Your story is yours!

[ZawjatSayfullah]

As salaam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh~

A lot of reversion stories are quite traumatic- mine was one of those.
For a little while after becoming Muslim, I used to feel a kind of pressure to share my story with people.
These people- Muslims, are likely good people, nice people, and didn't mean any harm. They were just curious.
But they didn't realise that I became Muslim to leave these horrible parts of my life behind me.

Every time you get a revert to re-live their story, you could be dredging up a lot of awfulness, trauma, depression.
Some people are happy to share their reversion stories, and that's completely fine to.
But for curious people, try and be sensitive of this. Some people might not be comfortable.
Let them know it's okay not to share it if they don't want to.

I just want to let reverts know that their story is THEIR story.
No one can demand it from you
If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to.
It's not the duty of a revert to share their story.
Especially if it's traumatic, personal, and a stranger is asking it of you.
You don't have to.

Personally, if I see someone going through something similar to what I did, and I feel like I might be able to give them a small boost in the right direction by sharing what I went through myself- then I might talk about my story.

But not everyone needs to know it, especially being that it’s extremely personal and has so many intimate details about my life.
Reversion stories are more likely to benefit other Reverts than Born Muslims.

There’s a difference between sharing something beneficial with a person who might need to hear it for the sake of knowing there’s a way out and that they’re not alone, and satisfying someone’s curiosity.

Personally I’m not prepared to share so many personal details just to satisfy someone’s curiosity.
For me, the joy of becoming Muslim was that I got a blank slate, that I could move on from the past and got a new beginning.
That I could become a new person.

I don't want to be reminded constantly of the broken and depressed person I left behind.


Agree/Disagree?

 

[anatolian]

As salaam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh~

Reversion stories are more likely to benefit other Reverts than Born Muslims.


Agree/Disagree?

Aleykum Salam. I disagree. Any story can inspire anyone. Being a raised Muslim myself (I also disagree the term "born Muslim") I am inspired by the conversion stories heavily. Also if you feel that way just don't tell it. Why do you feel yourself pressured?

 

[ZawjatSayfullah]

If you've not been in this situation yourself, it might not be something you can fully appreciate.
I also disagree with the terms born Muslim, revert Muslim, because ultimately we are all Muslim, and at what point can we just be "Muslim" rather than revert or not revert, but this is the terms people use, so I was trying to be clear in what I was saying. I'm sorry if I caused offence.

To elaborate with pressure, when you're faced with a group of people in a new situation (Muslims in a mosque), and you desperately want to fit in, because you want to feel like you belong, and this is the question that everyone is asking.

As soon as someone says " as salaam alaykum" it's usually followed by "mashaaAllah, you're a revert, what's you're story"
And it's not meant in a bad way, of course, but I wonder if people could be a bit more considerate and sensitive about what they're asking.
Let these new muslims, especially the younger ones, know that it's okay if they don't want to tell it.
I was 15 when I became Muslim- and very shy of the mosque. So when people finally talk to you, you feel like you have to cooperate.
Being a new Muslim can be a very lonely thing.

There's lots of stories people can read to be inspired, but sometimes I feel that reverts pain are often used for a quick iman boost- without any consideration for what memories they're being made to relive.

 

[anatolian]

If you've not been in this situation yourself, it might not be something you can fully appreciate.
I also disagree with the terms born Muslim, revert Muslim, because ultimately we are all Muslim, and at what point can we just be "Muslim" rather than revert or not revert, but this is the terms people use, so I was trying to be clear in what I was saying. I'm sorry if I caused offence.

To elaborate with pressure, when you're faced with a group of people in a new situation (Muslims in a mosque), and you desperately want to fit in, because you want to feel like you belong, and this is the question that everyone is asking.

As soon as someone says " as salaam alaykum" it's usually followed by "mashaaAllah, you're a revert, what's you're story"
And it's not meant in a bad way, of course, but I wonder if people could be a bit more considerate and sensitive about what they're asking.
Let these new muslims, especially the younger ones, know that it's okay if they don't want to tell it.
I was 15 when I became Muslim- and very shy of the mosque. So when people finally talk to you, you feel like you have to cooperate.
Being a new Muslim can be a very lonely thing.

There's lots of stories people can read to be inspired, but sometimes I feel that reverts pain are often used for a quick iman boost- without any consideration for what memories they're being made to relive.

No I am not offended by the term of "born Muslim". I disagree it because I don't think it is an accurate identification. If it is a reference to the concept of everyone is born according to the Islamic fitrah then everyone is born Muslim. But we remain Muslim because we are raised as Muslims by our parents and/or our society. This is a more realistic definition. I also think the term "revert" is an absurd term. You were not even aware of Islam before it to revert it again. "Convert" is more accurate and more proper I think.

I understand you very well. And I know the people from the nations who are predominantly Muslim are a bit more curious on people's personal details compared to the people from Western nations . If this is how you feel, you dont have to reveal it. I am just making the point that your story may inspire anyone, "raised" or "convert" or even anyone who has no interest in Islam at all. Just say in this case, sorry it is personal.

 

[ZawjatSayfullah]

I say the term "Revert" due to the fact you stated-
We are all born a Muslim - the dunya takes us away from it.
Some of us are raised Muslim, some of us revert back to the Islam that we were born with, and some of people remain non Muslim all their lives.
When I say revert, I refer to the fact that every child is born into Islam, and then some of us grow up as non Muslims, then some of us revert back to the Islam we were born with.

I think whether a person wants to say revert or convert, it's not particularly that important. We know what it means.
Someone has taken the shahadah and become Muslim, Alhamdulilah.
We can disagree brother, it's no problem.

I wasn't asking that people don't ask reverts/converts what their story is. Many reverts/converts are happy to share it. But some aren't.

I was telling new Muslims that they don't have to share their story, and I was telling anyone asking their story to perhaps be considerate about what their story might contain, and give them the option to share or to not share.
It's a matter of compassion, sensitivity, and manners.
We're human beings, not a walking iman boost for others.

I don't share my story and I haven't for a while, this post wasn't for me, rather for any of my brothers and sisters who came to the Deen and felt this same discomfort. It shouldn't be an expectation for every revert/convert to *inspire*
Some want to just start their new lives with a fresh beginning.

 

[anatolian]

Sis. You continue to misunderstand me. I am not telling you that you have to share your story. I am only disagree with the part I quoted that you claim these stories relate to converts only. I am simply saying that it may inspire anyone. Thats it..

 

[Regrets1]

Walaikum salaam;
I agree with u both. I assume what brother Anatolian means is that reverts don't have to share their story as its not a "must" but a choice. Also that the revert stories do inspire many born Muslims not just non Muslims or reverts..we born Muslims are not perfect, many are far from the deen so hearing the stories inspires them...this is not just about revert stories but also stories of born Muslims who weren't practicing but they are now.

 

[islamirama]

:wa:

I agree in that your story is your story. If you are want to share then you are more than welcome to, if you do not then you have every right to refrain from it. While others may like to hear it, they should be sensitive to others and the road they traveled to get to where they are now.

 

[ZawjatSayfullah]

100%

 

[hbutler]

Wa alaikum assalam. As a revert myself, I personally don't mind someone asking me about my conversion. Alhamdulillah, my family and most friends were accepting.

Unfortunately, I know that this is not the case for many converts. One of my friends was disowned by her parents when she told them.

I personally think that when asking a revert about their story people should start by saying, "If you don't mind sharing..."

Also many people have asked me what my family thinks about me being Muslim, and I personally don't think that needs to be asked.

As you mentioned, it is a delicate subject.