You wouldn't beleive it if you met me but.....

[AnonymousPoster]

brother's and sisters of LI.

I'm a long standing member of this forum and if you have read any of my posts (though obviously you wouldn;t which ones I'm talking about) you wouldn;t beleive what I'm about to reveal to you about my self.

Do the outside world, I'm a respected member of the society and my profession. I'm a responsible person and I love my work. I'm married and I have a child and I love both my husband and child very dearly, I'd do almost anything for them.

But sometimes I hate them both so much that I wish I could kill them. I mean literally.

This is where the unbeleivable part about me begins. There is a Shaitaan inside of me that I despearately want to get rid of.

I have a horrible and violent temper. When I get heated up, I'm like a mad person. I act very violently without even thinking about it. I would dash anything I have in my hand on the floor. Recently , I have started to beat my child (who is still a toddler) if he does something very naughty. He is too little to understand why, and I'm afraid that I might permantly damage my child due to my behaviour. He has now taken to coughing and vomiting when he feels hurt and cries too much.

I sometimes hate my husband because I think he is very selfish. He doesn't do anything special for me and he is unromantic. I once wanted to take a vacation to a neighbouring country and visit my sister and he refused saying we don't enough money for it. But when it comes to spending on himself he has a lot of cash. He spends lavishly for himslef, but almost never for me. He says that if I wanted something special I should get it with my own savings.

I'm not a very good housekeeper and he always finds fault with me for that reason. He hates my family and the way they live. All these things anger me and I lose my temper with him a lot. I have dashed many dishes on the floor when we have arguments or fights.

I don't like the way I am. I have always had a bad temper. It gets aggravated for many reasons. When I'm too stressed, if someones constantly finds fault with me, if my child does something to add to my workload, if I feel I'm treated unfairly. I'm only like this at home.

Divorce is not a solution for me, though I think about it all the time. I would have nowhere to go. It is not an accepted thing in the community I come from. I feel that if I go on like this and not get any treatment (i'm convinced I have some mental disorder) I might end up in a mental institute.

I just don't know what to do except appeal to Allah. But... I'm not very good at crying and making du'aa to Allah. I know it's pathetic. I'm a devout Muslim, I wear Hijaab and pray regularly. I recite quran whenever I can. But I'm not really good and asking Allah to help me out........

 

[Zahida]

You need help. Anger management classes. This is not good that you are beating your baby, and probably turning your husband away from you............

Sis sorry to be harsh imsad Do you suffer from PMT.Because this can also set off a womans temper, my sis suffers from it and about a week before and a week after you cannot approach her,her doctor has diagnosed it as PMT and she is recieving treatment.

Sis get help for your own good and benefit, reading the kalimah when angry sends anger away from you.................

brother's and sisters of LI.

I'm a long standing member of this forum and if you have read any of my posts (though obviously you wouldn;t which ones I'm talking about) you wouldn;t beleive what I'm about to reveal to you about my self.

Do the outside world, I'm a respected member of the society and my profession. I'm a responsible person and I love my work. I'm married and I have a child and I love both my husband and child very dearly, I'd do almost anything for them.

But sometimes I hate them both so much that I wish I could kill them. I mean literally.

This is where the unbeleivable part about me begins. There is a Shaitaan inside of me that I despearately want to get rid of.

I have a horrible and violent temper. When I get heated up, I'm like a mad person. I act very violently without even thinking about it. I would dash anything I have in my hand on the floor. Recently , I have started to beat my child (who is still a toddler) if he does something very naughty. He is too little to understand why, and I'm afraid that I might permantly damage my child due to my behaviour. He has now taken to coughing and vomiting when he feels hurt and cries too much.

I sometimes hate my husband because I think he is very selfish. He doesn't do anything special for me and he is unromantic. I once wanted to take a vacation to a neighbouring country and visit my sister and he refused saying we don't enough money for it. But when it comes to spending on himself he has a lot of cash. He spends lavishly for himslef, but almost never for me. He says that if I wanted something special I should get it with my own savings.

I'm not a very good housekeeper and he always finds fault with me for that reason. He hates my family and the way they live. All these things anger me and I lose my temper with him a lot. I have dashed many dishes on the floor when we have arguments or fights.

