i feel lyk dyin

**truemuslim** · 05-21-2008

no its not the song. tho i remember it every time i think of "i feel like dyin"
hm
newayz

its getting lower and lower, im praying isha now, just missing fajr, but doesnt matter coz everything else getting worse. When i pray, i stop in the middle of rukuh or something, anythin, i just stop in the middle of prayer and start cryin...randomly. then i restart, and try to not do it this time, i feel like the shaitan is distracting me, i dont complete prayer the right way till waaay after. everything is going too fast, life, future, travel, marriage, family, school, and...religion...the hardest one, if i could take out all of those things but one i would choose nothing but religion to stay, its hard to bear all this. too hard, and everything is moving too fast. i always feel like the angel of death is following me , becase it knows what i want. i always prepare for it knowing im not prepared. but i kno it'll happen sometime, and i wish i could find out how and when it will happen. i feel like its in the room with me right now, about to happen, and i want it to happen, at the same time dont want it to happen coz im not prepared. i cant really say everything...but, ...
im not crazy, i might be stupid.
so dont fink am on something other than a chair.

**truemuslim** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by Woodrow

Ukhti,

I agree with you fully Dear sister. Life stinks, it is rotten and very difficult to cope with.

It spite of all of the rotten stuff in this world, living one brief second of joy, sunshine and seeing Allaah's (swt) work and blessings makes a 100 years of pain and anguish worth going through.

Do not look at the pains of life, seek to see the beauty and look at the rainbows and abundance Allaah(swt) has provided. It is far better to live a 1000 years in pain and suffering even if the only reward is the smell of a rose, then to never have lived.

Think of all Allaah(swt) has given and will continue to give, do not try to put a time frame on when you blessings will arrive, but when they do arrive all trials and pains endured will become faded memories and be seen as worth going through.

I do see the good things in life, but they become buried with all the bad stuff then I can't enjoy them. All that happens is i begin enjoying, then remember stuff, and then leave or cry or something.
Too much doubt is everywhere for me, too much pressure, too much opinions of other people and everything i don't know where the truth of anything is.
it gets too much, you wanna give up. i give up easily as u all know, so i give up, but the only way to continue this giving up is dying, because islam is a life long thing, its a feeling, its the truth, you can't borrow it. And yet i can't use it.

I wanna leave this world. and i always feel the angel of death is in the room with me, while im typing this. i think of the future, and about life, and most of the time i think of things like who created god, and where is he, and i ask him to take my fear away, and he does, right away, and then i start thinking aboutwhat if its all wrong, what it im wrong, what if something i did here was wrong, somehting im going to do, something i have done, what if this is all wrong, then im stuck, i can't do anything or go anywhere. and Hell is just waiting for me right there. and i get massive dreams about hell and all and it jus scary

i cant even explain the feeling, i been getting it for a long time, and now its getting more. and it leads to other things, bigger things, and worse things. :laugh:

give up:enough!:

**Eric H** · 05-21-2008

Greetings and peace be with you truemuslim;

I wanna leave this world. and i always feel the angel of death is in the room with me, while im typing this.

Suicide is not an option.

Somewhere in the Quran it says that Allah does not put a burden on anyone that is too heavy. As yet you do not understand, but Allah has given you the gifts to overcome all your problems, you have to trust this is true.

As overwhelming as the task may seem you have to pray and overcome all your problems today. Life is a journey always one day at a time knowing and trusting that our God holds us in the palm of his hand. When you wake up tomorrow you simply repeat this process all over again. In thirty or forty years you may start to understand what perseverance is.

In years to come you will come into contact with people who have the same kind of problems as you have now. If you fight it and beat it you will be able to help others and give encouragement to them

and most of the time i think of things like who created god, and where is he.

You can spend countless sleepless nights pondering this question and you will not find an answer. Simply you just need to trust that he had no beginning and he is here.

In the spirit of trusting in God

Eric

**Woodrow** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

I do see the good things in life, but they become buried with all the bad stuff then I can't enjoy them. All that happens is i begin enjoying, then remember stuff, and then leave or cry or something.
Too much doubt is everywhere for me, too much pressure, too much opinions of other people and everything i don't know where the truth of anything is.
it gets too much, you wanna give up. i give up easily as u all know, so i give up, but the only way to continue this giving up is dying, because islam is a life long thing, its a feeling, its the truth, you can't borrow it. And yet i can't use it.

