i feel lyk dyin

**truemuslim** · 05-21-2008

no its not the song. tho i remember it every time i think of "i feel like dyin"
hm
newayz

its getting lower and lower, im praying isha now, just missing fajr, but doesnt matter coz everything else getting worse. When i pray, i stop in the middle of rukuh or something, anythin, i just stop in the middle of prayer and start cryin...randomly. then i restart, and try to not do it this time, i feel like the shaitan is distracting me, i dont complete prayer the right way till waaay after. everything is going too fast, life, future, travel, marriage, family, school, and...religion...the hardest one, if i could take out all of those things but one i would choose nothing but religion to stay, its hard to bear all this. too hard, and everything is moving too fast. i always feel like the angel of death is following me , becase it knows what i want. i always prepare for it knowing im not prepared. but i kno it'll happen sometime, and i wish i could find out how and when it will happen. i feel like its in the room with me right now, about to happen, and i want it to happen, at the same time dont want it to happen coz im not prepared. i cant really say everything...but, ...
im not crazy, i might be stupid.
so dont fink am on something other than a chair.

**snakelegs** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

hm..no i havent ever wondered bro abdullah. jazakallah khair

And snakelegs, my dad says...said the same exact things, he always all "I will never let u get married when u dont want to, and its your choice of who u get, we just there to support u and make sure whoever u get is good" and now look... He rejects everyone unless its on HIS side of the family which are clearly all sickk and screwed up people...sorry dad.
and school he always all "I will pay for your college, i will support u, dont make the mistake i made at school, i didnt even get past high school now look at me, i willl do anything to do to help u and ur brohters"
and now... its like "Hey dad im taking college credit next year

" him "your getting married"

later... "hey dad i need you to look at these leters from the teachers and also i need you to sign the re enrollment thing and all"
him: "Your old enough, check em yourself."
then i just go throw them away or something coz as u all kno i give up quick. i hate life.
i hate how its haram to say u hate life
i hate everything and NO im not a gothic person or an emo..
the only good thing is islam, and no im not an islamic nun
Islam is good, but its too hard wit all this going on.

and again...my eyes are getting watery
dam i hate this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s.

well, i think i would hate life too if i was in your situation. the thing is, your father has changed his attitude - he could change it again. if he once saw a future for you becoming a doctor, he could come around and see it again.
the main thing is don't throw away your chances just in case. keep all your options open.
when he seems in a good mood, tell him firmly that all you have ever wanted is to become a doctor so that you can help people and that you want to finish your education before you get married. that you want that more than anything and you are willing to study hard and do it.
can your mother sign the papers?

**Ninth_Scribe** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

no its not the song. tho i remember it every time i think of "i feel like dyin"
hm
newayz

If it helps, I wish I could die too. I always have. I knew I couldn't commit suicide, so when I was a teenager, I thought maybe death by misadventure would be OK and I used to deliberately put myself in harm's way all the time. But nothing killed me. I drove with drunks... hit the wall of the Callahan tunnel at 80+ MPH and everyone in the car got messed up - but me! I walked away without so much as a scratch. I walked through a shoot-out in Queens (NYC). Nothing. The only people who died in my circle were the ones who didn'd want to... and you have no idea how much that messes with my head, but I've learned a thing or two.

Namely, the ones who want death, have faith. They don't like life because they know what it really is ~ and how much work it will become. No, people like you and I don't get a free pass. We have to do our jobs even if we're not sure what that job is. Allah will send an angel but all he'll tell you is this: It will come to you one day.

Hold your ground sis. Hold your head up. Keep your eyes open, no matter what you see. One day, you'll look back, as I have, and your path will become crystal clear. When I was young, it wasn't. But I know now exactly what is expected fom me. I still don't like it, but it's my job... and I'm the only one on the planet who can do it. Likewise, you're the only one who can do yours.

[content removed]

The Ninth Scribe

**------** · 05-23-2008

Have u tried to calm don and think with a clear mind yet? After *checks* 5 pages?!

