i decided not to post anonymous because i am new here and i think the only way i will get honest answers is by being honest.my problem is very complicated.one year ago i met a man unlike any other i have known.i have fallen in love with him.sadly,we are not married. let me start here he is from jordan born and raised a muslim,i am from america born and raised christian. i have learned about islam because of being around him and his friends.for that i am greatful,however he does not know that i have decided i want to become muslim.what has held me back is my lifestyle concering the relationship we have together.for thoes who don't know,in america it is acceptable to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.no one tells you or even reminds you that you are in fact sinning.i know that as much as it hurts i must end this relationship so that i can turn to allah with a pure heart and mind.if anyone can give advise please do,and please,please don't hold against me the things that i have done wrong.does anyone think i can take this bad situation and turn it into something good?
i am happy to announe that i have made a life changeing decision. i have become a muslima. two days ago i prayed like i never have before. i went to the man that i have fallen in love with and told him that i was changeing my life,starting over and also that i can not allow myself to commit sin with him again.i know that i have done the right thing so insha allah ,myself,my children,and this wonderful man will live happily no matter what happens. i have thought of marring him , i just don't know if that is what he want's.
SubhanaAllah...
i pray that Allah swt bestows you with many joys and happiness, blessings and favours as a muslim InshaAllah.
dear siter i suggest for you to be open and frank with him no point in beating around the bush tell him that this new way and better way of life that you have found is what you want to pursue and it is your main aim and priority in life. InshaAllah if the brother is a sincere and devout muslim he would understand that carrying on with your relationship the way it used to be is nothing but wronging both of your own souls and InshaAllah agree to have your nikah done.
but at the same time sister have in mind that the brother can turn around and say that he is not ready for the commitment or too young ( like majoirty of so called muslim brothers nowadays do cos they lack knowledge and are in ignorance)
so you should have yourself prepared for that cos it will hurt especially if you love him dearly.
and if God forbid the latter happens in just remember sister that everything happens for the best and Allah swt has too much mercy for His slaves at the time it may be painful and you may be confused as to why its happening to you when you have accepted His path but as a believer there will always be trials and tests that He swt wil put you through to test your sincererity to Him and make you more patient and stronger.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and only He swt the creator of His creation knows best, maybe this guy coming into your life was for an appointed time as a mercy from the Almighty and a way of guiding you to the truth and to Him.
so do not be in despair if things do not go your way remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and maybe InshaAllah Allah swt has better bigger and brighter plans for you.
I pray that evrything goes well for you InshaAllah.
Alhamdulilah, welcome to Islam! A lot of very pious, beautiful muslimahs were first introduced to Islam through not so halal situations (aka muslim boyfriends), and end up making wonderful muslims. inshaAllah you'll be in that group
If I may make a humble suggestion - hold off on getting married. At this point, focus on your faith, learning the religion, and practicing islam. Of course, that would mean breaking it off with this man, at least for the time being. But inshaAllah in the end it will be worth it. If you take the time now to learn about your rights as a woman and as a wife, it will help you later on when you get married inshaAllah. You don't want to jump into marriage unprepared, only to find out later that your beloved isn't what you want in a good muslim husband.
thankyou so much. i am afraid to talk about marriage with him for now. i realize i still have alot to learn and i think for now i have to focous on becomeing the best muslima i can be. i am worried about learning how to pray correctly,what i should say what i should do,how or if i should tell my family and friends,and because i do not know any muslimas near me i am worried that i may not be doing things correctly. i have only the quran to use as my guide,and i am looking into finding the hadith to guide me as well. i have many questions and many concerns and i hope that in time everything will fall into place and i will be as allah intends for me.
thankyou so much. i am afraid to talk about marriage with him for now. i realize i still have alot to learn and i think for now i have to focous on becomeing the best muslima i can be.
While the ideal situation is obviously to learn in person (as has been done for the last 1400 years), there is a wealth of information out there on the net that can help you
i am worried about learning how to pray correctly,
This above all else is what you should focus on. A few resources for you:
Salat cards - how I learned to pray. print em out, hold them in your hand, read the line in arabic aloud, then read the english silently. inshaAllah in a few months, you'll be praying in arabic AND you'll know what you're saying. Right way to Pray - excellent little program that takes you thorugh the steps The Most Important Advice we can give you - on the importance of getting your prayers in order as a new convert.
what i should say what i should do,
Don't get too overwhelmed in this. Allah (swt) revealed His religion to His prophet (saws) over a 23 year period. These early muslims were the BEST generation, but they had 23 years to perfect it.
and because i do not know any muslimas near me i am worried that i may not be doing things correctly. i have only the quran to use as my guide,and i am looking into finding the hadith to guide me as well. i have many questions and many concerns and i hope that in time everything will fall into place and i will be as allah intends for me.
Alhamdulilah, with the internet, there are a lot of opportunities to study online. One excellent class that just came out is offered through ICNA Chicago. It offers online classes for free every Thursday night. I don't see anything on their website, but if you email [email protected] or call Dr. Syed Warsi at (800) 662-ISLAM, inshaAllah they can get you hooked up with that. Their in person classes are quite similar to what they offer online, and you can read about those here.
I would like to point out, if that guy is a muslim and he went into an haram(islamicly not legal) relationship with you, is he really the man you would want to marry?
Marrying the right person at this moment is absolutely vital! As he can be your companion, and your so much needed guide!
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