Sense of Gheerah (protectiveness or jealousy) (OP)
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah Fatima Barkatulla
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don't mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn't like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (SAW) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah. All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur'an: "The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…" (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34). Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don't enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee's book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa'ir).
A story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa' (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of Aisha (RA), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa' to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam (RA) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa' relates: "When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…", so Asmaa' had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. "And I used to carry on my head," she continues, "the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah's Messenger (SAW) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah's Messenger (SAW), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah." So Asmaa' declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair said: "By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him." (related in Saheeh Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa'! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband's feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn't want to upset him by accepting the Prophet's (SAW) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair (RA), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn't want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing our sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don't understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face - by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honour! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk's sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behaviour from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not Haraam, we must do it.
Subhan Allah! Look at the difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa' (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah doesn't wear out in a society in which people have lost their Hayaa' and Gheerah.
...I wonder at the one who extends his right hand
To his beloved at the time of seperation and he hastens therein!
I felt weak and incapable of saying farewell when I saw him
So my heart shook his hand whilst my eye wept....
I have to say, Jawharah and Ramlah have pretty much summarised my views on the matter. However, I don't think it's permissible to wear kohl in front of non-mahrems unless your eyes are covered, as this is a form of beautification. Not only that, but many people consider the eyes to be the most attractive feature of the face. This isn't a problem for me personally, as I cover my eyes too. I'm not sure if this is what you meant by niqaab? I am used to the full covering being referred to as the 'sittaar'.
My husband's gheerah over me makes me feel both safe, and proud. His gheerah is within the limits of the sharee'ah, and with regards to those matters which are simply his personal preferences, I am careful to guard them even in his absence.
As for my own sense of gheerah, al-Hamdulillaah I never have had to speak to him about it, as he's very sensitive regarding non-mahrem women, and acts with hayaa, wal-Hamdulillaah.
MashAllah you are a very lucky lady.................. May Allah give ALL men including our sons/brothers etc etc Hayaa..............
Congratulations also with your good news. May Allah Bless you with His Rehmat. Ameen Summ Ameen...................
format_quote Originally Posted by Faizah
I have to say, Jawharah and Ramlah have pretty much summarised my views on the matter. However, I don't think it's permissible to wear kohl in front of non-mahrems unless your eyes are covered, as this is a form of beautification. Not only that, but many people consider the eyes to be the most attractive feature of the face. This isn't a problem for me personally, as I cover my eyes too. I'm not sure if this is what you meant by niqaab? I am used to the full covering being referred to as the 'sittaar'.
My husband's gheerah over me makes me feel both safe, and proud. His gheerah is within the limits of the sharee'ah, and with regards to those matters which are simply his personal preferences, I am careful to guard them even in his absence.
As for my own sense of gheerah, al-Hamdulillaah I never have had to speak to him about it, as he's very sensitive regarding non-mahrem women, and acts with hayaa, wal-Hamdulillaah.
The title came out a bit wrong ;o, "jealous" there should be "jealousy" (obviously )
The prophet Muhammad saw said 'A Dayooth will not enter Jannah.' The Sahabah asked, 'Who is a Dayooth?' Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, 'A man who does not care who visits his wife (i.e. men).'
And on the issue of Ghayrah, Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said,
"And the Dayyouth (the man with no jealousy over the women in his family) is the most vile of Allah's creation, and Jannah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Ghayrah - jealousy)."
"Here is a beautiful example...
On this topic, a famous historical incident is mentioned, so that males and females with a sense of honor and enthusiasm may know how the pious predecessors despised a woman unveiling her face before men, although in the following instance it was permissible to unveil the face. During the third century Hijri, the Qaadi (judge) of Rayy and Ahwaaz, Musa bin Ishaaq, sat to adjudicate people's disputes. Among the litigants was a woman who claimed five hundred dinars Mahr from her husband. The husband denied the claim. The Qaadi said to the husband, "Bring your witnesses." The husband said, "I have brought them." The Qaadi said to one of the witnesses, "Look at the wife so you may point her out during testimony." The witness stood up and said to the woman, "Stand." Upon this, the husband said, "What do you want from her?" The husband was told, "It is necessary that the witness sees your wife unveiled so that he may know that it is your wife." The husband detested his wife unveiling her face for the witnesses in public. He screamed, saying, "I make the Qaadi my witness that this Mahr of my wife is an obligation on me, and she must not unveil her face!" When the wife heard this, she thought it was wonderful that her husband disapproved of her unveiling her face before the witnesses, and was protecting her from the sight of people. She too screamed at the Qaadi, "I make you a witness that I have granted my Mahr to him, and have absolved him in this Dunyaa and the Aakhirah!" The Qaadi said to those around him, "Record this as a moral standard." - Taken from Tarbiyat Al-Awlaaad Fil Islaam "
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