I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.
First I met him a couple of months ago, the first day we met he told me that he wants to marry me. I told him that I wasnt just going to marry someone that easily n that it would take time to get to know each other. He kept saying, that he wants to marry me within one week and I told him that I didnt want that. He said that he would come to my father with his father n ask for my hand, I told him not to make a fool out of himself and not to bother coming to my Dad n that I wasnt ready.
The mistake I made is to give him the time of day. He keept calling me and kept asking me to just hear him out. So I gave him a chance to talk. After I slapped him last time when he tried to kiss me, I thought, this time he will have learned his lesson. Well today he did waaay more, he touched me in appropiately, n Kissed some parts of my body, I kept resisting. I told him, as fiercely as I could, to NOT TOUCH ME. He keeps saying, ok, I wont. and Before I know it he's all over me yet again.
The only thing about him that gives me a slight interest are his looks. Shallow I know. This is exactly why I didnt want to jump the marriage bandwagon with him. He's extremely good looking, and I guess he's use to girls being all over him, he cant believe it that I keep avoiding him. He told me that he will never leave me alone until he marries me. He said that I could help by agreeing. That he's obsessed with me. I dont know why I even bothered to see him. I feel soo bad. Moreso of what he did to me. I am a practising Muslimah n I have never been touched by a guy. I dont know how on earth I ended up in this mess.
I feel used n abused. Please help me.
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Why is there another Anonymous posting? I hope that no one thought that it was me. I didnt post for days..
But I see that the insults never stopped. Sharif, I dont know what u are talking about. I would appreciate it if u exited this thread if u have nothing of value to say. I dont appreciate u making me look like I want "attention" or however else u've put it. You dont know jack about me, so Stop labelling me as a naive lil girl who wants attention.
I do have a life thank u. I also have hobbies, n I dont need to list them for for u either.
You''ll never know how much u've hurt me with ur post. I really hope that Allah forgives u because right now I cant.
The reason I started this thread was to share my problem with Muslims whom I thought wud advice me n some have alhamdulilah. The rest who took the mic n just kept insulting me, Thanks.
I have come him across in a store. He kept starring at me. He called me, And I didnt answer his calls. He also followed me n kept saying, "I know Ive made mistakes pls give me a chance, I missed u". I havent been out of the house for days...Anyway I didnt let his words effect me.
I have also decided not to tell my mother as I first intended doing. Telling this anyone is like admitting I've been defeated.
sister i hope i havent hurt you with my post
Last edited by Cabdullahi; 08-03-2008 at 04:08 PM.
I have started this thread, so I guess i have brought it all upon me, I guess. As Allah wills.
May Allah (swt) bestow upon you sakeenah sis and keep you safe always. Ameen!
'Oh Allah, cover our faults and calm our fears safe. Oh Allah, avenge us over those who have oppressed us and grant us victory over those who have wronged us. Oh Allah, do not cause our enemies or those who envy us to take malicious joy in our misfortune' - Ameen! Allahumma Ameen!
I think you can take something positive out of the posts and you didnt cause this to yourself,just stay strong sister and make dua
InshaAllah thanks akhee.
format_quote Originally Posted by JσℓιєFℓєυя
May Allah (swt) bestow upon you sakeenah sis and keep you safe always. Ameen!
'Oh Allah, cover our faults and calm our fears safe. Oh Allah, avenge us over those who have oppressed us and grant us victory over those who have wronged us. Oh Allah, do not cause our enemies or those who envy us to take malicious joy in our misfortune' - Ameen! Allahumma Ameen!
Jzkalah khyr sis.
Ameen Ya rabil alamin.
MaY Allah grant u jannah sis n the bro ameen.
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Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
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I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.
etc, etc
Get that slime a restraining order. If he tries it again, attempt to gouge out his eye.
I'm not joking.
Or if that's too extreme, kick him in the groin. Twice.
I have also decided not to tell my mother as I first intended doing. Telling this anyone is like admitting I've been defeated.
You must talk with someone, get it out. Otherwise you'll surpress it and that'll cause you even more pain.
To tell someone isn't admitting defeat. See, he is already the looser for doing this. This is not a game or fight, this is being abused and treated badly off, with no respect and just taking it in by yourself... That'll only make the abuser happy. They think you are weak and you won't dare to talk with anyone about it. They want you to not tell, to fight by yourself. They have already hurt you deeply. This scar will be burning for a while. You need help, you need protection. What he needs is being dealt with. Like any other criminal. You are not the one who is weak or defeated. Real men don't rape, those who do are loosers, they are the weak ones. He is not a real man and doesn't deserve to have you alone as an opponent.
Think this through and I still request you to tell to someone, inshaAllah.
“If only I had checked myself”
—
Guy who wrecked himself
True leaders don't create followers...
.... They create new leaders.
But I see that the insults never stopped. Sharif, I dont know what u are talking about. I would appreciate it if u exited this thread if u have nothing of value to say. I dont appreciate u making me look like I want "attention" or however else u've put it. You dont know jack about me, so Stop labelling me as a naive lil girl who wants attention.
Hmm... Now I see how you would consider that to be an "insult." Oh man! [I remember someone warning me about this: when a hundred people say something hundred different ways, they all think there's one hundred different views---even though there's only one.] It's obvious that we're not both talking on the same plane. True, you didn't get what I said. As I don't know enough about you, you don't know enough about me either. Khayr then.
If I thought you were "naive lil girl," I wouldn't have even bothered posting. I value time and I value people's dignity. My goal from this post was to help you become an outstanding person, even if I don't know you.
I do have a life thank u. I also have hobbies, n I dont need to list them for for u either.
No need. I wouldn't want you to list anything. It's not about what "I" or "someone else" thinks. Who are we to do anything? It's YOUR life and you're in control.
You''ll never know how much u've hurt me with ur post. I really hope that Allah forgives u because right now I cant.
It's very interesting to me. Do you know why? Because that's not the first time I heard it. People don't "get" what is said at first. They say: "Why are you being so rude?" Because they're used to everyone being "nice" to them.
So when I say something that doesn't rhyme with their comfort zone, their first instant reaction is: "It's you! Why are you saying that to me?" instead of thinking about what's being said.
Later on, when they are quite and calm, they dig a little deep, and to their surprise, they find out. You may not forgive me now. But I have full confidence that you will, insha'Allah. I'm not gonna pity you or feel sorry for you. You deserve more than that. And I'm not going to lower my standard just because you don't "get" me right away. I only hope that you raise your standard and become the next version of you.
The reason I started this thread was to share my problem with Muslims whom I thought wud advice me n some have alhamdulilah. The rest who took the mic n just kept insulting me, Thanks.
Because I still have "limited" access (as I just learned about this forum yesterday and the only folder I came straight to is "Advice and Support" because I know how that helped me in my life and I have confidence in me as how I can help others), I've asked the moderators to delete my previous two posts. I don't care a bit if my posts stay or I am perceived as being insulting. What matters is that you raise your standard and let this experience shape your life in a way that you become a stronger, a more confident, and more resilient person--a truly outstanding slave of Allah.
Ok. A moderator has asked me to explain it a little more. So, here goes:
As human beings, we tend to stay attached to our familiar surroundings. Familiar places, times, environments etc. help us become comfortable in our "comfort zone."
So, whenever there is a need to change, we CAN'T, not that we don't want to!
Let me give you a very simple example: let's say Fatima wants to memorize the Qur'aan. OK?
Now, Fatima has been wanting to memorize the Qur'aan for a long time, but she never got herself to do it. She says: "Gosh! I really want to, but I just don't know how I can!"
CAN she memorize the Qur'aan? Yes. (Because she's an "A" student)
WILL she memorize the Qur'aan? Hmm... That's exactly the point!
For Fatima, the EFFORT & DISCIPLINE that is required to memorize the Qur'aan is much greater than NOT memorizing it. Does that make sense?
In other way, what is she trying to avoid? She's trying to avoid the PAIN of disciplining herself to do this. In her mind, that's too much.
Is she having any current pain? Oh, sure. She can't give reference from the Qur'aan properly. She recites the same surahs everyday--there's no joy in her recitation during prayer. When someone quotes an aayah, she feels bad that she can neither translate it nor continue on to the next aayah.
As of now, enduring those little pains is easier for her than to go through the discipline and effort of memorizing the Qur'aan.
Are you following me so far? Yes? OK.
Fast forward 5 years. She's in college now. And she's super-duper active in da'wah. Those tiny little pains that she used to be okay with, now have grown so large that they're unbearable for her. She can't take it anymore. NOW, the PAIN of those things combined is much more powerful than the pain of required effort and discipline.
On the flipside now, what's the pleasure that she's trying to gain? She will be able to recite anywhere from the Qur'aan, without looking! She will be able to give references now very easily. She will be able to make her salaah so sweet by reciting a different page everytime. She will be able to sharpen her Arabic and be able to understand the Qur'aan. She can teach her kids Qur'aan and help them memorize the Qur'aan very well. You see, the PLEASURE she now can have BY memorizing the Qur'aan is much more powerful than the PAIN she would have to endure.
Now, what does that have to do with anything?
We---human beings, every single one of us---do EVERYTHING for one of two reasons:
1. To gain pleasure or
2. To avoid pain
I mean EVERY single second of our life, this is true. Why are you reading this long explanation? Because you thought by doing so, you'll know something---maybe (PLEASURE). If you didn't read this long explanation, you might have missed something---maybe (PAIN).
Why do yo eat? pray? sleep? talk? keep silent? go out? get angry? be nice? pursue a degree? anything?...
It's ALL either to avoid pain and to gain pleasure. Of course, as Muslims, our ultimate motivation is to gain Allaah's pleasure and to avoid His punishment.
Let's take a quick example from this thread (it's just an example to make the point clear; the example itself is not the whole answer)
She doesn't want to tell her parents. Why? Because doing so will mean more PAIN. Someone suggested that when it goes too far, she will have no choice! Why? Because at that point, the PAIN of NOT telling them will be much more than telling them about it. Makes sense?
Anytime we procrastinate or dwell in a disempowering action/pattern/behavior, we think that taking on a new empowering action/pattern/behavior will be much more PAINFUL. So, we follow the same routine, do the same thing, yet expecting different result! (That's called "insanity.") However, when we reach our threshold, when we can't take it any more, when we've had enough, when we're fed up with it, THAT's when we change. Isn't that a little too late? Majority of the time: yes.
But the good thing is: we don't have to wait until it's too late. We don't HAVE TO reach that threshold. If we take a look at ourselves with brutal honesty and face the reality, we'll figure out exactly what's stopping us. Why am I still in a bad situation? Am I not feeling the PAIN strongly enough? Is my current temporary PLEASURE going to let me end up with sever PAIN in the long run?
Just like Fatima, just a little bit of reframing can be very powerful. What would be the short-term pain for Fatima (in memorizing Qur'aan)? The short-term PAIN would include getting up before fajr, and not being able to stay up late at night and chit-chat (just two quick examples). What would be the long-term PLEASURE? Having the Qur'aan in her heart. Being able to do what should could not do before. Knowing that she could raise her future kids with the Qur'aan.
If you're lost, don't worry. The first time when I learned it, my head was spinning (well, not literally. But I didn't get it the first time). So, just give it some time.
Anyway, insha'Allaah, let me stop the explanation here. Let everyone decide for themselves. This explanation is not only for this thread. This would probably apply to any thread where there's a mention of any kind of change. Even when someone sticks to his or her false belief (including religious belief), the same thing applies. Abu Talib could not give up the temporary PLEASURE of status and respect from his tribesman; he avoided the PAIN of being ridiculed by his tribesmen; so he chose temporary PLEASURE and eventually ended up with endless PAIN.
By the way, it's never about the other person (no matter how much we rationalize it or put the blame on their shoulder). It's not about what he or she could, could not, did, or did not. It's always about me. Ask yourself: "What am I doing?" Because at the end of the day, I am responsible. Allah will ask me.
I am sorry to hear of your ordeal,but one can get away with their actions if you allow it.I dont think anyone is judging you,the guy obviously really likes you,and is being a pest.Like the others have mentioned dont let him anywhere near you.I mean he obviously behaves as a menance in private with you,would be good if he did offer a proposal to your father,to which you can decline quite publicly and sooner or later he will get the message loud and clear.Understand you dont want to create trouble,but please stand your ground and state there will be dire consequences if he ever tries such a thing with you again.
Be strong and hope that this will be the last of it.
step one, inform the authorities, and/or friends and family. if that fails, just let us know and i'm sure a few bro's from this site will come down and make sure it stops for good.
Raah this thread DRAGGING Blud. Man's only came hear to get some advise & Man's getting insulted and thing. To tha Thread starter...
Salaam Dudette, Me personally thinks...
