Hi,
Am new to this - I have got major problems but got no one to turn to and now I have really come to the end, where I cannot take much more and need to explode. I have been married for over 6 months, and yes it was arranged. I just do not seem to get on with him at all, he has been here for a few months now but I just cant seem to connect with him at all. I am not attracted to him and therefore that's the biggest hurdle I cannot get over. I really really wanted my marriage to work, wanted happiness and I no looks are not everything but with the problems there I think that's where the other issues stem from. I wanted to make me parents happy but they have found out I am not happy and its caused tension between all my family and me.
I know I am to blame but dunno what to do to change things. I try really hard and just as I think we ver very slowly making little progress, he goes and does something that irritates me. He is really clingy and I've told him I need space and take things slow, he says OK. but then 2 days later hes pestering me again.
I really hate me life at the mo, i hate being at home, surrounded by people who don't like me.
I don't tell me friends cos then I they would keep askin me how I am, and i'll be a total wreck. I have a hidden life from all my frends - its horrible. I have so many emotions and feelings locked up. I dno what to do.. I need help.. Allah swt please guide me right, help me be a good muslim and wife and inshAllah one day a mother. I had so many dreams and wished, as my husband did, but nothings gone right.. What do I need to do??
yes i feel as if i have.. even tho more prob can be done..
but not connectin is a big issue
asalam alaikum wr wb
Not connecting is the biggest issue. I can't stress enough the importance of compatibility as that is what makes a marriage flow smoothly and helps it to get through the tough times.
It seems as if you're hubby is the passive one, whereas you like a man to be a bit assertive and independant. He can change but he will need a lot of help and mainly professional help. However I guess it's not fair to change a person to suit oneself. How would that person feel not being accepted as they are. In the end it will grind them down.
You can still make the marriage work by persevering and doing your best, or you can choose to get divorced. May Allah help you both inshaAllah. Ameen.
i just feel as we have become stuck into a routine so early, and there's nthing between us,
I don't satisfy him, there is no romance in our lives and knowing that, he deserves someone better, and I wish I could say that but its not poss.
Divorce would lead me no where.. My entire generation would hate me, half already do.
he hasn't hurt me, but sometimes i feel there is something else going on with him and a family relative.. how do i get this doubt out of my head..
You will never be able to please people so don't worry about what people say. If there is something about you that people like then there will always be something about you that which they dislike.
I can't say much about your situation because if I was to say you should get a divorce then it may cause harm to your family because we do not know your full situation. If I say that you should stay together then you might end up being miserable for many years (which may be the case for many who have arranged marriages).
Ask advice from someone who has the knowledge to give you the right naseehah. And finally, if Allah put you in this situation then He knows that you can get through it. Make a decision, seek help from Allah and put you're trust in Him and forget about what people say.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
I'm a closed book really, i have one good friend and she is away and got her problems to deal with, i dnt wana b burden on her.. i no i wont cos am her mate but dnt wana b any trouble.. don't trust others enough to tell em.. I don't enjoy spending time with people..
ive cuts most ties.. jus be alone.. all alone..
family think im not trying but no1 is in my shoes.. its affected my relationship with my mum and me.. id rather not be around her cos wen i am i can feel the tension she is feeling.. and hw disappointed she is in me..
my sisters sed harsh words that will stay will me all my life, something that will never be forgotten and there eating me up..
i think you should be more optimistic to be honest.
you said you cannot see no light yet Allah says that for those who trust in him and sacrifice for him and do good deeds, he will provide ways out that they couldnt imagine!
so place your trust in Allaah, attempt to rectify the communication problems, talk to him... and if all fails then consult an imaam.
Dont worry too much and DO NOT waste your life over what others think. Worry about what Allaah thinks, and do what will make it easiest for you to enter jannah...
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Quote
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks