Why is she doing this? ADVICE NEEDED

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Melancholy

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:sl:I have a very bad relationship with my mother, as my sister is always fighting with me and wanting to displease me all the time. Whilst my mother takes her side and just totally ignores me. How can I improve my relationship with my mother as she is wishing bad luck on me and wanting me to fail in life as a consequence. I do become enraged when my sister bullies me and my mother seems to be doing nothing except cursing me. I consider myself as a good person but this dispute is ruining my whole life.

I'm just really scared about this situation and I do not want to fail as my mother has been praying and asking for this to be granted. Why wont she wish good things as opposed to bad?

Help?

:wa:
 
sis try your best to please your mother.help her with her chores.apologize if you have ever offended or hurt her feelings,then she will be kind to you inshallah.observe how your sis deals with your mother.your mother is biased towards her and this must be because your sis would be more considerate towards her.try to be like her,show your mother that you love her and things will fix inshallah.
best of luck! take care.
 
To understand why people do what they do, you need to understand people and there is nothing in the universe more complex than people, that is why managing human relationships is difficult to learn for someone who is not born with that skill. First know that all individuals (you, your sister and your mother) see situations from their own perspective, try to see yourself, the things that you do and say, they way you act towards them and others, as they see you. Know that they may not see you as you see yourself because, they are burdened by their own prejudices and beliefs and because they only know what they see not what you think. Know that it take 10 times as long to repair a relationship than it does to damage it but also understand that if you act with integrity, in time, respect will come from even you most ardent enemy. Take your mother out for a cup of coffee, tell her what is making you unhappy and ask her what she thinks you should do to help in this relationship triangle.
 
:sl:

Melancholy said:
:sl:I have a very bad relationship with my mother,
:wa:
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as a sis already told u , try to be nice & kind to mom . Try to help her in kitchen , try to give her some rest when she is tired . It's not good to make her so angry that she starts cursing u .

Ask Allah to help you and your mom to control temper and not to curse anybody .
 
:sl:
Sis, my advice may not sound so good but it could work. Some people just dislike you, you don't know why but they just do and turning that hatred into love can take some time, a day, a week, a month, a year or sometimes even ages. And the advice given by the sisters will work InshAllah but don't expect a miracle. Like I said, it will take time, you don't know how much?? So as a son/daughter, our duty is kindness to our parents regardless of their behaviour towards us. Evil for evil won't work. According to a Hadeeth, Rasoolullah (SallAllahu Alayhi Wasallam) said : "Allah has cursed the parents who make their children disobedient by cursing/abusing them." So in the hadeeth, Allah has taken the decision for such parents but the hadeeth nowhere mentions that in such a case the child is allowed to retaliate in a like manner. Some hadeeth also say that parents need to be treated with kindness even if they are non-Muslims.

Your only and only solution to this problem is Sabr and don't forget that reward of As-Saabireen is unlimited (reward without measure). If you know of any other solution then DO inform me about it.

Surah Zumar (Surah # 39) verse 10:
Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning.

and make lots and lots of dua. Also keep in mind the rejection, persecution, insult and ridicule, our beloved Rasoolullah (SallAllahu Alayhi Wasallam) went through just for the sake of Allah.

I know it'll get difficult and sometimes you may not run out of patience but keep trying. All you can do is keep trying and have patience. I'll make dua for you InshAllah. :)

Surah Fussilat (Surah # 41) verse 34
Repel (Evil) with what is better

:w:
 
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Melancholy said:
:sl:I have a very bad relationship with my mother, as my sister is always fighting with me and wanting to displease me all the time. Whilst my mother takes her side and just totally ignores me. How can I improve my relationship with my mother as she is wishing bad luck on me and wanting me to fail in life as a consequence. I do become enraged when my sister bullies me and my mother seems to be doing nothing except cursing me. I consider myself as a good person but this dispute is ruining my whole life.

I'm just really scared about this situation and I do not want to fail as my mother has been praying and asking for this to be granted. Why wont she wish good things as opposed to bad?

Help?

:wa:
Click to expand...

assalamu alaykum,

Is there a reason why you feel your mother favours your sister over you? Did anything happen where you upset your mother in the past, or bring shame on her honour? Did you disobey her or insult her?

