Hi,
Am new to this - I have got major problems but got no one to turn to and now I have really come to the end, where I cannot take much more and need to explode. I have been married for over 6 months, and yes it was arranged. I just do not seem to get on with him at all, he has been here for a few months now but I just cant seem to connect with him at all. I am not attracted to him and therefore that's the biggest hurdle I cannot get over. I really really wanted my marriage to work, wanted happiness and I no looks are not everything but with the problems there I think that's where the other issues stem from. I wanted to make me parents happy but they have found out I am not happy and its caused tension between all my family and me.
I know I am to blame but dunno what to do to change things. I try really hard and just as I think we ver very slowly making little progress, he goes and does something that irritates me. He is really clingy and I've told him I need space and take things slow, he says OK. but then 2 days later hes pestering me again.
I really hate me life at the mo, i hate being at home, surrounded by people who don't like me.
I don't tell me friends cos then I they would keep askin me how I am, and i'll be a total wreck. I have a hidden life from all my frends - its horrible. I have so many emotions and feelings locked up. I dno what to do.. I need help.. Allah swt please guide me right, help me be a good muslim and wife and inshAllah one day a mother. I had so many dreams and wished, as my husband did, but nothings gone right.. What do I need to do??
for me when i go through a hard time nad i keep fearing things will get worse, i sit down in prayer and after doing fardh i recite ayatul kursi (end of surah baqara - allahu laa ilaaha illahuwal hayyul qayyum) and i can FEEl things getting better!! you can feel it sis!
im really sorry but i dont know how to further advise, although im sure you can make things work!
inshaAllaah! sis try consulting a scholar, even online
when I feel things are going ok and feel bit better, something happens again and I go back to square one..
you speech sounds familiar , is it other than marriage that is making u feel guilty like because of something else u married - under a particular pressure - for a particular reason or else u would not have married. believe me sister
believe in Qadr, just have patience - dont let shaytaan ruin what u have - the regrets wont get u back what u have . whats gone is gone. marriage is something or whatever happens - is because it had to happened. and it is for the gooood. believe me . have patience do not listen to your nafs - if it is unnecessarily against somebody. justify ur actions and speech before it causes irreversible change.
Hope i was not rude - just wish good for you
Important Plz read:
May our tongues be the slaves of ALLAH.May no momin wear silk.May no momin wear oufit hanging below his ankles.May all mumineen wear hijab Ameen
we was goin OK for a week. and then it just blew up again.. dunno how to deal with this all.
sis you do realsie ypu cant continue living like this- you need 2 do something about it!!
Im gettin married in couple of months and Im your age and right now, from what Ive read on this thread, marriage doesnt sound fun at all!! May Allah (swt) bless every marriage and make it a happy and long one inshaAllah
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
i know I gotta do somethin, i try working at it, but its never good enough for him, I've told him that give me time, I am slowly changing and soon ill be different, but he expects change overnyt.
Ive told him many times that it cannot happen overnight and give me space and time, but its just doesn't seem to connect with him.
He is soooo sensitive and emotional, it feels as if i am the man in the relationship. i know its nyc to have a caring hubby but right now I don't need this.
Last night was another disaster, he decided to walk out of the house at 2am, what the hell am i supposed to do.. i manage to get him back in but I've told him im changing and he admits that I have abit, but still he keeps at me, do this, do that, this way that way.. arrrghhh i really am pullling my hair out, I do not know where I stand in my own house.. no happiness at all... im really going towards the end of the cliff.. i am..
Don't let my situation put u off, i am sure urs will be fine, inshAllah.
^ innallaha ma'as sabireen, Allah is with the patient
overtime.. things will improve inshaAllaah. Your very strong for working with someone you dont as of yet like. my sister is in a relationship where she is the strong man type and her hubby is emotional aswell... but subhanAllaah they both get along great. And her hubby does what ur hubby does too lol (do this THIS way and that THAT way etc) but she does it wiv a smile and is patient through it. Shes really pious mashaAllah and he sometimes misses out prayers but shes being patient.. shes managed to get him to keep a beard
im only ranting on about her to give you inspiration... sis if you sacrifice your time and effort i am SO sure wiv plenty of dua' Allah will make things better for you in ways you cant imagine..
INSHAALLAAH !!!