1) You should just change your dijits, That way yeah you won't getting any pranks blah & oly give it out to your tightest mates
2) Dun't even walk tha way he does, just Spllluuuuuuuurt =D Like just run a mile if you see him
3) I personally think he should get jumped, buh thats just me =( I would tell someone close. You shouldn't have to fear that he'd du something erytime you see him. What an imbecile. Eurgh.
4) Its not your fault that he's mentally challenged, so just pray Allah be his guide. Now that you know that he's just a shallow lil' fool that got nothing better to do then chirpsing and having gurls all over him, just forget about him.
5) Remember you can't control his actions but you can control your own InshAllah. Let this be a lesson for all. MashAllah it takes bare to control your own nafs, so in a way be happy as meny would've given in.
6) Smilings =)
Braaaapppppp!!!!
Allahafz
Oh i felt so upset this is happening to you. Allah helps you.
How are you feeling? Dont worry you are not alone. There so many muslims sisters and brothers can help you. Please talk to someone about it...close freind, sister, uncle, brother. if you keep this in, your parents might see a change in your behaviour and you feel more stress out. please please talk to someone. You may not want to tell your parents or family but sometimes it is the best way to resolve situation. if you need a talk then talk to me or anyone else on here, your not alone. Dont go alone anywhere. Pray to allah for help. Hope he will see sense that you do not want anything to do with him. Hope allah helps you.
ay sista they were tryin to help u .. so u just need to apperciate it .. cuz they care about u .. n believe me if u were my sister i woulda killed the guy n let me tell u one thing tell ur parents before he does n makes up lies .. i know these kinda things guys do... peace
dont be fooled by looks, in 20- 30 years time, we will look like a worn out wrinkly foot
also sister either you have to punch him up or you should inform a male, because he needs to be put in the same situation you were, forced into a wall and he has to be beaten up, thats the only way these typa people learn!
for you sister, i would say, you have realised how he is, so forget givin him another chance, make sure you tell someone though, because it will make you feel better inside!
aaaaaa, it really makes me wana punch someone, when i hear stuff like this, sister please do tell a strong male or someone who is willin to punch him up! please!!
also dont you worry, inshallah you will find a heavy heavy husband, who is waaaay more good lookin then him and is goood lookin from inside, dnt let him get to you, like you confided on the net, confide to someone else around you inshallah
Jaa-Ro-Nee-Mo!!!
"they ask you when will the help of Allah (swt) come! Certainly Allah (Swt) help is always near"
no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...
1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.
so my advice.
Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.
i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.
if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.
DITTO
format_quote Originally Posted by Abu Ibraheem
grow a mostache
LOL
good advice al round dont know whther there is nefin i can add except that one big mistake was to meet the guy ..defo not good move..but enshalah we all make mistakes and i hope and pray enshalah that things sort themselves out quickly for you...
..you may also want to seek professional help to deal with it..i you feel it has affected you a lot ..<3
Sharif I have forgiven you. I understand that u meant no harm, ur (recent) post also made me think alot. Thanks for ur time I appreciate it.
Sangeeta, tnks but I dont think that I wud want him to come to my Dad and ask for my hand, even if its to reject it. That will not disencourage him.
Al-Zara, Jzkilah but I just wanted to say that I have not been"Raped".
Muslimgyal Jzk sis, ur sweet!
How are you feeling?
Salam sister-Islam. I am feeling fine sis. How ru? Thanks for asking dear sis.
I am now on vacation wit my family, I'm jst enjoying my time wit them. I dont want any drama nor any sort of pity and spoil our vacation. So I havent seen him round. My friends told me that he's planning to come and ask for my hand when we're back. I already told him that he shouldnt...We'll see.
Awww Allah bless you...Yes i am fine but thinking about you...have fun on your vacation. try not think about it. You deserve this holiday. Dont let him ruin it... have fun..bond with your family.
If he comes to ask about your hand to your father, You can tell him that you dont want to and your not ready. It is simple but please tell your brothers or someone close. This is very hard to be quiet about...
just have fun and dont think about it. Hope allah is in your prays and answers them. Inshallah when you come back home, everything will cool down...
Even if he is extremely good looking, that does not excuse his behavior or give him a right to act like that. But maybe he can tell that you find him good-looking and that spurs him on. I understand that you were offended by some of the comments posted by the brothers, but I think it is necessary for you to clarify your interactions. You live near each other but is there a way to avoid each other or are you somehow forced to interact because of circumstances you cannot control?
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Re: A Brother Harrased me Sexually several times
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