Young Brother having trouble with the Nafs

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FrancoDingo

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Salaam Brothers and Sisters,


First, I would like to thank you all for taking the time to understand my trouble and offering advice on how to help. Secondly, I would like to add that this is a serious issue for me, and it is one that causes me great shame and disgust. Third, I would like to say that I take full responsibility for me actions, and know that I am committing a great sin, which is why I am seriously seeking help and advice.

I am a young Muslim man living in a small city for the purpose of work and school. I am very isolated, having very few friends here, which has a very small muslim population to boot. Unfortunately, on many different occasions, I have given into the naffs and have been frequently been using my isolated free time to watch pornography, masturbate frequently, and have even hired several escorts and engaged in sexual activity. As I have mentioned before I say this with complete disgust and revulsion at myself. The worst part is after the sin has been committed and the reality starts to sink in, about what I have done to my soul. All this has taken a great toll on my mind. To make matters worse, I seek forgiveness and offer sincere Tawbah prayer, only to do it again a few days or weeks later.

I frequently pray for Allah SWT to put somebody in my life, however it is clear that the All-Mighty has deemed that now is not the right time for me. However, in the meantime stopping what I have been doing seems impossible. I do not know what to do... I feel trapped and hopeless. Worse, my Imaan is slipping, as I have been praying for someone for years and always find myself in the same situation, isolated and alone. The isolation causes my mind to wonder to the nafs, which I always give into. I can say that this is a question that goes beyond mental discipline. Everybody has basic human needs, and the need for comfort and affection is one of them. When one has been impoverished in this regard, they will seek to fulfil this need in unlawful ways.

I ask the Brothers and Sisters on this forum to please not judge me for my actions, for I am already severely at odds with myself. I also ask that you please do not offer the cliche advice such as: Have a marriage be arranged for you, or do other things in your free time, as I have been reading this advice for months now. Rather, I ask that the community can offer me a higher level of tawbah and other du'a to save my soul and my mind for what I have been frequently doing. Also, I ask for some ways in which a brother can re-channel his energy away from the nafs and into something more productive. Finally, I ask for any major prayer or Du'a that can possibly increase the urgency for allah to put somebody in my life.

This is a burden that I would sincerely like to put to end once and for all. I thank you again, for taking the time to read and understand my situation.

Peace and Blessings be upon you all
 
Walaykum asalam

Everyone has needs but there is never a need to go that far, don't justify haraam

Here are some powerful duas

-----------------------------
Sayyid al-Istighfar | Best dua for Forgiveness

Shaddad ibn Aws narrated that the Prophet [صلى الله عليه وسلم] said; "the most superior request for forgiveness is to say:

'Allaahmma anta rabbee laa elaaha illaa ant. Anta khalaqtanee wa ana 'abduka wa ana 'alaa 'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata't. A'oothu bika min sharri ma sana't. Aboo'u laka bi ni'matika alayya wa aboo'u laka bi thambee. Faghfir lee. Fa innahoo laa yaghfiruth-thunooba illaa ant.'

[O Allah, You are my Lord. There is no god besides You. You created me and I am Your servant, following your covenant and [my] promise to you as much as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil that I have done. Before You I acknowledge Your blessings bestowed upon me and I confess my sins to You. So forgive me, for surely no one can forgive sins except You.]

The Prophet [صلى الله عليه وسلم] then added, 'anyone who says this during the day, firmly believing in it, and dies before the evening; or says it in the evening, firmly believing in it, and dies before the following morning, will be among the people of paradise.' "

[Sahih al-Bukhari, vol 8, pp212-3, no 318]

----------------------------------

Dua and remembrance to be said at any time #19

Dua No: 353

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ سَمْعِي، وَمِنْ شَرِّ بَصَرِي، وَمِنْ شَرِّ لِسَانِي، وَمِنْ شَرِّ قَلْبِي، وَمِنْ شَرِّ مَنِيِّي


Translation

O Allah, I seek refuge in You from hearing evil, from seeing evil, from speaking evil, from the evils of my heart and the evils of my carnal desires.