I don't like the way I am. I have always had a bad temper. It gets aggravated for many reasons. When I'm too stressed, if someones constantly finds fault with me, if my child does something to add to my workload, if I feel I'm treated unfairly. I'm only like this at home.

Divorce is not a solution for me, though I think about it all the time. I would have nowhere to go. It is not an accepted thing in the community I come from. I feel that if I go on like this and not get any treatment (i'm convinced I have some mental disorder) I might end up in a mental institute.

I just don't know what to do except appeal to Allah. But... I'm not very good at crying and making du'aa to Allah. I know it's pathetic. I'm a devout Muslim, I wear Hijaab and pray regularly. I recite quran whenever I can. But I'm not really good and asking Allah to help me out........

 

[kjra]

Assalamu-alaikum sister...
Im sorry to hear what you are going through....but i am really worried. Please please please sister get help from some one. Im really scared for your son more then anything.
Allah has blessed you with a wonderful child....please try to get help as soon as you can. Talk to some one who you can trust. Go to your GP. Maybe he can give you some medications.
You say that there is a something evil inside you, why don't you get some help from an alim?
I know i havn't been very helpful....but im so worried for your child.
ws

 

[Yanal]

You shouldn't put your temper on your child. Maybe your husband but not without a valid reason you should do yoga,read the Quran and when you get the temptation of being angry dhikr. Why spend your money for dishes you threw in a fight when you can give that money into charity and get good deeds rather then just spending money.

 

[glo]

Dear anon

I suggest that you try to keep a diary when you have these heated outbursts ... just to ascertain whether they may be linked to your menstrual cycle and may be hormonal.

Peace

 

[Al-Zaara]

You're story is not unbeliavable and you are not evil. We all have dark secrets, we all have something haunting us, more or less, bad habits etc.

But I find you situation quite crucial only because of this:

I have a horrible and violent temper. When I get heated up, I'm like a mad person. I act very violently without even thinking about it. I would dash anything I have in my hand on the floor. Recently , I have started to beat my child (who is still a toddler) if he does something very naughty. He is too little to understand why, and I'm afraid that I might permantly damage my child due to my behaviour. He has now taken to coughing and vomiting when he feels hurt and cries too much.

Your child should not pay for something it hasn't done, and if he has, he is a child, manners like that fit only when there is someone as strong and big as you, meaning an adult. For something you have dealt with 9 months time and that you know you love and wish to protect, but seem to feel you are its greatest danger; I beg you to take my advice seriously and as soon as possible react.

You are troubled mentally, because you are stressed and now even think there's a devil in you. It doesn't have to be that way, inshaAllah. It is comforting from Islamic perspective to see you are searching for help through Allah the Almighty. You can get Allah's help apart from praying aswell. You go and visit a doctor and put your faith in Allah that this person can help you.

See, it could be that you are experiencing something many women feel after giving birth or months after pregnancy, namely depression, post-natal depression I believe it is called. Reasons are many to name, some have it because they are stressed of work others have appearance-issues.

Psychological issues like this are constantly researched and there is professional help to find which really knows what it is doing. For you say you have a hard time controlling yourself and need someone's help. Stop blaming yourself or calling yourself a bad person. Find practical help! It won't be anyone close to you, but someone close to the cure, namely a psychologist or other form of mental health take-carer or doctor.
Best thing is for you to call the doctor who helped you when giving birth, or a doctor who followed your pregnancy, the one you always visited or the likes. If no way to contact him/her, you simply pay a visit to the hospital or some other on-call duty place.

You must do this, this is your child and first time you are a mother, no one can say you are a bad mother or person, for heaven's sake you are only human! Nobody just turns out perfect after giving birth or becomes the perfect wife after marrying.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Talk to your husband about it.

if that doesnt bring about a solution, talk to family members.


Try to overcome your anger issues, be more engrossed in worship...


your family can be a huge test for you, may ALlah help you

Ameen


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Snowflake]

Sister, I feel for you. It sounds to me that being treated unfairly, feeling unloved and so forth has lead u to feel this way. Trust me sis, some people or situations can literally drive one out of their mind. It sounds like you are having some sort of breakdown and unable to get through to your husband and on top of that you have his child who (through no fault of his own) makes you feel even more trapped in a loveless marriage.

Sis plz dont be ashamed to seek help. Your child wont be taken away from you. But you will be given help like mental support/assessment as well as physical help (someone coming to your home to help with household chores) if you cant cope right now.

