I NEED to marry my woman BUT many hurdles to overcome (OP)
Salaam my fellow brothers and sisters,
My question is with regard to marriage. I intend to marry a woman but have a few obstacles in my path unfortunately. Firstly I must stress we are madly in love with each other and see life without each other as an absolute impossibilty. I have absolutley NO problems from my side of the family but the problems arise from her parents side. Both are in staunch hate of my background and culture - they detest Pakistani's. My angel is half arab herself. This is the ONLY basis they are in disapproval. Alhumdulilah, I am financially stable, in a good profession and of deen and good character. I understand I MUST be patient and the first port of call is to discuss the sitaution with her parents and be FIRM in my intent of marriage. I ALWAYS show respect but they do not seem to budge. Pateince is a great virtue in Islam but this is on another level!! Their minds have been made up, irreversibly so.
What is the best course of action? I feel marrying in secret shall be the only way out and it will be official with regards to 2 witness' and a proper Nikkah cermony. What could you advise me as to do next Inshallah? This is IMMENSELY frustrating and driving us both insane. Whoever said love hurts had it bang on!!
Jazakallah for your time and patience and may ALlah SWT reward you all Inshallah...Ameen.
Sorry just another point I thought I'd mention with regards to what Umu Isa said above:
The following is some information I gleaned from ************** and this reply is from Sheykh Faraz Rabanni:
"According to the famous relied upon position within the Hanafi school, the marriage of a woman without the approval of her wali is only valid if the person she is marrying is legally considered a suitable match (kuf') .
Otherwise, the marriage is invalid, and they would be considered to be living in zina.
This is the position adopted by the overwhelming majority of the Hanafi fuqaha, and was chosen by Ibn Abidin in his Hashiya as well. Shaykh Mahmoud Ashraf Usmani says that this is the generally adopted position of the fuqaha of the Subcontinent, and this is what I heard Shaykh Adib al-Kallas of Damascus say is generally adopted.
Given the danger of this issue, each specific case should be referred to a qualified God-fearing scholar .
It is very important to note that the fuqaha point out that even when a woman's marriage without the explicit approval of her wali is *valid*, it is: (a) going against the Sunna and (b) may well entail being bad to one's parents, which is among the most serious of enormities.
The fuqaha explain that the "approval" is not a general "acceptance" to marry but, rather, an approval of the actual marriage contract taking place, because at the legal level, the marriage contract must be seen as a civil contract where the approval of the wali is an expected part .
As for who the guardian (wali) is supposed to be, this is known, and the order of closeness of guardianship must be followed.
As such: In order to do that which is best, the two parties should press their parents to allow them to have the nikah as soon as possible, which adhering to good manners and respect. It must be noted that it is very much possible to be firm and insistent while adhering to good manners, a point lost on many. If the parents are being 'unreasonable' then the reasonable solution is to take the case to a qualified God-fearing scholar. "
On a personal level I thought a woman has every right to choose her husband with the approval of her parents BUT if the parents can find NO just cause to disapprove (in this case my being a Pakistani) then the marriage can take place even without approval....although I fully understand this is the last option to take.
Re: I NEED to marry my woman BUT many hurdles to overcome
format_quote Originally Posted by raj2008
Salaam my fellow brothers and sisters,
My question is with regard to marriage. I intend to marry a woman but have a few obstacles in my path unfortunately. Firstly I must stress we are madly in love with each other and see life without each other as an absolute impossibilty. I have absolutley NO problems from my side of the family but the problems arise from her parents side. Both are in staunch hate of my background and culture - they detest Pakistani's. My angel is half arab herself. This is the ONLY basis they are in disapproval. Alhumdulilah, I am financially stable, in a good profession and of deen and good character. I understand I MUST be patient and the first port of call is to discuss the sitaution with her parents and be FIRM in my intent of marriage. I ALWAYS show respect but they do not seem to budge. Pateince is a great virtue in Islam but this is on another level!! Their minds have been made up, irreversibly so.
