing me to take my own life because I know there were several times I had wanted to so much.

I think of those less fortunate than me. I at least have my legs and arms am not confined in a wheelchair for the rest of my life unable to move my limbs. I have to be thankful for having what I have. I need that reminder to not pitty myself and only fall further into depression.

I have always been one to give anything I had to offer anyone who needed it although I didn't have it to spare myself. Because that is the right thing to do. How can I let someone starve if I have even 2 spoon fulls of food?

We are about halfway through with Ramadan. And I come to this forum today because of my situation. I have run out of resources in my area. The Imam has done everything he could for the yrs that he has. He can no longer do it. We have been struggling to get the basic things of living. His family came to the States from a country where it was much cheaper to take care of them. Now they are here and he has to worry about them, care for them. And I understand that. He does not come around much as he used to because of other obligations. So I sit here in my home with the internet he was able to provide this month for me. I will never be able to repay him for all the things he helped me with. But I know he will have eternal life for the unselfish,caring person that he is. A great muslim a great individual.

Today I come to find help. Assistance from everything and anything. Books, cloths, basic hygine, soap, toothpaste, etc ect...rental assitance, electric,phone, transportation. Maybe even a sister in the area who does not mind stopping by my home to visit. I am a very shy person at first but miss out on friendships and things because of my disorder. And really could use some interactions with the outside world. Some encouragement. I live near the twin cities on the Wi side. So maybe someone may be from the area even.

I guess I will leave this as it is for now. And if anyone wishes to contact me my email is [Email address removed.]

Jazakallah Khair for letting me introduce myself and taking the time to read this.

your sister in islam

Aisha

 

[alcurad]

inshallah someone will post something helpful, I think since it's Ramadan not many people post.

may allah grant you strength and peace sister aisha

 

[zakirs]

Sister.. its so great of you that even after so many difficulties you have very high hope .May Allah bless you sis.Hope some sister replies to your message.

which area do you live in

 

[S_87]

where do you live sister?

 

[Allahsavesall]

I live near Minneapolis St Paul MN. Across the WI side. It is about a half hr drive from the cities.

 

[Muhaba]

Since you live in the United States, you can get welfare, housing assistance, etc. It takes time, but you can get it. Maybe go to a shelter for the homeless if you don't have rent. Then apply to get free housing, welfare, etc. Afterward, get counceling so you can overcome your social anxiety problems, get training to do some work, then find work so that you can support yourself and build a future.

May Allah help you.

 

[Allahsavesall]

thank u for your responses.

To the person who thinks all of the US has programs and welfare, I will take the time to explain a little about the United States. Each State is different when it comes to what benefits you are able to get. Where I live there is no such thing as cash assistance. Welfare is for those with families and children. The only thing I am able to get is food stamps they JUST passed a new health care here for people without children that are 200 % poverty level. But the application fee itself is 60 dollars. For the housing section 8, HUD etc the waiting list is 2 yrs. And you have to be able to pass a credit check. My hospital bills alone will not able me to be accepted into it. I have been in therapy for my disorders since I was 18 yrs old. I am now working with a team of people from human services along with job people. Kind of like a DVR program. I will be working on obtaining a GED to start with so I am able to train in something I am able to do. I have some limitations and restrictions that will only allow me to do some things. But am working on it.
My social worker and team here are great. If I leave the county I will not get there services and have to start over somewhere else. My county is not very big so the personal contact and level of support are more one on one here, something you would not get in a large population. It took me 13 years to find such a great support system, moving place to place to feel comfortable and happy with the services I get. When you don't have a income you usually have to rely on the county you live in's services since there on a sliding scale and you don't need insurance to go there, It can be hard to find good doctors, and therapy. If I can do anything to stay where I am right now I will at least try my best not to lose what I gained here. I take a DBT class which is not offered just anywhere. And I am finding it very helpful with managing living.