And like sis Zaara said, we all have evil thoughts. They are from the shaytaan (qareen) which is with us and tempts us all the time. I remember when I found out my ex husband had done the dirty on me, I planned revenge in my head. It was sick but alhumdulillah, Allah kept me away from getting to him otherwise I may in my anger have transgressed my rights.


Please seek professional help sis. It really makes a difference knowing someone is there to listen. And you know for yourself what harm this situation can be doing to your child mentally and physically. Every time you feell angry walk away. Even if your child is crying. Let him cry. It wont hurt him. But your anger will. Also force your husband to take care of your child and give yourself some 'me' time. You really have to force it sis, otherwise no one will do anything. For years i suffered silently and its left me physically and mentally weak. God! I feel like a child sometimes. Dont let that happen to you sis. Demand your God given rights as a wife and mother. Your husband has to support you in every way! I pray from the bottom of my heart that through the mercy and kindness of Allah subhana wa ta'ala you get better and your marital problems resolved. May Allah soften both your hearts and increase your love and understanding towards each other. Ameen. Man sis, I really feel for ya! : (

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

it sounds like ur husbands being a bit of a fish aswell

honestly, try your best to help him.

get others to help him,


this could work, believe that! and work towards it


inshAllaah


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Ansariyah]

How wud u feel if u were tied to a tree n beaten? I am not saying that u are tying ur baby to a tree..but he's that helpless when ur abusing him..he can't tell u even if it hurts. Fear Allah..He sees u when no one else is around.

I understand that uve been through a hard time in ur life, but u dont have to be part of this sick cycle. I dont believe that u are mentally ill, Allahu Allam. If thats really a genuine concern of urs, how come u haven't sought out help? Everything u share with ur Doctor is confidential. Allah knows wats truly in ur heart, we don't. Allah will hold u accountable for every harm u inflict upon that innocent helpless child, whos under ur care. Ur husbands treatment towards u is no excuse to abuse ur child!!

Allah, the Most High, has said:

"O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest ye swerve, and if ye distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do." [Quran, 4:35]

"O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to Piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do." [Quran, 5:8]

 

[AnonymousPoster]

First of all, I want to thank all of you who have replied and showed your concern in such a kind and nice way. May Allah Bless you all.

Sis zahida, more often by bad temper is related to my menstrual cycle. But somtimes it isn't. But I do know that I start acting funny close upon my period date. I had no idea that it was considered to be a disease and that one can seek professional help for it. Thank you.

Al-Zaara, Secret of Jannah, Yanoora and others, I have no idea whom to go to. I live in strange country away from my family and friends. But I would feel ashamed to talk to them about this.... I have always knwon that I need to see psychiatrist. I will insha allah bring this up with my husband again.....

Thank toy all once again. And I want you all to understand that I do love my husband and child very much. But right now I hate my job because it's so demanding. I hate binging work home but I have to. My child gets rather upset when I sit at my desk to do some work. He bothers me more when I do so. I know that quitting my job would help some, but on the other hand if I do I'd live a boring life with nothig to do all morning except watch tv. As I mentioned I have no friends here. But I have considered quitting and taking up part time work or a less stressful job at least. Insha Allah.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

I have a horrible and violent temper. When I get heated up, I'm like a mad person. I act very violently without even thinking about it. I would dash anything I have in my hand on the floor.

do you realize that your anger tantrums will only affect? know why? because you teach people how to treat you sis......people are gna be timid ana scared around you, even your husband and kids. is this what you want? when your kid has troubles, he/she aint gna come to you. they'll go to someone else, because they're too scared of you.
so be kind, so that you build a healthy relationship with those around you, namely your husband and kid

Recently , I have started to beat my child (who is still a toddler) if he does something very naughty. He is too little to understand why, and I'm afraid that I might permantly damage my child due to my behaviour.

well yeah you should be. not only that, you gna have to teach your kid about Islam, about manners. your gna have to teach your kid alot of things, and believe it or not he/she is naturally taught by the mother..even if you dont intentionally do it, your kids gna pick up alot of things from you. but if you continue like this, he aint gna listen you when you tell him to pray. u know why? because he only sees the bad side of you, so he'll develop some kinda complexity (i think thats the word :embarrass) towards you. tell me, how is someone meant to take heed when they're abused like this.