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullaah (peace and blessings upon you)
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
i was tryna be understanding, more patient and calm, and he was appreciating that. if he lets me just deal with it and at my pace I CAN change but he keeps throwing comments in that jus irritate me then and feel my efforts are not appreciated at all..
You need to establish solid ground with him....and you need to become friends before you can love...because love and is based on honesty, trust and friendship. (chek ur pm)
I dno where to go and talk to someone about it. I would not feel comfortable goin to the local one as everyone no's everyone and news travels fast - esp in my community.
he is being nice - its me that cant be on a level with him.
He says he wants to do wateva i say, but I want him to be independant and tell me what he wants or thinks..
having a comunication problems don't help either, I cant express myself in my own lingo and he dont get wat am sayin in english!!
Dear sister,
i find sometimes that the problem with us women is that we run after the ones that treat us badly and take for granted the ones that are good to us.
it seems that he is being good to you and it is just you that is not taking a liking to him, man if only you could live a day in my shoes then you would kiss the ground your husband walks on, i do not mean that in a offending way whasoever sis.
but honestly you have to make the effort to talk to him take the 1st step and small steps, since it was arranged marriage i am assuming that you two dont even know each other that well,
so sit him down and tell him look lets start from scratch and become friends, then talk to him like a friend see him as a friend and then from that slowly take another step to the next stage and Insha'Allah Allah swt will bestow that love in your heart for him and your marriage will be a lot better.
now as regards physical appearence you know your not attracted to him, so im sure it has something to do maybe with the way he dresses or his hair the way he does it etc, and as a friend you can slowly change that, do not just be blunt and say oh i dont like this or change your hair cos im not attracted to you NO!
if your ever out shopping buy him some clothes that you would like to see him in ad when you get home say in a loving manner "oh i saw this and thought you would look extra handsome in it" believe you me he will wear it if you put it to him in that manner, and when he does wear it complement him, say smething like "wow someone looks really handsome today" geting that reaction from you from wearing the style of clothes that you have brought him will make him want to dress like that everyday, cos he never got that reaction from you when he was wearingwhat he used to wear.
next time he goes to get his hair cut go with him and tell the hairstylist or barber what you think will look nice on him, and if he doesnt use any gel or hair wax in general, tell the barber to style it ho you would think would look nice and then get your husband to buy that product so that he starts using it,
i am assuming that ur husband is from back home cos ou said that he has been here for a few months now, but im not sure if i am correct, so it can be hard for someone tha has been brought up here to try and gel with someone from back home, of course there will be a clash, and usually the clash is from the western side, but you really need to stop what you are doing,
and somehow it seems to me that you are ashamed of him, and thats why have isolated yourself from your friends, cos you just do not want to be seen or known as his wife.
forgive me if i am wrong but sister if that is the case then you really need to stop! give the guy a chance pray to Allah swt and ask Him to help you.
I pray for you sis i really do i pray that Insha'Allah everything works out, cos i know how much of an affect marriage altogether can have on your life.
if your not happy in your marraige then it affects everything in your life especially as a woman.
But try sis, please try and i know that Allah swt will help you Insha'Allah.
There is a major problem when the man is not able to read the wife mood, like you are unhappy and he thinks everything its ok. But in todays world , i am not surprised. I think would help you, if you would study the culture thing, if he is from backhome. He was raised in a certain way and may be the outfit and hair its coming from there.
this is becoming really hard, I swear I am trying, and i have changed to an xtent, giving him a chance etc, but it will take time for me to be overly happy. However this is not enough, He says yes you are changing but he keeps expecting this to be done over night, I know I am in the wrong about a few tings but also if i am trying surely he should be patient and tink yeh with time she will get better.
He expects me to be yes sir, 3 bags full sir, but that cannot happen, I still have my opinions and will say them if that how i feel and if i want to say no then it should not be a major deal cos its not like i say no to every single ting he says. As soon as I say no to something he switches and then it turns into a long thing..
Its like i am trapped and cannot say my true feelings and opinions cos as soon as I do that its jus blows off. I may as well jus say yes to save the headache.. but that is not me..
I want to cry soo badly, but i cant, dno wats wrong but it wont happen, i feel like proper sobbing just to releave some weight and its all bottled up and i feel a big weight on me.. it is sooo hard.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Quote
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks