would a brother

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Ummu Sufyaan

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i've been thinking recently because there seems to be some kind of double standard thingee that i cant seem to stomach and therefore want to know: as it's a common practice for the daughter in law to move into her husbands/in-laws home as to look after his parents, would most brothers be willing to do otherwise? i mean move to help their mothers in law in her old age. as a last resort maybe where the sis may have no brothers, or the sons aren't able to help their own mother (for whatever reason) i don't necessarily mean move in with their in-laws but maybe even her mum moves in to his/his parents house.
 
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men are men and women are women. maybe its not in our nature to adjust in wife's home! :D

its not about double standard but different nature of both genders. but of course, if wife's mother needs help and care, she should be given the same.
 
I think if a man loves you enough, he should have no problem with you having your elderly parent(s) live with you in their time of need.

It all boils down to love. Some people are inherently selfish and not giving and will only attempt to make you fit into their particular family, lifestyle, ideaological leanings etc without seeing the need to accommodate their own self in your life.
 
Sufisticated007 said:
I think if a man loves you enough, he should have no problem with you having your elderly parent(s) live with you in their time of need.

It all boils down to love. Some people are inherently selfish and not giving and will only attempt to make you fit into their particular family, lifestyle, ideaological leanings etc without seeing the need to accommodate their own self in your life.
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I agree
I dont think there is anything wrong with that. I have seen families where ones mother lives with her daughter (even if she has sons).. if one doesnt have sons then I think its the daughter's responsiblity to look after her mother and her husband should understand that. Now if you are asking if a brother would... he should... I am married and when my mother recently got sick I went to stay with her for 1 week. Even though she lives with all four of my brothers.
 
:salamext:

I would love to acquire such a wife. Helping the parents is good. The mothers feet have Paradise. I would help my wife with helping my parents. It would be so noble inshAllah. If she doesn't want to,I wouldn't force her to but still would help them on my own,nothing taken to the heart.
 
My grandmother (Mother's mother), lives with us most of the year and only goes to visit her other children (all male) for a couple of months each year. My father does not seem to mind. (His mother only visits for about three months per year)
 
This practise is widely practised in the sub asian continent. All muslims dont do this. I have too wondered about these double standards?

Nice thread um'ul'shadeed.:thumbs_up
 
From an unbias position here, hoping I am not culturally influenced... I think it's a woman's job to adjust into the man's house. I don't think any of the Prophet's wives (sallallahu alayhe wasallam/radiallahu anhum) had lived with their parents their whole lives, or any of the pious in that case... Right?
 
eHafiz said:
From an unbias position here, hoping I am not culturally influenced... I think it's a woman's job to adjust into the man's house. I don't think any of the Prophet's wives (sallallahu alayhe wasallam/radiallahu anhum) had lived with their parents their whole lives, or any of the pious in that case... Right?
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On the other hand, I never got the impression that the men were living with their parents either. Their wives all got separate homes that they did not share with his parents.
 
this indonesian woman once told me that in indonesia the man moves in with his in laws.. but interesting question you bring up..i do know of a couple of people within the family, who have sons but rather live with their daughters and son in laws.
 
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I have too wondered about these double standards?
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i find it even more strange though how he moves in with his parents. i mean thought the honorable thing to do is buy/rent a place, have them move in with you and treat them as your guests (as yes guests are treated extremely honorably, well atleast where im from) not you mooch off them :-\ eh?
 
Umm ul-Shaheed said:
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i find it even more strange though how he moves in with his parents. i mean thought the honorable thing to do is buy/rent a place, have them move in with you and treat them as your guests (as yes guests are treated extremely honorably, well atleast where im from) not you mooch off them :-\ eh?
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Yes, thats what i thought most couples did- move in to their own places rather than the wife moving in with the husbands family until I met people from the sub asian continent and found out that its the norm for the husband to move in with his parents.


Anywas, something i have always wondered about is why does the daughter-in-law have to care of her mother-in-law? dont get me wrong its good thing to do and she will get reward for it inshallah. Situation like when the mother has only got sons to look after her is understandable but when the daughter herself is present wouldnt the mother feel more comfortable being look after by her own flesh and blood rather than her son's wife as most of the time its not the son looks after her but his wife.
 
my brother-in-law lived with us for a long time lol


my own brother helps his in-laws pretty much day and night


my other brother lives abroad from his in-laws but his always calling them - making sure their allright - sending gifts etc..


and im completely sure that none of us would have a problem giving our in-laws our time/effort and even space (at home)
 
Ar-RaYYan said:
Yes, thats what i thought most couples did- move in to their own places rather than the wife moving in with the husbands family until I met people from the sub asian continent and found out that its the norm for the husband to move in with his parents.


Anywas, something i have always wondered about is why does the daughter-in-law have to care of her mother-in-law? dont get me wrong its good thing to do and she will get reward for it inshallah. Situation like when the mother has only got sons to look after her is understandable but when the daughter herself is present wouldnt the mother feel more comfortable being look after by her own flesh and blood rather than her son's wife as most of the time its not the son looks after her but his wife.
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Usually when there are unmarried daughters, they take care of the mom-in-law. But when they get married they move out of the house and the responsibility naturally falls to the daughter-in-law. Though islamically, she is not required to take care of her Mom-in-law, only her mom, and if she does, it is Ihsaan on her part. Also, culturally, it is considered really bad if she doesn't, she'll probably have fights and fallings outs with her husband and his family.
 

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