**truemuslim** · 05-23-2008

WOW ninth scribe! I shoot out!! OMg lool wow i wish i could be in one of dem! mayb in like palestine just not in new york...coz new york is too tiight to die. and in palestine ur saving dem and doin jihad.

thank u tho sis.
jazakallah khair (even if ur not a muslim)

and snakelegs, my mom is so different, she's cool. jsut sometimes i dunno what happens...its those times where evryone changes. she doesnt kno english that good.

see im trying to not care about my school but for some reason my grades wont come down!! I had a boring geography project...IN MY WORST CLASS...social studies. and i didnt care so i did it however and somehow i still got a 100..honestly. what the heck!!

and sis i AM thinkin wita clear mind
and yes its five pages......5 pages?! lool i just realized!

**Souljette** · 05-23-2008

OK i don't wanna yell at u lil sis but u know grades being up IS A GOOD THING

**Güven** · 05-23-2008

Maybe the grades are a sign to continue your studies even if you dont want too

**Ninth_Scribe** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

WOW ninth scribe! I shoot out!! OMg lool wow i wish i could be in one of dem! mayb in like palestine just not in new york...coz new york is too tiight to die. and in palestine ur saving dem and doin jihad.

thank u tho sis.
jazakallah khair (even if ur not a muslim)

Well, it wasn't a heroic act. I didn't like life to begin with and I didn't fear death. Plus, I was in a really bad mood and didn't want to miss the last train home just because a bunch of thugz wanted to have it out with each other. So I just walked across the street to the subway with the bullets flying everywhere. Everyone thought I was nuts, lol.

All I'm saying though is that sometimes, dying isn't the answer. Sometimes words make better weapons, if you could only put them together to make them work. It's hard to learn how to do that, isn't it? Especially here, so maybe you should consider this forum Jihad training.

Snap out of it - there's work to do! Maybe you're supposed to teach me something?

The Ninth Scribe

**truemuslim** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by Souljette

OK i don't wanna yell at u lil sis but u know grades being up IS A GOOD THING

not for me.

Originally Posted by Güven

Maybe the grades are a sign to continue your studies even if you dont want too

alright. they are. so what? i work in school for a pointless reason?

Originally Posted by Ninth_Scribe

Well, it wasn't a heroic act. I didn't like life to begin with and I didn't fear death. Plus, I was in a really bad mood and didn't want to miss the last train home just because a bunch of thugz wanted to have it out with each other. So I just walked across the street to the subway with the bullets flying everywhere. Everyone thought I was nuts, lol.

All I'm saying though is that sometimes, dying isn't the answer. Sometimes words make better weapons, if you could only put them together to make them work. It's hard to learn how to do that, isn't it? Especially here, so maybe you should consider this forum Jihad training.

Snap out of it - there's work to do! Maybe you're supposed to teach me something?

The Ninth Scribe

ah new york is soooo ghetto!!! i mean so horrible. the horror of thugz .hehe

i'd rather do REAL jihad training. i even go weaponless rather than do this.
how can I teach YOU something?

also r u muslim?

**------** · 05-23-2008

^ No she isn't.

**truemuslim** · 05-23-2008

oh. i always thought she was

***KB*** · 05-23-2008

Assalamualaykum

Sister truemuslim, hey don't feel so downhearted all the time. OK, so death will take us one day and we do no know what that day is but the only thing that we can do is to pray to Allah Almighty and keep faithful.

I think many people find reading salah with all concentration is hard, I do. That's the thing if you concentrate and read Auzoo Billiah He Minash Shaytanir Rajeem whenever you are distracted this will bring your concentration back. Reading it once won't help, read it over and over until you are concentrating on Allah and Allah alone.

Insha'Allah all will become fine and I will make dua for you Sister.

Assalamualaykum
*KB*

**truemuslim** · 05-23-2008

I can concentrate. Especially after watching this (looooooolll!!)
its just i suddenly start remembering stuff. even tho i am concentrating. i dunno how to explain.

