Younger sister has committed Zina, unaware I know.

[abdirizak9]

As-salamu alaykum brothers and sisters,

I registered on this forum for anonymity. To ask the tough questions that are hard to openly talking about. I've encountered irrefutable evidence that my younger sister who is 18 years old has been actively sleeping with Kafir.

There were signs, signs that were ignored due to the age gap between my parents and my younger sister. Her elder sister monitored her and kept her in check but when she moved out and got married, the younger sister suffered greatly and became misguided.

I do not know what to do with this information. Truthfully, I do not want to blame the sinner but rather the sin. I know she must repent her sin and that is something she would have to come to terms with.

She was in an active relationship with a young man while she went to school. Over the course of the first year she started dressing more lewd or with loose conduct. I told her several times not to dress like that and it was impermissible. She ignored me or just hide it and changed when she went outside.

She has been actively talking to one young man as I've said. They formed a relationship and kept it very quiet. I always suspected things though so when she let me use her phone or her laptop I checked the messages with that particular man. I found evidence of a relationship and I explicitly said that she must cut ties with this man. She ignored me once again. I did not tell my parents. But I fear it's too late.

I read messages last night that stated that she ended the relationship but in the same set of messages it was revealed that she been having sexual intercourse with this man for several months.


I am beyond LIVID! I cannot even look at her face. I feel like I not only failed her as an elder brother, but I feel like I failed as a son to my parents.

She doesn't know I know. I do not know what to do at this point. I first want to take her laptop because she has been beyond irresponsible. I informed my older brother about the issue. We're discussing what to do.

 

[greenhill]

Welcome to the forum.

It's a very difficult circumstance that you are dealing with. As much as you can discuss, your sister can react and defy. Then it will lead to ultimatums down the line.

Being a teenager in this modern world is tough.

Wishing you the best in dealing with this and for you to have a great stay.


eace:

 

[Abz2000]

looks like you need to have a word with that kafir dude, they both would merit the lash - though Allah will take into account their ignorance and disobedience, and the chances of it happening would have been slim had your leaders established Islamic law - so the leaders probably will end up taking a greater portion of the punishment since they know and cover the truth while pushing crime (sin).
what's your responsibility considering the situation if the case is true?
if he's going to accept Islam and marry her, the zina will stop and he'll at least have amended and show that he didn't treat her like a wh0re.
i would probably drive down there with my brother and a few (or many) friends and have a word with him.
looks like the haraam will otherwise continue and punishment from Allah will add up.
if he has commited haram worthy of lashing and is unrepentant, make him wish his father never met his mother and that he never met your sister.

9.*If two parties among the Believers fall into a quarrel, make ye peace between them: but if one of them transgresses beyond bounds against the other then fight ye (all) against the one that transgresses until it complies with the command of Allah; but if it complies then make peace between them with justice and be fair: for Allah loves those who are fair (and just).
10.*The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: So make peace and reconciliation between your two brothers; and fear Allah, that ye may receive Mercy.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Abdirizak,


(sigh. gently) Do you realize that you yourself have committed a sin Abdirizak? Do you not know that the Prophet (SAWS) instructed us not to be suspicious, spy and eavesdrop on people? That even if there are signs, that we should avoid looking into others' sins, unless they are overt?


Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales. and do not look for the others' faults, and do not do spying on one another, and do not practice Najsh, and do not be jealous of one another and do not hate one another, and do not desert (stop talking to) one another. And O, Allah's worshipers! Be brothers!"




حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مَالِكٌ، عَنْ أَبِي الزِّنَادِ، عَنِ الأَعْرَجِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ إِيَّاكُمْ وَالظَّنَّ، فَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ أَكْذَبُ الْحَدِيثِ، وَلاَ تَحَسَّسُوا، وَلاَ تَجَسَّسُوا، وَلاَ تَنَاجَشُوا، وَلاَ تَحَاسَدُوا، وَلاَ تَبَاغَضُوا، وَلاَ تَدَابَرُوا، وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللَّهِ إِخْوَانًا ‏"‏‏.‏
[TABLE="class: hadith_reference"]
[TR]
[TD]Reference[/TD]
[TD] : Sahih al-Bukhari 6066[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]In-book reference[/TD]
[TD] : Book 78, Hadith 96[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]USC-MSA web (English) reference[/TD]
[TD] : Vol. 8, Book 73, Hadith 92[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

Note: To practice Najsh I believe means to artificially augment a price or desirability of a thing or a person in order to ensnare another person. I wonder, given the context, whether it might not also refer to entrapment in general.