What is the best course of action? I feel marrying in secret shall be the only way out and it will be official with regards to 2 witness' and a proper Nikkah cermony. What could you advise me as to do next Inshallah? This is IMMENSELY frustrating and driving us both insane. Whoever said love hurts had it bang on!!
Jazakallah for your time and patience and may ALlah SWT reward you all Inshallah...Ameen.
PS. Did I mention I am SOOOOO frustrated?
I have no advise but I find your honor inspiring and wish you luck
Re: I NEED to marry my woman BUT many hurdles to overcome
well im havin the same problem but not exactly me .. one of my friends.. if u honestly think thats the way out.. u r soo wrong... marring her in secret... did u forget that her parents should approve ... n its a requirement in islam for them to be there . if she hasnt been married before.. so over all the marriage wouldnt be right.. second of all... honestly when i see someone marring a gurl like that it just shows that he dont got respect for her or her parents.. n i know that sayin no to u cuz ur paki .. is wrong ...as well.. but its better to do it the right way.. this is my opinon .. n if shes a arab.. alot of problems would come after that... n it wont be a pretty picture.. im just being honest with u.. n im tryin to help .. i tired helpin my friend.. but she dont listen.. ...n for that.. i dont wanna finish it.. im not sayin give up.. try ur best n if shes not ur naseeb then its from god * u shouldnt hate something n it might be good for n u shouldnt like somethin n it might not be good for u * take care salamz
Re: I NEED to marry my woman BUT many hurdles to overcome
format_quote Originally Posted by raj2008
Sorry just another point I thought I'd mention with regards to what Umu Isa said above:
The following is some information I gleaned from ************** and this reply is from Sheykh Faraz Rabanni:
"According to the famous relied upon position within the Hanafi school, the marriage of a woman without the approval of her wali is only valid if the person she is marrying is legally considered a suitable match (kuf') .
Otherwise, the marriage is invalid, and they would be considered to be living in zina.
This is the position adopted by the overwhelming majority of the Hanafi fuqaha, and was chosen by Ibn Abidin in his Hashiya as well. Shaykh Mahmoud Ashraf Usmani says that this is the generally adopted position of the fuqaha of the Subcontinent, and this is what I heard Shaykh Adib al-Kallas of Damascus say is generally adopted.
Given the danger of this issue, each specific case should be referred to a qualified God-fearing scholar .
It is very important to note that the fuqaha point out that even when a woman's marriage without the explicit approval of her wali is *valid*, it is: (a) going against the Sunna and (b) may well entail being bad to one's parents, which is among the most serious of enormities.
The fuqaha explain that the "approval" is not a general "acceptance" to marry but, rather, an approval of the actual marriage contract taking place, because at the legal level, the marriage contract must be seen as a civil contract where the approval of the wali is an expected part .
As for who the guardian (wali) is supposed to be, this is known, and the order of closeness of guardianship must be followed.
As such: In order to do that which is best, the two parties should press their parents to allow them to have the nikah as soon as possible, which adhering to good manners and respect. It must be noted that it is very much possible to be firm and insistent while adhering to good manners, a point lost on many. If the parents are being 'unreasonable' then the reasonable solution is to take the case to a qualified God-fearing scholar. "
On a personal level I thought a woman has every right to choose her husband with the approval of her parents BUT if the parents can find NO just cause to disapprove (in this case my being a Pakistani) then the marriage can take place even without approval....although I fully understand this is the last option to take.
who told u this.. .. this is wrong she needs her wali n its her father .. if she was married before then yes she can get married with out... dont rush .. n it wont be saheeh
Re: I NEED to marry my woman BUT many hurdles to overcome
Bro, ask her parents why they hate Pakistanis. I'm Pakistani myself, and I know that ****ty feeling from being looked down upon by Arabs (I lived in an Arab country most of my life). It can't be for NO reason; ask them what it is. I remember having crushes on Arab girls LOL...that was when I was like fourteen. So anyway, just talk to her parents rationally and ask what the problem with Pakistanis is.
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