***KB*** · 05-23-2008

Assalamualaykum

Sister I can relate to the getting good grades and having to keep up with them. I had an exam today and am expected to an A* !! (Insha'Allah I've done well) and all I am doing is making dua that Insha'Allah i am doing well in my stuies and continue to do well.

Sister remember many children out there have NO EDUCATION and would love to learn. Be grateful for what you have. Insha'Allah all will be fine.

Assalamualaykum
*KB*

**truemuslim** · 05-23-2008

If i could i would give my chance of education to the ones who can use it

and inshallah u get A on ur exams...unlike me. i guessed on every single answer...teacher said how fast i finished i told em i been studying :rolleyes: lol

**Ninth_Scribe** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by truemuslim

ah new york is soooo ghetto!!! i mean so horrible. the horror of thugz .hehe i'd rather do REAL jihad training. i even go weaponless rather than do this. how can I teach YOU something? also r u muslim?

Yea, I'm not a big fan of NYC, but I went there when I was 12 (ran away from home) because everyone told me not to go there... they said I'd wind up dead, and since that's what I wanted, I went. But instead of killing me, everyone protected me - go figure?

Now, as far as teaching me goes, gee... there's so many things you could help me with, I don't know where to begin. Hmm. Ok, it was recently mentioned that when the Caliph Omar conquered Palestine, he declared that the land belonged to no one but Allah. Question, are there any records that say that? I really could use them. Do you think you could find them for me?

To answer your last question, I will be Muslim very soon

The Ninth Scribe

**------** · 05-23-2008

^ Congrats!

**Souljette** · 05-23-2008

Inshallah that day will be veryy soonnn Ninth Scribe

**Güven** · 05-23-2008

Ameen Inshallah congrats Sis Ninth Scribe

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by Ninth_Scribe

To answer your last question, I will be Muslim very soon

The Ninth Scribe

!!!!!!!!!!!!

LEt us know when ur muslim!!

as for the caliph declaring that, the land belonging to Allaah is something which the prophet said many times sallallahu alaihi wasallaam, im sure umar radhiallahu anhu would follow him in that and im pretty sure its stated in the Quran.

Allah knows best

PEACE

TRUEMUSLIM i know im a hypo for saying this but stop being lazy and study!!!!!!!!!!! and dont worry about marriage just stay far away from yemen and you'll be ok!

**truemuslim** · 05-23-2008

Originally Posted by Ninth_Scribe

Yea, I'm not a big fan of NYC, but I went there when I was 12 (ran away from home) because everyone told me not to go there... they said I'd wind up dead, and since that's what I wanted, I went. But instead of killing me, everyone protected me - go figure?

Now, as far as teaching me goes, gee... there's so many things you could help me with, I don't know where to begin. Hmm. Ok, it was recently mentioned that when the Caliph Omar conquered Palestine, he declared that the land belonged to no one but Allah. Question, are there any records that say that? I really could use them. Do you think you could find them for me?

To answer your last question, I will be Muslim very soon

The Ninth Scribe

i cant teach u anything. specially bout religion.
u can teach me. even if ur not a muslim yet.
i dont wanna go anywhere wit anyone about religion. especially if u lok at how i am right now. pshhhh

and congatulations sis!!! let us kno when u take ur shahada, mashallah!!

Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim

!!!!!!!!!!!!

LEt us know when ur muslim!!

as for the caliph declaring that, the land belonging to Allaah is something which the prophet said many times sallallahu alaihi wasallaam, im sure umar radhiallahu anhu would follow him in that and im pretty sure its stated in the Quran.

Allah knows best

PEACE

TRUEMUSLIM i know im a hypo for saying this but stop being lazy and study!!!!!!!!!!! and dont worry about marriage just stay far away from yemen and you'll be ok!

im not lazy. i never was. i just dont wanna do it. besides i do a bunch of other stuff in boring life so i m not lazy. its only school i dont do.
and there is no way i can stay away from yemen...so im not ok. i hate yemen now. i used to love it i swear now i wish it would burn just like america...

astaghfiallah al atheem!!!!!!!!!!!!

why does time take too long wit stuff u want but pass so quick when u dont want it to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!