If you did nothing to earn your mother's displeasure in you then believe me sweety, for every wrong you are done, Allah will compensate you. I will never understand what is it that leads to this, but it is true that some mothers favour one child more than another.

One extreme example is of a woman I know. She used to dragged her baby daughter by her arm from the top of the stairs with her head banging against the wall, all the way to the bottom. I was a baby myself then. My parents witnessed this happen and threatened to call the police, even though they knew the woman. Finally the child was taken by social service, adopted by non muslim and as far as I know, still with them. I haven't met her but I will to brain her back to Islam inshaAllah. :cry:


All I can say is hun, to try not to react, either to your sister or to your mum's behavior. It will only make it worse for you. If they take your silence as your weakness, then let them have their 2 minutes of pride and arrogance. Believe me, it won't be long before the muslim inside them will waken to make them realise that your silence is stronger and they are the ones who are weak. Engage yourself in religious duties wholeheartedly and make dua to Allah to siften their hearts and make ease for you.

Sometimes baby, these things take time, but Allah, in the end, will never let you down. Make lots of dikhr. It will bring a light in you (you should also recite Surah al Kahf, the the first 10 verses at least, every Friday.) And with light from Allah in you, people will respond differently to you, inshaAllah, ta 'alaa.
 
Asslamu Alikum

Find out why your sister bullies you and find out why your mom takes your sister side. Put yourself into your mom situation and your sister situation. Ignore your sister for now. Just avoid her and if she gets into a conversation with you, keep things formal. I think family members can get fed up living together and sometimes need to be alone.

Just be nice to your mom. Help her live comfortably and try not to get into a fight with your sister. It will cause your mom more stress. During that time alone find out if there is anything your doing that upsets your mom/sister. When we get angry/frustrated we tend to be biased and not look at our own mistakes.

So for now, avoid your sister and avoid getting into fights. Continue to pray on a regular basis and remember Ramadan is coming soon. Try not to get into any arguments especially during Ramadan since I noticed people tend to loose their temper quite easily.

Being alone can give you a lot of time to reflect on your actions and think carefully. BTW are you the younger or the older sister?
 
There is a hadith in which it is stated (to the effect that) give gifts, to increase love. I suggest giving special gifts to your mommy, and doing special, nice, considerate things for her. It shows her that you love her and reminds her that she loves you, no matter the disputes between you.
 
Sister, i know exactly what you are going through. Sometimes parents favor one child over another. They love one child more than others, whether that child is their oldest or their youngest, although i think usually it's the oldest, and it's strange but it seems like they only see that child as their only child. like the others aren't their children! These sort of parents are so blinded that no matter what the beloved child does, he/she is always right and the others are always wrong.

You need to deal with this situation in the following ways.
1. analyze your behavior - are you doing anything wrong that makes your mother angry at you? not studying enough,not helping your mom, etc.

2. analyze your sister's behavior - is she doing anything that makes your mom especially happy? is she more helpful than you? more respectful? more studious? etc.

If none of these, and your mom favors her for no reason at all, then pray to Allah to soften your mom's heart toward you and also make your sister good to you. Read the four Quls, etc. Ignore your sister's behavior altogether. If you see that she is about to pick fights with you, leave the room. Don't give her a chance. If she yells at you or something, just change the subject. Like, instead of yelling back or complaining to your mom, start talking about something else, like a party you went to or what happened at school, etc. (This is difficult, but will make things better insha-Allah.) When your sister sees her actions can't get the desired effect, she will get tired of them. (To help yourself from losing your temper, you can write "I will not lose my temper" over and over again on several pages. I've seen that this really helps.)

Also, it may be that your mom is tired of the fights and thinks that the only way to stop them is by making you be quiet. parents are also humans and they have a very tiring job, simply being parents. So try your best not add to your parents' difficulties by ignoring your sister's bad behavior. May Allah give both your sister and your mother guidance and make life easier for you. Ameen.

PS. Everyone else gave good advice.
 