I wanna leave this world. and i always feel the angel of death is in the room with me, while im typing this. i think of the future, and about life, and most of the time i think of things like who created god, and where is he, and i ask him to take my fear away, and he does, right away, and then i start thinking aboutwhat if its all wrong, what it im wrong, what if something i did here was wrong, somehting im going to do, something i have done, what if this is all wrong, then im stuck, i can't do anything or go anywhere. and Hell is just waiting for me right there. and i get massive dreams about hell and all and it jus scary

i cant even explain the feeling, i been getting it for a long time, and now its getting more. and it leads to other things, bigger things, and worse things. :laugh:

give up:enough!:

Pain, doubt and thoughts of error are a very great part of the trials we face.

It is true that these doubts have a way of growing as we overcome each one. To overcome one doubt seems to open the door for thousands more. None of us will achieve perfect Imaan in this life, but we need to face our doubts and short comings.

Oddly these doubts and short comings when properly used are excellent tools for increasing our Imaan and of becoming better Muslims. we learn we can not achieve perfections, and that helps us overcome the temptation of arrogance. we know we must continuously learn and the doubts give us incentive to study. we become assured we are only human and learn of our need to trust Allaah(swt).

It takes faith to see we have short comings. Please make Du3a for me Dear Ukhti, your faith will assure that your prayers will be heard.

**truemuslim** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by Eric H

Greetings and peace be with you truemuslim;

Suicide is not an option.

Somewhere in the Quran it says that Allah does not put a burden on anyone that is too heavy. As yet you do not understand, but Allah has given you the gifts to overcome all your problems, you have to trust this is true.

As overwhelming as the task may seem you have to pray and overcome all your problems today. Life is a journey always one day at a time knowing and trusting that our God holds us in the palm of his hand. When you wake up tomorrow you simply repeat this process all over again. In thirty or forty years you may start to understand what perseverance is.

In years to come you will come into contact with people who have the same kind of problems as you have now. If you fight it and beat it you will be able to help others and give encouragement to them

You can spend countless sleepless nights pondering this question and you will not find an answer. Simply you just need to trust that he had no beginning and he is here.

In the spirit of trusting in God

Eric

no no astaghfirallah i never think bout suicide, thats why i say the angel of death is taking too long. because im not going to MAKE it come.

I try to trust he is there. i just start doubting it coz of some reasons.

**truemuslim** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by Woodrow

Pain, doubt and thoughts of error are a very great part of the trials we face.

It is true that these doubts have a way of growing as we overcome each one. To overcome one doubt seems to open the door for thousands more. None of us will achieve perfect Imaan in this life, but we need to face our doubts and short comings.

Oddly these doubts and short comings when properly used are excellent tools for increasing our Imaan and of becoming better Muslims. we learn we can not achieve perfections, and that helps us overcome the temptation of arrogance. we know we must continuously learn and the doubts give us incentive to study. we become assured we are only human and learn of our need to trust Allaah(swt).

It takes faith to see we have short comings. Please make Du3a for me Dear Ukhti, your faith will assure that your prayers will be heard.

I make dua's for u all. and myself. all of mine are answered, i just dont kno bout u guys coz i dont kno u in person to ask u. lol. neway
My dua's are all answered, i KNOW allah is there, and at the same time i know he might not be, i say "allah if u are there take this fear from my heart" and he does ...that very second too. and i still doubt it. i hate myself for being like this. i said it myself in a poem "u got 100% proof already on yo list" and thats to athiests, yet i dont take it to myself before i say it to them.

why does life pass too fast, way too fast, everyting is all cool, then suddenly everything is poured on u like the teachers when they give u a bunch of pointless essays on dead ppl, suddenly u realize u dont have time, imagine if the mountains start falling, and the sun folds up, and all that, then what will you do? evn if i am sinless or feel good about myself, i still dont feel like i will get jannah on judgement day, i ALWAYS feel like im not good enough, like allah hates me but is answeing my duas for some reason, just like how he is allowing the worste kuffars to live, he might be doing tht to me, they sin, i sin, they feel no shame i feel no shame, we can possibly be the same since allah is keeping me in the world like he is keeping them.
plz plzplzzzz make duas

**barney** · 05-21-2008

Hey truemuslim, lifes a rollercoaster. Things may be bad right now but when theres a down theres usually an up following it.
Hang Tough.

