no its not the song. tho i remember it every time i think of "i feel like dyin"
hm
newayz
its getting lower and lower, im praying isha now, just missing fajr, but doesnt matter coz everything else getting worse. When i pray, i stop in the middle of rukuh or something, anythin, i just stop in the middle of prayer and start cryin...randomly. then i restart, and try to not do it this time, i feel like the shaitan is distracting me, i dont complete prayer the right way till waaay after. everything is going too fast, life, future, travel, marriage, family, school, and...religion...the hardest one, if i could take out all of those things but one i would choose nothing but religion to stay, its hard to bear all this. too hard, and everything is moving too fast. i always feel like the angel of death is following me , becase it knows what i want. i always prepare for it knowing im not prepared. but i kno it'll happen sometime, and i wish i could find out how and when it will happen. i feel like its in the room with me right now, about to happen, and i want it to happen, at the same time dont want it to happen coz im not prepared. i cant really say everything...but, ...
im not crazy, i might be stupid.
so dont fink am on something other than a chair.
and snakelegs, my mom is so different, she's cool. jsut sometimes i dunno what happens...its those times where evryone changes. she doesnt kno english that good.
see im trying to not care about my school but for some reason my grades wont come down!! I had a boring geography project...IN MY WORST CLASS...social studies. and i didnt care so i did it however and somehow i still got a 100..honestly. what the heck!!
try talking to your mother about your dreams of becoming a doctor. see if you can't get her support.
don't try to not care about school. i know it's boring and stupid, but it is your ticket to freedom. you need to focus on it and excell so everyone can see how important it is to you. you're bright enough that you don't have to waste a whole lot of effort to get A's.
if your grades start slipping, there will be all the more reason to take you out of school. if they think you don't care, that will suit their purpose very well. "well, why shouldn't she get married at 16? she doesn't care about school anyway". nah, don't give them that excuse.
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
no i tell my mom bout college credit next yr, which my brothers all didnt take coz they all suck at school and dont care. and she goes "Your brothers didnt get it, what makes u think ur going to get it? as if u even try in school"
im like thinkin i didnt hear her right coz i never ever heard anyone say this or anything like this and i ask her what? and she goes "nothing" and im like "you kno they dont even try, u kno i am the one who been planning on my future since kindergarten and my oldest brother is graduating and all he is looking at is getting a new car" and she like "forget it, get out!"
im soooooo freakin pissed right now i cant even type
there is no where to run from this nightmare. the only people i actually can rely on are on LI , and thats sad...its ONLINE!!
im living ina hell. i dont even tell u guys the rest of the things that are making my life a hell. i swear it seems as if im living with the shaitan in his beautiful hell.!!!!!!!!! GODDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gues this explains everything. this is my punishment for losing faith. a life long punishment. a death wanting punishment. i thought allah didnt punish me . i guess i was stupid enough to not realize or believe this is it. this is the punish ment. i wish allah can punish me more wit death and punihsment in the freakin grave. i rather hav that! Iswear!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
p.s. oiii i gotta headache.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no i tell my mom bout college credit next yr, which my brothers all didnt take coz they all suck at school and dont care. and she goes "Your brothers didnt get it, what makes u think ur going to get it? as if u even try in school"
im like thinkin i didnt hear her right coz i never ever heard anyone say this or anything like this and i ask her what? and she goes "nothing" and im like "you kno they dont even try, u kno i am the one who been planning on my future since kindergarten and my oldest brother is graduating and all he is looking at is getting a new car" and she like "forget it, get out!"
im soooooo freakin pissed right now i cant even type
there is no where to run from this nightmare. the only people i actually can rely on are on LI , and thats sad...its ONLINE!!
im living ina hell. i dont even tell u guys the rest of the things that are making my life a hell. i swear it seems as if im living with the shaitan in his beautiful hell.!!!!!!!!! GODDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gues this explains everything. this is my punishment for losing faith. a life long punishment. a death wanting punishment. i thought allah didnt punish me . i guess i was stupid enough to not realize or believe this is it. this is the punish ment. i wish allah can punish me more wit death and punihsment in the freakin grave. i rather hav that! Iswear!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
p.s. oiii i gotta headache.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you have good grades so far, right? i know you're doing home school - do you have any advisors you could talk to about this?
don't give up hope and decide to just sit back and view this as your punishment, because you can't know that.
you have to take a position and be firm in it.
wait until your mother is in a good mood and then try talking with her about your dreams about helping women and children and how important that is to you.
and keep pushing yourself with the school work, even if it does look hopeless right now.