Assalamu aleiykum sister melancholy, I have been where you are most my life. I will only give you one advice as I know what its like to be in your position and know how painfulit is. Whatever happens dont ever forget, you only get one mother. Whatever you do or dont do just always be the one that tries to forgive and move forward. This is for your own sanity and peace of mind, and its what is expected from Allah. I cannot see mine anymore and it is the saddest thing that ever happened to me. May Allah make you and your Mum a way forward, Ameen
 
wa alaykum us-Salaam
Melancholy said:
:sl:I have a very bad relationship with my mother, as my sister is always fighting with me and wanting to displease me all the time. Whilst my mother takes her side and just totally ignores me. How can I improve my relationship with my mother as she is wishing bad luck on me and wanting me to fail in life as a consequence. I do become enraged when my sister bullies me and my mother seems to be doing nothing except cursing me. I consider myself as a good person but this dispute is ruining my whole life.

:wa:
Click to expand...
quite frankly sis, i would ignore my sister. it seems she only reacts when you do. reverse psychology, my friend :thumbs_up
what ever she "throws" at you, just ignore it as best as you can and move on...i know its hard, but sometimes that's the best option.
 
Melancholy said:
:sl:I have a very bad relationship with my mother, as my sister is always fighting with me and wanting to displease me all the time. Whilst my mother takes her side and just totally ignores me. How can I improve my relationship with my mother as she is wishing bad luck on me and wanting me to fail in life as a consequence. I do become enraged when my sister bullies me and my mother seems to be doing nothing except cursing me. I consider myself as a good person but this dispute is ruining my whole life.

I'm just really scared about this situation and I do not want to fail as my mother has been praying and asking for this to be granted. Why wont she wish good things as opposed to bad?

Help?

:wa:
Click to expand...

you can start stop thinking you can rule over your morther and for sure rule over your sister. NEVER !!!! They are two INDEPENDEND individues, and they can choose what they like. She need NO brother who decide over her life.
And your mother? you need to have respect for her!
if you are an adult, go your own life and don't think what your mother wants. just live your OWN life, as they also have to do
 
Sister Melancholy, make Duaa that you will have better relationship with your mother and your sister. InshaAllah everything will work out.

And remember always that shaytaan is our enemy
 
Asalamalaikum wa rahmatu laahi wa barakaatu..

Sister make dua and just talk to you mum without your sister there and tell her how you feel..Also help you mum around the house and since its Ramadhan now..you can help her with the cooking and both of you can read the quran together and hopefully your sister would like to join in too :)

1467. Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The supplication most often recited by the Prophet (PBUH) was: "Allahumma atina fid-dunya hasanatan, wa fil-akhirati hasanatan, wa qina `adhab-annar (O our Rubb! give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the punishment of the Fire).'''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
 
Salaam, Pray to Allah SWT and make dua from the heart. Ask Allah SWT to forgive those who hurt and wronged you. Dont let this debacle get to you though i know its hard to let it go. I have been through a similar experience and trust me this is an experience which will no doubt help you in becoming a better person.

May Allah SWT remove the darkness from our hearts and fill it with light. Ameen
 
Melancholy said:
:sl:I have a very bad relationship with my mother, as my sister is always fighting with me and wanting to displease me all the time. Whilst my mother takes her side and just totally ignores me. How can I improve my relationship with my mother as she is wishing bad luck on me and wanting me to fail in life as a consequence. I do become enraged when my sister bullies me and my mother seems to be doing nothing except cursing me. I consider myself as a good person but this dispute is ruining my whole life.

I'm just really scared about this situation and I do not want to fail as my mother has been praying and asking for this to be granted. Why wont she wish good things as opposed to bad?

Help?

:wa:
Click to expand...

Immediate advice step outsde the window and look back in. - It is very hard but examine your own behaviour - are you truly blameless?

Once knew a chap who always claimed people avoided him. Tried diplomacy but eventually had to put it bluntly - sniff your armpits , you pong!

You may think you are blameless, but look at it from the outside - see what your mother sees. Perhaps she has something to complain about. Or if she doesn't perhaps she thinks your sister has something to complain about.

You are not terrilby specific about what your sister complains about, so can't be more specific.
 
Santoku said:
Immediate advice step outsde the window and look back in. - It is very hard but examine your own behaviour - are you truly blameless?

Once knew a chap who always claimed people avoided him. Tried diplomacy but eventually had to put it bluntly - sniff your armpits , you pong!

You may think you are blameless, but look at it from the outside - see what your mother sees. Perhaps she has something to complain about. Or if she doesn't perhaps she thinks your sister has something to complain about.

You are not terrilby specific about what your sister complains about, so can't be more specific.
Click to expand...

great advice and i wanted to ask the same thing
 

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