so basically, i'm in luv with another girl (this was before i was practisin n i'm still not proper over it), n i got married to another one due to culture n that..
she's about to come from abroad soon.. and i really dnt want her fallin for me, otherwise she would get hurt real bad.. i dnt wna hurt no-one cuz i've had bad experiences like this already..
pray for me plz.. n is there anythin practical i can do about it? i cant separate with this new girl cuz of family reasons..
Give it a chance bro. You said you don't want to hurt her but she'll be also hurt her if you remain distant from her. Be like a friend to her and don't let past experiences shadow your time with her. You may begin to like her more than you imagine and hopefully start loving her for who she is.
You are her protector and guardian now and you must see to it that she doesn't suffer unnecessarily. If she isn't happy that will make you feel worse and result in an unhappy marriage. You don't have to push yourself to feel in love with her for now. Just go with the flow and let the relationship develope as friendship does. InshaAllah, it will be all right bro. Just treat her as someone you've become friends with and treat her nicely. In turn she will also do the same and hopefully as the bond between you and her deepens and becomes meaningful, you could find love beginning to flourish.
Don't act reservedly if you know what I mean. She's leaving her family to come and start a new life with you. InshaAllah do your best to make her happy and hopefully that will start a chain reaction where you both begin to please each other. Fi sabilillah at first and then also out of love inshaAllah.
Give it a chance bro. You said you don't want to hurt her but she'll be also hurt her if you remain distant from her. Be like a friend to her and don't let past experiences shadow your time with her. You may begin to like her more than you imagine and hopefully start loving her for who she is.....
....Don't act reservedly if you know what I mean. She's leaving her family to come and start a new life with you. InshaAllah do your best to make her happy and hopefully that will start a chain reaction where you both begin to please each other. Fi sabilillah at first and then also out of love inshaAllah.
wa alaikum asalam
InshaAllah I hope u try your best to make things work with the sister you’ve just married. And I agree with Muslimah_Sis also, that seems like it may the best option.
One thing I don’t understand, your obviously an adult, and a guy…. Why did u marry someone when u didn’t want to? If you’re looking to get married then it should mean that you’re independent and fully capable of supporting yourself, so why didn’t u speak up to your family and say no? I’d understand if u couldn’t say ‘no’ cos you’re a girl, and therefore would struggle if your parents made u leave home (worst case scenario).
Men seem to have no problems going against their parents when it comes to haram things (don’t mean to offend..just talking from my experience), but seem to say that they don’t want to ‘disobey’ parents in matters like marriage, and then they ruin some poor sister’s life…
It’s not easy for her to marry a stranger, and then leave her life, her home, her family…and for what? Some guy who doesn’t know if he wants to be with her, when’s he’s the one who said yes! If you didn’t think you could treat her right, you should have just said no, as I’m sure there’s no so much a parent can hassle guy, and given this other sister a chance to find someone who truly loves her. And you can’t divorce her cos of family reasons? That’s even worse! Anything practical?.. I’m sorry but you should have thought about the ‘practical’ issues before putting yourself into this position.
Getting married to both? Is anyone taking the feelings of the sister (his wife) into consideration? I meant that he should never have married if he didnt think he could treat his wife fairly, and if he was always going to have some other woman on his mind.
Getting married to both? Is anyone taking the feelings of the sister (his wife) into consideration? I meant that he should never have married if he didnt think he could treat his wife fairly, and if he was always going to have some other woman on his mind.
^Yeah, i have taken into consideration everything, and i found my answer in the sunnah of the messenger of Allaah. (SAW). Where did you find yours?
format_quote Originally Posted by AhLÄÄM
^ If he's pakistani, I doubt that will happen
Dosnt really matter, im a paki, that could still happen lol
Last edited by Ibn Al Aqwa; 04-23-2008 at 10:10 AM.
Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one (4:3)
If he loves another and didn’t actually want to marry the other, what are the chances that he’s going to treat them in a just way? Had the woman known the situation she may never have chosen to marry him, instead he’s made himself miserable, and more importantly going make her miserable if he doesn’t treat her as a wife as she deserves.
InshaAllah I hope u try your best to make things work with the sister you’ve just married. And I agree with Muslimah_Sis also, that seems like it may the best option.
One thing I don’t understand, your obviously an adult, and a guy…. Why did u marry someone when u didn’t want to? If you’re looking to get married then it should mean that you’re independent and fully capable of supporting yourself, so why didn’t u speak up to your family and say no?
you see different times cause different feelings. He might have married believing he was doing the right thing, having huge emaan and hoping for Allahs aid in this marriage via to implant love and mercy in between him and this wife.
I still believe firmly that he can love and live happily with this wife so i await my three reasons.
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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From what Ive seen, its never been due to thinking it was the best thing, it was always due parents hasseling, that caused a bro. to say yes, and in many cases Ive seen them end in divorce, and its not as easy for sister's who are divorced to re-marry. Im not saying love can't grow.. it can. But I just wonder why men make this mistake time and time again, marrying and the ruining sister's lives cos they are too weak to say 'no' to their parents even though they have every right to....not that Im bitter about this topic
...sorry I dont mean to not be helpful.. I just think it needs to be said, to make the bro, think about what he has done..Anyhow Im sorry..thats the end of this conversation from me.. I really hope it does work out inshaAllah.
Take care..
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