Would you marry a sister like this?

[anonymous]

Salam

If there was a sister who seems practicing however her house is a mess, would brothers especially practicing ones be inclined to marry her?

I would just elaborate on what I mean by a house that is a mess. So her house is rundown, extremely old and broken. The walls are stained, the carpet on the floors are torn and old, the windows are broken, ripped curtains, the paint is chipping from the doors, etc.

Also, her furniture is all old, damaged and second hand. She has no sofas, just really old mismatched chairs, a really old table with loose feet, no tv, decorations or anything pretty. The cups you drank juice in were really old and chipped and the rugs on the floor are old and ruined.

If she is practicing and has piety, would brothers overlook her housing conditions and be inclined to marry her? Or would it be a dealbreaker? How would brothers feel about this?

 

[Studentofdeed]

how did you come to meet her? How do you know for sure she is pious? Do your research. Many people appear pious and they hide many things. If her house is not clean that she could be like that after marriage. However if her house is just broken and she is renting, then that is not in her control. Make sure to involve family, get advice, and pray istikhara

 

[*charisma*]

This doesn't seem like an issue of cleanliness, it seems like an issue of poverty. If you marry her, you're the one responsible for giving her a better life, so her poverty shouldn't matter to you.
If it's an issue of cleanliness/hygiene then it will definitely have an effect on marriage because no one wants to be in an unclean house or have an unclean partner.

 

[Imraan]

Salam

If there was a sister who seems practicing however her house is a mess, would brothers especially practicing ones be inclined to marry her?

I would just elaborate on what I mean by a house that is a mess. So her house is rundown, extremely old and broken. The walls are stained, the carpet on the floors are torn and old, the windows are broken, ripped curtains, the paint is chipping from the doors, etc.

Also, her furniture is all old, damaged and second hand. She has no sofas, just really old mismatched chairs, a really old table with loose feet, no tv, decorations or anything pretty. The cups you drank juice in were really old and chipped and the rugs on the floor are old and ruined.

If she is practicing and has piety, would brothers overlook her housing conditions and be inclined to marry her? Or would it be a dealbreaker? How would brothers feel about this?

Housing conditions we set in our homes are either out of choice or circumstance. But there should be no excuse for not being clean. Furniture is understandable, if you cant afford it what can you do?

If out of choice then that would be a deal breaker
If out of circumstance then there is room for improvement.

However and this is from a personal view, if the state of the house matches or exceeds the condition where you live, then brothers would be inclined to move forward for sure... they'll feel comfortable. Given theyve had a short glimpse first hand.. thorough checks needed before committing though.

Summary: assess persons circumstance and approach to life and their fellow humans. If all good and reasonable then you dont need to worry about rugs n walls and cups, everything in time will fall into place insh Allah...

 

[Assalaam]

Yes brother how did you know about what her house looks like? Did someone tell you?

 

[keiv]

Yea it really doesn’t sound like an issue with bad hygiene or bad maintenance just based on what you typed. People who are practicing and pious would not live like that out of choice, so it sounds like money issues. Again, I’m simply basing that from the info you posted.

IF a brother was looking to get married, chances are she would be the one moving in with him and not the other way around, so I don’t see that being an issue.

 

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam

I don't think any of us us are in a position where we can assume even though as humans we can be very judgemental and presumptuous.

This lady may prefer to give her wealth to charity and may choose this lifestyle for herself. This lady may not be financially well off. This lady may have the money but may not have the time to fix her house. This lady may have a disability which may prevent her from doing the basic housework etc. Who knows?

Whether a brother will marry this sister...it will vary from brother to brother. I don't think you should limit yourself. You are best having this conversation with the interested partner insha Allah.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam

You gave no context on the sister's circumstance yet want people to make a judgement on her, based on the little information you provide.

Is she living alone or in her family home with her parents? Is she working/financially secure? Is she renting this property or does she own it?

You should realise that one could live in a run down environment and still be a "clean" person. Conversely, one could live in a mansion yet be unkempt. The things you described, none of them sound like she is deliberately being unclean, rather they all blatantly indicate a lack of finance. You sound very judgemental, if that is the case.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Why on Earth are you making a marriage decision based on what others think?

 

[Studentofdeed]

sometimes you need other peoples opinions. There are many red flags we as individuals miss and need others to see. Hence there are chaperones when we see the person we are proposing to. This brother is not sure and marriage is a life decision. Not a candy you can buy from store and throw it away.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Then the brother needs to ask his close and trusted friends and family. Not the general public.

Apologies if this causes any offence but I will be closing this thread. I do not believe it is appropriate to discuss questions like these with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. They come across as quite degrading.

As general advice, I would suggest that you decide what you do and do not want in a relationship. Perhaps discussing things regarding what makes a good spouse generally would be a better idea. I would strongly recommend not mentioning any specific or personal characteristics of an individual to avoid causing those people any embarrassment or humiliation.

It’s clear from everyone’s responses that they’re more interested in digging up personal information about the sister in question rather than discussing generally what makes a good spouse. Whilst cleanliness is a part of eman, it isn’t appropriate to magnify shortcomings that could be down to a variety of reasons, something that you may want to look into first if you’re thinking of proposing to her.

Please do message me if you have any concerns or queries and I will be happy to clarify and assist.