Marriage Difficulties

Try finding similarities between what u and your husband both like. Try and do something together that u both can enjoy. Love won't sprout out of nowhere - u need to giv it time.

Build up a relationship of trust and friendship, because love mainly blossoms when the relationship is built on trust of the other person and when you are comfortable with them.

Try and talk to him and tell him what he does that irritates you. Both of you need to be willing to change and make sacrifices. Share your dreams with one another, plan for the future

I dno where to go and talk to someone about it. I would not feel comfortable goin to the local one as everyone no's everyone and news travels fast - esp in my community.
he is being nice - its me that cant be on a level with him.
He says he wants to do wateva i say, but I want him to be independant and tell me what he wants or thinks..
having a comunication problems don't help either, I cant express myself in my own lingo and he dont get wat am sayin in english!!

yeh bak home.. i told him to learn the lingo but he dint listen to, I think I new this would have an effect dats y I kept tryna push him but he dint listen..
I can speak the lingo but have issues in saying things in the correct way without him gettin the wrong idea..
when I am around him, im a total cow.. i cant be nyc.. summat happens to me..
i'm not the person i was before marriage...I never thort i could end up being like this to anyone

Yes am always askin Allah swt to help make me a better person and make it work.. i really dnt wana b horrible but it jus happens.. as silly as that sounds.. i really try not to and it does just happen..

asalam alaikum wr wb,

Sis, I really feel for you and totally understand where you're coming from. Since you say the problem is with you, I advise you to give your marriage a little more time. That is because you may have a change of heart and accept him for the way he is. Your husband might be under the false impression that he will win your heart by being the way he is. You can tell him what you expect from him.

However, I'm a great believer in practicality. So, as you're in the doldrums about him at present, my practical advice is to not let yourself get pregnant. It will make things alot more complicated if you do decide to get divorced later. And it won't be fair on the child.


Like I said sis, give your marriage a chance. The main thing is that he is not harming you or doing wrong to you. Talk to him about how you feel. If after all you do not find any compatibility with him and fear that you will do injustice to him and yourself then you are entitled to divorce as there is more harm than good by staying in this marriage.


See here:

Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (Pbuh) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” - her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/395, Kitab al-talaq, bab al-khul’.)

And for your peace of mind that you have that right, and any other questions, consult a scholar as bro IbnAbdulHakim mentioned. And sis, please feel free to PM if you want to talk.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

i just feel as we have become stuck into a routine so early, and there's nthing between us,
I don't satisfy him, there is no romance in our lives and knowing that, he deserves someone better, and I wish I could say that but its not poss.
Divorce would lead me no where.. My entire generation would hate me, half already do.
he hasn't hurt me, but sometimes i feel there is something else going on with him and a family relative.. how do i get this doubt out of my head..

Sometimes i have felt like gettin preg, jus so that I have something of my own, someone to love, and care. and someone who needs me.
I know this is wrong so this is on hold. only fair I bring a child into this world when there is happiness

Have u tried to change/make sacrifices to make the relationship work?

There is something inside me that switches and Im a total diff person.
When i be a cow, i realise and think I won't do this again but den it happens..
i feel guilty and sh*t for the way I am.. i just wisj tjere was summat that could change things, seeing so many cuples around so happy makes it soo hard..

yes i feel as if i have.. even tho more prob can be done..
but not connectin is a big issue

Have u tried to talk to him?

I try talkin.. but i get stuck on what to say..

Work out what you are going to say and talk to him. If you can't, write it on a piece of paper. You have to communicate.

he says he loves me etc and i cant stand when he does!
how can he love me wen i aint even nice to him???
Is there any duas that you guys know to make a relationship longer.. get rid of my bitterness etc??