**snakelegs** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by Woodrow

Pain, doubt and thoughts of error are a very great part of the trials we face.

It is true that these doubts have a way of growing as we overcome each one. To overcome one doubt seems to open the door for thousands more. None of us will achieve perfect Imaan in this life, but we need to face our doubts and short comings.

Oddly these doubts and short comings when properly used are excellent tools for increasing our Imaan and of becoming better Muslims. we learn we can not achieve perfections, and that helps us overcome the temptation of arrogance. we know we must continuously learn and the doubts give us incentive to study. we become assured we are only human and learn of our need to trust Allaah(swt).

It takes faith to see we have short comings. Please make Du3a for me Dear Ukhti, your faith will assure that your prayers will be heard.

well said - doubt is not the enemy, in fact it can very often be a valuable friend.
you're an intelligent girl (not you, abdullah!

) - of course you are going to doubt from time to time. nothin wrong with that.

**Güven** · 05-21-2008

^Yeah Soo true, doubt has made me stronger too,
having Faith is also important so please dont give up Sis

**Woodrow** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

I make dua's for u all. and myself. all of mine are answered, i just dont kno bout u guys coz i dont kno u in person to ask u. lol. neway
My dua's are all answered, i KNOW allah is there, and at the same time i know he might not be, i say "allah if u are there take this fear from my heart" and he does ...that very second too. and i still doubt it. i hate myself for being like this. i said it myself in a poem "u got 100% proof already on yo list" and thats to athiests, yet i dont take it to myself before i say it to them.

why does life pass too fast, way too fast, everyting is all cool, then suddenly everything is poured on u like the teachers when they give u a bunch of pointless essays on dead ppl, suddenly u realize u dont have time, imagine if the mountains start falling, and the sun folds up, and all that, then what will you do? evn if i am sinless or feel good about myself, i still dont feel like i will get jannah on judgement day, i ALWAYS feel like im not good enough, like allah hates me but is answeing my duas for some reason, just like how he is allowing the worste kuffars to live, he might be doing tht to me, they sin, i sin, they feel no shame i feel no shame, we can possibly be the same since allah is keeping me in the world like he is keeping them.
plz plzplzzzz make duas

You are always in my Du3as and those of my wife. I also believe you are in the Du3as of many of the members here.

Do not worry or concern yourself over issues of why Allaah(swt) allows some people to sin without remorse and apparently reap rewards from them. You only need to know Allaah(swt) is the best of planners and you will gain what is best for you at the best time for you.

**truemuslim** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by barney

Hey truemuslim, lifes a rollercoaster. Things may be bad right now but when theres a down theres usually an up following it.
Hang Tough.

well how bout if my cart rolls off the coaster

(yes i will keep killing all of u pplz examples

)

Originally Posted by snakelegs

well said - doubt is not the enemy, in fact it can very often be a valuable friend.
you're an intelligent girl (not you, abdullah!

) - of course you are going to doubt from time to time. nothin wrong with that.

Doubt is an enemy for me. if i doubt everything even life then how is that good?

i DOUBT doubt is good

Originally Posted by Güven

^Yeah Soo true, doubt has made me stronger too,
having Faith is also important so please dont give up Sis

faith and doubt...my weaknesses

Originally Posted by Woodrow

You are always in my Du3as and those of my wife. I also believe you are in the Du3as of many of the members here.

Do not worry or concern yourself over issues of why Allaah(swt) allows some people to sin without remorse and apparently reap rewards from them. You only need to know Allaah(swt) is the best of planners and you will gain what is best for you at the best time for you.

Jazakallah khair

just what if i was wrong in the dunya?
what if it turns out i really am as low as those people...or lower. ?