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
yeh right now i do. and they wont come down. they staying the same. (my grades)
nah i dont need no advisor. especially american ones.
it is my punishment. its all i can do, sit and watch.
i do tell her. she supports me. but she said my dad wont pay for my college anyway. even tho he promised he will. but i trust her, coz he is a liar, no non can trust him, i didnt believe him the second he said that anyway.
oh just a note. u guys do realize i have no problem wit getting married. its just how i have to give up everything for it, like i kno people who still go to school and are married, (yeh they muslims) , and my school is at home so its even easier. Its just my dad screws everything up. he say "u gna marry who u want"
then he only wants people frm HIS crappy side of the family. all my cousins drink, smoke, and were wanted in detroit. who the hellll would even want that?!
btw allah doesnt even answer my istikhrah. thats how bad i am.
yeh right now i do. and they wont come down. they staying the same. (my grades)
nah i dont need no advisor. especially american ones.
it is my punishment. its all i can do, sit and watch.
i do tell her. she supports me. but she said my dad wont pay for my college anyway. even tho he promised he will. but i trust her, coz he is a liar, no non can trust him, i didnt believe him the second he said that anyway.
oh just a note. u guys do realize i have no problem wit getting married. its just how i have to give up everything for it, like i kno people who still go to school and are married, (yeh they muslims) , and my school is at home so its even easier. Its just my dad screws everything up. he say "u gna marry who u want"
then he only wants people frm HIS crappy side of the family. all my cousins drink, smoke, and were wanted in detroit. who the hellll would even want that?!
btw allah doesnt even answer my istikhrah. thats how bad i am.
i know you don't have a problem with getting married. your father has changed on you once (by saying he won't pay for your education, after having said he will).... so it's not impossible that he will come around. i think the best thing you can do right now is to really work as hard as you can (and i don't think it will be all that hard for you) to get top grades, so they can see how important becoming a doctor is for you.
you do not know if this is a punishment from god - how can you? just because you feel guilty because you are a less-than-perfect muslim? (btw, i'm sure there are very, very few of those running around). if you decide that this is your punishment, and give up thinking you deserve better, then you will end up punishing yourself by spoiling all your chances because you feel guilty.
it may look hopeless now, but things can change for the better, just like they have changed for the worse. and you have to be prepared. your father could change his mind, you could do so well in school that you would get a scholarship.... anything can happen.
it's easy to give up - don't do it!
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
You are fifteen; the world is a scary place full of uncertainties, and people seemingly conspiring against you.
Despite your parents, teachers, so called friends; where is your determination to do what is is right? Are you so unsure of what is right, are you afraid to fail, is being a doctor only for boys who have their parents backing?
In fifteen years time are other people still going to stop you; and get in the way of you doing what is right?
In fifteen years time would you want to look back and say, despite all the people getting me down as a teenager, I have succeeded?
In the spirit of searching and praying for an inner strength.
no i tell my mom bout college credit next yr, which my brothers all didnt take coz they all suck at school and dont care. and she goes "Your brothers didnt get it, what makes u think ur going to get it? as if u even try in school"
im like thinkin i didnt hear her right coz i never ever heard anyone say this or anything like this and i ask her what? and she goes "nothing" and im like "you kno they dont even try, u kno i am the one who been planning on my future since kindergarten and my oldest brother is graduating and all he is looking at is getting a new car" and she like "forget it, get out!"
im soooooo freakin pissed right now i cant even type
there is no where to run from this nightmare. the only people i actually can rely on are on LI , and thats sad...its ONLINE!!