He has now taken to coughing and vomiting when he feels hurt and cries too much.

hunni, get a grip, please dont put your kid through this. not only will it affect him/her, but its gna affect how they treat/love you you later on.

I sometimes hate my husband because I think he is very selfish. He doesn't do anything special for me and he is unromantic. I once wanted to take a vacation to a neighbouring country and visit my sister and he refused saying we don't enough money for it. But when it comes to spending on himself he has a lot of cash. He spends lavishly for himslef, but almost never for me. He says that if I wanted something special I should get it with my own savings.I'm not a very good housekeeper and he always finds fault with me for that reason. He hates my family and the way they live.

try talk to him?

All these things anger me and I lose my temper with him a lot. I have dashed many dishes on the floor when we have arguments or fights.

what do you think expressing yur anger like this will solve?

Divorce is not a solution for me, though I think about it all the time. I would have nowhere to go. It is not an accepted thing in the community I come from. I feel that if I go on like this and not get any treatment (i'm convinced I have some mental disorder) I might end up in a mental institute.

how is divorce gna help you?
have you at least tried controlling your anger. every time you get angry, just go to the side and suppress it as much as you can. try to distract yourself away from it... build the strength in you and let it become a habit to control your anger

But right now I hate my job because it's so demanding. I hate binging work home but I have to. My child gets rather upset when I sit at my desk to do some work. He bothers me more when I do so.

lol thats because he wants mumzy's attention

I know that quitting my job would help some, but on the other hand if I do I'd live a boring life with nothig to do all morning except watch tv.

see knowledge, learn Arabic...socialize every now and again?

 

[Snowflake]

^ to the above post, i'd like to add something with regards to how children are affected by parents behavior, towards them and others in general. This is not only for the OP but for others who might be going through similar emotional times and for those who will be parents one day inshaAllah.


A parent may love their child to bits, but due to anger/abuse the child will not feel loved and as the sister pointed out can develope negative feelings towards a parent. Not only will they find it hard to love and respect their parents but when they get older they will look for 'love' elsewhere. And Allah forbid, sometimes may sought to fulfil that need by giving in to haram relationships, as the need to feel loved and wanted is every humanbeing's primary desire.

There may be more damage in that the child may grow to lack confidence, may become introverted, unable to form stable relationships and generally find it hard to express love as they never got to 'feel at ease' with doing that in childhood.

Our childhood is the foundation in which our life rests upon. We must strive to make this foundation strong for your children in order to make them feel loved, safe and secure in their life with you. One day the roles will be reversed and you will be in the care of the child who once was in your care. Suddenly, their foundation will become the foundation upon which your life rests in your old age. If it's weak, then it's anyone's guess what the outcome will be. What we do today, is going to effect everyone involved for a whole life time and perhaps the next generation too. It's never too late to change. Our children not only have rights over us and are not just a trust from Allah but they are our future too. Your future is in your hands. Literally.. Assalamu alaykum.

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

ukhtee...sometimes we as human being easy to find fault in others...but we hardly notice our own faults. So...why not we list down all the good things what our partner has done...and our children too... InshaAllah.

At the same time...lets muhasabah and write down all the bad things that we done to them

And after that...do salah jemaah with your family and ask forgiveness with each other. InshaAllah if you do this every night... the relationship will tightens .

 

[saba muslimah]

Salam sis
Oh Angerness its Not Good for ur health Plz u must Read AaozubiLLah himinat Shaitan nerRajim, N ASTUGHFIRULLAH as much as u can ..
Hope !! u may control ur angerness

 

[جوري]

sis, I can relate to alot of what you write sans the husband and the child.. I have a horrible temper and don't deal well with stress. and well on some level we can all relate to the family problems whether husband, friends, relatives etc they change the name but not the difficulty in the relation.. I will not give you medical advise or ask if you are taking any meds but will throw this out there as an option.. just purely as an option so you can take the edge off for a couple of weeks and then rationally think of your current situation and how to fix it not as an individual but as a family. I think eventually therapy would be an excellent option but see first if this might make a difference into how you perceive and handle your anger before deciding on taking a bigger leap..

http://www.vitacost.com/Natures-Way-Perika-St-Johns-Wort

and Allah swt knows best