**snakelegs** · 05-21-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

well how bout if my cart rolls off the coaster

(yes i will keep killing all of u pplz examples

)

Doubt is an enemy for me. if i doubt everything even life then how is that good?

i DOUBT doubt is good

faith and doubt...my weaknesses

Jazakallah khair

just what if i was wrong in the dunya?
what if it turns out i really am as low as those people...or lower. ?

it's like woodrow said. it may not seem like it right now, but doubt can strengthen your iman and make you a better muslim because you can learn from it.

**Woodrow** · 05-22-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

just what if i was wrong in the dunya?
what if it turns out i really am as low as those people...or lower. ?

Each of us needs to see we really are as low as "those people." The time we think we are not, we have fallen lower and are guilty of arrogance and possibly are lower then they are.

Not a single one of us is worthy of the mercy of Allaah(swt), none of us can do anything to earn Jannah.

Not you, nor I nor any person living today will ever be a perfect Muslim. Far better we go through life knowing we have short comings and that we have sinned greatly then to believe we are perfect and earned ourselves a place in Jannah. By knowing we are weak and often fail, we have gained the knowledge of knowing we are in need to repent. These doubts and knowing we often fail give us the ability to truly desire to sincerly repent. It is repentence that seperates people in Jannah from those in hellfire, not their being better.

**truemuslim** · 05-22-2008

Originally Posted by Woodrow

Each of us needs to see we really are as low as "those people." The time we think we are not, we have fallen lower and are guilty of arrogance and possibly are lower then they are.

Not a single one of us is worthy of the mercy of Allaah(swt), none of us can do anything to earn Jannah.

Not you, nor I nor any person living today will ever be a perfect Muslim. Far better we go through life knowing we have short comings and that we have sinned greatly then to believe we are perfect and earned ourselves a place in Jannah. By knowing we are weak and often fail, we have gained the knowledge of knowing we are in need to repent. These doubts and knowing we often fail give us the ability to truly desire to sincerly repent. It is repentence that seperates people in Jannah from those in hellfire, not their being better.

mashallah...jazakallah khair

and also...its not just religon. its also school and everything...why is everything suddenly coming and going way too fast?? i havent even started high school, and i dont wanna go anymore. i dont even kno if i have a choice of going anymore. i always wanted to be a doctor , even in kindergarten, and we've spent alot of money on stuff like doctor books and all, health stuff etc etc, i helped sick people in yemen...some really disgusting like bullet shots.

and now i gota give it up?? now my schoolwork is ALL behind, i dont even wanna do it anymore. i tell my teachers "I don't wanna do this anymore, just fail me" instead of "Oh it was due on this day?!" and that convincing stuff... u all kno wut im talkin bout. how i used to convince em all to let my "late" assignments be accepted and still get a's, well now i dont wanna do that, i just tell them im sorry, gimme an F ... and now my grades are B B B and C !!! i'm looking foward to dropping out of high school the first year i can, before i started!!
everyone is changing, everything is changing. i always feel like giving up...
too much pressure and everything.
my feelings : :enough!:

and undescribable...

**snakelegs** · 05-22-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

mashallah...jazakallah khair

and also...its not just religon. its also school and everything...why is everything suddenly coming and going way too fast?? i havent even started high school, and i dont wanna go anymore. i dont even kno if i have a choice of going anymore. i always wanted to be a doctor , even in kindergarten, and we've spent alot of money on stuff like doctor books and all, health stuff etc etc, i helped sick people in yemen...some really disgusting like bullet shots.

and now i gota give it up?? now my schoolwork is ALL behind, i dont even wanna do it anymore. i tell my teachers "I don't wanna do this anymore, just fail me" instead of "Oh it was due on this day?!" and that convincing stuff... u all kno wut im talkin bout. how i used to convince em all to let my "late" assignments be accepted and still get a's, well now i dont wanna do that, i just tell them im sorry, gimme an F ... and now my grades are B B B and C !!! i'm looking foward to dropping out of high school the first year i can, before i started!!
everyone is changing, everything is changing. i always feel like giving up...
too much pressure and everything.
my feelings : :enough!:

and undescribable...