It has been reported that a man was brought before Abdullah bin Mas'ud (May Allah be pleased with him) because his beard was giving out smell of wine. Ibn Mas'ud said:
"We have been prohibited from spying (on Muslims) and finding faults (with them). But we can take to task only and only if the sin is overt.

[Abu Dawud].





وعن ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه أنه أتي برجل فقيل له، هذا فلان تقطر لحيته خمرًا، فقال‏:‏ إنَّا قد نهينا عن التجسس، ولكن إن يظهر لنا شئ، نأخذ به‏"‏‏.‏ حديث حسن صحيح رواه أبو داود بإسناد على شرط البخاري ومسلم‏.‏
[TABLE="class: hadith_reference"]
[TR]
[TD]Sunnah.com reference[/TD]
[TD] : Book 18, Hadith 62[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]Arabic/English book reference[/TD]
[TD] : Book 18, Hadith 157[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]



I think it is wonderful that you care about your sister. But you went too far; you should not have been trying to find wrongdoing on her part. If you were concerned about her, you could instead have gently and kindly let her know that you were worried about her and that you were open to anything she might want to ask you, and that you would help her if she needed any help.

You say she terminated the relationship; perhaps she realized by herself that what she was doing was wrong?

At this point, I think you need to cover her mistake. Unless her wellbeing or life are in danger, spreading around the knowledge of her sin is not going to bring any benefit, but may indeed harm her, and make any positive changes in her life harder to make. (smile) Maybe you could offer her your brotherly support? Without telling her you have been spying on her, let her know that she can talk with you. You might let her know that you understand that since her sister left, that perhaps she feels she has no confidant. But that if she has any problems, she can talk with you. And that you'll support her if she gets into any kind of trouble. (smile) She may not confide in you straight away. But I suspect that if you give your sister some gentle caring (sustained over time), that she may feel less of a need to seek love elsewhere. And she may come to rely more on your advice. (smile) If you go about it well, you could even crack jokes about fending off unkind men with a baseball bat!

(gently) We all sin, Abdirizak. As Muslims, as I understand Allah's Words and His Messenger, unless someone is being actively harmed or oppressed by another, we are supposed to try not to see their sins, and instead look for the best and beautiful in other people.


May Allah, the Compassionate, Loving and Merciful, Forgive us our failings, and Support us in our struggles to become better.

 

[abdirizak9]

As-salamu alaykum,

To MuslimInshallah, thank you for your advice. I'm well aware that a sin should not be exposed. In fact, I had no intention of telling her I knew of her scenario. My brother who I told confided in her and revealed the situation. At first she was angry but accepted (and wanted) to be disciplined and helped. I laid out many steps for her to follow. She is actively following and has been compliant. I had her number changed and removed all temptations from her. She has sent me a copy of her school / work schedule and voluntarily reports in with me. I told her I love her and that I do not see her in a different lie. I do not see her as anything less than the young and beautiful muslim sister that I know and love. She cried a lot but is looking forward to change. She learned how men thinks and that she was manipulated. She wants to rebuild herself. I also told her that she must repent. It already sounds like she is deeply sad and is seeking help through praying and making dua.

These events however has brought us closer. I think she realizes that I will not abandon her and that I only wish the best for her. I wish I handled the scenario a little better and I know the mistakes I made. Inshallah I pray that she fills the void in her heart that lead her astray. We all sin, this is true. No one is perfect. I'll reiterate what you said as it is fitting.

May Allah, the Compassionate, Loving and Merciful, Forgive us our failings, and Support us in our struggles to become better.

Salam