why am i feeling this way

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anonymous

anonymous

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asalam alaikum

i am informally engaged with a bro, infact its not even any engagment, its jst dat we're considering ech other, yet i feel dat once he knws of my family circumstances he will not feel as much interest in me anymor. i dnt knw y, but i feel dat he will be happier 2 marry a sister who has decents parents and a nyc house. i knw dat in islam its all bout deen, and i love islam and practice it yet i feel dat these days people luk in2 family bckground and such wen marryin a girl. i am basically insecure in this regard.

i really want 2 hld 2 him yet i dont want 2. i dnt want 2 attach so much 2 him caz maybe hez not the man i need. i am still waitin 4 the man who will understand the situation at hme & understand hw patient i had been 4 many years in this cloudy atmosphere, and grow interest in me becaz i knw wat a horrible struggle is lyk, ive seen the good and bad, and i chose islam throughout this difficult journey. i dnt knw what Allah has planned 4 me, i feel so blessed with islam, education and great muslim friends, yet i am not blessed with a good father- he drinks, he abused my mum, he wants 2 kick us out and the list goes on.

plz make dua 4 me and advice me a little. may allah 4give me if i have ever burdened u :)
 
:sl:

Please don't feel we are burdened. There are plenty of stupid forums that we have all wasted our precious time on with idle "chit chat".

I am sorry to hear about the way you have been feeling. I hope you don't mind if I make a teeny weeny suggestion... If possible, try to avoid bringing out the negative sides of your father's treatment with yourself and your mother. Please don't get me wrong. I am just feeling concerned about the sensitivity/privacy of your situation.

The power of Allah is beyond our comprehension. We must connect with him in our prayers and he will listen. He will guide you. I am sitting here thinking that this all sounds very easy for me to write this to you. I probably cannot fully imagine what you are feeling. Only you and Allah know this.

Please remember, you are not alone. Inshallah all the readers here will remember you in their prayers and do dua for you. Also, you are a beautiful person. Think about all the nice things that you have in your life. You have your knowledge in Islam. It is usually the whisper of Shaytan who makes us thinks about the negative side of things. I too am guilty of heavy negative thinking. So I read Auzu billah hei, mina shaytan, nirajeem and get rid of the Shaytan.

It is very difficult - I know, but try to take a deep breath and try not to lose hope. Allah becomes angry if we lose hope because it means we do not trust him.

I hope I have not said anything to upset you. It is probably difficult for you to take any of this in if you are upset. Please give yourself some time and some breathing space. Take each day as it comes and keep seeking Allah's guidance. He already knows what is happening. He is waiting for your duas.
 
All the men are the same: if they don't drink, they lie; if they don't lie, they smoke and so on. You will never find the perfect man because there is not such a thing. You can wait for him for years but you will see in the end you will find still someone with certain "habits". The real question in marriage would be you don't be affected too much by his habits.
 
Greetings, anonymous

I would like to think that your husband-to-be will look first and foremost at YOU when considering marriage, and that your family will only be a minor issue.

As Tania points out, you cannot expect your parents to be perfect - just as you cannot expect yourself or your finace to be perfect. We are all flawed, and none of us are perfect. That's why we need to learn to be patient and forgiving with each other.

But at the same token, you cannot be held responsible for the behaviour of your parents or anybody else ... you are only responsible for yourself and your own conduct.
Remember that you are not just a product of your parents - you are a creation of God!

I pray that things will work out for the best for you! :)
 
:sl:

Perhaps he will draw strength from the fact that despite your fathers habits and unIslamic ways, you are not wayward and are a good Muslimah. Alhamdulilah
If he does, he may just be the one . InshaAllah.

May Allah swt aid you. Ameen :)
 
:sl:
i am informally engaged with a bro, infact its not even any engagment, its jst dat we're considering ech other, yet i feel dat once he knws of my family circumstances he will not feel as much interest in me anymor.
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dear sis, if thats the case and he judges you based on things beyond your control, than i think he's being unreasonalble, and i dont know about you, but i wouldnt marry an unreasonable man. :sunny:
i reckon any decent man would look past the actions of your father, etc and realise that it isnt your fault and such cirsimstances have nothing to do with you. the decent man would marry the good and religous daughter that belongs to this father. And if this man (or any other man) dosnt look past that, and blames her for the actions of her father, etc then he aint decent and isnt worthy in my opnion.
in fact if i was in this situation and the guy decided that i wasnt good enough based on this, than i would be glad that the relationship didnt go any further, becasue that would tell me what type of person he is, (i.e in the negative).

:sl:
 
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May Allah swt aid you in this, ameen

If he is right for you, May Allah SWT unite you, and if not May He distance you, ameen

If he is a good person, he will look past your family, and will not judge you by them.
 

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