This was an arranged marriage, and alhamdulillah my mum found me a practising Muslima, just as I prayed for. Thanks be to Allah.
Sorry if I did't explain myself clearly. Before marriage my wife only used to study, recite Quran, and pray night prayers. Now she had all other responsibilities after marriage, plus it was difficult for her coming over to the UK. She thought that her imaan was decreasing because she couldn't pray night prayers as much and recite Quran as much. I only tried explaining to her that she is ALSO pleasing Allah, when she is looking after her home and husband, on top of the prayers and recitation. We did not stop reciting Quran (may Allah forbid), and we continued praying night prayers together. I did not prevent her from doing her worship.
We must not forget that our Paradise is underneath the feet of our mummys. I understand how easy it is to diobey and disrespect our parents nowadays. But I love my parents and respect them for the sake of Allah. In a situation like that it was difficult for me to object my parents. You can call me mummy's boy if you wish. But I respect my parents and obey them within the boundary's of what is halal in Islam. It was a real test from Allah having to disobey my mum in this situation but as you had said, I am an adult and had to do what's right.
My mum thought that my wife couldn't live in UK full stop, because this was the second time my wife got depressed. We have to seen depression in our family and my parents can't seem to believe that she is depressed, because we have any many other relatives who had come over to UK and had no problems. I hated this comparison between people, and did repeatedly explain to my mum that some people can get depressed and homesick.
they only believed that my wife did not like this country and wanted to go back to Pakistan. It was my wife's family who claimed that she was possessed by demons. her uncle over in london kept on telling her to go to a number of molvi's who give taweezs and amulets. i refused to let my wife get any close to this nonsense. my parents are not very religious, and do not even believe that in black magic and curses. My mum just got upset at the fact that my wife's family believed in this claimed that my wife had it. My relatives were on my mum's side and kept on phoning me and advising me to listen to my mum before she gets too ill (my mum was in pakistan then and rumours were that she was very ill, which I later found out was a lie and only emotional blackmail on me). I answered all my relatives back with the saying that I will think about it. This was just to shut them up. It is funny how when my parents finally let me have my way and my wife came over. My relatives have not said anything to me. I can't believe this, because, if it was a good decision to divorce my wife, it still would've been a good decision now to divorce. Why have they shut up? It was only because my mum wanted the divorce. I later found out that my mum specifically asked them to persuade me thinking that I will listen to my cousins and favourite aunts
Sadly my dad is not very religious, and the only religion in my mum is the daily prayers and reciting Quran every so often. The funny thing was that my dad was on my side. But he was stuck between my mum and me, and obviously was on my mum's side. My mum was fulfilling my dad's wishes, this is a little double standard, as she is very upset with my wife for what?
Me too
I was asking if I could even divorce my wife whilst she is in Pakistan, so that I could tell my parents that I cannot do this. I ended up pushing my parents into a corner (not literally) when I told them that even if I divorce my wife by word of mouth or written (BY PRESSURE) then the divorce is not valid unless I (the husband) does not intend to divorce, and my wife and I will have to live seperated. My parents had no choice, this was the end of this and my mum let me have my way. I explained to them throughout this that I still love them and respect them and am not angry with them. Alhamdulillah I had my head screwed straight and did not get too emotionally biased or one sided.
It was sad to see my wife flip so fast. She had an appointment booked with the doctor within a few days, when she started crying and begging to be sent to Pakistan. I kept on telling her to just stay a few days and we'll get help from the doctors etc, but she wouldn't listen. It was not easy to just send her away so quick. She knew that what she was doing by going to Pakistan could end up in divorce, but she just couldn't wait.
My wife's fault was only the fact that she didn't tell me what problems she had and just kept quiet. Now I had found out that she was in a slight pressure in my parents home. My parents did not treat her like a slave but my wife had to keep up with the expectations, with regard to the household duties. When my wife came back from Pakistan I took her straight to our new home, and since then alhamdulillah we are happy. Now she can do her household duties in her own time freely, without my parents getting involved, or unhappy. My wife has continued taking her english course, and has started teaching Quran tajweed classes for young children. She has a very good Muslima friend living nearby and feels at home. I will admit that I was close to making a grave mistake whilst in the wholesome pressure from all my loved ones. But Allah Almighty has helped and guided us. I have had a great learning experience and inshaAllah will stay strong on the right way, Allah's way.
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