im living ina hell. i dont even tell u guys the rest of the things that are making my life a hell. i swear it seems as if im living with the shaitan in his beautiful hell.!!!!!!!!! GODDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gues this explains everything. this is my punishment for losing faith. a life long punishment. a death wanting punishment. i thought allah didnt punish me . i guess i was stupid enough to not realize or believe this is it. this is the punish ment. i wish allah can punish me more wit death and punihsment in the freakin grave. i rather hav that! Iswear!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
p.s. oiii i gotta headache.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oke I pretend like I didnt hear this or I mean read this because what you are sayin is Crap sorry but it is, youre sayin that you are been punished or your livin in a hell dont make me laugh if you call that hell . for the orphans or the poor or people who have nothing and strugling to live and not give up And for them They only dream to live a life like yours because they have nothing and your just sayin I wanna die, Thats sooo arrogant. look you have a familly, a mom , a dad , brothers who will protect you if you are in danger even if they are realy bad, you have food, you go to school , you have good grades, you have a Xbox360 and your a healthy and The important one your a muslim ,I rather think your been blessed but you dont know that.
you have even more than me, Look I dont have a Dad anymore and I too have a brother ( whos even worse than your brothers together not in a violant way but in a Sinfull way, I have never seen someone whos doin so much sins) and I dont have someone whos says get married(but they rather say have a girlfriend) and I dont have a Xbox360 And Good grades and Practisin Muslim friends but still I think Im been blessed Because I am Healthy and I am A Muslim and Islam is the only thing wich Im good at and I have seen Death Before my eyes and I have Escaped death with 2 seconds And I know Allah doesnt want me too die yet so I know for sure Im been tested By Allah And thats what only matters.
So pleaseeeee Sis Just Dont say like I wanna Die or go hell or something like that because I cant take it when a Sister or Brother says that.
Just wait(Like me), have Patient and dont give up and I know for sure That everything will be alright Inshallah, Just have patient/Sabr
Last edited by Güven; 05-25-2008 at 07:29 PM.
And as for the onewho fears standing in front of His Lord and restrainsthe soul from impure evil desires and lusts, verily, Paradise will be his abode [79:40-41]
I will be making the announcement this fall. I didn't actually want to make a huge news splash about it, but I've been confronted already with the question... Why? It's only fair to explain the decision since it wasn't a simple one. So, I'm working on that now.
i gues this explains everything. this is my punishment for losing faith. a life long punishment. a death wanting punishment. i thought allah didnt punish me . i guess i was stupid enough to not realize or believe this is it. this is the punish ment. i wish allah can punish me more wit death and punihsment in the freakin grave. i rather hav that! Iswear!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TrueMuslim, you're such a firey soul - you remind me so much of myself when I was young. It's like looking in a time mirror, lol. So much passion and so much energy - I can't wait to see what your soul mission is.. praying that the world is ready for you when you are! Wow! You're a lioness!
In fifteen years time are other people still going to stop you; and get in the way of you doing what is right?
I wouldn't worry too much about her. If anyone does get in her way, she'll make them pay dearly for it!!! She has the fire burning already. Not the most stable flame, but she's young - she'll figure it out though. And when she does... wow! I've never seen so much raw energy before, except when I was 15. That girl is gonna make waves! Mark my words.
“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs is afflicted, the whole body responds to it with sleeplessness and fever”.
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK...waitin fr tht time to cum inshallah
“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs is afflicted, the whole body responds to it with sleeplessness and fever”.
Khayr inshaaAllaah - all you hav to do is try your best. (without insulting Islaam)
That's what my angel told me. He said learn the world and write what you've learned. I said I was afraid, that I might say something that would just make everything worse. And he laughed at me!
He said: "You can't possibly say anything that will make this worse than it already is!
u think im going to tell u everything??? u gootta live in my stupid house for one freakin day to kno everything thats going on. i havent even told u half.
ok forget it.
jazakallah khair
wassalam
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i feel lyk dyin (OP)
And Good grades and Practisin Muslim friends but still I think Im been blessed Because I am Healthy and I am A Muslim and Islam is the only thing wich Im good at and I have seen Death Before my eyes and I have Escaped death with 2 seconds And I know Allah doesnt want me too die yet so I know for sure Im been tested By Allah And thats what only matters.
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MashaAllah 
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