Transliteration

Allahumma innee a‛udhu bika min shari sam‛ee, wa min shari basa-ree, wa min shari li-saanee, wa min shari qalbee, wa min sharri mani-yee


Sources:*Abu Dawud No# 1551 At-Tirmidhi No# 3492 An-Nasa'i No# 5444, 5455

---------------------------

Dua to seek protection from unlawful desires

Dua No: 357

اللهُمَّ اغْفِرْ ذَنْبِي وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبِي، وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجِي


Translation

O Allah forgive my sin, cleanse my heart and guard my chastity.


Transliteration

Allaahum-magh-fir dhan-bee wa ṭah-hir qal-bee, wa ḥaṣṣin far-jee


Sources:*Ahmad N0# 22211

- See more at: http://duas.com/dua/542/dua-to-seek-protection-from-unlawful-desires#sthash.AOSa25TR.dpuf

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The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to say,

“O Allah, I ask You for guidance, piety, dignified restraint, and freedom from need.

Allahumma inni as’aluka’l huda wa’t tuqa wa’l `afafa wa’l ghina)”

[Sahih Muslim] (See also: Prophetic Supplication for Guidance, Piety, Restraint, and Freedom from Need Prophetic Example in Our Daily Relations)

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْهُدَى وَالتُّقَى وَالْعَفَافَ وَالْغِنَ

--------------------

The following supplication has been narrated by Qutb al-Din al-Hanafi in his Kitab Ad`iyat al-Hajj wa al-`Umra and is attributed to Hasan al-Basri.

“O Allah, I seek Your forgiveness for every sin in which I gave preference to my base desire over Your obedience and my passion over Your command - thus I contented myself with Your wrath and subjected myself to Your displeasure, though You had forbidden me, presented Your admonition to me, and established the proof of it to me through Your warnings [of punishment in Your revelations]. I seek Your forgiveness, O Allah, and repent to You.

Allahumma inni astaghfiruka li kulli dhambin qaddamtu fihi shahwati `ala ta`atik wa athartu fihi mahabbati `ala amrik fa ardaytu nafsi bi ghadabik wa `arradtuha li sakhatik idh nahaytani wa qaddamta ilayya fihi indharak wa tahhajajta `alayya fihi bi wa`idik wa astaghfiruka Allahumma wa atubu ilayk)”

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّى أِسْتَغْفِرُكَ لِكُلِّ ذَنْبٍ قَدَّمْتُ فِيْهِ شَهْوَتِى عَلَى طَاعَتِكَ وَآثَرْتُ فِيهِ مَحَبَّتِى عَلَى أَمْرِكَ فَأَرْضَيْتُ نَفْسِى بِغَضَبِكَ وَعَرَّضْتُهَا لِسَخَطِكَ إِذْ نَهَيْتَنِى وَقَدَّمْتَ إِلَيَّ فِيْهِ إِنْذَارَكَ وَتَحَجَّجْتَ عَلَيَّ فِيْهِ بِوَعِيْدِكَ وَأَسْتَغْفِرُكَ اللَّهُمَّ وَأَتُوْبُ إِلَيْكَ

-----------------

“O Allah, Your mercy I am hopeful for, so do not leave me to myself for the blink of an eye, and put all my affairs in order, there is no god but You.

Allahumma rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata `ayanin wa aslih li sha’ni kullihi la ilaha illa anta)”

[Abu Dawud]*Abu Dawud 4/324, Ahmad 5/42. Al-Albani graded it as good in Sahih Abu Dawud 3/959.

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُوْ فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ
وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلِّهِ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ

-------------


اللهُمَّ، اغْفِرْ لِي خَطَايَايَ وَذُنُوبِي كُلَّهَا.

اللهُمَّ أَنْعِشْنِي، وَاجْبِرْنِي، وَاهْدِنِي لِصَالِحِ الْأَعْمَالِ وَالْأَخْلَاقِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي لِصَالِحِهَا، وَلَا يَصْرِفُ سَيِّئَهَا إِلَّا أَنْتَ.

Translation

O Allah, forgive all my transgressions and sins.*

O Allah, elevate me, give me strength, and guide me to the best of deeds and character, for none guides to the best of them nor turns away the worst of them except for You.

Transliteration

al-laahum-maghfir lee khaṭayay wa dhu-noo-bee kul-laha.*

al-laahum-ma an-‘ish-nee waj-nur-nee, wah-di-nee li-ṣaa-liḥil a‘maali wal akh-laaq, fa in-nahu laa yah-dee liṣaa-liḥi-haa wa laa yaṣ-rifu sai-yi’a-ha il-laa ant.