everything really is going "way too fast" - that's why it feels like that. i don't know what you can do about your family situation but please don't give up hope. i really want to see you become a doctor - muslims desperately need more women doctors. think of all the good you can do! so it's not just for yourself. a woman doctor in yemen would be wonderful.
i think you should continue to "go through the motions" with school. even though you don't care and want to give up everything. it shouldn't be hard for you, you are way brighter than average and can get A's easy. what if everything doesn't crash in on you and it turns out that you do have a future and you can help save the lives of your sisters and their children - that would be pretty darn cool, wouldn't it? for now, even if you have to play a game and pretend you care, and pretend there will be a future - do it. things now look hopeless - but suppose things turn out not to be horrible like you are thinking - what if there really is a future? don't take any actions that could screw up your future.
don't drop out of high school - you will wreck your life and you deserve better than that. keep going, even though right now it may seem hopeless - your actions now may make a huge difference in your future and the future of all the people you could help. even though i know what you're talking about - so much of school is just stupid, useless irrelevant crap - how i hated it!
why does god let evil people suffer? - that's an ageless question and we can't know the answer because we don't have the knowledge. never mind all those people - they are losers. there is no reason at all that you have to be one.
i'll shut up now because i think i'm started to repeat myself.

abdullah is giving you some really good advice. when you have some "quiet time" and your mind isn't going a mile a minute, re-read some of his posts. he has a lot of wisdom.

**arabianprincess** · 05-22-2008

so true but for the cryin part,.. actuallllly these days .. my level of eman.. has went lower n lower than before.. sometimes i do feel lost.. n i try to come back but i cant.. i tried hmm i cant say i did my best .. cuz if i did i wont be lost.. well every nite before i sleep i look at the wall u know thinkin probably i wont be here or i might die any sec n then i make a dua sayin plz allah give me a chance help me change dont let me die just yet.. but then the next day with all the stuff going on with my life.. u kinda get busy.. i hope i get out of this... hopefully soon .. rite inshalah salamz

**Tania** · 05-22-2008

In this days without a diploma, you can't have too many options. You must fix your mood quickly and continue your studies. Parents are having children with the hope, they will help them later in the life. Think at your parents and ask you, what have you done for them until now

Are soo many selfish people in the world, don't become one of them.

**Eric H** · 05-22-2008

Greetings and peace be with you truemuslim;

now my schoolwork is ALL behind, i dont even wanna do it anymore.

If I was your teacher and happened to look up your posting record on this forum, and compared it with the amount of time and effort you put into your school work; what would I find..........................

In the spirit of striving to do the right thing

Eric

**------** · 05-22-2008

Sis, it also depends on how you think as well. If you thnk ur Imaan is getting lower, then it will. But if u think r trying ur best, then ur Imaan will increase. Get me?

You need to SIT DOWN, RELAX, and THINK! With a CLEAR MIND!!

**SouLda_Gal** · 05-22-2008

woaw... truemuslim its lyk yu realy dnt wana live.. and yu young n all and your already starting 2 think lyk this (how borin and dead can yu feel)..... aswel as happiness lyfz also about struggling.. strugling wid evrything... religion, family, studies etc... we got 2 fight the bad and be strong... if not then be strong and just take it...
...i think what it realy is the way ur thinking... you think you carying the worlds burden (maybe)... (im saying that koz the way you type n stuff lol).. and those thoughts are getting into you and yu start feeling so stressd, fed up etc.... if a bad approaches why not try forgeting it if cant be changed?...
and DONT 4get.. Lyf is beautifull... and live it.. ur saying it but think about it 4 real you dnt really wana leav this world.. well i dont... wana liv 4eva lol
peace

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 05-22-2008

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

you got a lot ahead of you sis, and the best thing to do is take things one at a time. Focus on your studies for now and blank everything else out. just fade everything else out from your thoughts! perform your five daily prayers, study and grow.

i can see you got a lotta patience mashaAllaah, and from what i hear your very capable of taking on whats coming. Try not to worry about it too much.. money/marriage/future just forget about it all for now!

relax... pray ... make dhikr.. and try to pass each day. Learn new things about islaam and you'll get more and more stronger, then pretty soon it'll seem like your troubles are nothing inshaAllaah.

but i got a request, i want you to specifically make dua' for me please!!!!!!!

ok jizakAllaah khair wa barakAllaahu feek

Assaalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullaah

*try not to worry too much, take it easy... it'll b all good inshAllaah, make dua'*