Marriage Difficulties

**Lonely Gal** · 05-09-2008

Hi,
Am new to this - I have got major problems but got no one to turn to and now I have really come to the end, where I cannot take much more and need to explode. I have been married for over 6 months, and yes it was arranged. I just do not seem to get on with him at all, he has been here for a few months now but I just cant seem to connect with him at all. I am not attracted to him and therefore that's the biggest hurdle I cannot get over. I really really wanted my marriage to work, wanted happiness and I no looks are not everything but with the problems there I think that's where the other issues stem from. I wanted to make me parents happy but they have found out I am not happy and its caused tension between all my family and me.
I know I am to blame but dunno what to do to change things. I try really hard and just as I think we ver very slowly making little progress, he goes and does something that irritates me. He is really clingy and I've told him I need space and take things slow, he says OK. but then 2 days later hes pestering me again.
I really hate me life at the mo, i hate being at home, surrounded by people who don't like me.
I don't tell me friends cos then I they would keep askin me how I am, and i'll be a total wreck. I have a hidden life from all my frends - its horrible. I have so many emotions and feelings locked up. I dno what to do.. I need help.. Allah swt please guide me right, help me be a good muslim and wife and inshAllah one day a mother. I had so many dreams and wished, as my husband did, but nothings gone right.. What do I need to do??

**------** · 07-01-2008

Thanks.

**Tania** · 07-01-2008

Invite your mom to stay with you. She will fix the situation

**Musaafirah** · 07-01-2008

Sis Lonely Gal,
I sincerely hope things work out for you! Am not in your situation so won't be able to give you any constructive advice..
Jus wondering if you take time out to think about yourself and your attitudes and how and why it's affecting your relationship as opposed to focusing on your emotions, if you get what I mean.
Keep in contact with your mates! The ones that are religiously inclined of course, because by them knowing you personally and knowing your situation, they'd be better suited to giving you advice as opposed to the advice being given to you here on this forum coz we don't personally know you..If you get what I mean..
Apologise in advance if my post may offend you..Am trying to be as unoffensive as possible..
Sister Serene, I think you're last few posts were uncalled for..(no offence!), other than that you gave real good advice before, but again we aren't in the sisters shoes to know what she's personally going through, we're just gettin the general air of things, so please be considerate..
(Whoah, this is probably the longest post I've written here..!)
Peace out! xXx

**sangeeta** · 08-07-2008

Talk to someone that can help and give you honest advice.Attraction is important,just as chemistry is.If you dont get on you are eing sensible to question it now,rather than waiting longer possibly having kids.If you get the advice and it is right folow it.If it still seems you are at loggerheads get second opinion.

**TotalControl** · 08-10-2008

I can understand what it is that makes you act the way you do. If it is something you didn't want, then it makes sense for you to subconciously repel the things or people you don't like. I myself was in this mess (the thread has now unfortunately been deleted) but working things out is quite often not the best of ways. There is no harm in applying yourself and trying to make it work, but for the love of god, if it isn't working don't put yourself through it!

Inshallah things will work out with your husband and if HE wants to make things work then he will change himself. A clap requires 2 hands to make a noise and it won't be until both of you understand what it is that you need to do for each other that the noise just won't be made.