Sources:*At-Tabarani No# 7893

- See more at: http://duas.com/dua/571/dua-and-remembrance-to-be-said-at-any-time-26#sthash.jjju7Noe.dpuf

--------------------
 
Thank for these dua's brother I really appreciate them, I will attempt to use them as much as I can. And trust me when I say I am not trying to justify my actions at all, for I take complete responsibility. Mainly, I am trying to rationalize my poor decision making. I am assuming you have a wife, so it is very easy for you to admonish me, and you should thank Allah for this. Being in a deprived state does not justify wrongful action, but it does make the decisions that are made while being in this state, much easier to understand. I don't believe that anybody would resort to such means, if they were not desperate and deprived enough.
 
Wa alaykum salam

Make sure that you have no bitterness or resentment towards God. What He'll sometimes do is He'll withdraw His grace from you if you are displeased with Him. If He withdraws that grace, it will make conquering sexual temptation very difficult or impossible. One may be bitter because God hasn't given them a husband/wife, but whatever the reason is, it's best to not have bitterness or anger towards God. If you are more humble and you accept God's will for your life, you'll find that He will give you the grace to overcome sexual temptation.

You may not like your singleness, but it's where God has you right now and you will humble yourself, you'll find that God will help you overcome sexual temptations. They will still be present, but they will be manageable (as opposed to being overwhelming). I used to view pornography all the time, but now that I am content with where God has me, I no longer experience desires to view pornography. The very thought of porn makes me sick.
 
Drac16, thank you so much for your perspective. I can relate to being bitter at not having. But this is very good advice Brother. I have just come to the realization that it is because I am losing hope, that my mind goes to places that it should't. I feel trapped, desperate,and hopeless. However, my IMAN must increase as my temptation increases. Obviously this is easier said then done. But I will definitely employ what you said.
 
May Allah make it easier for you. I am not married and completely understand. I grew up with non-muslims, many of whom would fulfil their desires at ages as young as 12, yet there are muslims who will have to wait 10-15 years later to get that opportunity. We have to accept that this is one of the tests that we face as muslims in this dunya. The prophet told us that this is the greatest test. Make sincere tauba and keep striving, it will be worth it in the end.
 
aadil77, so much respect for you for managing to see things this way, and stay positive. You are completely right and I must stop lying to myself.
 
Some great advice given in this thread...

God does not help those who do not seek to help themselves... you've joined a forum seeking help - do not stop here, this is just the first step in the right direction in sha Allah.

Now, you must be firm with yourself, disciplined and masterful and make salaah regularly, and ask Allah for forgiveness with as much sincerity as you can muster. Repent bro.

Repent, and shame yourself before Allah, and seek HIS forgiveness with sincerity - and stay away from those evil thoughts. Be firm with your thoughts bro, when the shayateen whisper their suggestion, HURT THEM with recitation of Qur'an ayaat, particularly the four Kul but start with seeking refuge in Allah from the evil whispers of the shayateen from among both, the jinn and mankind.

And now, for your training programme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_1Bm4Cl7P8

Map out new habits in your life, such as salaat, and zikr, and sadaqah. Leave less time for your vices. Eventually they will not become a concern anymore - but now, you must fight - for your next life. And your enemy, are your vices.

Scimi
 
Asalaam Aleikum brother,

Many people misunderstand the nature of pornography addiction and think it's just about being perverted or lustful and it isn't exactly the case. Pornography affects the brain the same way chemical drugs do and it stops being about desire very shortly after you watch it the first time. This happens to men AND women, although everyone points fingers at men only. I'm glad that you have reached out as it gives others the opportunity to reflect on this matter. You are not alone in your battle, that I can assure you of

Don't be so hard on yourself, guilt is a tool we use to take action, not to dwell on and make ourselves sick with. It is good that you repent and it is fantastic that you have the intention to stop, but you must understand that it isn't just about naffs here, it really truly isn't. You can't beat an addiction out of a person. It doesn't boil down to just discipline. I'd like you to please have a good look at this website: http://learn.ftnd.org/

It is dedicated to fight pornography addiction and they explain how pornography affects your heart, your psyche, the world (because it has serious repercussions) and your ability to have a healthy relationship. There is a way out of it, but you have to commit yourself to getting out and it will take time to heal. You will have hiccups and fall several times, but you have to keep getting up and trying. Eventually you'll come out of it.

Please, after you read the first section, go to the "help" section and read up.
 
Also, are you familiar with brother Zeyad Ramadan? He is the founder of Purify Your Gaze. You will find tons of helpful information on his website: http://purifyyourgaze.com/

May Allah make it easy for you to overcome your problem :) Ameen.
 
FrancoDingo said:
Salaam Brothers and Sisters,


First, I would like to thank you all for taking the time to understand my trouble and offering advice on how to help. Secondly, I would like to add that this is a serious issue for me, and it is one that causes me great shame and disgust. Third, I would like to say that I take full responsibility for me actions, and know that I am committing a great sin, which is why I am seriously seeking help and advice.

I am a young Muslim man living in a small city for the purpose of work and school. I am very isolated, having very few friends here, which has a very small muslim population to boot. Unfortunately, on many different occasions, I have given into the naffs and have been frequently been using my isolated free time to watch pornography, masturbate frequently, and have even hired several escorts and engaged in sexual activity. As I have mentioned before I say this with complete disgust and revulsion at myself. The worst part is after the sin has been committed and the reality starts to sink in, about what I have done to my soul. All this has taken a great toll on my mind. To make matters worse, I seek forgiveness and offer sincere Tawbah prayer, only to do it again a few days or weeks later.

I frequently pray for Allah SWT to put somebody in my life, however it is clear that the All-Mighty has deemed that now is not the right time for me. However, in the meantime stopping what I have been doing seems impossible. I do not know what to do... I feel trapped and hopeless. Worse, my Imaan is slipping, as I have been praying for someone for years and always find myself in the same situation, isolated and alone. The isolation causes my mind to wonder to the nafs, which I always give into. I can say that this is a question that goes beyond mental discipline. Everybody has basic human needs, and the need for comfort and affection is one of them. When one has been impoverished in this regard, they will seek to fulfil this need in unlawful ways.

I ask the Brothers and Sisters on this forum to please not judge me for my actions, for I am already severely at odds with myself. I also ask that you please do not offer the cliche advice such as: Have a marriage be arranged for you, or do other things in your free time, as I have been reading this advice for months now. Rather, I ask that the community can offer me a higher level of tawbah and other du'a to save my soul and my mind for what I have been frequently doing. Also, I ask for some ways in which a brother can re-channel his energy away from the nafs and into something more productive. Finally, I ask for any major prayer or Du'a that can possibly increase the urgency for allah to put somebody in my life.

This is a burden that I would sincerely like to put to end once and for all. I thank you again, for taking the time to read and understand my situation.

Peace and Blessings be upon you all
Click to expand...
http://www.muhammadtim.com/posts/advice-on-overcoming-addiction-to-pornography

My advice seek

Say astaghfirullah x100 a day

Say La ilaha illalahu wahdahu la shareekalahu lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu wa huwa 'alaa kulli shay'in qadeer
Say^^^"...100 times a day, will have a recompense equal to that of freeing ten slaves. Also, 100 good actions are written for him, 100 wrong actions are erased from him, and it is a protection from Satan for that day until the night. No one does anything more excellent than someone who does more than that."
(Bukhari and Muslim)


It is important that you complete these actions because I have heard that jinn often enter the body of a masturbater because it is easier for them and thus they can make it much harder for you to stop.




*note* If you find the adhkaar difficult to complete do it before you sleep! Because that way you generally sleep better imo this is just from personal experience
 
Last edited:
Salaam sister,

Thank you so much for the encouragement and the link, I will be sure to check out the entire website. The most crucial step is to know the effect that these things have on your mind. It definitely helps us to comprehend why these things are haraam in the first place. And still they are very very difficult to overcome. Still, thank you for the link!
 
Salaam Zeal,
You have provided me with some great duas, so thank you brother! I will be determined to make saying these duas and making them habitual
 
:sl:

Adopting piety takwa. saving ones eyes from Haram and pondering more on the noble Quran and feeling Allah is always watching us and thoughts of death will inshallah save from these evils which at first instance is already a sin disclosing them .

fasting and avoiding spicy foods and hot ( classified as hot by Unani mediciners) foots will help inshallah.
 

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